In general I am not an angry driver.

In general.

Unless you pull one of these four bunghole moves while sharing a road with me.

a. Blocking an intersection. Hey derfwad, if the road on the other side of the intersection is full don’t park it in the middle of the intersection hoping you’ll get through before the light turns red. Because you won’t. And when you don’t, We’re going to be grumpy stuck on our side of the intersection with a green light because you never learned patience and common courtesy.

b. Turning left on yellow and half or full blown red. DUDE, wait a couple minutes for the thumping green arrow or the beginning of a yellow. Wherever you are going will still be there in two and a half minutes. Your fellow motorists will also not swear under their breath at you and send you noxious bubble gut juju’s.

c. Speeding through a yellow and a half or full blown red. DUDE, yellow means SLOW DOWN. Not speed up. Okay? It will really help clear up a lot of the previous complaint if you’ll get your panties out of a bunch and slow down and stop for one red light. Seriously.

d. Butting your way to the front of a merging lane. OH! How this one ticks me off. If it says “lane ends, merge left/right” THEN MERGE LEFT OR RIGHT. Don’t speed up past all the sign abiding drivers to get to the front of the line, hold the rest of us up while you aggressively butt your way in with your blinker on at the very last second, stupidhead. I learned a little something in second grade, maybe you missed it, BUTTING IS RUDE. Always has been, always will be.

Phew. Okay. I don’t complain much on this blog, I don’t like to do it. But I will have you know that I can write all these complaints in truth because I am not a yellow light speed up red light left turn stop in the middle of the intersection butt my way to the front driver. I am usually even able to let all those bunghole drivers slide past me without even a smidgen of irk.

But today?

Not so much.

If we could all drive our cars as grownups with the basic courtesy and manners we learned in kindergarten the world would be a much happier place. Okay? Okay. Thanks.

Comments

  1. OH oh! Can I add one to your rant? I’m going to anyway.

    People who can’t work a roundabout! It’s NOT THAT HARD! You don’t STOP unless you have to, you YIELD and merge slowly. The one bunghole driver who stops and waits for five minutes holding up traffic for blocks… that is the bunghole driver I want to beat every.single.time!

    You must not have roundabouts there, or trust me, this would have been on your list!

    kris’s last blog post..Sometimes, the little things are the big things…

  2. grrrrr. i feel your pain on this one. i hate hate hate this stuff.

    the planet of janet’s last blog post..Fun Monday: What a jerk! edition

  3. We have roundabouts now. I get the bungholes who fail to yield when I am rightinfrontoftheirface.

    Know what else pisses me off about roundabouts? Kids who skateboard around them late at night without reflective clothing on. In an area that is not well lit.

    Have their parents NOT taught them safety?

    Antonette’s last blog post..Sharing Some Bloggy Love

  4. De-lurking…

    I almost failed my driving test for blocking an intersection – Totally would have if the lady hadn’t said something (which she wasn’t supposed to) but because I was unsure about what to do, she spoke up.

    I never block intersections anymore. Though I get REALLY mad at people who stop to let the people going across through… except the light is GREEN for us AND the people in the lane next to us are going, so the person can’t get across anyway.

    And people, please, blinkers are your friends! (That one irritates me.)

  5. Haaaaaaaaaa….you would go crazy in L.A.

    heather’s last blog post..Guess the Babies’ Weight, Win Some Prizes

  6. How about driving at the pace of COLD TAR in the passing lane??? GAH!!!!!!!!!

    Loralee’s last blog post..Sideblog: Alltop

  7. I hate the merging one especially. One day I had nicely taken my place in line and a ton of rudy-ruderson’s were trying to pass in the right lane and then butt in up front, so I decided to just drive half-way into each lane so no one could butt in front on the right, or get up ahead of me on the left. Stopped those jerks right in their tracks, and gave me some ultra-smug satisfaction to keep me happy through the rest of the traffic jam.

    Sheyenne’s last blog post..Worse than water

  8. I thought you grew up in Utah… it seems all these bunghole moves are taught (as if out of a manual) to the Utah drivers at a young age. I moved here (to UT) and what you described is what happens here ALL THE TIME! (Glad you aren’t one of those bungholes!)

