I’d like to introduce you to my bed.
Upon further inspection you’ll notice the pillow to spouse ratio is a little off.
1. Hidden body pillow.
2. Accent pillows.
3. My woobie pillow.
4. My woobie blanket.
5. Cody’s regular pillow
6. Cody’s body pillow
7. My regular pillow.
Unfortunately our *ahem* problem has been passed down a generation.
Allow me to explain.
1. Collection of Princesses and Fairy Godmothers.
2. Princess pillow.
3. Quilt made by me (more or less)
3a. Green blanket.
3b. Red blanket.
3c. Pink blanket.
4. The all important purple woobie. (also made by me.)
Needless to say the moosh never sleeps in our bed because of our, well, stuff.
Cody and I can barely stay in the same bed.
It starts out something like this:
Civil enough right? And when we get all hot and I get sick of chest hair tickling my nose we split into something like this:
Around the middle of the night we’ve adjusted slightly.
We find each other again in the early hours. Though by now we’re a lot more potent with sleep smell:
By morning it’s every man for himself.
Except Saturday and Sunday mornings when the moosh and her woobies take over join us.
Needless to say we don’t sleep in much on the weekends.

















Comments off.
By Z on 02.24.08 5:47 pm | Permalink
I LOVE your sleep diagrams – and with the exception of a moosh joining us, well – that’s me and my husband to a T !
Z’s last blog post..How do you talk to yourself if you can’t talk?
By Lindy on 02.24.08 6:06 pm | Permalink
saw the photos on flickr first and thought hooo boy I wonder where she’s going with this! We have a california king which I think is tooo big as I sometimes need smoke signals to get his attention!
Lindy’s last blog post..Ruh Roh!
By Melanie on 02.24.08 6:39 pm | Permalink
Oh my gosh – I laughed so hard at the bedroom scene. It looked all too familiar.
By Melissa on 02.24.08 6:47 pm | Permalink
our bed too except our toddler sleeps sideways with us, we call her the H bomb…. at least her feet go towards my husband and he gets the kickboxing wake up call. I just get the sweet soft baby breath.
Melissa’s last blog post..Supergirls!
By Carol Snider on 02.24.08 6:59 pm | Permalink
This is one of the blogosphere’s all-time best posts, for sure!
Carol
Carol Snider’s last blog post..The Tale of the Dog Who Ate Pants
By Linda in Canada on 02.24.08 7:35 pm | Permalink
Could this post possibly be any funnier?
I think not.
By Sarah on 02.24.08 7:49 pm | Permalink
I learn better with pictures. And those are the best dang illustrations I have ever seen!
Sarah’s last blog post..That Long Haired Chick In Sandles Keeps Stealing My Change!
By Amy on 02.24.08 8:18 pm | Permalink
Our Saturday invasion doesn’t start until 7 am, so I am pretty happy about that. Monday – Friday I am getting ready for work at that hour, so being in bed with an extra body seems luxurious.
Amy’s last blog post..Just Doing My Part
By phenom on 02.24.08 8:23 pm | Permalink
Game night in our house consists of changing the sheets and pillowcases. “Is this… your pillow?”
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By Lynne on 02.24.08 8:25 pm | Permalink
That was hilarious! Great diagrams.
Lynne’s last blog post..Finally Free?
By Anna on 02.24.08 8:37 pm | Permalink
Ah-ha-ha…I LOVE the stick figures! Grant is developing his own stash of crib friends – namely a Giraffe, a ball, a few trucks and/or cars, a horse a dinosaur and airplane.
Anna’s last blog post..Not just your ordinary pit stop
By Krista on 02.24.08 8:37 pm | Permalink
Twitter: @marriedlife
Cute! And just how long did it take you to make those diagrams…
That one side looks like me when I was pregnant… 4 pillows all by myself and we only have a queen size bed!
Krista’s last blog post..Milestones
By Kelly~ Mommy and the Marine on 02.24.08 9:12 pm | Permalink
Nice. We have a king but used to sleep together on a full. I don’t even know HOW we did it back then. You are MUCH stronger than I.
Oh and my son has a ton of “friends” including but not limited to; Buzz Lightyear, Buzz Monkey, a big red bear, Blue, “Cookie”, Pablo (from Backyardigans, not the gardener) and at least 2 blankets. Sometimes he wants random things like his corn popper– I don’t know how he sleeps.
Kelly~ Mommy and the Marine’s last blog post..You won’t even believe this.
By Mrs. Mustard on 02.24.08 9:32 pm | Permalink
That is some fancy, but hilarious, painting
By punchanella on 02.24.08 9:43 pm | Permalink
Twitter: @punchanella
that was the cutest series of drawings ever.
