the moosh has learned the fine art of, well, doing what I do so well.
You know, knowing just how and when to ask a question so the answer generally results in a yes? It’s a fine skill I’ve honed in my almost seven years of marriage.
She has learned to ask me questions when I am incapable of hearing well or catching her full drift.
Like when I’m on the phone or in the shower for example. Or maybe blowdrying my hair.
She starts out with a simple enough request that I can understand.
“Mom? Can I wear my Barbie dress?”
I am able to answer yes without much further investigation.
“Mom? Can I wear these?”
Requests like these require me to poke my head out of the curtain, see that she is holding some form of plastic pink dress up shoe, and I answer “Yes, of course you may wear those.”
Next comes a question that is a little harder to understand as it is said outside the open bathroom door but I do know it involves the words “Can I” garble garble “dance” garble garble “Barbie” garble garble “princess”. With my killer maternal skills of deduction I assess that she would like to “Dance like Barbie the Island Princess” Easy enough right?
“Of course you can dance like Barbie the Island Princess!” I reply.
“Mom? Is Barbie friends with the animals?” she asks right outside the shower curtain.
“Yes, she is friends with the animals.”
Then again from outside the bathroom door I hear “princess” garble garble”animal” garble garble “white” garble garble “shelf”.
Again with my intuitive skills I deduce that she wants to “get the princess animals down from the white shelf.”
“Yes, the moosh.” I say, and that ends the conversation, she’s obviously off playing princess with all the magical animals of the forest.
That’s the obvious answer.
I HAVE BEEN FOOLED.
There were never any animals on any white shelf.
There were however WHITE ANIMAL crackers that the PRINCESS wanted to eat off the SHELF.
I came downstairs from my shower to Barbie kicked back on the couch picking every single white animal cracker out of the bag.
Ah, a sneaky one I have birthed from my loins.