  9. Lisa in TX says:

    Ooooh, the one that gets me is just as bad, and similar to the merging lane thing. I *hate* people who pull onto the shoulder and zip past the line of cars at the light just so they can turn right. I don’t know about other states, but here it’s a separate moving violation for every car you pass when driving on the shoulder, and I’ve seen plenty of cars casually wrack up 20+ imaginary tickets out of stupid impatience. (And I do the “pull half-way over”, too, Sheyenne, only with my turn signal on so they get the hint)

  10. Okay, I will admit to sometimes going through a very yellow light. In my town all our lights are timed. So if you can get through one green then you will hit all of them green (seriously like 12 in a row), but if you hit one red then you hit them all red. It sucks! But I have become a much safer driver lately.
    And it TOTALLY irks me when people do that passing thing when you’re supposed to merge. If someone does that and wants to merge in front of me there is no way I’m letting them in!

    Krista’s last blog post..Scrapbook Par-tay!

  11. Kirsten says:

    Come to Juneau to visit. You will be totally and completely road raged out by the time you go back, and you will enjoy all your butthead drivers there.

    I seriously lose my marbles driving to work Every. Single. Day.

  12. If you would try driving in Russia even for a couple of hours, you would think that US driving culture is pure paradise =))

    I live in Latvia and its not that bad though, but sure worse than Indy

    a, b, c, d +.. is a common practice ;)

    Aleksandrs’s last blog post..??? ??????? ??????? ?? ?? ??????? ????

  13. If you try driving in Russia, even for a couple of hours, you’d think that US driving culture and manners is pure paradise =))

    I live in Latvia and it’s not that bad though, but sure worse than Indy

    a, b, c, d +.. is a common practice ;)

  14. Here here!
    How about people who pass (like a crazy-loving crazyhead) on a two lane road, only to miss the oncoming car by mere inches, thus causing the car right behind them to FREAK OUT!
    Just saying.

    Mandy’s last blog post..Evidence

  15. I am pretty patient behind the wheel (I mean, I have 3 kids in the car at a minimum, so I need to be) and I did lots of driving in Boston (omg what a nightmare). But the day the lady stopped on the turnpike spur instead of merging into traffic sent me over the edge. I was pregnant with the twins and we had to stop QUICK. I screamed at my husband because I saw what he didn’t see~a stopped driver. Every time I get on that spur now I am very nervous. Luckily, no one got hurt and I didn’t completely lose my mind.

    Oh, and we have roundabouts here too (did I mention my husband is an ENGINEER? Thank god not a traffic engineer or I’d KiLl him on the spot) and people have NO CLUE how to handle them. sigh

    Kristin’s last blog post..The weekend in review

  16. Personally I had no idea that New England drivers considered Stop signs “suggestions”, not umm the law.

    Clink’s last blog post..putting my mom back in mother’s day

  17. I think I would be okay with the jerks that I know are trying to cut me off if only they would signal. Somehow the driver is so much more courteous if only they tell me that they plan to cut me off.

    Anna’s last blog post..This trip brought to you by…

  18. I thoroughly enjoyed this post, as “DUDE” and bunghole are words I use quite frequently! And, if you don’t mind, I am gonna steal “derfwad”. That is a great word! I am speaking your language.

    Jenny from Mommin’ it Up!’s last blog post..There’s no crying in t-ball (or at least there shouldn’t be).

  19. derfwad?!! ROFL Nice term. That’s a new one for me.

    I do agree that we would all be much better off if we remembered our manners when driving. Imagine each car as our grandmother. lol Some people are so rude.

    I enjoyed your post! Here in Texas most people run yellow/reds…

    Rhea’s last blog post..Everyone should enjoy a good sea arch.

  20. Hear! Hear!
    Amen!
    Ditto!

    Amy’s last blog post..Can Mommy and Daddy Rest Now?

  21. As a driver who will constantly go 9 mph ABOVE the posted speed limit, nothing torques me more than having someone speed up to pass me (like I’m going too slowly for them to abide behind my granny-driving presence anymore) only to SLOW DOWN to 10 mph BELOW the freakin’ speed limit right AFTER they get to the double yellow lines area of the road.There should be some sort of cosmic punishment for that kind of snottiness.

