Want to see me humbled?
This is me on the phone with my best friend Kim, apologizing for the unintentional mess I made yesterday with this post. To make a long story short I had no idea that so many of Kim’s friends lurk on here. Needless to say Kim was assaulted after an emotionally difficult day with dozens of people calling and emailing to check on her.
I was not trying to steal her thunder.
I was not my intention to come off as a mean, backstabbing, jealous, catty, raging witch.
I truly am happy for her (and my other friend). I’m apparently just licking my wounds in an unacceptable manner for a lot of you. Truth is I am frustrated. As much as I’d like to throw my hands up in the air and say “It’s all up to you Lord.” I just can’t. It is one thing to know you will never be able to carry your own child. I cannot fathom the emotions that would come with such a knowledge and I greatly admire those who choose to adopt or go through invasive fertility treatments to have children of their own.
I let my own jealousy get the best of me. Knowing my body is capable of pregnancy and yet having it be uncooperative for the last three years is frustrating, okay? And to have a friend get pregnant in one shot (no pun intended) and another friend who was never supposed to be able to get pregnant in the first place because of a horrible case of endometreosis be pregnant with her third, on top of being surrounded by at least a half dozen pregnant neighbors on any given day?
I let it get to me.
I was trying to cover my own insecurities up with witty humor. And it helped. But that I hurt my best friend in the process, even if only for a few moments, doesn’t make it okay. Her friendship and trust mean more to me than any post ever could. And I’m sorry to any of you who I may have hurt or offended amidst this whole kerfuffle.
I love you Kim.
And I love that you’re cooking another half Brazilian baby for me to munch on.
“I love you too, Casey. All is forgiven. Feel free to munch on my babies anytime.”