Do you ever put off going to the doctor because you’re just sure that as soon as you get there your symptoms will be gone and you’ll be looked at like a crazy lady over-exaggerator?
Yeah, me too.
That’s why I was so pleased last night when I went to the ER with my throat nearly swollen shut and a temperature of 103.4. Call me bonkers but you’d have to be a real pro to fake that. Right Ferris?
And as fate would have it, the doctor that came in to treat me was hot. Hot, hot, hot. I’m pretty sure Cody even thought he was a little hot. Doctor Hot looked me over, made me convince him I wasn’t pregnant, stuck his face in my swamp mouth, had me pee in a cup and told me I had nice teeth *swoon*. Then Doctor Hot had me gargle some thick solution known as viscous lidocaine. Or what I like to call “the solution to make me stop calling you Doctor Hot and not want you near me ever, ever again thankyouverymuch.” The stuff was so nasty that as soon as it hit the back of my tongue I gagged and involuntarily hurtled forward so fast I knocked the glasses off my face with the faucet. Gag. Ick. Cody’s exact words were “Yeah, maybe you shouldn’t gargle it.”
Suck it viscous lidocaine. I’d rather not be able to swallow.
I was given a good old fashioned acetaminophen/ibuprofen cocktail, a diagnosis for some sickness I can’t pronounce but starts with a P and ends with an X and a prescription for an antibiotic, Vicodin, and what? Viscous lidocaine. I lost the last one somewhere between here and the pharmacy, whoops! (Okay, kidding, the pharmacy actually didn’t have any so they had to order it, blah, blah. But I still may “forget” to go pick it up.)
I’ve taken my first Vicodin. I’m waiting for something dramatic to happen. Like, you know, feel better. But in the mean time I have to thank all of my neighbors (K, N, A and A) who have heeded my squeaky hoarse plea to entertain the moosh while I sleep, drink and pee this thing out of me.
I’m now going to go grumble and limp around my house doing my best House impression sporting a pink umbrella as my flame tipped cane.