    Blazing Goddess’s last blog post..Burn, baby, burn! (Calories, that is)

  22. “a. Blocking an intersection. Hey derfwad…common courtesy.” → This one really, really bugs me too. And naturally one of the worst intersections for that in Indy is right by my apartment. 82nd & Allisonville – it’s awful! I try to pray or think about puppies but sometimes I just want to blow the horn or give those cars a little “love tap.” ;)

    Mymsie’s last blog post..The Jeans That Will Never Die

  23. Indianapolis drivers are terrible about running red lights.

    Rayne of Terror’s last blog post..Odd sensation

  24. This is what really pisses me off about drivers like that: they make choices based on the knowledge that most of the other drivers on the road are going to obey the law. They depend on it to make their bunghole, risky, “I’m better than you” moves. So, you’re not good enough to follow the rules, but you expect me to so you can break them? Nice.

    Barb @ getupandplay’s last blog post..Real World Facebooking

  25. ew, you know what I hate the worst? Is when someone does some stupid move, and then looks at you with the stink-eye, like you did something wrong. Um, hello? douchebag, you’re the bad driver, not me…I’m just minding my own business, driving my Prius at the appropriate speed, thankyouverymuch.

    Hippo Brigade’s last blog post..A Sordid Love

  26. I’m with Sheyenne – we block the shoulder when we’re stuck in crazy traffic during the summer and people think it’s okay to shoot up said shoulder and slide right in to traffic. Yeah, not so much! And you really gotta love the ones that, as they’re trying to cut you off, get really pissy and curse at you as if you are the one doing something wrong.

    I really enjoy driving in the South because they all get out of the way when they see you coming up the left lane. I’m not sure if they’re being polite or they’re afraid of NJ drivers:)

    Mary Beth’s last blog post..Weekend’s Activities

  27. Okay, about the merging. If you read the drivers ed manual, when there is a merge, you are supposed to drive to the end, and then each lane takes a turn going, right lane car, then left lane car, etc. If people knew how to merge correctly, the traffic would move much smoother. I hate people who merge at the very first mention that there will be a merge, and the block the other lane so the rest of us can’t merge correctly.

    Camille’s last blog post..How Prison is better than being a Housewife

  28. My all-time pet peeve is when people change lanes without using their turn signal! So dangerous and so rude. How hard is it to flip on your blinker? Seriously? I don’t care how far behind you the next car is, you should ALWAYS use your tunr signal. Here in California, especially on the highway, NOBODY used their turn signal. OK, maybe that is a *slight* exxageration. End rant.

    Casey’s last blog post..New!

  29. The tailgaters in IN drive me batty. Because when I’m going 5-10 miles over the speed limit on a very narrow road in the rain ALREADY, that clearly isn’t fast enough.
    And I drove in BOSTON for eight years, for the love of pete! I KNOW bad driving and have the patience to deal with it.

    Must be Motherhood’s last blog post..It’s Official: I Hate Mother’s Day

  30. i hate butters.
    that is all.
    :)

    ali’s last blog post..signs, signs, everywhere a sign…**

  31. Just this morning, someone decided to make a 3-point U-turn into oncoming traffic right in front of me. Yesterday, someone made a left turn on red to a position that ended up blocking the intersection for those of us who had just gotten the green light (violated two of your rules in ONE move! that takes talent). I agree with you on all of your points, but what really takes the cake for me are the people who feel like they are two good to wait in the left turn lane to turn left, so they speed up to the front of the intersection, then stop, and put their blinker on to turn left, holding up traffic for those of us who want to go straight.

    I might borrow derfwad…I’m going to have to start watching my language while driving once I have a kid in the car…

    Sara’s last blog post..Another fluff post…but it’s fun :-)

  32. Amen. D just became a law in Oklahoma. Ticket those fools, I say.

    Now that my husband and I carpool, patient driving has become a real issue. I am patient, he is not. He drives, I cringe.

    Megan’s last blog post..A big welcome back, to me!

  33. I knew I had to check myself in the car when my four-year-old yelled from the backseat, “C’MON LADY, WHAT’S THE PROBLEM?!?” at the car in front of us.

    mommypie’s last blog post..DJ Santa and the Funky Bunch

  34. I agree with Camille – if people knew how to merge properly ‘d’ wouldn’t be a problem.

    Even worse are the people in the lane they are supposed to merge into that take it upon themselves to stop the butt-in-skies by driving with their car straddling both lanes. Why would anyone want to put their car and their life in jeopardy just to slow another car down?

