Did your son come home the other night without these on his feet?

Vigilante Nikes

Did he tell you how he lost them?

No?

Well, allow me.

Your kid was breaking into our car a couple of nights ago and my husband (we’ll call him Captain Awesome for the time being) drove up as your son was IN. OUR. CAR. (For those of you who are regular readers here this is a different break in than this one. I know, such a classy life I lead.)

Captain Awesome, being the bad ass vigilante that he is, jumped out of his car and chased your little juvenile delinquent son. That’s right, a 28 year old man took down your 15 year old twit. Lucky for your son Captain Awesome busted up his shoulder last week and couldn’t tackle your son properly without risking his arm. And my man needs his arm.

But he did get his shoes.

And I dare bet your son messed his pants.

We haven’t decided what to do with your son’s shoes yet, but we’re not giving them back.

Notice

Keep your mitts off our stuff you stupid, stupid people.

Any delicious suggestions for what to do with the shoes?

Comments

  1. You’ve got to be joking. That totally sucks that someone was trying to break into your car AGAIN! Love the notice though.

  2. Oh my…I love your posts.

    That is awesome that Captain Awesome chased him down. Maybe douche-bag will think twice about trying to steal anything from your car again.

    No idea though what to do with the shoes….I love your note to him. :)

  3. How about welding the shoes to the roof with a little plaque that says “Touch this car, Lose your Shoes,” or instead, hang them from the rear-view mirror like a trophy?

    And twice in two weeks? Wow, that sucks. (And people make a little face when we say we’re moving to a “rich” part of town. Sorry. Not interested in dealing with petty theft on a daily basis.)

  4. Oh man, that’s crazy. Someone broke into my car last month. We never heard or saw anything, unfortunately. I’d love to have his shoes! (And he didn’t even take anything…just made a mess.)

  5. You know he had to explain coming home barefoot to his parents. I wonder how that went over?

  6. Not to be dissin’ on your ‘hood or anything, but you could tie them together, whip ‘em over the telephone pole and start up a little drug-dealing business on the side. Or just do it to see if he comes back and tries to get them down…they look kinda pricey.

  7. Wow, really he got his shoes ? Yay Captain Awesome. (So glad the thug wasn’t carrying)
    Sell those shoes on Ebay, girl and do something fun w/the money.

  8. Hooray Captain Awesome!

    I suggest hanging ‘em up somewhere prominent with a sign saying, “Next Time it won’t just be your Shoes!”

  9. Wow! I’ll have to go back and see where you live, high crime rate, or what? We leave the keys in the car and sometimes I leave my pocketbook in the car overnight here!

    As far as the shoes… set them on fire in the street!

  10. I lived in a bad neighbor hood a few years ago and they broke into my car twice even with a brake jack attached. The thieves never cared if they had brakes they just wanted a joy ride. Now my sister has continued the legacy with it and it sits in her driveway with jimmied locks for anyone to come to take a siesta in.

    Write on the shoes in bold, black marker, “He who wore these shoes is a thief” and toss them over a telephone wire.

  11. I know it’s not really funny…. but oh how I’m laughing. How in the world did he get both shoes??? Did the kid just run out of them? Did Captain Awesome just go for a tackle and swipe the shoes? I just can’t imagine.

  12. OK, first off I think your handwriting should be made into a font. As someone with questionable penmanship I noticed this right away.

    Maybe lash the shoes to your mailbox with a (neatly printed) sign that says “THIEF SHOES”. Maybe his mom drives by on her way to work.

    Sorry about the break-ins. Must say though that I live in what was recently called in the paper an “upscale subdivision” and both my husband and I have had our cars broken into in the middle of the night. Mine twice, his once. We lock them now. (My suggestion that he get rid of garage stuff so they both fit inside has not panned out.)

  13. Take a photo, make flyers and post them EVERYWHERE asking for the shoes to be identified along with his description.

    Oh, did I mention that the caption should read, “THESE SHOES WERE LEFT BY A BOY WHO WAS CAUGHT CROSS-DRESSING IN OUR YARD. HE ALSO LEFT BEHIND HIS SEQUINED THONG AND BRATZ DOLL. WE BELIEVE HIS ALIAS IS “SHANIQUA”"

  14. I think Loralee’s idea is a winner. Public humiliation may do what the threat of jail time clearly did not.

  15. I was going to say that you should spray paint the shoes red and nail them to something (a tree, a telephone pole) with a threatening note like, “next time these will be your balls,” but I like so many of the previous ideas more than mine.

    I have only one request: will you tell us what you decided to do with them? Please?

  16. Captain Awesome is awesome.

    I’m not clear on HOW exactly he got the shoes, though.

  17. I vote for a sign saying “This is all that’s left of the last guy who tried to steal from this car! Stay away!!”

  18. Yeah, Captain Awesome.

  19. Sell em on ebay and write up the whole story like http://mom2my6pack.blogspot.com She had a million hits last month on her blog!!

  20. I think you should set the shoes on top of your car with a sign that says

    “Here’s your shoes and we are praying for your sole.”

    But first, empty a Moosh diaper into them.

  21. I was going to second the eBay idea, but I also really like Loralee’s idea. Either way, I’d love to know the outcome!

    Sucky about your car, though.

  22. I TOTALLY think you should do what Loralee suggested. That. would. be. awesome.

    And maybe next time, he will tie his shoes before trying to escape Captain Awesome :)

  23. Yoooz got ballz. Oh woman, I am so sorry, hilarious and funny, but not so at the same time. I am not creative enough to tell you what to do with them, but watch yourself! Loves and hugs.

  24. I love that he took his shoes! You guys are funny. Hi, I came over from Kerflop a while ago and I think this is the first I’ve commented. You’re quite entertaining. And I’m using the Oh So Very! theme too. That is all. Cheers!

  25. have them tested for nasty foot dna…then you can find out who the little **** is…

    or bronze them and mount them to your hood for all the other little ****s to see…

  26. i like the cross-dressing idea. and the ebay idea. you’re little story may be able to fetch a nice price. ;-D

  27. ITA with Loralee.

    Stay safe!

  28. Yikes!
    You have got to get out of that neighborhood!
    Donate the shoes to charity—goodwill or salvation army or something.

  29. Totally loving the Ebay idea!!!!!!!!

  30. OMG you’ve got me rolling!!!!!

    This was classic. What a story to tell.

    I’d take the shoes, tied the strings together and throw them up over the wires/lines out front of your house. Kind of like a public display of “GOTCHA SUCKER!”

  31. Or you could bronze them and put them on your bookshelf. Think of the conversations this would bring as people asked what they were…..

  32. Laughing my ass off at all the suggestions. I have none to offer myself, sadly.

    I hope the little criminal dumbasses stop picking on you guys, soon.

  33. I would put those shoes on a stake with a warning note. Put it on your front lawn. Maybe put some fake blood on it.

  34. What Loralee said, or Reese, or Mrs. Mustard. Go Captain Awesome, go!

  35. Ebay ‘em. Man, twice in two weeks?! Have you lost anything of real value… other than your wedding garter?

  36. Love the eBay idea. And put up notices in the neighborhood with the eBay auction’s website address, so the kid knows where to go to get them back. Then wait and see who the winner is. He might even be dumb enough to give you his home address.

  37. Captain Awesome needs his own comic strip. Or a stripper. Either one.

  38. Captain Awesome rules!
    Did the little thief make out with any of your stuff?

  39. That kid is a tool.

    I say you should poop in his shoes and then throw them away. It might make you feel better.

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