Ah sweet succulent depression, how I loathe thee. How I wish you would just curl up and die while ceasing to exist in all corners of my life. I’ve had enough of you. You exhaust me.

I was hoping it was anything but you. I’ve been finding excuses for weeks. The weather, me being sick, Cody being gone, the stubbornness of my resident three year old, my period. But all those things came and went and I was still left feeling like a sack of beaten potatoes.

So I got help. It wasn’t easy getting help with the fear that they would keep me in the back of my mind. I came awfully close to what could only be called a panic attack when I saw the locked door next to the Psychiatric Intervention Unit. They promised they wouldn’t keep me, and I agreed to a new medication and regular counseling.

I know too many people who think depression is a cop out, a choice, an excuse or a justification for laziness. I know because I used to be one of those people.

For me, depression is a real, live, all consuming monster that would gladly eat me alive if I let it. But I refuse to let it. I am going to kick depression’s black inky rear. I am not going to let it define me, I am not going to let it win. I have too many things to fight for, to live for.

So if you’ll please excuse me, I’m going to be putting myself back together for a bit. Thankfully Craig over at Puntabulous has a tasty bit of the me I’m trying to put back together.

An Argument for Cookies.

So please, don’t dwell here, I’ll be fine, really. Head on over to Puntabulous and show that little Star Wars geek that I am the true queen of all things baked and cream filled.

Because here at moosh in indy, I’m all about focusing on the good, and taking down any brownie loving fruits in my way.

Comments

  1. Kicking butts and taking names!

    Clink’s last blog post..This Morning…

  2. Fifty comments. Good grief. You sure don’t need mine, but I wanted you to know how much I needed to read this today.

    Kimberly’s last blog post..That? Crossed a Line.

  3. A sugar crash can’t be good for depression….oh wait until you are in your 40′s…and the hormones go even more wacky….and you need your tweezers and magnified mirror…”nurture strength of spirit to shield you in times of misfortune…” whatever it takes….I found joinig the Y and taking exercise classes helped…it only took 4 months to be able to leave my three year old for 15, 20, 25, 30 min…etc. intervals…but the tiredness…still persistent…not as persistent as the damn wiskers…UGH!!! Be Well.

  4. I hope you doing better soon Casey. I feel for ya. Your road is a hard one.

    Now with the brownies vs cookies….I’m totally with ya. I love cookies! Brownies aren’t even in my top 5 desserts.

    ashlee’s last blog post..My Valentine!

  5. GO outside everyday! Make sure you take a shower everyday! Do not give in. You are strong and you are loved.

    BTW cookies rule!

    Adrienne’s last blog post..40

  6. Glad to see you are posted again. It has helped reading the comments, I have needed to hear them. I don’t have any wisdom except, I just need to get off my butt and out of the house. Maybe tomorrow!

  7. I see an uncanny resemblance to the Moosh’s ice cream picture in this photo.

    Oh and yes

    Kick depressions ASS!!

    Worker Mommy’s last blog post..Hi! …or should I say “High”

  8. Take care of yourself! You are one of my new favorite reads and will miss you. But your well being is more important!

    Mitch’s last blog post..Sand Angels

  9. I was worried about you… glad you are ok and feeling better. Drugs are Good, Mmmkay! :)I take my Lexapro faithfully every day.

    Reese’s last blog post..A Rose By Any Other Name Would Be Confusing.

  10. XOXO

    Hope you’re feeling better soon. I look forward to your posts!

    P.S. If I lived in your time zone I’d take moosh off your hands for a couple hours and then you could play the wii all by yourself. :) That would make anyone happier!

  11. Good luck, Casey. It must have been really scary to go for help. I wish you strength as you start your recovery.

    mimi’s last blog post..Vignettes

  12. Love your blog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is so honest and refreshing!

  13. thanks so much for sharing, you can do it my friend and are never alone.

    I’m with ya on getting help. My husband always says, “better living through chemistry”, but he works for a drug company so I’m not so sure….

    anyway, you got to find what works for you, and never stop looking!

    emily’s last blog post..just breath…

  14. I tried to bring you some amazing Triple Chocolate Cookies on Sunday…and no one was home (better than brownies…if I do say so myself). It doesn’t mean much when it’s three days later, and you never got the cookies….but doesn’t the thought count for anything?! Chocolate is always good for making me feel better…and I’d have tried harder if I knew how much you needed chocolate. Hang in there….and if you ever need/want to vent/cry/chat/scream to someone next to a stranger….feel free to call me. Serious.

  15. it must be the time of year cause my depression is trying to kick my ass too.

    BIG HUG!

    what did they put you on? i think it might be time for a change in mine…

    Biddy’s last blog post..there is NO way this can be true

  16. I feel like an addict to your blog. I have to check it everytime I sit down at the computer to see if you have a new post! Yep. I’m a dork like that.

    You write so beautifully it seems as if I actually know you in real life so I’m praying for strength for you so that you will be able to put one foot in front of the other as you fight this nasty thing.

    Kriddle McG’s last blog post..Playing Hooky

  17. Poo

    That always makes me smile.

  18. I hope the sun comes out in your heart soon! I miss your funny little ditties.

    Amy C’s last blog post..How Convenient

  19. Good luck Casey! {{{{{{{[[hugs}}}}}}}}}}

    kris’s last blog post..Is not Calno as Carchemish?

  20. I’ve been out of commission the last few days. I had no idea you were struggling so badly. :( I am so sorry I wasn’t there for you! I am glad that you got some help, it is good that you recognized that you needed it! Kiss, kiss, hug, hug…here’s hoping to better days. LOVE!

    Kimmie’s last blog post..A Baby Story

  21. That last picture made me hungry.

    I really enjoyed your guest post today!

    Can I ask how you knew that you were depressed? I think I may be struggling with it, but I am not very familiar with it. I took a “depression quiz” on a reputable website and got 7 out of 9 … that was my firt clue.

    Mrs. Wilson’s last blog post..It’s Grace, my friend

  22. I am new here but wanted to comment and let you know that I hear you loud and clear. I have suffered from depression and clawed my way out of that dark deep hole several times.
    Wishing you the best!

  23. OMG Casey…I added you to my google reader and this article (the last 10 always come up) showed up and at first I thought you might just be joking about a minor setback…I see that is not true.

    *gulp* I, too, have clicnical depression and this is the first time I am going to post this publicly. Less than one month ago, I admitted myself into a “behavioral” hospital. I was there for 4 days and on suicide watch for 2 of them. It was the best thing I have ever done and the hardest.

    Every day is still a struggle and yet, since I’ve been gotten the help I needed I’ve had so many miracles come into my life.

    Thank you for being so brave. And thanks in advance to your readers for not judging me for what I just wrote in “public” for the first time EVER.

    Blessings,
    D

    Darla’s last blog post..Two hours behind….

Trackbacks

  1. [...] Depression is back. I can’t tread these waters anymore. The me you know will be gone for a while. [...]

  2. [...] my brain functions at 78 degrees? Or 85 degrees if a swimming pool is nearby? Way better. The last time I was blindsided by depression was in February. Blah, icky, gloomy, stupid February. And I also have a confession to [...]