Want to see me humbled?

Okay.

Humble Pie

This is me on the phone with my best friend Kim, apologizing for the unintentional mess I made yesterday with this post. To make a long story short I had no idea that so many of Kim’s friends lurk on here. Needless to say Kim was assaulted after an emotionally difficult day with dozens of people calling and emailing to check on her.

I was not trying to steal her thunder.

I was not my intention to come off as a mean, backstabbing, jealous, catty, raging witch.

I truly am happy for her (and my other friend). I’m apparently just licking my wounds in an unacceptable manner for a lot of you. Truth is I am frustrated. As much as I’d like to throw my hands up in the air and say “It’s all up to you Lord.” I just can’t. It is one thing to know you will never be able to carry your own child. I cannot fathom the emotions that would come with such a knowledge and I greatly admire those who choose to adopt or go through invasive fertility treatments to have children of their own.

I let my own jealousy get the best of me. Knowing my body is capable of pregnancy and yet having it be uncooperative for the last three years is frustrating, okay? And to have a friend get pregnant in one shot (no pun intended) and another friend who was never supposed to be able to get pregnant in the first place because of a horrible case of endometreosis be pregnant with her third, on top of being surrounded by at least a half dozen pregnant neighbors on any given day?

I let it get to me.

I’m sorry.

I was trying to cover my own insecurities up with witty humor. And it helped. But that I hurt my best friend in the process, even if only for a few moments, doesn’t make it okay. Her friendship and trust mean more to me than any post ever could. And I’m sorry to any of you who I may have hurt or offended amidst this whole kerfuffle.
I love you Kim.

And I love that you’re cooking another half Brazilian baby for me to munch on.

My BBF for good reason.

“I love you too, Casey. All is forgiven. Feel free to munch on my babies anytime.”

Comments

  1. Ah, I think this is a sweet post!! What a great way to make amends – show the real you!

    FENICLE’s last blog post..How To Cut Costs When Buying A New Car

  2. I think it is great that you are both great friends. I feel bad that she was drug into such an obvious misunderstanding.

    As for the apology about what you wrote? There was NOTHING WRONG WITH IT, HON.

    Frankly? This is YOUR blog about YOU. It isn’t like you went on Kim’s blog and assaulted the comments section of her announcement post and bitched about fertility to make it all about you.

    You came here to your friends that know your struggle and I just don’t think you should feel bad for doing so.

    I do have to wonder what on EARTH the “Luker Friends” of her were trying to accomplish by this exactly?

    Everyone here who has half a brain realized that you were happy for them but that you are in huge amounts of pain because of your own situation. That you needed a place where you could vent and cry and just feel like CRAP because everyone has a baby and you don’t.

    Why some people would misconstrue and
    stir up a thunderstorm of drama where no harm was meant then bring that to a pregnant women and cause distress to both her and you is pretty lame and petty in my book.

    If you want to feel bad you didn’t give her a heads up in your frustration, that is ok. And I suppose I can understand friends being protective and standing up for her, but seriously, I just feel that I need to stand up in protection of YOU.

    You’ve been through a lot.

    (Here, I brought you a casserole.)

    Loralee’s last blog post..Sideblog: Nielsen Homescan Panel?

  3. Well said Loralee! However, I know Casey has a tender heart, and I admire her bravery in “posting” her apology. To all the lurkers out there just waiting to jump all over her, and tell her that her apology wasn’t enough, just go away. I’m tired of all your yuckiness (did I just make that word up?).

    Meggan’s last blog post..Gross…

  4. I know how it feels to offend someone with a snarky post. I did it last month. It doesn’t feel good. But your last post was mostly funny, focusing on your own internal struggle to be happy for everyone who has what you want. But I have to say I laughed with your diaper comments, and freaking skinny waist!! I use to have a 28 waist, not it’s a bit bigger. :-)

    Your friends, I’m sure, hurt for you mostly. Glad to hear all is better.

