We had been married about two years.

We had been given “Free Meal” certificates to a local Mexican restaurant.

We had two.

Not “Buy One Get One Free” but “Free Meal.”

But there was fine print:

Limit one per table.

After the server told us this, my husband piped up,

“What if we sit at different tables?”

Oh yes he did.

And yes we did.

Separate tables for the duration of our meals.

This was the night I realized I may very well be married to the CHEAPEST man alive, and it is the night he learned that cheapness doesn’t get you laid.

In fact all it really gets you is a lividly pissed off wife.

And who wants one of those?

***UPDATED 2/28/2008***

Did you get here from StumbleUpon? Yes? Well hey, how are you? If you’re thinking I’m some sort of two bit whore you’d be sorely mistaken. This was written with sarcasm, unfortunately first time readers (especially you men) who don’t know that I regularly employ sarcasm and don’t know that I joke on a regular (healthy) basis with my husband don’t see this as the funny little story it was meant to be. I adore my husbandand he adores me no matter how much money is or isn’t spent. We ordered, received and ate our food from different tables, then moved and sat with each other for dessert and never went back to the restaurant mentioned. So there is no need to call me a floozy, whore, tramp or bitch. Thank you very much. xoxo-Casey

*****

Comments

  1. Frugal, frugal, that one. The image of the two of you at separate tables is hilarious. Especially if it involved you giving him the WTF? look while he was happily eating his enchiladas.

    (Chris totally would have done the same, except he probably would have tried to order me a margarita or three, too.)

    kerrianne’s last blog post..Beautiful, Sorta*

  2. This could possibly be the best blog post I have ever read. I teach marriage prep and if you don’t mind I may just use this post when teaching. Oh the hubby and I are giggling. Thanks for that.

    Jill’s last blog post..Works For Me Wednesday- Be “That” mom

  3. hahaha that is hilarious. i would totally do the same thing. his ass would be couch-bound for a LONG time.

    Jenny’s last blog post..Possible 2008 Blog Party?

  4. And this is the reason why so many people are poor. Because they let companies get away with misleading advertising and just “fork over” the money as if it’s the their own fault when they get duped by a company. If any of our friends were to pull this on us we’d disown them, gossip about them, and throw a fit. If a company does it we sit there and just fork over the cash. My wife and I probably would have done the same thing (sit at separate tables) – though she’d not be trashing me on her blog, she’d be trashing the restaurant – who is the real jerk in this story. We’d have had a nice evening out together – AND not let a jerk company steal our money in the process.

  5. That’s a whole new level of cheap that I’ve never heard of. All of a sudden, Gavin looks extravagant to me!

    Shauna Loves Chocolate’s last blog post..Shauna, Where The Hell You Been?*

  6. cheapo the clown says:

    so you only have sex with your husband when he spends money on you….. and that means you are a….

  7. …a blogger who makes light of a fairly funny situation that happened early in her marriage?
    Yep.

  8. Couldn’t you have just picked up your plate and walked over to his table and acted like you just saw him…like a long lost..um…idiot? “Hey, how are you? Nice to see you! Mind if I sit down?” Really. What could they have done after they already served each of you? Forbid you to share a table?

  9. My husband and I read this together. Or rather, he read it outloud to me and I just happened to “stumble” upon it again and it reminded me of our conversation:
    I said.. so.. what would be more important to YOU.. eating for free, or dining with your wife? He scratched his head.. got this evil little glint in his eye and said, “that would depend on what kind of food the restaurant had to offer”. To which I responded by slapping him playfully on the arm. In all seriousness, he responded correctly and accordingly: “Sweetie, (he calls me that sometimes.. mostly when he’s trying to get OUT of the bow-wow chateau), I would rather pay 100 dollars for a meal of my own than spend one moment without your company”.
    (we’ve just been married for 8 months.. so.. wonder what kind of a response I’ll get in another 8 years or so.. and I’ll find out.. because I’ll remember this post and him, being a man, will forget by Friday). That’s tomorrow. hehehe

    Good story! Hope you made him suffer a fair amount of time. I would have.

  10. cincinnati says:

    If I didn’t know better, I’d swear you were my long suffering sister in law. Great story :)

  11. I don’t think he did it just to save money, it was more that he enjoyed outsmarting them.
    I thought he should get some credit just for that!… and yes I am a man.

  12. While I totally agree being that cheap in poor taste, I did not see metion of resolving the issue with the husband.

    A conversation about the problem is the first step to a resolution. Cutting him off only proves that prostitution is the worlds oldest profession. Somehow it is ok to cut off a spouse, while illegal for the cut off spouse to get some on the side weather it is paid for or not.

    Dan’s last blog post..The End?

  13. I came from StumbleUpon and I don’t think you’re a floozy. :) Your story made me laugh. I hope you got white cheese dip!

    Shannon’s last blog post..joy kill

  14. I came from StumbleUpon too and I think you are great.

  15. That is hysterical! I don’t think mine has ever done anything nearly that bad. I agree with Angie, who said that you should have pretended that you just met at the restaurant. Who knows, that could have led to some very kinky role playing! LOL

  16. I laugh.

    Mostly because this seems like something I would be likely to do – more so than my husband. Or I would make a big enough fuss until they gave us the deal AND let us sit together. I’d leave a nice tip though. LOL.

  17. My husband is also a cheapskate. What surprises me is that you actually ended up at a restaurant!

  18. This is an awesome story. Because it is so predictable, so logical, so efficient, and so utterly stupid all at once. I could make that mistake, but I hope I never do. Thanks for sharing it. :)

  19. Ha! Your story is too funny. I’ve been married for 17 years. If it were us, I’d ask him to sit at the next table and he’d get a little somethin somethin for going along with it.

    I’m far from cheap, but it would be hilarious to get around the restaurants cheesy marketing tactic.

  20. This was awesome. Your husband is cheap, sorry to say. Ignore the one time readers that come here and tell you those things, anyone who has a brain can understand this was written in jest. I will be coming back here, for certain. Feel free to stop in sometime if you can!

    Kudos, thumbs up.

    Decembers last blog post..10 Ways to Ruin a Relationship.

  21. I can’t believe there are StumbleUpon readers who wouldn’t comment with such rude remarks! This is a humorous story, and it makes me sad that people can’t understand sarcasm and humor these days.

    LOOSEN UP, PEOPLE.

    Besides, if my husband did that to me, I would’ve been pretty annoyed, as well. :)

  22. Ahahahahaha.

    Your husband, my father, my best friend. All would become drinking buddies. Provided they had the appropriate coupons, of course. :P

  23. awesome says:

    I’d like to **** your ass

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