Just call me Little Susie CrapMaker, because I have managed to bungle a load of laundry worse than any load of laundry has ever been bungled in the entire history of laundry load bungles.

Ever washed and dried lip balm? DARK beet colored waxy lip balm? All over your favorite pair of shorts and husband’s (very expensive) dress shirts?

So maybe some of you have done this. I see your lip balm and raise you.

Ever try to spray SHOUT! onto your dark waxy stained shorts? Sure you have. So did I. Try being the key word here.

I realized that after I sprayed the living daylights out of my shorts the bottle I held read “Tilex Mold and Mildew Remover with SUPER DUPER IMMEDIATE BLEACH AND BURN ACTION” instead of “SHOUT!”

(Insert a real shout here. Maybe a few swear words.)

Pretty bad right? Oh, it gets worse.

One pair of shorts down, I sprayed the rest of the stained items with SHOUT! for real, for real and let them soak overnight. The next morning I gathered up the clothes Cody had worn to work the day before and threw them in with the cursed load, the cursed load was soaked, it wasn’t possibly contagious right? Right. The clothes washed well, the stains appeared to be a thing of the past. On to the dryer!

Did you know Cody keeps pens in his shirt pocket at work?

Neither did I!

Until I opened the dryer and noticed the pen that was in his pocket had

exploded!

all!

over!

every!

single!

thing!

in!

the!

dryer!

PEN!

Spray. Soak. Repeat.

For the third time. On the same load. In less than 24 hours.

Ever notice how bad things come in threes? I have. Three times.

Comments

  1. Oh no. That’s the WORST!

    I can’t tell you how many lip balms I’ve washed. TOO many… it seems every wash has an oily stain on something. I don’t know where it all comes from!

    Oh, I’ve washed and dried a handful of lighters too. Very scary.

  2. oh man…good luck.

  3. oooooh. crappy.

  4. Now that totally sucks!!!!
    I absolutely love the banner and photo!

  5. I’ve done the pen thing as well, in my whites. That would be all of my husband’s work shirts and my uniforms. And it was his pen that he couldn’t be bothered taking out of his pocket. And gum, he leaves gum in his pockets and my old dryer was lined inside with baked on gum.

  6. Oh. NO!

    I’ve washed (and more importantly, DRIED) a crayon in a load once. And I thought my dryer didn’t get hot! Those clothes are trashed.

    Glad to see you’re up and running again! You know, I actually dug through my ‘storage’ closet to find my old 3×5 floppy disks with my HTML tutorials. But then my wordpad program wouldn’t open them. I think I need regular word, maybe. Or maybe they’re just too old. I thought of you, though!!!

  7. Curses!! Sometimes the Universe Conspires Against You and you must get back at it by wearing dirty underwear and blaming your husband a little bit.

  8. Oh no. We’ve washed quite a few lip balms here (always my husbands). Not any fun to deal with.

  9. Actually, with the exception of the Tilex thing, I’ve had the lip balm and ink pen experiences within two days of each other. The Boyfriend and I went to visit his grandma in NJ. The last day we were there, I decided to do our laundry so we didn’t have to deal with it at home. Everything was fine until I pulled the load out of the dryer and discovered the exploded pen that The Boyfriend had left in his pocket. And you know how when you go on vacation, you tend to take your favorite clothes…

    Worse was the inside of the dryer. Worst was the fact that the dryer was not mine. And we were leaving in a matter of hours.

    (FYI, Mr. Clean Magic Eraser and non-acetone nail polish remover will get rid of the ink splotches on a dryer drum. Just make sure you ventilate the area as much as possible!)

  10. I would literally throw the lot out and go shopping.

    Not for new clothes, mind you, but for liquor…

  11. Oh that sucks.

    You should go over to my blog and ask my readers for help. Apparently I have a ton of great laundry goddesses who are currently helping me through a bright yellow baby poop stain incident. (work in progress at the moment)

    Good luck salvaging some of the clothing.

  12. Sucks. this is why I have an invisible waiver that anyone who lets me do their laundry has to imaginarily sign (will an imaginarily signed invisible contract hold up in a court of law? Hmm…)

  13. WTF! As I would say! Hehehe, sorry, but it really is what I would say. I NEVER check pockets, or unroll stinky socks. What goes in is a mystery, what comes out ends up looking a lot like your load of laundry! Hoping next time is better for you! LOVES.

  14. that pretty much sucks a big one. at least it wasn’t Colorstay Lipstick. Yeah, that crap does NOT come out!

    i love how your layout keeps changing…too cute

  15. omg OMG O.M.G.

    And that is why my husband does the laundry.

    Because no matter what he does it will never be as bad as what I can do.

  16. hey

    i did the SAME thing to Jared’s favorite and ONLY shorts.i mean the pen thingy have you figured out to get pen out, i havent i have washed them about 7 times and still as blue as ever

  17. You know, all of a sudden my sour laundry doesn’t seem all that bad.

    Commiserating.

