Okay so there’s really only one rule.
LEAVE A NOTE ON THE TABLE THAT SAYS “Dear wife, the moosh dislocated her elbow, she is fine, don’t worry, I took her to St. Francis at 7:30, be home soon. xoxo-Husband”
OR EVEN JUST “Don’t worry, the moosh is fine, at St. Francis, she dislocated her elbow. -Husband”
OR IF IT’S THAT HARD HOW ABOUT “moosh, elbow, St. Francis, fine.”
Instead I had to come home from a lovely dinner with friends to an empty house at 8:30 pm. Mom radar goes of when kids aren’t in bed at 8:30 and the car is gone.
Husband brain thinks “If I leave a Google page up with “Nursemaid’s Elbow” my wife will know EXACTLY what happened and will have complete faith in my parenting ability and won’t worry one bit.”
Wife brain thinks “Car gone, after bedtime, this can’t be good. Is there a note? NO! First, check for blood, nope, no blood trails, no blood in kitchen. Next, check moosh bed, blankets and woobie gone, must need soothing, maybe he left a note upstairs? NO! Computer, maybe he typed a note, take computer off screen saver, screen says “TAKE CHILD TO EMERGENCY ROOM IMMEDIATELY” MY KID IS SICK! MY KID IS HURT! I SHOULD HAVE NEVER GONE TO DINNER! I’LL NEVER SEE MY KID AGAIN! WHAT HOSPITAL? OH! WHAT HOSPITAL! Call, call hospital…Hello? Hospital? Is my kid there? NO! NO? WHERE IS MY KID? What other hospital? So it’s a dislocated elbow, it’s happened before, it can’t be that bad, BUT WOOBIE! WOOBIE IS IN THE CAR! THE CAR THAT HAS BEEN AT THIS SHOP FOR TWO DAYS AND IS GOING TO BE $1,600 TO FIX! $1,600, Seriously? That’s insane, they should have car repair insurance.THE INSURANCE CARD! HE DOESN’T HAVE THE INSURANCE CARD! HE DOESN’T KNOW HER SOCIAL! Has he ever taken her to the doctor? Oh, the medical bills, the car! I have no car! I can’t even go if I do find them. MY BABY IS SOMEWHERE CRYING NEEDING HER MOM AND I’M HERE! Call Elisabeth, she’ll let me borrow her car! What? Elisabeth isn’t home? SHE NEEDS TO CALL ME! Call hospital, maybe they just got there. Hello? Hospital? WHAT? THEY ALREADY LEFT? BUT YOU SAID THEY HAD NEVER BEEN THERE! How long ago did they leave? They’re not home yet! DID THEY DIE ON THE WAY HOME? Because they’re not home yet! WHERE ARE THEY AND WHY IS THERE NO NOTE!?!?!?!?!?!?”
Then they came home.
The kid is fine. The doctor gave her a pig and three Dora stickers. She got to stay up two hours past her bed time, in all reality she couldn’t be better.
Cody doesn’t get why I’m a little miffed.
Moms? Explain please.
Husbands? Take note. (Literally.)