This is one of those posts that no one related to me is EVER going to talk about.

They’re just going to stick their fingers in their ears and scream “LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU” and pretend that I don’t talk about my lady bits on the internet. But frankly, I have some information that a lot of you will be interested in. (This is an invitation to quit reading dad, neighbors, father in law, mom, bishop, priests, prudes. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

When this posts I will be at the airport surprising my husband. He thinks I am three hours away in his hometown and that he’ll be riding out with his sister tomorrow.

WRONG.

Instead his wife will be picking him up at the airport with a key to a hotel room five minutes from the airport.

You know, so we can go watch the news and take a nap.

IT’S BEEN FOURTY DAYS. Seriously, quit tsk tsking me. We have a lot of movies and books to catch up on together.

Heh.

Little does he know I spent an hour with a woman named Lisa on Monday. Lisa ripped every hair from my most tender areas with hot wax.

Whoo.

I know there’s a lot of you out there who have wanted to do this.

I haven’t even “used” it yet but I can already tell you to go do it.

It’s marvelous.

Your clothes fit better.

Really.

Yes, it hurts. 

And it involves some yoga type poses to get to all the, ahem, crannies.

I’m pretty sure I was more modest in the throes of childbirth.

Also, if your waxer uses hard wax you’ll need to know there will be a moment where it feels as though your, well, you know, is being sealed shut with a wax chastity seal.

But whoo.

It hurts so good.

I made a friend go with me and do it at the same time.

She’s test driven hers.

And whoo.

It will make watching all those movies much more comfortable.

Movies are always better when your jammies fit well.

Heh.

Comments

  1. I think I know what I’m getting my husband for Christmas.

  2. Ditto to She Likes Purple’s comment.

    Bow chanka bow, bow….

  3. Hooray for your husband coming home and you surprising him. AWESOME.

    Dude, I’ve been trying to convince the internet to go HAIR FREE for as long as I’ve been blogging. I even wrote up an entire “wax how-to” over at Amalah’s Advice Smackdown.

    I even took a friend with me last time.

    Because seriously (all book reading and news watching talk aside), hair free is the way to be! It makes everything in life a little cleaner.

    (I’m going for my regular 5-week appointment tomorrow. You know, just in time for Christmas!)

  4. I could not stop giggling after chatting with you about this last night.

    This could be the present for all seasons and reasons.

    The gift that just. keeps. giving.

  5. More power to you… there is no way I would EVER post something like this on the internet knowing how many people (especially on my hubby’s side) read this that I know in real life. Can we say grandparents? EW! :)
    But I do hope you have lots of fun reading your books and watching your movies…

  6. Bravo to you. I am a total chicken **** and spent too much time reading horror stories on the internet. I am jealous. Have fun with your hubby. Go on and get you some.

  7. Ok even through the stop reading dad, mom, bishops, etc…I was expecting a story about how your great grandparent had an affair with a Brazilian person and thats why your Brazilian…because I’m blond like that! Anyway I’ve done it and its heaven. Pain, massive pain, but fabulous and my husband is always wanting to know when I’ll do it again.

  8. You Mormon chicks are too crazy for me.

  9. hahha i love it. I have always wanted to get one, but i am terrified!

  10. OMG – I can’t stop laughing. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my brazilian. Yup it hurts and the yoga poses are odd, but I’m sure your test drive will be great!!! (hope you don’t get any ingrown hairs. I did, but they stopped after a few more trips to the waxer!!!)

  11. I still haven’t had the courage to go for the full shebang. I do the partial, but still haven’t summoned the courage…

  12. omigod, you guys!!!!! i’m too scared of the paaaaaaaaaaaaaain to do this. (but i’m secretly intrigued!!!!)

  13. My mom tells me I am the queen of “Too much information.” I should introduce her to your blog.

    I will be sad to be demoted, though.

  14. I love the very thinly veiled euphemism. :P

    I’m sure it’s great but I am way, way, way too much of a wuss for all that. It’s almost too much for me to get my eyebrows waxed.

