moosh in indy.

July 19, 2007

I’m entering a pie contest on Saturday. I’m entering a pecan pie. Real pecan pies include liquor in the ingredient list. I don’t have liquor in my house because, well you know, I don’t drink.

So I went to a liquor store.

For the first time, ever.

To buy rum. Or bourbon.

*deep breath*

(A little back story here, I used to drink, a lot. But when I did drink I had perky boobs and was underage so the opportunity to buy liquor was never set before me, it was always just supplied for me as if from no where. Darn fraternity boys.)

So there I was, in Package Premium Liquors on Michigan Ave.

“HI! WHAT CAN I HELP YOU WITH!?”

Apparently I looked like I needed a drink because the girl was helpful.

“Um, I’m making a pie, and I um, need rum, or bourbon or, like, well, I only need like a tablespoon, I don’t want a whole bottle, I don’t drink, it’s just for this pie, you see, it’s pecan pie and I need rum or bourbon for it, but only a little bit.”

“So you want a shooter?” She refers to the little mini bar bottles behind the register.

“Um, okay, that’ll work.”
“Do you want Bacardi, Captain Morgan’s, Private Label or blah blah blah? Spiced or aged? Dark or BLAH BLAH BLAH?”

Her lips were moving but I didn’t comprehend.

“Um, well, it’s for a pie, so whatever. What about bourbon? Do you have bourbon?”

I asked the LIQUOR STORE if they have bourbon. I also blissfully thought maybe bourbon only came in one kind so I wouldn’t have to make any big decisions. (Did I mention that the alcohol that showed up in front of me in my teenage years was already mixed and I never bothered with names or ingredients until I vomited it up and a friend would say, “EWWW! Lay off the Peach Schnapps!”)

Apparently in Indiana there’s at least three dozen kinds of bourbon, we are just north of Kentucky, JUST SO YOU’RE AWARE.

By this point I caught the eye of a man who looked like a seasoned ~~alcoholic~~ veteran of the liquor store. He told me I wanted Maker’s Mark because who wants to drink that Jack Daniel’s stuff, it’s made with charcoal. And the other stuff wasn’t really bourbon because it didn’t come from Kentucky.

“Um, well, okay, it’s really just for a pie.”

“Maker’s Mark whiskey it is.” said the employee.

Wait! Whiskey? But I wanted bourbon! Not wanting to look like a fool I just kept my mouth shut.

The label says both bourbon and whiskey.

But I thought they were two different things? But they’re the same?

*sigh* (Insert sniggers here you seasoned alcoholics)

I paid my $3.17 and left feeling like I had just bought porn, and discovering another reason drinking’s not for me.

It’s too confusing.

Comments off.

LOL- this post cracks me up. The liquor store IS scary when you go their for the first time… even if you’re legal aged and NOT an alcoholic. I can’t imagine if you’ve sworn off the stuff altogether! But I have the PERFECT solution for next time… buy a big ole’ bottle and send the extra to me! Oh, and I wouldn’t mind some pie too…

All tastes the same to me.

But…I think you needed rum. At least that’s what my pecan pie recipe calls for.

Ha! Love this story… you shall now be my alcohol buying friend, should I ever be in need (for a recipe, of course!)

funny. let me know how that pie turns out…it’s my favorite!

hahaha. just imagine having to buy vodka for some all natural body products we were making… in UTAH! um yeah, i sent my BIL who practically lives there so i wouldn’t have to hide my face from my bishop as i walked in. kudos to you!

Hilarious! What a cute little bottle of booze!

I love how it’s mostly all the Mormons out of the gate commenting on this one. Maybe this is only funny to us?
Jenn-What kind of rum do you use? It will save me the embarrassment next time.

I remember feeling like that the first time I went into a liquor store. By the 600th or 700th time, I was cool!

This was so funny!!! I love to cook and I use liquor in several things depending on what it is. However, I also love a good ****tail and wine. The funny thing is that because my ex husband is an alcoholic I never “have too much”.

So….for the first time in my life you have suddenly made me feel like an alcoholic because I know what kind of bourbon I like….LOLOL

Felt like you were buying porn…..LOLOLOL

HA HA! Love this post! The odd time i’ve been in a liquor store, i end up quite entrigued! All those pretty colored bottles, and interesting names….Seriously…if i drank? I’d be a total alchoholic!

Well, you know, I’d have felt exactly the same way. So funny.

The title of this post is hilarious too. hahaha

Mmmmm, alcohol. I could use some, but that might cause a controversy!

I’m not Mormon but I still found this post funny.

Maker’s Mark is lovely.

Very funny!

I don’t cook, so I wouldn’t know what to put in pecan pie…but ask me about liquor…and I probably could mix you a few drinks…

It’s amazing where MY priorities are.

I DO drink and I still feel like a moron going into a liqour store. We don’t drink often. In fact, when I turned 21, drinking stopped being fun! Well, pretty much.
Now, I’ll have wine over at my mom’s or I’ll buy a bottle for home. I know very little about selecting wines except my SIL found one that everyone loves so I keep buying that. I like trying them, though.

But, yeah. I don’t cook things that need alcohol because I’d be EXACTLY like you. “There are DIFFERENT KINDS!?”

You were buying porn..that Maker’s Mark bottle looks seriously phallic

Casey, seriously, for cooking, I just grab the first bottle I see on the shelf, but I tend to gravitate towards the darker rums out of personal preference.

Ok, am I the only one that thinks the top of that bottle looks extremely phallic.

Oww the places my mind takes me.

So how’d the pie turn out ?

Heh. Like you, I would have had no idea what to ask for. I hate liquor stores.

And I like your new banner/header/whatever it’s called!

I am completely lost in a liquor store and I do drink. Too confusing!

And the title to this post was perfect!

This took me back to the first time I took my mother to a liquor store and she told the sales lady she was ‘browsing’! We were there for 2 freaking hours!

You crack me up!!!
You need to save that bottle to remind you of the experience!!

i seriously cannot stop laughing!!! and OH how i wish the liquor stores here had “shooters” because seriously, my house is starting to look like i’m an alcoholic from all those “2 oz of this booze” recipes that I had to buy a giant bottle for…

oh, and i have a very similar experience every dang time i go to pick up a pack of cigs for someone (seriously, i’ve never EVER tried one so what the heck do i know?!)

Okay, if you ever write a book, you totally need to title it “So a Mormon Walks Into a Liquor Store.”

I loved this post!!

Okay this? This is funny! I enjoyed meeting a fellow “sister” at BlogHer. Right now I’m stuck in an airport. Trying to get home. I guess the trip just COULDN’T BE PERFECT! At least I got a picture with a cute doorman? peace

Am I the only one that thinks the red wax seal looks like a rubber? I’m just saying…

I found you via sk*rt and I have to admit I had no idea what to expect from your title. But I can relate. I have a bottle of beer in my fridge. For slugs. Beer is a great way to elminate snails and slugs from your garden. But buying it–especially at the local grocery store deep in the heart of Provo–was an adventure. (I went with a friend and I got carded, which was funny because I am over forty.)

Anyway, nice to “meet” you! And thanks for the tip about pecan pies–I had no idea!

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