    Smiling Mom’s last blog post..“A More Perfect Union”

  5. ((((((HUGS)))))))

    Thank heavens for best friends…true understanding (even forgiving) friends.

    I dont even know you IRL and I adore you! YOU entertain me!!!

    Tricia’s last blog post..{luck of the Irish}

  6. I did not feel from your post that you were trashing others, and Kim obviously knew that.

    You are blessed to have a friend who knows you so well, and forgives so easily.

    You are fighting a fight that I have not fought (with the infertility), and are a brave soldier.

    xoxo

    Angella’s last blog post..Tweaked!

  7. I think your post was just fine. I am amazed that anyone would call your friend and bug her about it.

    Suebob’s last blog post..I am waaaay too old for this

  8. I liked yesterday’s post! We all have those thoughts, and what I love about you is that you say it all out loud.

    I personally find it annoying when my parent-friends try to push me into being a mom saying “you’ll love it SO much” in the same breath that they complain about it and envy my freedom. I have my own neener-neeners about that, but I feel the same mix of envy. While they are colouring easter eggs with little munchkins, I will be writing an essay – but then again while they are up all night with a sick toddler, I am cuddling up to my man and having a fantastic sleep. :D

    This sort of reminds me of Velveteen Mind’s post about … gratitude? And people’s right to be frustrated, even with their blessings? Being grateful for what you have and being annoyed by it at the same time. Your post was similar – you’re happy for your friends but frustrated for you. Nothing wrong with expressing that.

  9. Oh Casey, you wouldnt be human if you weren’t jealous. When I thought I was going to lose my baby, I had lots of similar thoughts about all the pregnant people around me who were so happy and cute with their bellies. AND THEY UNDERSTOOD how I felt!! Just like Kim. She is very lucky to have such loyal supporters (you included)…I’d say I was jealous of those who aren’t jealous, but that would obviously go over their heads

    heather’s last blog post..she is clearly a big faker…

  10. Hi guys…this is “the” Kim. ;) I just want everyone to know that things are fine. I think the BIG misunderstanding here is that YES A LOT of my friends read Moosh in Indy, for THE SAME reasons you all do. She is funny, she is honest, she is truthful. She shares her hurts and her joys. The only problem was that NO ONE knew I was even PREGNANT. Not even my caseworker with our ADOPTION AGENCY knew. That was the thing. Some of my friends did feel protective of me, only because I hadn’t told anyone. That is all.

    No one hates Moosh in Indy. People are people, and unfortunately in blog world girls are sometimes more cruel and catty than in real life. There is something about the virtual world that gives us cajones that we might not have had otherwise in real life. I know I have them! I keep them in my pocket.

    I want to let Loralee know that I agree with her to a point, that this is Moosh in Indy’s blog. I knew that from the beginning. I have had very hurtful things said to me on my blog in the past and it hurts like NO OTHER, but we open ourselves up to it…by sharing ourselves with the world unfortunately we get hurt sometimes.

    I love Casey for so many reasons. She knows I love her. I hope that we can all get over this…stop bashing and misunderstanding and be a support to one another instead of a burden.

    My biggest problem with Casey’s Neener Neener? I have NEVER had a 28 inch waist, maybe in kindergarten? The other? My calves are too big to wear kicky boots. Wait, that wasn’t part of the post, I must be regressing to the falling down the stairs post…either way. I love her, I love all my friends in blog world…nuff said!

    Kimmie’s last blog post..Well…

  11. You made ME cry!

    I love you Casey & I think I love your BFF now, too! ;)

    Alli ~Mrs. Fussypants’s last blog post..Fussy’s Cute Storage Idea

  12. Well I just think it stinks that it got blown out of proportion.

    And seriously- my ENTIRE WARD IS PREGNANT! In the next eight months- there will be over 15 babies born- and these are just the ones I know about. And I just found out at a little meeting tonight that 3 more of them just got knocked up. I actually muttered, “Well, I guess I’m the only woman in the ward unable to get pregnant. . .” Thankfully I was sitting next to a late 30 something with 2 *gasp* only TWO- children, who said, “Don’t worry, me too.” Which explains her unnaturally tiny Mormon family. *eyeroll*

    At this point if I got pg- it would be all, “eh who cares-so’d everyone else.”

