Ah, yes. Google “orgasm on treadmill” and guess who’s #1?

Hi. That would be me.

Apparently I’ve taught the world a lot about odd things that can occur when exercising.

I just never thought I’d teach my teacher (and entire class) about these odd things.

I continue to take a yoga class where my flexibility and bendy parts still service me well. As you may remember I’m quite good at the “plow” pose. It was while in the “plow” Monday morning that my teacher decided to make an example out of me.

“Can you bring your hips straight up and your legs out?”

Of course everyone in the class turns to look at me.

“Hi!”

I started to do it until I noticed the eerie silence in the room and the fact that all eyes were on me. When I move out of plow, I queef. Hardcore.

I dropped out of the pose quickly and mumbled “I’m always afraid I’ll queef when I do that.”

“Excuse me what?”

“Queef, you know, a, uh, a vaginal toot?”

This is when my yogini laughed hysterically and thanked me for giving a name to this COMPLETELY COMMON yoga freak of farting. And in fact if you DON’T queef chances are you’re not doing it right.

So queef with pride my sisters, it’s one fart that lets you know you’re doing something right.

Comments

  1. omg…i have never done yoga, but i think i would be worried about queefing for sure. dear lord…who knew?

    natalies last blog post..Where are all the troglodytes?

  2. Oh, Casey. I am in tears from laughing so hard.

    I will queef with pride.

    Angellas last blog post..NOM NOM NOM

  3. Ohmigawsh! This post made my day!

    Caseys last blog post..3:30

  4. This is too funny! I can’t stop laughing, and I’m going to have to forward this post to my hubby, he loved your post about the bras :)

    Nicoles last blog post..Nico vs. The Weed-Eater

  5. Oh my hell. I could not stop laughing. Queefing has got to be one of the most mortifying bodily functions, no?

    hillss last blog post..And I’m So Tense, Never Tenser Could All Go A Bit Frank Spencer

  6. I’ve always called it a vart.

    EMamas last blog post..Who is this person blogging, and where the heck am I??

  7. That is by far the funniest thing I have heard in a while!

  8. LOL. And I thought I was the only one who was terrified of such a thing happening – I always thought I was doing the poses a little wrong or something. It can be especially bad in Pilates – with all the core movements. Phew – so I am not weird. LOL. Thanks for sharing your mortifying moment so that we can all relax a little and realize that it really does happen to everyone. :)

    SuzyQs last blog post..Garden Update/Watching My Garden Grow

  9. Well jeez. Let’s start a club.

    I like the Vart Idea too.

    good&crazys last blog post..Blogger tips and tricks: Mommy wants a Signature

  10. Oh my. Totally laughed my ass off. Only done yoga a couple of times and was so scared that I would queef. Nice to know it’s *normal*.

    Dawns last blog post..Tragedy

  11. Vart, Queef. Po-TAY-to, Po-TA-to. Hilarious either way.

    xox

    heidikinss last blog post..Rednecks, Rodeo and Bad Hair (Seriously, the hair is REALLY bad!)

  12. heidikins: I’ve never heard of vart, though it makes sense. I’ve always said “quiff” rather than “queef” but again, that’s po-tay-to, po-ta-to. ;)

    danas last blog post..Deny, Deny, Deny

  13. Oh my gosh. It is awesome that this is normal. I didn’t really have this “problem” until after giving birth (and it’s gotten a bit better…destined to get worse again of course). And I’ve refused to go to a yoga class because of it.

    Maybe. Perhaps. You have encouraged me otherwise!

    Must be Motherhoods last blog post..Nothing of Interest Here; Just Move Right Along

  14. Thank God some of my gases are because I’m just that good.

    Jennifer, Playgroups are no place for childrens last blog post..The way things are

  15. Thank God some of my gases are because I’m just that good.

    Jennifer, Playgroups are no place for childrens last blog post..The way things are

  16. Nice! I can’t believe your teacher didn’t know what a queef was! And, let me just say, any blog that mentions the word “queef” multiple times is a blog I will de-lurk for more often. Too effing funny!!!

    Lunaniks last blog post..Lakshmi

  17. When I asked a lesbian client of mine what the password for her accounting software was, she told me that it is queef.

