the moosh has learned the fine art of, well, doing what I do so well.

You know, knowing just how and when to ask a question so the answer generally results in a yes? It’s a fine skill I’ve honed in my almost seven years of marriage.

She has learned to ask me questions when I am incapable of hearing well or catching her full drift.

Like when I’m on the phone or in the shower for example. Or maybe blowdrying my hair.

She starts out with a simple enough request that I can understand.

“Mom? Can I wear my Barbie dress?”

I am able to answer yes without much further investigation.

“Mom? Can I wear these?”

Requests like these require me to poke my head out of the curtain, see that she is holding some form of plastic pink dress up shoe, and I answer “Yes, of course you may wear those.”

Next comes a question that is a little harder to understand as it is said outside the open bathroom door but I do know it involves the words “Can I” garble garble “dance” garble garble “Barbie” garble garble “princess”. With my killer maternal skills of deduction I assess that she would like to “Dance like Barbie the Island Princess” Easy enough right?

“Of course you can dance like Barbie the Island Princess!” I reply.

“Mom? Is Barbie friends with the animals?” she asks right outside the shower curtain.

“Yes, she is friends with the animals.”

Then again from outside the bathroom door I hear “princess” garble garble”animal” garble garble “white” garble garble “shelf”.

Again with my intuitive skills I deduce that she wants to “get the princess animals down from the white shelf.”

“Yes, the moosh.” I say, and that ends the conversation, she’s obviously off playing princess with all the magical animals of the forest.

Right?

That’s the obvious answer.

I HAVE BEEN FOOLED.

There were never any animals on any white shelf.

There were however WHITE ANIMAL crackers that the PRINCESS wanted to eat off the SHELF.

I came downstairs from my shower to Barbie kicked back on the couch picking every single white animal cracker out of the bag.

Ah, a sneaky one I have birthed from my loins.

Sneaky, sneaky.

Comments

  1. Ha Ha Ha HA HA!!!
    I have one of these devious little perfectly timed question askers, too.
    They learn from us way too quickly, and way too well!

    Rachel’s last blog post..Are you ready to drool?

  2. Oh man, what a character. I love your stories about her (and basically everything else you write about on your blog – thanks for your hilarious writing).

    Janssen’s last blog post..Firegirl – Tony Abbott

  3. Ah, I love the moosh!

    Love the tagline. My mom always something very similar!

    Alli ~Mrs. Fussypants’s last blog post..Fussy’s Linkapalooza -now trans fat free!

  4. That is awesome!!!

    See your problem is that you have decided showering and bathing are important and come above the more important aspect of listening to your children.

    Don’t you get it? We’re not ever supposed to take our eyes, or ears, off our children. So basically: you. are. failing. (I am too just for the record but we’re here at your blog to talk about YOU)

    You should pretty much just curl up in the corner of the couch, with your princess dress, eating the pink and blue (frosted I imagine since we’re talking about colors) crackers and wallow in the horror of this realization. Enjoy your cookies though!

    Angela’s last blog post..He’s Done For!

  5. More proof that toddlers are really teenagers in disguise. Just prepare yourself for the sneakiness of vague teenage communication.

    “I’m going to a movie with Lisa and Shelly, k?”
    This sentence could easily gain parental permission, if said parent doesn’t think to ask for more information which would lead to finding out what the teenager really meant was, “I’m going to see a midnight showing of a rated R movie full of sex and violence and drug use with Lisa and Shelly and some random older boys we met last night and they’re driving.”

    Not that I EVER did this…

    Barb’s last blog post..Name tag

  6. That’s so funny. Mine always comes up when I’m using the electric toothbrush and can’t talk. Or I could but then toothpaste would be spraying all over the house. Argh!!

    Wendy’s last blog post..thrill-seeking in midlife

  7. She’s gonna be a genius that kid.

    MammaLoves’s last blog post..It Is Never Easy

  8. Love it. She’s got style and knows how to put her feet up and just relax. Brilliant.

    Kara’s last blog post..Life is much better

  9. And so it begins…. Heehee! You must be so proud. That is one great skill to acquire.

  10. Oh, she is going to make some unsuspecting man a FINE wife one day!

    Erika’s last blog post..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  11. Yeap, that is a fine skill she has honed and one both of mine have nailed. I have initiated the following rule to combat this:

    If Mommy is in the shower the answer is “NO”
    If Mommy is on the phone the answer is “NO”
    If Mommy is in the bathroom the answer is “NO”

    If you want the answer to be “YES” then wait until you have my full attention.

    Oh and the final rule?

    If you or someone else is bleeding or something is on fire then please interrupt.

    DQ is getting the hang of this. The Terrorist, not so much. YET.

  12. i love her style.
    :)

    ali’s last blog post..on the QB1, gross generalizations, haircuts, and drunk dancing

  13. Incredibly well done Moosh!

  14. Oh yes. I also have a very resourceful two year old. There is NOTHING in our house that she doesn’t know how to work or get into…. my friend calls it “scary smart”.

    Melissa’s last blog post..Sisters!

  15. That’s too funny and she’s only 3. I have a 53 year old assistant and she ALWAYS asks me questions like “Can I take the afternoon off?” when I’m in the middle of an important telephone conversation. We’ve had to “talk” about that a few too many times.

    ashlee’s last blog post..New Niece — Danyca Rose

  16. I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one ever had by a sneaky toddler! Great blog

    mommybootcamp’s last blog post..Cloth Diaper HOLDER

  17. Kids are so great like this. It’s like you want to be mad, but yet in your mind you’re thinking – damn smart kid!!

    Too cute :)

    FENICLE’s last blog post..Humbly Naked and Wrapped in Glad

  18. sneaky = smart. Now aren’t you proud??

    Laura’s last blog post..I just don’t get it…

  19. Hahaha! That little minx…

    Nell’s last blog post..In a Temporary State of Limbo, Well, Several States, Actually.

  20. Boy, can I relate. Thankfully, I am finally starting to clue in on exactly when they are being sneaky. And the first time you call them out? It reaffirms the mom-is-all-powerful notion.