By Major Bedhead on 02.24.08 10:22 pm | Permalink
Twitter: @majorbedhead
I’m glad I’m not the only one who got a laugh out of your diagrams.
There should be a club for those of us with uncontrollable pillow addiction. PA.
Major Bedhead’s last blog post..A Wreck On The Highway
By Wendy Wallace on 02.24.08 10:44 pm | Permalink
These pix are worth more than 10,000 words! So cute!
Wendy Wallace’s last blog post..Blogging away to nothing: blogging tips I hate
By Nicole on 02.24.08 10:47 pm | Permalink
Twitter: @nicostuff
This is too funny! I love the stick figures, and all of your fabulous pillows!
Nicole’s last blog post..Midwest Walgreens Deals
By Charli on 02.24.08 11:05 pm | Permalink
We quickly realized that cuddling in sleep just does not work. A person has to sleep, and that just can’t happen with another person pressed all against you.
Also, that bed? Too small! Get a bigger bed and you will sleep soooo much better! When we went from a queen to a king, it was AWESOME!
Charli’s last blog post..The Day is Just Not For Parents of Young Children
By lj on 02.24.08 11:20 pm | Permalink
Among your many other talents…artist and comedian. I love reading your blog!
By Camille on 02.24.08 11:30 pm | Permalink
He he he…I wish I could tolerate that many pillows in bed with me–your drawings make it look really fun.
Camille’s last blog post..You Wanna Read a Story?
By Jenni on 02.25.08 12:18 am | Permalink
Those were classic. Unfortunately, ours would have 4 little people bodies flung in every possible position over the big people bodies. And then the big people bodies would give up and go sleep in the little peoples’ beds.
By Kaili on 02.25.08 3:34 am | Permalink
I just jumped over here after reading your guest apperance on Angella’s blog.
This post is HILARIOUS! I love it. Haha!
Kaili’s last blog post..We got ‘em!
By Must be Motherhood on 02.25.08 9:23 am | Permalink
The little Barbies in the last drawing are hysterical!
Must be Motherhood’s last blog post..Tips for the preggos; Or, Why I am not a blood donor and will never shoot heroin
By Trish on 02.25.08 10:14 am | Permalink
We used to sleep in a European Queen, which is code word for “short-small-bed” or “we got ripped off”, whichever you prefer. Anyways, we got a king size bed when I was 8 months pregnant with our 3rd child. It was THE BEST purchase we ever made! We both LOVE our bed and sleep so much better.
Trish’s last blog post..Sensory Integration Disorder and Eating
By Queen of Shake Shake on 02.25.08 10:21 am | Permalink
See! I knew i liked you for a reason. The red bed coverings. Oh yeah. Totally red here too! Psst…Jennifer has red bed too. Freaky.
Queen of Shake Shake’s last blog post..Pictorial Proof of Why I Shouldn’t Be Allowed in Public Without Kids
By Emmy on 02.25.08 11:51 am | Permalink
My husband is crazy, he complains about my 2 pillows on our king size bed. I think he would freak out if he saw all those pillows on a bed.
Pictures hilarious!
Emmy’s last blog post..Digital Scrapbooking
By Amy on 02.25.08 11:57 am | Permalink
Twitter: @amy2boys
The diagrams are too cute!
I posted this weekend, thinking about you dearie! I do hope that you are feeling fine! If I could strike down The Nasty Troll, I would in an instant. I’m still mad.
Amy’s last blog post..Depression Moves In and Puts Up Its Feet
By megachick on 02.25.08 12:20 pm | Permalink
boy am i glad i read that whole post, instead of just scanning the diagrams. i thought you were getting a little x-rated.
i think pooka might be related to you guys. she has a queen sized bed that she can barely fit on for all the pillows. and the blankets? oy! of coursse, by morning, she’s not using any of them.
megachick’s last blog post..inch by inchworm bug *bump*
By magpie on 02.25.08 12:35 pm | Permalink
looks a bit like our house! except that the kid and her equipage climbs into our bed every night before midnight.
magpie’s last blog post..The Liar’s Diary
By Bennie on 02.25.08 12:41 pm | Permalink
Twitter: @SoulShiner
Yep. Looks like our sleeping situation except our visitor on the weekends happens to be a bit bigger than the Moosh. BTW, you definitely have some artistic talent there!
