When you join the league of SAHMs (stay at home moms) you forget that there are social graces amongst those who are not of your league. This is easily demonstrated in poop talk. You do not go to lunch with a childless friend and discuss the varying scents and textures of your babies poo. That is assuming you want to continue your friendship with this particular person.

I live a good life, the majority of people who surround me are able to talk the poo talk. However, I have a single sister in law, she just turned 22 and has her masters in accounting and works for the top accounting firm IN. THE. WORLD. Unfortunately I became too comfortable with her over the last week and let my “wall of tact” come crashing down.

She had asked if I had some extra products available to *ahem* assist in her monthly womanly journey.
I retrieved what I had from downstairs and while walking towards her with my head in a box of Tampax I shouted “I don’t really have a whole lot of supers, but I do have an ENORMOUS SUPER DUPER OVERNIGHT PAD…”

It was only as I got the word ‘PAD‘ out and held it up to show her I saw the look of horror, panic and fear in her eyes. She was on the phone. With an associate. A male associate. A professional male associate.

A professional male associate that she has to see on a daily basis in an office setting who probably didn’t want to know about my one last super duper enormous overnight pad. Or the fact that she was on her period.

Whoops.

Comments

  1. You? Have a wall of tact? Huh. You must tell me where to purchase one of those.

    I too have been caught on this. I try really, really hard to not scar my childless friends and family members with my birth stories. Or to keep all bodily fluid talk to myself. Doesn’t always work though…

  2. Puhleease. My childless friends drive me nuts with their vacation stories, late night escapades with the guy they picked up from a bar, you name it. I figure if I can listen to THEIR stories (and some can make even me blush), they can return the favor.

  3. Was it Gi-Normous Super Duper? ;)

    The Moosh could’ve offered one of her favorites.

    Also, I may or may not have lost bladder control when I read about Cody & your mom’s pressure cooker.

    Mental note- Do not try to use a pressure cooker!

  4. childless people just don’t get it. my sister doesn’t have kids and when my sister in law and i sit around and talk about nursing and cracked nipples and bleeding and pooping…she dies just a little bit inside.

  5. Try being the daughter of a nurse and then going on to be a medical professional yourself AND THEN HAVE KIDS. My nine year old son has asked me to cool it with the poopy talk at the dinner table. Yup.

  6. Ha! Funny stuff!
    I sometimes forget who I’m talking to when I complain about poop or vomit or other bodily waste. I love the look of horror from those who don’t have kids.

  7. My co-worker didn’t come to work today. Nope, he didn’t. And you know why? I’m pretty sure it’s because he was too mortified to face the ENORMOUS SUPER DUPER OVERNIGHT PAD.

    Thanks.

  8. Oh, I have a thought for you…

    Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to be sarcastic.

    Ha!

    Got that one out of my new weekly planner for 2008. I got more of them…just let me know!

  9. I am not a SAHM, but I do discuss the consistency and look of my puppy’s poo. Also, the man sitting next to be on the train today smelled as if he had recently shat himself. OK, so clearly the poo prompt (that wasn’t even really a prompt) gets me going easily. Ahem.

  10. I once yelled at my husband to “come look at the dump I took” – yeh, we’re close like that. Anyways, he was on the phone with his very handsome boss :) Oops!

    The next Christmas party was a ton of fun!!!

  11. LMFAO!!! OMG!! I can just picture the look of horror on her face!! Oh my.

    Ah yes, the poo talk. Hubby thought he’d never get involved in such matters…was he sorely wrong.

  12. I can always count on your blog for a funny post! Have I told you yet how awesome you are? Too Funny!

  13. Ha! Ha! Ha! That’s hilarious! Did you at least play it off while she’s was on the phone like it was a joke? ROFLMAO! I would trade that one embarassing moment for a chance at perky boobs and a flat stomach again, even for just a day, anytime! Those young ones don’t know how good they have it, so maybe it’s just a little revenge from us tired and frazzled mommy’s! ;) Sorry Liv! Hehe!

  14. Almost forgot!

    Merry Christmas my dear and I hope 2008 is good for ya!

