I don’t do pressure cookers.

I will most likely never own one. Why not? OH! Did I not tell you about the time that Cody almost BLEW OFF HIS FACE WITH A PRESSURE COOKER?
He was making mashed potatoes at my moms house.

Silly me figured I knew what he was doing. Until I heard,

“Hey, how do you get the lid off?”
“I don’t know, I’ve never used one, don’t you know?”
“No, I only ever watched my mom and I don’t think this one is like hers.”

Excuse me?

You’re cooking with a lethal pot under the direction of WATCHING YOUR MOM over six years ago? Swell.

He started to grunt as if trying to push a very stubborn rhinocerous.

This is NOT how you open a pressure cooker.

Correction, this is NOT how you open a pressure cooker properly.

The BANG! was louder than a shotgun. Cody’s yell was not a good yell.

In less than the time for Cody to yell “I’m, um, okay?” I thought

“Heisdeadheisdeadevenifheisnotdeadheismissingalimborhisfaceor

hishandcanhegotolawschoolwithoutahand?Wouldhegetascholarshipfor

suchaninjury?NOtheywouldprobablykickhimoutforbeingsostupid.WillI

evenstillloveastupidstupidfacelessman?”

Ah, irrational fears.

I got up from the couch and before I even turned the corner into the kitchen I saw a good portion of the dozen potatoes smeared all over the wall 30 feet away from the stove. When I actually turned into the kitchen I saw a husband covered, COVERED, in scalding potatoes, I couldn’t see out the kitchen window because it was covered in potatoes, and the ceiling. OH THE CEILING.

The handle of the pressure cooker had busted OFF the pan and the handle was lodged into the ceiling. A ceiling surrounded by splatters of mashed potatoes. At least it wasn’t his face, right? The lid was lying off to the side of Cody’s feet.

I took a deep sigh and picked up the phone.

“Hi, mom, what kind of pressure cooker do you want?”

“Oh but I have a pressure cooker, it’s on the shelf…”

“Um, mom, no you don’t. Well, you did, but now you have a halfway decent attempt at a skylight.”

Comments

  1. Great. My grandma got us one for Christmas. Now I have a reason not to use it. :D

  2. I actually just snorted liquid out of my nose.
    Ahhh… you do make me laugh :-)
    Poor you, Poor Cody.
    So…. does mom have a skylight or just a nice dent in the ceiling?
    Too cute!
    Happy Y2K8 Casey!!

    rachel

  3. Oh no! Funny now, although I’m sure it wasn’t when it happened.
    I’ve never used a pressure cooker…but I do love my crockpot ;)

  4. Oh, my, did he get burned? What we won’t do for the blessed potato! =)

    I’ve never used a pressure cooker… we, at the Green household, will consider ouselves WARNED.

  5. Holy crap!

    You must wait for the pressure to slooooooowwwllly leak out of that stupid valve before opening.

    Ack!

  6. Ha!

    This is funny, because *I* am the clutz. It would be ME covered in potatoes.

    I’m giggling at the visual of Cody.

    Hee!

  7. Oh no, poor Cody. What did you guys end up having for dinner? Heehee…

  8. Casey, I have requested your opinion on a parenting thing on my site. Please drop in at your convenience to check it out. :-)

  9. Pressure cookers SCARE THE HELL OUT OF ME.

    It probably stems from my mother screetching at me to run from the house because the pressure cooker was going to blow up when I was seven.

    SHUDDER.

    I will never, ever own one.

  10. Heh. That would so be me.

  11. holy crap! I seriously wheezed and wheezed i was laughing so hard at this! HILARIOUS! Please, please tell me you at least have 1 picture of this!!!!!!

  12. “…WillIevenstillloveastupidstupidfacelessman?””

    hahahahaha… This whole rant, especially that last part is so effing hilarious that I was laughing, HARD and out loud! Thanks for the giggles and always entertaining me with your clever blog! :)

    Miss & love ya!
    xoxoxo~M

  13. Oh my gosh. How scary. I just cannot get my mind around the saving 20 minutes cooking something vs blowing your face off equation.

  14. Too funny!

  15. pressure cookers scare the everloving crap out of me!

  16. yowza! that’s crazy! lucky he’s okay!

    note to self: never buy a pressure cooker for fear of faceless husband and/or children!

  17. wow, I guess it is a good thing my husband hardly ever goes near the kitchen let alone the appliances used therein! funny stuff!!

    Melissa’s last blog post..sisters sleeping

  18. I never knew you could use a pressure cooker to make mashed potatoes. Nor will I be trying it myself any time soon. I like my kitchen to be devoid of a skylight, thank you very much.

  19. Good Lord, that scared the crap out of me. I mean, I knew he didn’t die and all, but I couldn’t breathe until I read that, you know, HE DIDN’T DIE. Yeah. I will never own a pressure cooker either. Those are scary.

    Karly’s last blog post..Twins. A boy and a girl.

  20. This is EXACTLY why the pressure cooker we received as a wedding gift 6 years ago has never left its box!

    Jill’s last blog post..I’m a walking cliche

  21. Bahahaha!
    Pressure cookers and expresso machines.

    Clink’s last blog post..And now a word from our sponsor….

  22. That is so scary! Wanna hear something crazy – I’ve never seen a pressure cooker in real life. I don’t even know anyone who owns one. After this post I think I’d like to keep it that way.

    andi’s last blog post..The obligatory Christmas recap post

  23. Ha! That is a great story. I can just picture the potato covered kitchen.

  24. Yes, pressure cookers are very frightening to me. Once I was helping make dinner at my granparents’ house and my grandmother said “Have you ever cooked a roast in a pressure cooker?” And I said, “Uh, I’ve never cooked a ROAST.”

  25. “Um, mom, no you don’t. Well, you did, but now you have a halfway decent attempt at a skylight.”

    hahahahahahahahahahaa

  26. Oh…my…Goodness….*eeps*

    Pressure cookers scare me, too…and they did before this post. Now I’m VERY scared *lol*

  27. Oh my goodness, all those potatoes gone to waste. But I laughed my ass off at this.

  28. He is very lucky he is ok. Pressure cookers scare the poop out of me. Stick with the baked goods- who needs potatoes anyway :-)

  29. Jill, If you’ve never taken that cooker out of the box, can I have it? I still don’t have a replacement. And when we moved out of the house 1 1/2 years later, I was still finding potatoes stuck on things.

    Men….what’s that thing about men not asking directions? Has anyone else heard about that?

  30. pressure cookers scare the bejeebers out of me! I have one. I use it (for canning, not cooking). It still scares me.

    Kris’s last blog post..Here it is… in all it’s glory….