By heidikins on 02.25.08 1:13 pm | Permalink
Twitter: @heidikins13
Hahaha! Thanks for the morning giggles! Fantastic drawing skillz
xox
heidikins’s last blog post..Kindergarten Skate to Disco Diva
By ali on 02.25.08 1:22 pm | Permalink
um, yeah, that’s pretty much how it works in our bed too…only by the morning, we’ve got three little buggers and all their sleep crap in tow…
ali’s last blog post..2 days in the city
By Kimmie on 02.25.08 3:29 pm | Permalink
Twitter: @kimsueellen
I am dying of laughter. The cartoons, well, too much. I can hardly breath. Looks a lot like our bed, ‘cept every night two extras end up in the bed with us, ’til I nudge and nudge hubby to take them off! Ahhh parenthood!
Kimmie’s last blog post..Pardon the Interruption.
By Redneck Mommy on 02.25.08 3:35 pm | Permalink
Twitter: @redneckmommy
Killing myself laughing.
And now imagining you in your red bed.
NOT like that you pervert.
Glad you’re feeling a bit better.
Redneck Mommy’s last blog post..Good Bloggers Gone Bad
By Erika on 02.25.08 4:11 pm | Permalink
Now Mason can’t complain about how many pillows I have placed on our bed. His usually all end up on the floor by morning with his head flat against the sheets. What a waste!
Erika’s last blog post..Chalk for Breakfast – the abbreviated version
By Loralee on 02.25.08 4:23 pm | Permalink
Twitter: @looneytunes
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
I just slept all weekend on a KING SIZE BED.
I could lay spread eagle and not even touch my husband.
I.am.so.buying.one.
Loralee’s last blog post..Sideblog:Peep of the Week!
By ashlee on 02.25.08 4:28 pm | Permalink
We usually end up bum to bum half way through the night. Or he complains of me being curled up with my knees in his back. But I won’t let him buy us a king size bed cuz I say I’d never be able to find him then.
ashlee’s last blog post..3.5 Months
By Kitty on 02.25.08 5:21 pm | Permalink
Ha ha loved it!!!! We are pillow hoarders ourselves!
By andi on 02.25.08 5:27 pm | Permalink
And that, my friend, is why I would love to have a king size bed.
andi’s last blog post..Wherein I gush all over the interweb and you pretend not to gag – Part 2
By Mike Peterson on 02.25.08 5:40 pm | Permalink
That was us and Will exactly (except Will seems to join us more often than just the weekends). That’s why I want a king size bed for our new house, if they weren’t so darn expensive.
By Leisha on 02.25.08 6:56 pm | Permalink
This made me laugh. It’s exactly how our night goes. Except our additions are not princesses and soft woobies. They are dinosaurs and sharks that love to poke me in the back. If I wake up without rolling over on something its amazing. Sometimes the king bed doesn’t seem big enough. lol
Leisha’s last blog post..Birth Story
By OHmommy on 02.25.08 7:19 pm | Permalink
Twitter: @ohmommy
Not only are you hysterical… you have amazing photoshop abilities. I think this is my most favorite post to date. LOL. Loved it.
By Reese on 02.25.08 8:01 pm | Permalink
Loving the diagrammed princesses and fairy godmothers at the end…
Looks similar to our house on Sunday morning but exchange the kid for a dog and the princesses and fairy godmothers for cats and a skunk…
Reese’s last blog post..Last Little Bits and Pieces
By The Butrfly Garden on 02.25.08 11:19 pm | Permalink
LOVE the artwork.
We have a DOUBLE. Next month we’re going out of town to clean my Snowbird grandparents’ house for them before they get back from Florida and I booked us a night at a Radisson with a king sized sleep number bed. Iron Chef and Sleep. Never sounded so good.
The Butrfly Garden’s last blog post..I’m sittin on mah bed…Postin’ on mah blawg.
By metalia on 02.26.08 12:02 am | Permalink
HAAAA! Those diagrams completely describe the bed situation at my home, too.
metalia’s last blog post..Do’s and Don’ts
By kerrianne on 02.26.08 12:30 am | Permalink
Chris sleeps with fifty pillows! OK, so maybe “fifty” is really “five,” but STILL. I always start with two, and end up with one half a pillow.
(The diagrams are awesome.)
kerrianne’s last blog post..Sisterhood Of The Traveling ‘Stache
By Mandi on 02.26.08 12:05 pm | Permalink
HAHAHAHA! That was great! I loved that you talked about being “stronger with sleep smell.” Too true. Mine would be similar, but no kids, but 2 cats and a dog, who all think they deserve pillows. Specifically my pillows.
Mandi’s last blog post..St. Patrick’s Day is Almost Here! 13 Awesome Designs for Shirts and Buttons
By ~JJ! on 02.26.08 1:34 pm | Permalink
HA! The pictorials…Too funny.
~JJ!’s last blog post..Time weighs heavy on my heart.