  15. They also get squirmy when you pull out a perfectly healthy BREAST to NURSE a baby. At a beach? In a bikini? No prob. Need to feed a baby? AHHHHHHHHHHHH.

    Gotta love those no-childers. They’re so cute and innocent. =)

  16. tact? what’s that? i think i knew that word once…a long time ago. it escapes me now!

  17. Hahaha! It’s always those really embarrassing conversations that get overheard, isn’t it? No one ever witnesses my witty jokes or my deep analysis of Tolstoy, but rather talking about anything related to periods or diarrhea…

  18. I can see the look on Liv’s face now. Hilarious. (For me anyway…poor, poor Liv.) I’ll bet she was glad to have you around though, nothing like needing a pad/tampon and not having one. I heart you.

  19. Where has this blog been all my life?! hehe. Blogrolled!

  20. ha ha ha ha ha ha! I SO love this visual.

  21. ha! Good one. That’s the last time she’ll be unprepared he! he!

  22. LOL… a mother is always prepared for life’s big events. I wish I could have seen her expression when she saw the BIG pad.

  23. That is too funny! Did she pawn you off as the crazy homeless person in the background?

    Mary Beth’s last blog post..SEMI WORDLESS WEDNESDAY

  24. Maybe not the last time she’ll be unprepared, just the last time she’ll ask you for help!

    Erin’s last blog post..The OTHER holiday dilemma

  25. Ok, I think that’s quite funny and not unlike something I would have said. And sure I would have apologized…through laughter that is.

    Worker Mommy’s last blog post..Happy Snooze Year

  26. So that’s why my childless friends keep dropping like flies! Huh! Who knew?!

    Jennifer’s last blog post..Coke and Peanuts

  27. Over here, lack of tact couples with lack of shame to produce such spectacles as me volunteering to show my stretch marks / muffin top / saggy boobs to anyone who doubts they exist.

    Um, yeah …..

    mimi’s last blog post..1 – 2 – 3

  28. hmmm. before my husband and i were married, he came into the house while on the phone and i let loose with a string of profanities about something that had gone very. very. wrong.

    um, yeah, it was his 11-year-old daughter on the phone.

    wall of tact. i could use one of those.

    janet’s last blog post..Snow bunnies

  29. Heeelarious. I’m picturing the giant cotton SADDLE I got from the hospital after Henry’s birth, too, which makes this story ALL THE BETTER.

    Anna’s last blog post..How to charm me

  30. Ah, she’ll get over it.

    We all go through it…let her face hers like a woman.

    ~JJ!’s last blog post..Memory Box

  31. Hey, thanks for the comment on my blog.

    I lololove reading yours. I stumbled upon it awhile ago and can’t quit coming back. The other day, I read the whole thing and couldn’t stop laughing.

    I will be back…

    Becky’s last blog post..baby, it’s cold outside

  32. When we have company over, my daughter always fishes out the hugest tampon she can find, rips it from its package and drops in on the floor for the guests to see. How’s that for awkward?
    PS: I’ve been snooping here for a while. Angella is always saying, “Did you read Moosh today? She’s freakin’ hilarious!” and it’s safe to say that she’s right. :)

    Amanda Brown’s last blog post..Inevitably Anticlimatic

  33. I like to think that people that don’t have kids aren’t exactly cultured to life. They seem to be more uptight personally and take things so serious. Although kids are a lot of work I like to think of them as a spoon full of sugar. They teach us to relax ! Nothing wrong with a good laugh here and there! That was a great laugh!

  34. You never cease to amaze me…

    At least once a week you make me choke on my coffee as I check your blog!

  35. Wow, it’s just one whoops after another… LOL Love it!

  36. Whoops.

    I need a wall of tact. I’ve actually started discussing childbirth in front of male colleagues. It’s almost worth it to watch their faces.

    Lawyer Mama’s last blog post..The Brittany Spears Train Wreck and Other Important Topics

  37. That’s hysterical!
    I find that same issue. Wall of Tact, great metaphor.

    rachel’s last blog post..They Call Him The Streak