Let’s travel back to a time when I was pregnant.

I wanted ice cream.

There was a line at the ice cream store.

I.

lost.

it.

For the first time in my barftastic pregnant career I wanted ice cream. I wanted it now. And I wanted it to be quick. I stormed back to the car.

Then Cody DARED! to turn the A/C on when I was at a comfortable temperature.

Cody noticed I was angry. When we got home I HUFFED! and STOMPED! upstairs and he decided it was best to leave his hormone bag of a pregnant wife alone.

This decision is now known as one of the worst he’s ever made.

I waited for him to come up and hug my estrogen infested body.

I waited.

and waited.

and waited.

He never came.

I’m a stubborn little toad so I decided to brush my teeth and go to bed.

While fuming and brushing and seething and brushing I was conspiring ways of vengeance.

“He HATES! anything to do with the toilet, especially things touching it.” I thought.

His toothbrush was right there.

I threw it in, finished brushing and went to sleep.

Vengeance served. (Well, I threw all his pillows on the floor and kicked him when he tried to get into the bed, then revenge was mine.)

NOPE! NEVERMIND!

I woke up and I was still mad as a wet hen.

I was out to get him where it hurt.

Now this is where I take a break in the story and tell you that I used to be a really good wife, I used to buy my husband a calendar each Christmas featuring someone he was particularly fond of. The 2001 calandar starred Shania Twain  the 2002 calendar was teeming with Denver Bronco cheerleaders. Neither of the calendars went away in 2003.

They stayed on the wall, much like they would in a frat house or teenage boys bedroom.

They also didn’t go away in 2004, the year I happened to be pregnant.

I tore those little taut bellied tarts of the wall and started to rip. I tore them into shreds so small not even a pom pom was recognizable.

I felt gooood. Now, sweet sweet revenge was mine.

I left for work, satisfied with a job well done.

Cody called me at work a few hours later, and aksed ”What did my toothbrush ever do to you?”

He still mourns the loss of his beloved calendars. They will never be replaced as long as he has any intention of ever getting me pregnant again.

Too much of a liability.

Comments

  1. Sounds like he is a great, great guy. I acted like that last weekend and am not pregnant. And Mike mostly sighed and avoided.

  2. lol

  3. Yer mean.

  4. Wow, I am impressed by your follow-through and creativity. LOL.

  5. too funny- I used to do that all.the.time. Then I learned that Wal runs for the hills when an angry pouting woman is anywhere near him. It kind of put a damper on my stomping hissy fits- it’s no fun if only one person plays!!

  6. I’m impressed thats like a four star tantrum, much like the ones I am famous for throwing. I once emptied an half full can of shaving cream (my husbands of course) into the sink and then refused to buy him any new knowing that he hates going to the store.

    Sometimes we wifes just need to make a point!

  7. Oh my gosh! And all he asked was what his toothbrush did to you. Those hormones!

  8. Ha!
    And he as a sense of humor after all of that.

  9. wow.

    that is so hilarious.

    i am rolling.

    though it probably wasn’t funny at the time.

  10. Awesome. The toothbrush may not have done anything, but the calendars definately deserved it.

  11. I hope my husband remembers to be calm and rational like Cody when I am pregnant. I already pout and seek revenge like that. I can’t imagine adding pregnancy hormones in the mix. God helps us all.

  12. why do they think that “leaving us alone” is what we want?
    hello, i just made a big fuss! i want your attention!

  13. You threw it in the toilet?

    Cody is a saint darlin’!

  14. AH PREGNANT BLISS, pg woman are so beautifully evil ;).

    Great story, poor Cody…and poor you not getting what you wanted. :)

  15. hahahahaha! That’s great. I love that he asked what his toothbrush did to you LOL!

  16. This has to be one of the funniest acts of revenge I’ve ever heard of. Yep! It’s a Cody thing…

  17. I missed your delurk day because I got a little behind. But I wanted you to know that I love, love, love your blog. I don’t even know how I stumbled upon it. I can relate to so many of your stories as I dated a former Mormon for many years, am a former law student (now practicing attorney), lived in Indiana and now live in the Rocky Mountain West. Hang in there but be forewarned that law school is nothing compared to studying for the bar exam. (Sorry!) It truly takes two to get through the experience and it is equally difficult for both parties. I’m sure your support is much appreciated. Thanks for your honesty and openness. It is so refreshing! Looking forward to daily posts in December. Oh, and how could I forget, Moosh is adorable!

  18. We all have a “crazy pregnant story”. Makes me almost feel bad for the husbands! The toothbrush trick is GOOD ONE. =)

  19. love it through and through

  20. This is why I would hate to be a lesbian. We women are tough to deal with.

  21. I love and adore you!!
    Congratulations!! Did you see… You and I are 2 of the 5 winners of the Little Monster Book Contest on Maya’s! Congratulations honey!!

  22. I LOVE what you did to his toothbrush. I’m so proud of your passive-agressive creativity!

  23. Do NOT get in the way of a pregnant woman and her cravings!!
    I need to make my husband red this so he realizes he’s got nothing to complain about – after all, I’ve never thrown his toothbrush in the toilet!

  24. this is so not funny…in a “i’m laughing my butt off” kind of way!

    go to my bloggy…I have a surprise for you!

  25. Heehee… let’s hope Moosh gets Cody’s nice genes!

  26. I’m right there with you! Sometimes a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.

  27. I ditto what Amy & Jennifer said!

    Cody is supa-fab
    &
    Women can be a wee tad hard to live with!

  28. It seems a perfectly reasonable response to not obtaining ice cream.

  29. I was being “punny” you butt.

  30. Stories like this make me feel absolutely normal. Because I did something similar, but with groceries.

    Long story – I should blog it.