By Worker Mommy on 02.26.08 7:22 pm | Permalink
Twitter: @twinmomoftwinz
How do you not get claustrophic in bed
If your toddler is anything like mine are they sleep upside down, around, slap you in the mouth, kick you in the gut – yeah twins in bed…eh not so much
Worker Mommy’s last blog post..I could tell you about it, but then I’d have to kill you
By Valarie on 02.26.08 8:37 pm | Permalink
Yep, thats us also, just add a kid and a dog.
Valarie’s last blog post..THOUGHT PROVOKING TUESDAY
By Biddy on 02.26.08 10:09 pm | Permalink
Twitter: @biddymcbidson
bossy would be so proud of this post
oh and i totally feel ya on the tons-o-pillows and the sleep patterns. i can only handle the body heat and chest hair so long.
of course, right now there’s not chest hair or body heat to get tired of…
Biddy’s last blog post..HOLD UP…
By Victoria on 02.27.08 3:13 am | Permalink
Ok, I just read that sleeping with your hubby description and laughed out loud. And then I read it again and snorted. Too funny! And so damn true : )
Victoria’s last blog post..No, Seriously. It’s Going to Freak You Out!
By Alicia on 02.27.08 12:38 pm | Permalink
I just found your blog through StumbleUpon and I love it! Can’t wait to read what you write about next!
By workout mommy on 02.27.08 1:23 pm | Permalink
absolutely hilarious! I love the drawings! (I also found your blog through SU)
workout mommy’s last blog post..Nutritious Junk and Hungry Waif
By Lawyer Mama on 02.28.08 1:15 am | Permalink
Twitter: @Lawyermama
Oh I love this! And it’s so familiar. It’s got to be genetic. We can’t even find Hollis’s sheets under all the stuffed animals, blankets and pillows at times.
Lawyer Mama’s last blog post..Whirlwind California Trip
By Bellamomma on 02.29.08 2:46 am | Permalink
Twitter: @Bellamomma
The last time our 16 month old slept with us I woke up to see her sitting straight up on her knees, just staring at me. Within 2 seconds she THREW herself onto me & slammed our heads together. She never even batted an eyelash & went back to sleep as I tried to shove my brain back in my skull. She is never allowed to sleep with me again.
And I’m the spouse with 9 pillows. J gets one. That’s all he has room for!
Bellamomma’s last blog post..I shouldn’t be allowed within 30 feet of a mixing bowl
By Bellamomma on 02.29.08 2:46 am | Permalink
Twitter: @Bellamomma
The last time our 16 month old slept with us I woke up to see her sitting straight up on her knees, just staring at me. Within 2 seconds she THREW herself onto me & slammed our heads together. She never even batted an eyelash & went back to sleep as I tried to shove my brain back in my skull. She is never allowed to sleep with me again.
And I’m the spouse with 9 pillows. J gets one. That’s all he has room for!
Bellamomma’s last blog post..I shouldn’t be allowed within 30 feet of a mixing bowl
By Melain on 02.29.08 2:03 pm | Permalink
OMG, that is going to have me laughing for a LONG time!!!
Melain’s last blog post..8 Years and Counting
By Mom101 on 02.29.08 9:33 pm | Permalink
Fabulous.
Mom101’s last blog post..Open Arms. And Other Limbs.
By Nola on 03.01.08 1:32 am | Permalink
You have mad graphic skills. Died laughing. Died.
Thanks!
Nola’s last blog post..In Memoriam
By A Whole Lot of Nothing on 03.01.08 11:10 pm | Permalink
I’d never get out of bed with all that comfyness.
By Sarah Folega on 03.04.08 3:36 pm | Permalink
Oh my goodness, I havn’t laughed like that since this morning when my baby daughter started crawling like a zombie! All hands and arms and no legs!
Sarah Folega’s last blog post..How to be a Freelance Writer
By Holly on 03.08.08 11:57 am | Permalink
Holy Mother of Pearl — I LOVE YOUR DIAGRAMS! Bar none, the funniest post I’ve read in ages… AGES my friend!
By Angela on 03.09.08 1:13 pm | Permalink
Came your way via Fussy…and this was adorable.
Angela’s last blog post..Under the Weather
By Darla on 03.09.08 1:46 pm | Permalink
Still *snorting* over all these stick man drawings.
I’m the pillow hog at my house. I need 3 all for me….and no one better be touchin ‘em either.
Aren’t we funny about our sleep? It seems people are particularly fussy or could sleep in any position (including in an airplane seat – wha?????).
Thanks for the giggles.
I came your way via Fussy’s blog, but I bet we’ve met on the blissfully domestic forum. =)
Darla’s last blog post..Two hours behind….