  18. Oh no not again…Casey it was a bad day for you…

    Angela is lucky girl… :)

    Kimmie “What goes in is a mystery, what comes out ends up looking a lot like your load of laundry!” LOL

  19. That IS impressive.

    I have done the lip balm thing, but it was just clear and made oily spots over all my good work clothes. I figure it was about a $300 load of laundry.

  20. Ugh. The evil laundry elves are very unkind to me as well. They sneak items like whole packages of travel kleenex into pockets so that everything comes out a linty mess. And the lip balm? Don’t even get me started…

  21. we’ve washed lipstick in clothes before yes. but what i’ve come here to tell you about is the time we lived in new york city and used the laundry room in the apt. bldg. and the dryer literally BURNED UP all of our clothes. all of them. it was a giant industrial-sized dryer, so we would wash a few loads of clothes and then put them all in one dryer load. the dryer caught fire and burned up ALL OF OUR CLOTHES. the end.

  22. Dude, that sucks.

    Once I washed all of our white underclothing with a my (ex)husbands yellow wax pencil thingy that he used to write on tires, or something. It was not pretty.

    We got divorced shortly after.

    I’m not sure if the two are related.

    Best of luck to you and Cody! ;-)

  23. Crap is right.

  24. That suuuu-uuucks.

    I’ve done the lip balm thing more times than I can count. It makes for a greasy mess that ain’t coming out anytime soon. But it gave me an excuse to buy new clothes.

    (btw, that picture of you is aDORable.)

  25. You’re a laundry goddess.

    What else are you good at, sugar?

    (She says in a highly suggestive, sexual manner…)

  26. Ben's Nurse Lisa says:

    Not laundry, but will rental house work? If so, I have my 3!
    1) The renter never paid! Now owes $5250 including 6 months rent, 5 months electric bills, and costs to repair the damages he caused.

    2) 2 days after the evil (ex)friend moves out…the AC unit is stolen!!! $1000 deductible

    3) Return from Oh (2 weeks after renter moves out) the water heater has burst (did you hear we had record breaking temps???) and run for a week? The water evacuation team is there now! Another $1000 deductible!

    AGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

  27. argh, what a bad string of events! That’s worse than our ‘mystery poo’ that got transferred form my husband’s jeans to my new shirt and a few other things (we *think* my daughter’s diaper leaked and we didn’t notice it got on his jeans for some reason- she’s been sick so it could have happened pretty easily!) But yeah- mystery poop in the laundry is fun! hehe

  28. Oh damn, Casey. You win.

    My toddler hoards those damn lip balms and puts them in his pockets. I have done that too. But I’ve never added the Tilex & a pen on top of it all.

    Hey, we all have to be good at something. Go you!

  29. I wash my lip balm on a regular basis, unfortunately. Do I ever learn? I wish I did…

  30. Um … that brilliant red I’m-a-Julia-Roberts-variety-of-hooker lipstick…?

    *sheepishly raising hand*

  31. I am so sorry. Chapstick, Carmex, Vaseline,
    red crayon and ink. All deadly to laundry. All on my Mom resume.

  32. Okay, this happened to me LAST WEEK! i kid you not. I had washed some brand new dress pants (four pair) with an old pair, and dh had left his Blistex in the pocket!

    He washed adn dried, and washed and dried them again while I was at church (that’s what he gets for skipping), and we wrote them off as ruined. So I took them to the dry cleaners! She told me they were doomed, but they’d try… and they got it ALL out. I wanted to kiss the drycleaner full on the mouth! LOL

  33. I think you need to have a little chat with Mr. Attorney and inform him that if he ever wants clean shirts and pants…that he would be wise to remove all articles from his clothing prior to putting them in the hamper. Or else you will either ruin every item of clothing or every item will be dirty…

    Smack him with legal mumbo-jumbo….so he’ll understand and appreciate the situation.

    I believe that was “intentional infliction of emotional distress” that he did to you. (BTW…that is my favorite legal quote to use…feel free to throw that one on him).

  34. hmm, i’ve washed my chapstick dozens of times, but the cap always stays on…

    i’m doomed now, right?

  35. I came over to your blog to read Metalia’s guest post. I kept reading and just had to share something I found. My husband left an ink pen in his shirt and the ink was all over MY clothes, not any of his. I filled an extra large bowl with water and one scoop of OXY-CLEAN and let it dissolve. I then place each piece of clothing that had ink on it in the bowl and sprinkled some oxy-clean (just a little bit) directly onto the ink spots after it was wet. I let it all soak for about 30 minutes. Then I dumped the whole bowl (water and clothes) into the washer along with another scoop of oxy-clean and detergent and rewashed. All the clothes were ink free when the cycle finished. My mother was here at the time and said she never would have believed it if she hadn’t seen it. Give it a try next time…..and there WILL be a next time!