    Lou’s last blog post..The Mouse, The Closet, And The Lady Who Couldn’t Stop Yelling

  13. oh honey! don’t cry! anyone who really knows you, or at least gets you, should know you are not a mean, backstabbing, jealous, catty, raging witch.

    you are caring, beautiful, honest, hilarious, intelligent and loving…

    i totally understood the neener neener post…never once did i think you were actually trying to rain on their parade!

    BIG HUG!!

    p.s. maybe your body is just waiting till cody is out of law school and making the big bucks

    Biddy’s last blog post..A Lesson In Semi-Homemade

  14. i have no idea why that just posted twice…

    Biddy’s last blog post..A Lesson In Semi-Homemade

  15. I wish I could hug you. I wish I was a part of your wonderful bloggy group of buddies that you get to bowl and play with because right now I would be at your house with homemade goodies and love.
    I cried for you reading this, I have cried for you a few times (I’m a bit of a sap). In my opinion, you have nothing to apologize for. But, you did it… you have even more of my awe and respect. The pictures are beautiful. What blessings to have friendships like that. I don’t know anyone who honestly, all the time, can say.. it’s in your hands Lord.. and really mean it.
    I just can’t imagine. Casey. Hugs, respect, love and friendship from way down South. Thank you for having the courage to share yourself the way you do.

    rachel’s last blog post..No expectations

  16. I heart you, Casey. And Kim seems pretty cool, too.

    mimi’s last blog post..Ooh, I’m a famous media pundit

  17. I’ve almost been there myself. Not with the same topic, but same situation. Stinky lurkers! I had a post all ready, they by the Grace of God something told me not to post it because of the stealing of thunder. I think this post was a beautiful way to let your friend know she is wildly loved by you.

    ellinghouse’s last blog post..My sisters came from Kmart

  18. I thought ‘oops’ when I read Kim’s post. It’s waaay to easy to judge so I won’t (well maybe a little). To the comment about this being your blog. YES it is your blog but you blogged about SOMEONE ELSE. There are consequences when you do that. Glad to hear all is well (as I knew it would be or you guys wouldn’t be friends). Just a bummer that Kim didn’t get to post her ‘funny’ preggo post.

    Lindy’s last blog post..Regrets, I’ve had a few…

  19. Casey
    I read this blog last night, but just couldn’t write. I knew exactly where you were coming from in your original post, and it’s so hard being where you are. You are happy for your friend, but so sad that you want to be in her position and it’s not happening.
    I am glad you and Kim worked things out. Thank goodness best friends know how to handle things when times are tough. Sending you hugs from Maine.

    Kristin’s last blog post..The “Pick your Battles” Battle

  20. I love you Casey. *hugs*

    I never thought anything offensive of that post at all.

    Though, I have noticed that you’ve been a little reclusive lately. I can’t imagine what it’s like to have all this pregnancy around you. I won’t even pretend to try.

    But I’m here for you, I care about you and you’re important to me – so are your feelings.

    sam’s last blog post..This Post is Rated R for Coarse Language, Viewer Discretion is Advised

  21. Oh Casey!!!!
    Here are some more virtual hugs. So many of your commenters have already said everything that I could say, but I just wanted you to know that I agree.
    And, seriously? I JUST met you last weekend (but feel like I know you from reading your beautiful writing for so long).
    And, for the brief time I was with you, I absolutely adored you! You are fun, witty, kind, and sincere. I am so glad to see that you and Kim are still very close, and that you didn’t let this unfortunate incident stand between you and your love for each other. It took a lot of courage for you to post this apology and to put yourself out there like that.
    Congratulations, Kim!!! And, congratulations to you too, Casey! For being awesome. You’re a sweet girl who deserves the best. (Ok, this is turning into a yearbook signing….sorry!) XO

  22. I read yesterday and I think your post was fine. (I’m glad all is well with your friend too!)

    I have three children and I was devastated last year to learn that I am now infertile. I blogged it. I shared my feelings that dammit, I was planning a 4th baby – how unfair is this?

