From what I can tell there are several deadly pooptastrophies one must endure if they are to be a parent to the three and under crowd. I have checked most of the poop traumas off my list and lived to see another day.

free range poop-check

self change poop-check

and again

the scared poop-check

the close call poop-check

blowout poop, corn poop, black bean poop and sick poop? check, check, check and triple check.

Today was the another self change poop while “supposedly” napping. There was fingerpainting involved, along with two stuffed animals, all her blanekts, two pillows and a bookshelf. I live a glamorous life people, don’t be fooled.

In an effort to tempt the fates, the one deadly diaper poop sin I have yet to check off my list is the tub poop/swimming pool poop. BRING IT ON UNIVERSE. I’m the closest you may get to a poop ninja.

Comments

  1. funny and sick. all at once.

    i can’t believe you’re asking for more…you really must be a ninja!

  2. you forgot the I ate sand poo…that one is great!!!

  3. Kids are so gross. What I hate the most are the poonamis. You know, the ones where they go up their backs like a tidal wave. Especially when their stellar mothers forget to bring them a change of clothes. Not that I’ve ever done that (ahem…)

  4. oh my. I have yet to encounter the fingerpaint poo but the rest I have seen…sigh. Kids are just the grossest things evah.

  5. Oh, the tub poo isn’t that bad. Just have the tub cleaner nearby, and a fish net you never want to use again.

    Today we had the first “poo so much it drops on the floor walking down the hall” poo. Fun times.

  6. I have had three kids, and have never had them smear, self change, or bath poo! I’m glad they didn’t!

    Sophia just free ranged, but that was my doing along I-95 in a traffic jam. Oh yeah I blogged about it… lol

  7. You forgot the “raisin poop.” Now that’s something special all in itself! :)

  8. And for the bathtub poop…I have a child who will poop 3 times consecutively in one bath. No joke! I’ll get her out, disinfect everything and everyone only to put her back in and she poops again. We do the same routine over and then she poops again. Needless to say she only takes showers now!

  9. pardon me while i puke…while laughing!

    oh, and the mooshster is a star again on biddy’s blog

  10. Or how about the “I at the poop” poop? And no, you can’t bleach a toddler’s mouth. I asked.

    Oh & duct tape works well to keep kids from self-changing during “nap time”!

  11. So glad we’re beyond the poop anywhere and everywhere stage.

  12. Oh, memories! Ick! We had the fingerpainting, too! Then ya got the time element and crustiness factor. Ugh.

    On the plus side, they got the fine motor skills down in taking those diapers off!

  13. My three and a half still untrained daughter probably poops more IN the tub than out of the tub some weeks. I suppose I can’t really blame her- the tub is relaxing…

    Reading all the poop stories, it sounds as if we are having the same problem potty training. My Hali seems quite scared of the potty. Despite the fact that she has actually used it a few times (she wanted some m&ms pretty badly, I think) she seems almost frightened and is totally unwilling to so much as sit on it, nevermind how hard I’ve tried to not force her or pressure her too much.

    I guess what I’m saying is, I would love it if you shared tips on how you get Moosh trained if ( I mean when, of course…)you do- they seems to be having similar issues of sorts, so your insight might apply to us!

  14. Baby girl has done the tub poop thing to me twice! That seemed bad at the time but after reading your other stories I am thankful the tub is easier to clean than poop covered carpet!

  15. Ahhh….the Moosh does like to poo in odd places and extreme circumstances, doesn’t she?!?!

    Gotta love her.

  16. Boy, all these Tales of Poo sure make me anxious to have chitlins! ;)

  17. Ah the woes of Poo. We haven’t experience many of those, but the tub poo? All the time around here. It’s sick.

  18. okay…now i’m gonna have nightmares of walking into the boys’ rooms after nap time to find a similar horror!

    personally, i would rather deal with poop in the tub than poop being “painted” on assorted items!

  19. Are you saying that isn’t glamorous? Crap…I was fooled by my own life.

  20. Oh – the bathtub poop – my lovely toddler has done it so many times, I can’t even count. Seriously. I’m at expert at the solid bathtub poop scoop up, the soft bathtub poop scoop up and everything in between.

  21. Keep a little net close to the bathtub because girl, you’ve just tempted the pooping gods! :-)

  22. What about the push-so-hard-that-he-foams-at-the-mouth poop? that one is fantastic…

  23. I think I have fallen deeply in love with you!

  24. I just laughed so hard I snorted.

    Tub poop is the most common around here. Our girls learned to shower young.

  25. You are the mistress of poop! How pooptastic that you can already cross that all off. I have two kids, one a year older than Moosh, and I am still not as experienced in the ways of the poop like you.

    Thank God.

  26. When the Moosh is a teenager, you can trot those stories out to get your revenge (like my mom did for me!) And what about poop in (someone else’s) car?? Yeah… apparently I was literally a littl sh** when I was a toddler.

  27. You may have to change your blog i.d. to “Poop Ninja” because that sh*t is too funny.

  28. Ewwww! I just LOVED the fingerpainting poo. Aw! Good times!

  29. Oh Wow. And here I am being excited that my skunk is pooping exclusively in her litter box! I still want kids, am I crazy?

  30. Yes.where have you been?! REALLY!
    THank you, I’m in heaven.
    Hope you are well. I am constantly reading this to catch up. I laugh every time!

  31. I hate poop. Really, I do. More than most people, I think. If poop taints something, it becomes the property of the local landfill. Not for me. Nope. Not at all.

    Although I do feel awfully special having a Poop Ninja for an efriend. Good to know you’re there should I ever need your mad ninja skillz. :)

  32. I’m not much of one for kids, but I like talking about poop. And I guess I am by definition a Poop Ninja.

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