First of all..

****To all the girls who keep hitting on Cody in my absence****

I understand. The whole strong silent type he’s got going? It’s very appealing, I should know, I was the original fool to fall for it. But serioulsy, lay off. See that ring? Left hand? Fourth finger in? He’s not leaving me for you. So quit handing out your numbers so liberally, especially you, yeah you, the 18 year old with the perky boobs. I’m way more bendy than you, I cook way better than you ever will and I know how my baby likes his stroganoff. Besides, once you actually marry him, he’s not so strong, and he’s really not silent. He’ll talk your ear off and you’ll quickly realize that he’s a pansy when it comes to moths and spiders. It makes him cocky when you guys keep hitting on him. And he’s obnoxious when his ego has been freshly stroked. So for the good of us all, quit it.

I can handle him better than you ever could.

Much obliged-Casey

*****

Okay. Sunday. Today’s episode is by the Salt Lake Tribune’s humor writer Robert Kirby.

Original article found here.

Not being electable puts me in good company.

By Robert Kirby

I’ve never wanted to be president of the United States. That’s probably a good thing. Even if I was smart enough to do the job, being a Mormon would keep me from getting elected.
    Pity, actually. Like many Americans, I have serious political convictions. For example, I’ve always believed that the greatest threats to our freedom are right here at home.
    So, if I ran for president – and by some interdenominational miracle managed to get elected – my first presidential act would be a complete naval blockade of North Dakota. We have to start somewhere, folks.
    What else? Oh, I would also have the Secret Service mail Larry Erdmann parcel post to Bolivia in a crate full of duck beaks.
    That’s all I can think of right now.
    As you can see, voting for me shouldn’t be based on what faith I practice (and still am not very good at), but rather the fact that I’m easily bored and constitutionally flexible.
    Truthfully, I’d rather be a Mormon than president. If I don’t like what I hear at church, I can go home and watch TV until I feel like going back. Try that with Congress. No, a president pretty much has to stay until it’s over.
    Not being electable just because I’m Mormon should bother me. Instead, it actually puts me in good company. For all our yammering about equality, Americans have been just as discriminatory about a female president.
    Lots of stuff is more important to voters than actual qualifications. We’ve never elected to the highest office a Jew, a black, a Latino, a homosexual, a bald guy, or even just someone noticeably missing a front tooth. The last truly homely president we had was Abraham Lincoln, and we shot him.
    I can’t remember the religious affiliations of any of the presidential candidates I voted for, probably because it didn’t seem to matter. Or maybe I just wasn’t paying attention.
    Exactly why it matters to so many people now is a bit disingenuous, particularly since we’re clearly willing to dismiss religion as a concern in so many other immediately important areas.
    If you wouldn’t feel safe with a Jew or a Muslim or an atheist in the White House, why aren’t you demanding to know if the pilot of your airplane is religiously compromised? What’s presidential incompetence compared to being flown into a mountain?
    Is your heart surgeon born again? Was the food you just ate prepared by someone with a personal witness of Jesus Christ? Does the person who drives your kids’ school bus even have a testimony?
    Given the American demand for political form over real substance, maybe getting elected president these days is actually more of an insult.

-Robert Kirby

Comments

  1. Whenever Matthew takes the kids (all three!) somewhere, he gets hit on.

    You would think that three kids under five would be a deterrent (in addition to the ring), but nope.

    Maybe they are attracted to the fact that he is (was) fertile?

  2. Alrighty then, I don’t think you have anything to worry about :-)

  3. Wal told me a prostitute in S. Africa hit on him (he travels a lot and the ‘tutes hang out at hotel bars/restaurants looking for lonely businessmen)- he told he had a wife and daughter back home and if he did anything w/ her he would be betraying both his wife and child and she just wasn’t worth that. I cried like a baby and gave him a great big kiss!!!

  4. My husband is currently sporting a beard that makes him look like a cross between Grizzly Adam’s and Pa Ingalls.

    Unless there are any beardloving ex-Amish lasses that want to try out the whole “Hester Prynne thing, I’m pretty sure that he’s safe.

  5. Our speakers at church today talked about forgiveness and atonement. One of them brought up the story of the Amish school shootings from a couple of years ago, and how the Amish families went to the shooter’s family and said that they forgave him, and offered to help the family with whatever they could. It was the first time I’d been back to church in a few weeks *almost a month and a half actually* and boy oh boy did it feel good to be back!

    Baptism is on Dec 22nd. Looking forward to it. Now if only I could figure out how to be able to go to all the classes instead of having to run home and go to bed since I have to work again at night :(

  6. Definitely an insult.

    Babe, just be glad Cody doesn’t have The Moosh with him because that kid would be some serious babe bait.

  7. Dave travels constantly and always comes home with similar tales (braggin’ rights?). I thought I’d try changing his ringtone to a completely embarrassing song (think BJ Thomas) and dialing every 1/2 hour. Maybe drawing something on the back of his head (guys never look at the backs of their heads, do they?). If I find something that works, I’ll let you know.

  8. tee hee that’s awesome!

    oh, and how dare they hit on cody!? you should make him a shirt with a pic of you and the moosh on it (in that whole uncle sam wants YOU pose) that says something like “back off bitches!” and make him wear it every single day he’s not with you…

  9. Yeah! Back off girls. Casey’s got a whole bunch of mamas behind her too.

  10. Loved this post. Cracking up.

  11. I heart Robert Kirby. I haven’t read him for years. Which is horrible since I spent most of high school hanging out with his daughter! :-)

    So um, what does Cody do with the numbers once he gets them? Maybe he should sign them up for some sort of phone service. You know, just because.

  12. Where are these ladies that hit on married guys? I need my ego stroked occasionally! I mean I travel for my job and stuff. Oh…strong AND silent…never mind.

  13. Here’s a fun catch 22: the better the husband/daddy your husband is, along with increased professional success, the more attractive he is to other women.

    They just don’t care that the men they are coming on to are married with kids.

    For a while my husband’s PICTURE (from an old newspaper article) was pasted on the secretaries’ bathroom at the hospital. Everyone knows he has four kids and has been married since college.

    Doesn’t stop them because that is what attracts them in the first place.

    Vigilance and thick skin for you.

  14. Amen sistah! DH gets hit on daily and drives me crazy. It’s a huge compliment, but really…take him home and you’ll give him back. LOL.
    That was a great article, thanks for sharing.

  15. Well, I can just imagine that your hubby is thinking the same things. Why don’t those men quit looking at MY WIFE? Look, see the ring! See that child we created together. Yup, he’s thinking that, I’m sure.

  16. “The last truly homely president we had was Abraham Lincoln, and we shot him.”

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

    Honestly, the only president who’s denomination I KNOW was Kennedy’s and that’s only because people made a big deal out of him being Roman Catholic.