    I also blogged that I knew I was BEYOND lucky, BEYOND blessed (which you have also done). But we still have to deal with our own emotions, even if we do have perspective in terms of the Big Picture. That’s what the stupid blog is for, and it’s your blog after all.

    Glad all is well, but don’t feel bad!

    Amy’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday – Sugar and Shark

  23. hugs to you both.

    ali’s last blog post..“i’m no stranger to heartbreak…”**

  24. I think everyone pretty much said it here, I don’t even know you and I didn’t take the post in the wrong way. I am sorry that it hurt your friend’s feelings though and I am glad that the two of you have worked it out. She must know you pretty well to know you meant her no harm and that you love her and her baby.

    Hugs…you are a wonderful “normal” person to have the feelings you have.

    staciesmadness’s last blog post..It is what it is

  25. I bet some peeps just misunderstood your intentions. I thought it was brave of you to be so honest about something that most women feel but don’t voice. Glad everything got sorted out. :)

    Mymsie’s last blog post..Priorities

  26. I’m going to just quote Loralee’s comment because it’s exactly how I felt when I read this last night…but wasn’t sure how to express it :)

    Glad it’s all straightened out!!

    Sadie’s last blog post..Thursday Thirteen #7

  27. Sounds like you have a great best friend.

    She Likes Purple’s last blog post..Ten

  28. @Kim. The reaction of your friends does make more sense if you hadn’t announced it yet. I do understand being protective of friends (Obviously from my first comment!I just can’t stand seeing the woman cry!)

    I am very sorry that there were any hurt feelings for anyone.

    Loralee’s last blog post..When a whore loses her looks…

  29. so many things could be said, but it’s not necessary. as long as “the” people involved are at peace, then all is good…

    we talk. we vent. we cry. we explain. we support. we are who we are….

    hugs.

    Holly’s last blog post..Vomit

  30. “As for the apology about what you wrote? There was NOTHING WRONG WITH IT, HON.”-LL

    and not just cause I read her. Seriously. The DAY my niece was born I blogged about how wonderful it was I didn’t have to get up in the middle of the night and how fantastic it was to not have to wipe anyones butt. Yes, it hurts us to find out someone close to us is pregnant, but we all need ways to cope. Looking at what we do have in our lives and trying to see how being infertile can be something of a blessing (like solid sleep)is much better than destroying any contact with that person (I’ve done that too)

    Love you Casey!

  31. I read the post and didn’t take away from it anything even remotely mean. If anything, I could read the pain between the lines at your own struggles with getting pregnant. People need to chill out! Seriously, get a life! I didn’t even truly understand why you were apologizing until I read Kim’s blog and saw that she hadn’t announced it yet. I can see why she might be hurt/mad to not have gotten to tell everyone first, but I take issue with anyone implying that you said something mean about her or your other friend. You did no such thing. Don’t be too hard on yourself. The only thing in the world that matters is Kim forgiving you and obviously she has. It’s between the two of you, solely. You’re a big person for publicly apologizing. ALl the haters need to find another blog to rant on! :)

    Casey’s last blog post..More Fun With Keywords

  32. The number one thing that I took away from reading your post (and Kim’s comment) was what an amazing friendship you and Kim have. Yeah for Casey and Kim!

    Anna’s last blog post..Big News

  33. Hmmm. What to say. You are SO allowed to feel sad and pissy and jealous. Life isn’t fair. It isn’t. No matter what we have we all want more or different. And I suspect your revelation of Kim’s state wasn’t meant to “out” her or hurt her in the least, which shows that your heart is big and open for everyone around you but breaking a bit for yourself. As long as you and Kim are all right with everything, the rest of it isn’t our business, although I’m glad to hear you’ve got best friends as wonderful as you.

    Must be Motherhood’s last blog post..That’s what little boys/girls do!

