I sometimes wonder what someone with all the patience in the world could do for the moosh. Someone who had the patience to sit down with her and teach her every time she asks “BUT WHY?” instead of answering “BECAUSE.” Someone who could not worry about time and just let her wander at her own pace and discover new things. Someone who wouldn’t lose their own temper at every other blood curdling tantrum that came their way.

Why, oh why, do I only see my own glaring faults as a parent?

I am taken aback sometimes at the pure awesomeness that is the moosh. The things she says, the way she does things, the stuff she knows. Given that I am with her 90% of the time I should be able to take credit for a lot of that shouldn’t I?

So why can’t I? Why do I feel I am being self indulgent if I pat myself on the back for raising a somewhat decent and completely swell kid?

Ever heard the saying “I was a really good mom before I had kids”?

Totally applies to me.

***************************

I wrote this before I left for church. Before I left for church madder than a wet hen. As I sat in my class seething with anger and frustration at myself and the world in general the teacher read this quote from our late Prophet Gordon B. Hinckley.

“And so I plead with you tonight, my dear sisters. Sit down and quietly count the debits and the credits in your role as a mother. It is not too late. When all else fails, there is prayer and the promised help of the Lord to assist you in your trial. But do not delay, start now, whether your child be 6 or 16. Do not trade your birthright as a mother for some bauble of passing value. Let your first interest be your home. The baby you hold in your arms will grow quickly as the sunrise and sunset of the rushing days. I hope you will have every reason to be proud concerning your children. If with all you have done there is an occasional failure, you can still say, “at least I did the very best of which I was capable. I tried as hard as I knew how. I let nothing stand in the way of my role as a mother.”

It’s hard to be hard on yourself after hearing something like that.

I so love church.

Comments

  1. I know how you feel. I was a psych minor in college and I came away thinking that I had all the tools to be a great parent. However, being a great parent in theory is different than being a great parent in reality. Don’t judge yourself by your ideals – you are doing an awesome job! She’s precious!

    calicobebop’s last blog post..Webkin (over and over and over…)

  2. Welcome to the club. :) Shecky is an amazing kid. He makes good grades. He’s respectful (most of the time). I still have a hard time finding what I’ve done right with him to make him so. We all focus on our shortcomings in our parenting because we’re all afraid we’re going to eff our kids up. :) You’re doing great hon. The Moosh is happy and healthy and bright and loving… its the best we can wish for them and you’ve achieved it! Hugs

    NotAMeanGirl’s last blog post..Eating Crow…

  3. I personally did my best parenting before I had kids!

    The “but why” stage is so tiring!

    I thwarted DQ by questioning her back.

    “Why do you think…?”

    Worked like a charm and some of the answers were hysterical.

    “Mommy, why is pee yellow”

    “Why do you think it’s yellow?”

    “ummmmm, because you ate daffodils?”

    Tossing the question back to them slows them down and teaches them some reasoning skills (although sometimes reasoning skills are not what you want to teach your kids LOL)

  4. Squidge is freaking GREAT and it’s all down to me! ME! ME! Joking but only a little bit… If you think your kid is great then don’t feel bad about patting yourself in the back. Be proud that the moosh. is fanfreakingtastic!!

    Lindy’s last blog post..The one where I act like a mama bear

  5. Take some credit – you deserve it! You can tell the kids whose parents don’t take any time to help them grow into neat little beings.

    Also – trolls? Why on Earth would YOU attract any kind of trolls??

    I am baffled!

    Stupid trolls.

    *Kicks troll in the head*

    Angella’s last blog post..30 Tiny Moments

  6. Nah, couldn’t have anything to do with having a loving and caring mom. I am sure it is because aliens abduct her and program her brain in her sleep.

    Suebob’s last blog post..A little inspiration

  7. Most of us are walking around feeling like we are inadequate as parents. At least some of the time.

    You’re not a bad mom. Part of you knows that despite the other parts that beat yourself up. Let the portion that knows Moosh is being raised by an awesome person come out and play more often and be kind to yourself because you are a GOOD MOTHER.

    Loralee’s last blog post..PARTY POOPER

  8. oh, casey.

    thank you for this. i needed it.

    erin’s last blog post..pt update and other stuff.

  9. OMG … you must be my long lost twin!!! WOW, did you ever hit on the way I feel all the time!!! Hang in there…I am sure all of this will pay off someday (about the same time all my debts are paid off!)

    Thanks for a great post!

    Lauri’s last blog post..job interview ?!?!

  10. Heheh he works in mysterious ways girl. Glad the message brought you to a peaceful place in your heart.

    NotAMeanGirl’s last blog post..Eating Crow…

  11. I’ve often heard my Mother and MIL talking about all the things they wished they had done as a Mother, and the mistakes they wished they hadn’t made. The guilt they can feel is incredible, and it wasn’t until i had my own little one that i realized how easy it is to feel like you could/should be doing so much better. All Mothers need to give themselves a pat on the back for doing their best. Being a Mom never came with an instruction manual! Trial and error!! Thanks for the great post!

