Do you ever put off going to the doctor because you’re just sure that as soon as you get there your symptoms will be gone and you’ll be looked at like a crazy lady over-exaggerator?

Yeah, me too.

That’s why I was so pleased last night when I went to the ER with my throat nearly swollen shut and a temperature of 103.4. Call me bonkers but you’d have to be a real pro to fake that. Right Ferris?

Bueller?

Bueller?

And as fate would have it, the doctor that came in to treat me was hot. Hot, hot, hot. I’m pretty sure Cody even thought he was a little hot. Doctor Hot looked me over, made me convince him I wasn’t pregnant, stuck his face in my swamp mouth, had me pee in a cup and told me I had nice teeth *swoon*. Then Doctor Hot had me gargle some thick solution known as viscous lidocaine. Or what I like to call “the solution to make me stop calling you Doctor Hot and not want you near me ever, ever again thankyouverymuch.” The stuff was so nasty that as soon as it hit the back of my tongue I gagged and involuntarily hurtled forward so fast I knocked the glasses off my face with the faucet. Gag. Ick. Cody’s exact words were “Yeah, maybe you shouldn’t gargle it.”

Suck it viscous lidocaine. I’d rather not be able to swallow.

I was given a good old fashioned acetaminophen/ibuprofen cocktail, a diagnosis for some sickness I can’t pronounce but starts with a P and ends with an X and a prescription for an antibiotic, Vicodin, and what? Viscous lidocaine. I lost the last one somewhere between here and the pharmacy, whoops! (Okay, kidding, the pharmacy actually didn’t have any so they had to order it, blah, blah. But I still may “forget” to go pick it up.)

I’ve taken my first Vicodin. I’m waiting for something dramatic to happen. Like, you know, feel better. But in the mean time I have to thank all of my neighbors (K, N, A and A) who have heeded my squeaky hoarse plea to entertain the moosh while I sleep, drink and pee this thing out of me.

I’m now going to go grumble and limp around my house doing my best House impression sporting a pink umbrella as my flame tipped cane.

Comments

  1. Hey there girl! I hope you feel better soon. There is nothing worse than a sore throat…

    Barb’s last blog post..Real World Facebooking

  2. Oh crap, I have sorta the same thing (a WEEK now). I can’t get it to go away. Am I gunna hafta go to the doctor? NOOOOOOOOO sayitaintso.

    DAMN! ‘scuse me, that was the flubug talking.

    Hope your drugs kick in soon.

    Darla’s last blog post..Food Budget Announcement…

  3. I have actually had to drink viscous lidocaine stuff. It’s terrible. Sorry to hear you’re sick. But at least you got a few minutes with a hot doctor…
    Good luck getting better.

    Rachel’s last blog post..Because she is so cute…

  4. I had that a few months ago. I guess it made it’s way to the Midwest. Like you, I was embarassed to go to the doctor because I thought he’d think of me as a wuss.

    I took Vicodin after this weird face surgery I had last summer (my baby broke my face with his wobbly head!). The first few pills left me groggy, then I got terrible nightmares. I threw them out after five or six doses.

    maybe I am a wuss. I can’t even enjoy drugs.

    lora’s last blog post..conspiracy

  5. ugh, sorry you are feeling so sick !! maybe my giveaway will make you feel better !!!

    i am scared of all drugs…even asprin

    feener’s last blog post..Giveaway and confession

  6. Ugh. Being sick sucks… Hope you feel better soon!

    Z’s last blog post..Finish the Sentence

  7. Poor thing. I’ll be there to pick up Moosh first thing in the morning.

    xoxo,
    Alli

    Mrs. Fussypants’s last blog post..Fight the Frump -Beauty for Busy Moms

  8. I really hope you feel better. But, seriously, I’m a teeny bit jealous of the whole Vicodin thing. I need to get some housework DONE and nothing helps me better than a nice narcotic.

    AFRo’s last blog post..It’s Down To Two Choices

  9. Oh dear. I hope you are feeling better soon.

    Queen of Shake Shake’s last blog post..The Shake-Shake Marriage – A Double Entendre?