  34. You have such a good heart!

  35. I have to say I agree with you a little. I too am “infertal” and am SICK of hearing of ALL the girls, moms and friends in my life getting prego left and right. I am happy for them as well but sad for my own family or even yet my own child who wants to have a baby more than anything. Jealous is normal when it is something you want SO bad and you just can’t get as easy! someday I feel that we will ALL understand why we have to go through the certain trials in our life. hang in there casey. I KNOW your time will come and you will be sharing YOUR own news of bringing a new child into this WONDERFUL world!!

  36. Wishing you the very best Casey! Big hugs to you :)

    Nicole’s last blog post..Got to the Store Today

  37. Oh, hon. Hormones suck. They really do – and as far as I can tell, your post was all about YOU as opposed to anyone else. Clearly your best friend has a ton of smarts and compassion and sees that, too. So what if other ass hats don’t? Sounds like some people were trying to stir the pot and take what you said OUT OF CONTEXT which is bitchy, catty, and totally lame.

    Hey, all you pathetic lurkers who have nothing better to do with your lives: Leave the pregnant woman and the wanna-be pregnant woman alone for cripe’s sake. Go get a life and stop making drama your raison d’etre. I’ll wait while you guys look it up (hint: it’s French).

    Stay strong, keep your faith and you’ll see God’s plan in due time.

    Jen M’s last blog post..They’re Just Too Damn Old

  38. Okay – maybe my own hormones are going crazy – I didn’t mean to come off as so mean – just feeling a bit defensive for ya.

    Jen M’s last blog post..They’re Just Too Damn Old

  39. I am the freakin’ QUEEN of SNARK. I don’t think you did anything wrong and it is definitely unfortunate that feelings were hurt. Welcome to my world, where we’ve been hurting feelings unintentionally for 31 years!

    Reese’s last blog post..My First Wii!

  40. What a great friendship you guys have – that’s what really shows through.

    Jeanelle’s last blog post..“Rah Rah Rah” and Tagged

  41. Oh sweetie! You are freakin’ awesome and a GREAT friend(and cousin)! I’m totally positive that your BFF completely understands! She just loves you too much not to! Not to mention- she also knows how hard it is. What a pair you two make! Damn your lady parts for putting you through hell and not doing what they’re supposed to! Hugs cuzzie!

    Casey- I love you and you KNOW you can call me anytime or email me. Do you know my new email address? Let me know! We’ll talk! I’m here anytime of day. Really- I’m one of those that doesn’t get 8 hours of sleep and is up in the middle of the night! He he!

    Carrie’s last blog post..Falling in love over and over again!

  42. I loved Loralee’s and Jen M’s comments – and Kim’s, of course (I can see why you two are friends – she sounds like a sweetie). I don’t know what I can possibly add to this besides that I’m glad you guys talked it over and cleared up any misunderstanding. We all love you because you are so honest – so keep up the snark if that’s how you feel.

    Hugs to you and I’m still crossing my fingers that one day the Moosh will get a sibling to smother with kisses.

    andi’s last blog post..A not-so-Easter post

  43. Oh Casey, you have such a huge heart. I hope you aren’t hurting too much. SMOOCH

    Assertagirl’s last blog post..It’s so cool that I get to write about something I’m actually INTERESTED in.

  44. That picture made me so sad Casey!! You’re the best……

    Skye’s last blog post..New hair

  45. Oh, crap. Now I’m crying after reading Kim’s comment. Kim, wanna be my BFF too?

    Seriously, you guys are so lucky to have each other. It’s wonderful to have friends that you know will always have your back, who GET you completely, and will always forgive you when you f up.

    ((hugs))

    LawyerMama’s last blog post..For Jenny, The Bloggess

  46. your honesty is refreshing and so is your apology – though I still can appreciate it for the fun it was meant to be – albeit mingled with bittersweet regrets of your own.
    Kim is a great friend.What a blessing for each of you.

    You rawk !

    Babyamore’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday – what do you see ?