I sometimes wonder what someone with all the patience in the world could do for the moosh. Someone who had the patience to sit down with her and teach her every time she asks “BUT WHY?” instead of answering “BECAUSE.” Someone who could not worry about time and just let her wander at her own pace and discover new things. Someone who wouldn’t lose their own temper at every other blood curdling tantrum that came their way.
Why, oh why, do I only see my own glaring faults as a parent?
I am taken aback sometimes at the pure awesomeness that is the moosh. The things she says, the way she does things, the stuff she knows. Given that I am with her 90% of the time I should be able to take credit for a lot of that shouldn’t I?
So why can’t I? Why do I feel I am being self indulgent if I pat myself on the back for raising a somewhat decent and completely swell kid?
Ever heard the saying “I was a really good mom before I had kids”?
Totally applies to me.
I wrote this before I left for church. Before I left for church madder than a wet hen. As I sat in my class seething with anger and frustration at myself and the world in general the teacher read this quote from our late Prophet Gordon B. Hinckley.
“And so I plead with you tonight, my dear sisters. Sit down and quietly count the debits and the credits in your role as a mother. It is not too late. When all else fails, there is prayer and the promised help of the Lord to assist you in your trial. But do not delay, start now, whether your child be 6 or 16. Do not trade your birthright as a mother for some bauble of passing value. Let your first interest be your home. The baby you hold in your arms will grow quickly as the sunrise and sunset of the rushing days. I hope you will have every reason to be proud concerning your children. If with all you have done there is an occasional failure, you can still say, “at least I did the very best of which I was capable. I tried as hard as I knew how. I let nothing stand in the way of my role as a mother.”
It’s hard to be hard on yourself after hearing something like that.
I so love church.