  10. Hope you feel better soon!

    dana’s last blog post..Breast and Bottle Feeding

  11. Get well soon! I hate being sick and I’m sure you do too!
    Have you tried gargling with warm salt water? Some people think it’s gross so don’t overdo on the salt, but I find that it can really help with the pain…

    Krista’s last blog post..Book: The Big Picture

  12. I had to use the Viscous Lidocaine (mixed w/Mylanta) I feel your pain. blech….
    The vicodin should kick in for you, hope so. We all had that down here a few weeks ago, still have the after effects and a few vicodin myself. LOL
    At least you got Dr. Hot.
    Hope you feel better soon!

    Chrissy’s last blog post..Brain Freeze

  13. oh MAN. Sounds like you’re having a nice time with Mr. Vicodin though, heh. Magic of modern medicine! Feel better soon…

    Jen’s last blog post..vroom vroom

  14. Get well soon!!!

    Nicole’s last blog post..Off To Nana’s

  15. Feel better. Vicodin is fun. I am wondering how sick you have to be to get prescribed that. Must be bad. Ick.

    Megan’s last blog post..Where the wind comes sweepin’ down the plain…

  16. So. Can you hook me up with some Vicodin?

    I KID!

    I truly hope you are better soon.

    Love you.

    Angella’s last blog post..I Scream, You Scream

  17. For me, Vicodin doesn’t so much take away the pain as make me totally NOT CARE ANYMORE.

    Reese’s last blog post..And By The Way…

  18. Okay, I know I’m supposed to be all nicey, nice and wish you get well songs…

    And I do.

    BUT.

    You referenced HOUSE! And his cane. And his flame.

    Sick or not, you’re in my House club, I just invited you.

    Good & Crazy’s last blog post..To my very own Husband.

  19. I had to take Viscous Lidocaine for a ridiculously huge outbreak of mouth ulcers that made my gums swell up and made eating solid food a nightmare. All I had to do was swishy the vile gunk and spit it out, I can’t imagine gargling with it.

    Hopefully the vicodin will make everything and blur and it will be over soon.

    Feel better

    Just Me’s last blog post..This is what is sounds like….

  20. How do you always get hot doctors? No, seriously. . . I want to know.

    The Prologue of My Life’s last blog post..Site Update

  21. The last time I had surgery on my foot I had Vicodin for the pain. It knocked me out every time. Pain? Who feels pain while sleeping? I was happy to recover and start being awake again!

    Daisy’s last blog post..That’s My Bag

  22. That is the most exciting sickness I have ever heard about!

    Camille’s last blog post..{I Self-Medicate With Cardboard Pizza}

  23. mmm….Vicodin…I mean, I hope you get well soon!

    Jenny from Mommin’ it Up!’s last blog post..The Trouble With Prostates

  24. Poor darlin’.
    Hope you’re feeling better soon.
    Anything that you must put into your mouth that can start with viscous is just wrong.

    rachel’s last blog post..Mommy’s Graduation Day

  25. did you grind up the vicodin and snort it? how in the world did you swallow that?

    Yolanda’s last blog post..beautiful girl. gone.

  26. So I know you probably won’t see this comment, but I just had to say that I hope you’re feeling better now. I was totally in that same exact boat (or trash junker) a couple of weeks ago. And I just had to second the idea that I too dread (and put off until the last possible moment) taking MYSELF to the doctor. In fact, when I DID go this past time, that very thing happened. I was all, “I’ve had a steady 102-103 temp these past three days with these blah blah other symptoms”. The young, healthy, perky, blonde nurse was all, “Uh huh. Let’s see what your temp is now. Oh look. It’s normal.” Stare. I felt like THIS BIG. (pretend that’s really small type -ha!) But, BUT! When the doctor came in, he looked at my throat, and goes, “WHOA! There is definitely something going on there.” They swabbed me for strep, and like two secondds later it came back positive. They sent me home with my gargles and antibiotics and pain killers, and I felt redeemed.
    Sorry for the rambling, but I just felt the need to let you know that. Mmm HMM. I get that. I really hope that you’re doing better. I know it’s hard to be sick when it’s you doing everything around the house, too. :-( I feel your pain that way, as well!

    Mandy’s last blog post..Time Out