moosh in indy.

*DISCLAIMER* This entry deals with weight. I know a lot of people deal with weight and I’m not trying to offend anyone or say I’m all that and a bag of Tostitos. As my dearest friend once said “I would love to weigh 180 lbs. but I can understand that to you 180 lbs. isn’t comfortable because you are used to being 120 lbs.” We all know what weight we feel “comfortable” in, and for me 180 wasn’t so comfortable even though it may be the ideal weight for the next gal. And for those of you who have never had weight fluctuations of more than 20 or so pounds go eat 20 lbs. of Ben and Jerry’s, it’ll give you a whole new perspective and appreciation for the amazing body your God gave you. I know it did for me. Beauty really is only the inside. And only when it is on the inside can it show on the outside.
Okay kids, some of you may have known me three years ago when I spent a good two years as a plump and healthy girl. We’re talking 180 lbs. at my heaviest on a 5′2″ petite frame…that equals a size 18 in jeans folks. The hideous weight gain was a result of a horrid medication attempting to treat my depression called, hmm…it was such a dark period of my life I’ve forgotten what the offensive stuff was called. Anyhow, I quit taking the stuff because it was more depressing being overweight. It was a sad sad time. If you knew me you know I was a sad sad girl. Very few pictures of me were taken during this time and the ones that were are kept under lock and key. I started a very ambitious diet known as “Body for Life” which suggests that you take a side, front and back “before” picture of yourself and lock it away until you meet your goal. I did just that, except I did it with a film camera, went digital and forgot all about those gruesome images burned onto Kodak 400. That is until two years later when the digital was down and I had a kid doing stuff that needed to be photographed, so I pulled out the trusty 35mm at filled the roll up. It was only when I got the prints back from Walgreens that the huge fleshy mound of bikini clad human was forced into my life. You see, all the pictures I had seen of me heavier I had been fully clothed at a somewhat flattering angle. Not these, these were HORRID! But since I weighed a measley 122 lbs. when I saw the pictures I didn’t feel it neccesary to sew my mouth shut or anything dramatic. People congratulate me when they see my “before” pictures thinking I stuck to some rigid diet that involved excercise and a balanced diet…PPFFFFTT! ME? Sticking to a diet? Phooey, yes, I did do the Body for Life diet for a few weeks and felt quite good doing it and saw results but working full time and going to school full time made me really lazy when I wasn’t at work or school. So how did I lose the 60 lbs. you ask? Vomiting and gestation…yep, nine months of vomiting and growing an infant human inside you will melt the pounds right off. But only in one of every 7,000 pregnancies or so. It’s a little condition called Hyperemesis Gravidarum, or HG for short. It’s gaining more and more notice in the medical world and there’s a great bunch of ladies heading it up with this web site. I’m 100% behind them, I was told my whole pregnancy it was in my head, that I needed to be tougher, one lady even told me I was eating the wrong crackers. How thrilled was I to learn it was an HONEST TO GOODNESS DISEASE! At first I thought every lady puked 8-10 times a day everyday all day and that it was my right as a pregnant woman, but when I started needing weekly IV’s, weeks of bedrest and the only medication that even put a dent in the misery was $38 a pill (two a day!) I realized there was more to my vomiting. When I was pregnant I had people telling me how glad they were that they weren’t me. (thanks.) And when it was all said and done and I wore my size 6 jeans fully buttoned nine months pregnant and went home from the hospital at 126 lbs. I started hearing “I hate you.” Wait a minute! I thought you were glad you weren’t me! And now you hate me? Jeesh, women are so petty. So to make a long story short, I took some “after” pictures today before heading out to the hot tub, I’m even bloaty today and did it anyway. It’s the first time I’ve seen me in a bikini too, it goes without saying that there’s a bit of extra skin here and there and some stretchmarks all over my legs (I did take some Photoshop liberties in one place, it’s my right as a graphic design major.) But for losing 60 lbs. and going through pregnancy, it’s not too bad. Not glorious, but it what my momma gave me and I’m gonna work it. Please, please, if you have a moment check out the HG website http://www.helpher.org/ and see that this really is a disease for some of us and not a desperate attempt for attention.
June 2003=Big