    And even worse are the people that leave the ‘merge into’ lane to speed up the ‘going away’ lane just to get a few cars ahead.

    T with Honey’s last blog post..What I know now

  35. I HATE BUTTING IN DRIVERS. HATE ‘EM.

    Oops…sorry for being so loud.

  36. People pulling (d.) makes me absolutely livid. I am generally calm, but that makes me kick-somebody’s-grandma-in-the-face mad. Stupid line cutters. (Note: This comment is really mature, I know.)

    Shamelessly Sassy’s last blog post..The Peen Magnet

  37. My husband gets especially road ragey on peeps that do “D”.

    I get road ragey about everything. Unfortunately no one knows how to drive in the Seattle area.

    Worker Mommy’s last blog post..My sweet little ones turned five, it’s a miracle I’m still alive

  38. Wow, there’s been a lot of healthy venting going on above me. Pretty funny. And while we’re on the subject. USE YOUR FREAKING TURN SIGNALS PEOPLE!!

    Thanks!

  39. Come to Wisconsin. The driver are pretty good. D is a given anywhere but it isn’t too bad. I guess small town life has its perks.

  40. I meant to say D isn’t too bad here. The drivers seem a lot more laid back than in Utah (idots, don’t get me started about Utah drivers that don’t know how to merge for cars coming on to the highway) and Houston (speedsters and super fast lane changers)

  41. This is what really pisses me off about drivers like that: they make choices based on the knowledge that most of the other drivers on the road are going to obey the law. They depend on it to make their bunghole, risky, “I’m better than you” moves. So, you’re not good enough to follow the rules, but you expect me to so you can break them? Nice.

    Barb @ getupandplay’s last blog post..Lip service

  42. Seriously? Those are the only times you get ticked off? You must be angry pretty much every time you get behind the wheel…at least you would be in Phoenix, where I learned to drive.

    And you never speed through a yellow light? Here I thought you and I were going to be fast friends…But now I realise you would probably hate me.

    Camille’s last blog post..{My Worst Nightmare: Permanently Dilated to a 10}

  43. living in turkey i have decided it would be in my best interest not to drive. there is no such thing as common courtesy here. not in general or in driving. i just take buses, subways, mini-buses, taxis, and walk anywhere and everywhere i need to go. it works out quite well for me. and i can sit back and not worry a bit about how horrible the other drivers are. because believe me i would be completely run over if i got in a car and even attempted to merge my way onto the roads here. i am way too nice!

    natalie’s last blog post..i want my youtube!

  44. Oh my. I hope hubby does not get a clerkship in Brooklyn, Long Island, or New Jersey. Lived and drove in all three. Honking is the norm, not for friendly waves. Yellow means ‘GET THE CRAP OUT OF MY WAY, SUCKA’. Merging is an artform. The closer to the front you can sneak in, the absolute bestest you are at the game.
    It’s just that way.
    Now, back in Utah. Aaargh. I just have to turn into a New York City driver every so often, because folks are JUST SO SLOW sometimes!

    good&crazy’s last blog post..I cannot imagine…

  45. I’m totally guilty of b and c. If six cars don’t go through after the light turns yellow, you’ll never get anywhere in Salt Lake!

    Olivia’s last blog post..Uterus going into Convulsions

  46. Bossy has driven behind you. If she knew all this was going on she would have put a little more distance between the cars.

  47. Has this one been mentioned…if so, sorry for repeating…. I HATE HATE HATE the bungholes who are either on the entrance or exit ramp and STOP while getting onto the highway or at the end of the exit ramp.

    Oh my lord send me into a fit of honking rage to MOVE IT because you are supposed to merge onto the highway or off the highway at the appropriate speed…there is no octagonally shaped sign on either. (yes I realize in larger cities such as LA that they have stop lights on the entrance ramps….in TX they do not)

    Oh that one irks me.

    Britt’s last blog post..ow ow ow

  48. I agree with your rant 1000% and I just want to know when did we all forget to be halfway polite and help each other get where we all need to be, without ending up in a big twisted pile of metal and blood?

  49. oops. sorry, that was me. i can’t help it.

    i enjoy driving, sort of, but i just can’t wait to get to my destination to avoid falling asleep at the wheel…

    megachick’s last blog post..livestrong