    Skye’s last blog post..My wonderful Husband!

  12. Love Hinckley :)

    and love you!!!

    Erika’s last blog post..You know you’re a seminary teacher if…

  13. Casey,

    Honestly this is us women being too hard on our selfs, AKA Satan. He wants us to feel like we are bad parents and neglectful so we stop trying, he does this the most when he KNOWS we are amazing and have raised a child that will not follow him. Everytime you think those negative parenting thoughts just remember, SATAN wants you to feel this way, and you should just say to him “I’m not letting you put these ideas in my head, because I am a great mother” because it’s true, you are a great mother.

    Liam’s last blog post..Love You Forever

  14. I actually have had a question about LDS for awhile and kept forgetting to ask. Thanks for the reminder. Here goes: Isn’t there some thing in LDS about being prepared for emergencies and always having like 3 months of food on hand in case something should happen? And, if so, do you do that?

    Sarah’s last blog post..When The Cat Is Away, The Kittens Will Need Him Most

  15. You recognize that your daughter is wonderful and beautiful, and that’s what a good mom does. For the longest time I didn’t give myself a break on this either. You do the best you can (that doesn’t mean the best you know). And sometimes you screw up, just like we all do, and it’s okay. You just keep trying, and that’s what is required, nothing more. Your daughter is beautiful, and you are not being self-indulgent for taking some credit for that great little girl. That’s the reward you get from this (what seems to be) thankless job.

    Sheyenne’s last blog post..Sometimes the tooth fairy forgets

  16. Thanks, we all feel it and we all need to hear what Hinckley said.

  17. Great quote.

    I know how you feel. I am so quick to lose my patience and often so desperate for a piece of quiet that I get snappish with my kids.

    I am very quick to blame my self for what goes wrong- and only on occasion do I give myself any credit for what goes right.

    Motherhood is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and the only thing I’ve been genuinely not good at and still stuck with. I should get points for that, right?

    lou’s last blog post..A Year Long Journaling Challenge

  18. I really like the before and after church way of thinking…i remember my mom having a hard time with all of us when we were little, but now she is reaping the blessing of her hard work…moral being, when she is 22 it will all be worth it!

    Krista’s last blog post..Week 2 with the wee ones….

  19. Sometimes life has a way of giving us exactly what we need exactly when we need it. I’m glad you got to hear that quote at a time when you really needed it. :)

    Jen’s last blog post..How I lost 6 pounds in one day

  20. *jumps into Casey’s blog*

    Yes, Sarah, it’s called Family Home Storage, and you can find more info here:

    http://www.providentliving.org/channel/0,11677,1706-1,00.html

    We just started, and I can say I am sadly lacking in the preparedness department.

    Also, on my main reason for posting.

    President Hinckley is the only prophet I have ever known, only having been involved with the church for the last 2 years or so. But even in that short time, just listening to the love he had for his church members, and how people have responded to his passing… he truly was a prophet of God, and I know that he is with our Lord & Savior in Heaven now.

  21. I love that. Especially “try as hard as you know how”, because I know there are some days (not many, but some) where I am trying as hard as I can at the moment, but I know that at any other moment, I would be trying harder. I have to remember those other moments, moments where I’m a better mother, and put myself back there. Because there’s no excuse (for me, at least) to not try as hard as I know how, all of the time.

    Jen O.’s last blog post..Later

  22. I don’t think I’ve ever told you this, but I truly admire you as a parent. I honestly walk away in awe when I see you with the moosh. Whether you’re playing a simple game with her and disciplining her, I’m amazed at just how good of a parent you are.

    Olivia’s last blog post..Ode to my dear friend Klonopin

  23. Thank you so much for posting the quote by President Hinckley. I especially like “When all else fails, there is prayer and the promised help of the Lord to assist you in your trial.” I need so much patience in becoming a better mother and I know that can only come through help of the Lord. I love the uplift from Church, sometimes I need it daily instead of weekly! (Gotta love nursery/primary too)

  24. What a gem of a quote!! Thanks for sharing it ! I’m so glad that it got you out of your mommy funk- because sista, you rawk!

    Barb’s last blog post..Prophetic Passing by Anna M. Molgard

  25. There are many days when I feel like my impatient/selfish/bored/slacker moments way outnumber the good ones.

    Then I take a trip to Walmart and realize…Hey, I’m not all that bad!

  26. I considered myself to be a good mom until my oldest daughter was two. (She was an EASY kid!) Then one day I overheard my snarky SIL say “Amy thinks she is such a good mom with all her reading and playing, but let me tell you, she’s really NOT.” Then I just suddenly thought—wow, all this time I was thinking I was doing OK, but I was WRONG. And ever since I mostly see my mistakes. THANK YOU for sharing this quote from President Hinckely. I needed it and will probably need it in the future!

    Amy Sorensen’s last blog post..I Found Myself Thinking