  15. I have been wanting to go all “Telly Savalas” on my girl bits for YEARS but am terrified of the pain.

    I swear I am going to get lasered one day.

  16. Whoo!

  17. Do not forget to exfoliate!! Every day!! And use a product like tendskin to help with the burn. EVERY DAY!! I made the mistake…

  18. Go get ‘im!

  19. It’s awesome isn’t it!! Worth any and all temporary discomfort!

  20. Thanks for the advice.
    My husband just requested I get a Brazilian for our romantic vacation (read NO KIDS!) to Mexico in April. I told him I would.

  21. sorry Casey, I love you to bits but there is no way in hell I’m letting some woman/man/robot come anywhere near my coochie with hot wax!! I’ll just have to heal with ill-fitting jammies!!

    Have a great night and eerm hope you watch lots and lots of action packed movies.

  22. heal= deal

  23. You are way braver than me. Just reading about it made me wince…ouch…but holy smokes….have a great time catching up!!!!

  24. I have always wanted to do this. ALWAYS. Yet I am chicken. So I’m sitting here nursing razor burn instead.

  25. OW! You are a brave brave soul!
    Enjoy the movies and the nap with your long awaited husband!!!!!

  26. Heh. I will not have my husband reading your post tonight. He loves movies and the occasional nap. :)

  27. HA HA!!! Have fun you part brazilian lady you! Cody is a lucky man! ;)

  28. Yeah I’ll admit I’m curious but seriously no freaking way. Once you do it don’t you have to go back and do it fairly often…yeah no I just dont think I can do it. I hope you guys have a spectacular reunion!

  29. I’ve always wanted to know if my jammies would fit better! I’m a wussy about pain that doesn’t end with a new baby, though.
    Of course, this could end with a new baby….Just nine months down the road in this instance.

  30. Girl, you crack me up.

    I’ve never tried it….

    Around here, I think people would *talk*… such a tiny town! Maybe on a visit to the city???

    Have fun w/ your hubby. You deserve it!

  31. i’ve done it.

    and loved it.

    enjoy while it lasts…cuz if you’re not keeping it the growing back sucks.

    a lot.

  32. Nope. Not gonna do that. EVER. My husband better keep pretending to love ALL things Sasquatch or he’s in big trouble.

    Until he pours molten wax on his ‘nads, I am so never going to rip my pubes.

    You young people slay me.

  33. You’ll never go back…I promise!

    Have fun.

  34. You’re a brave woman.

    Enjoy!

  35. I am WAY too modest to do it!

  36. Why do I have Karate Kid in my head? Wax on…wax off…

    I’m a waxer too. Just not totally BALD! I have them leave a little landing strip. (TMI?)

  37. It would make wearing that bodysuit soooo much more comfortable…I’ll think about it…NEVER!

  38. I’m going out to do it right now!

  39. Oh, la la!

  40. Can’t wait for the FULL report, you go!

  41. I giggled at every “whoo”

  42. The Man wants me to do it for our honeymoon. Doesn’t that make it WRONG if he requests it?? Isn’t it supposed to be a SURPRISE?! Hmm. I get my legs done (when I’m not poor) and can deal with that just fine. But it’s still scary. Mostly the positions you mention. I’m just not that outgoing anymore.

  43. I’ve been away so I’m just getting to this now… I remember my frist brazillian! I was so impressed! I couldn’t even wait until the soreness went down, I surprised my husband that night. His reaction? “Wow… I’d never even THOUGHT of THAT… but WOW!” hahahaha! I now go the more conservative route, because after the first brazillian, the subsequent ones are never, ever the same.

    Debbie’s last blog post..Dear Young Mom at the Airport,

  44. Ha! I think you might have just convinced me. Thanks for the detailed info. You are truly hilarious!

  45. Great information. I am in Iraq and I am heading home for 15 days after being gone from home since January. While there is no surprise like in your story, my wife is planning this “procedure” and we too intend to “take a nap” in the nice airport hotel after I arrive. Thanks for sharing!

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