    Lord :p

    Have the T-Shirts last blog post..My Mother – Part Deux

  18. i’m with emama— always called it a vart. but i’m always up for new vaginal fart terminology.

    the prologue of my lifes last blog post..I’ll Be There; Will You?

  19. now you know i can NEVER do yoga…crap…i think i’ll stick to pilates. there is no queefing in pilates. :)

    alis last blog post..whale of a speech. embarrasing ali story #884

  20. NO WAY!! You just scared me off Yoga for the rest of my life. No freakin’ way.

    Rheas last blog post..A bodacious bag, the boys, books & a bad cut

  21. the word queef has been around in my area since I was a kid. The best was when a guy on my street named “keith” got a personalized license plate that said “queef”. I have never seen kids snicker more in my life.

    Just Mes last blog post..Stolen Quizzes

  22. This explains that strange noise I’ve heard in yoga class.

    JTs last blog post..Even if he is Muslim…

  23. You mean I have been avoiding yoga for 15 years since the last time I queefed in class and it is TOTALLY NORMAL? Man, I have missed a lot of yoga!

    Now in addition to the Queen of Treadmill Orgasms, you will be the Queen of Queef, too. Get ready for your stats.

  24. Okay, that is too hilarious. At least I know I’m not the only one!!!

    Mrs. Wilsons last blog post..17

  25. I can always count on being educated when I read your blog! And don’t even THINK about trying to get me to do Wii Yoga at your house!

  26. LMAO..this is freaking hilarious.

    As last blog post..Things I Love Tuesday

  27. That is too hysterical. Or should I say “toot” hysterical?!

    Reeses last blog post..And on the 23rd Day, It Rained.

  28. Oh, thank God I’m atleast doing my yoga poses correctly!

    LifeAsIKnowIts last blog post..Are You There Summer? It’s Me, LifeAsIKnowIt.

  29. OMG. That is freaking hilarious. I would never have been brave enough to broach that subject… but it’s a good thing you did!

    Rachaels last blog post..The New Classics: Top 100 Movies of the Last 25 Years

  30. This cracked me up over here. Holy crap I haven’t heard the word queef in YEARS!!

    AFRos last blog post..Bedtime Conversation

  31. Oh.My.Gawd.
    Had I been there, I would’ve peed my pants at the instructor’s reaction.

  32. HILARIOUS.

  33. After four vaginal births, there are certain positions that I just can’t get in anymore.

    Much to my husband’s chagrin.

    Jennis last blog post..Verbal Comments are Now Closed

  34. I remember the day well. The day I taught my husband what a queef was. It is fun having a husband with English as his second language. Just imagine the camel-toe convos.

    Kims last blog post..Post 200

  35. ah, the things I learn from your blog! :)

    Zs last blog post..shhhhhhh…

  36. That’s very useful info. I always thought that it meant I was doing the poses wrong.

    T with Honeys last blog post..Wordless Wednesday – Watering the Grass

  37. is it bad that I am totally won over by any post with the word ‘queef’ in it? Because seriously, I had not heard that word since high school. and i laughed until I nearly peed myself. oh, also, i’m pretty pumped up about the upcoming contest.

    Shamelessly Sassys last blog post..RoadRash Rita: the Sister of 80’s Lady

  38. Dude, seriously? You are the only person that can make me blush via the internet. You kill me.

    Erins last blog post..MORE NEW LOCATIONS!!!!!

  39. so I just googled “orgasm on a treadmill” just to see that yes, yes indeed you are the first to pop up. and now when you type “o” in my google search box google tries to get me to search for “orgasm on a treadmill” again. my husband might start getting a little suspicious about my gym fetish.

    Ems last blog post..Q:What would have been more useful than a degree in Biology?

  40. Us guys totally need to come up with a term for farts out of our schlongs. Of course, as far as I know, no weiner has ever let loose with a fart like noise, but when one does I want to be there to coin the term and get rich like Sally Queef of Tennessee did after trademarking her term.

    Mikes last blog post..More Crazy Mama Stories!!!

  41. This is the funniest thing I’ve ever read about yoga — which I mostly do not find funny but find painful. Partly due to the queefs, which I am so very glad to have a name for, even if I do try to quash them at every opportunity. Thanks for the belly laugh.

    MommyTimes last blog post..The Rhythm of Days

  42. I’m so happy to have found another blogger who can find great humor in strange body sounds.

    Jias last blog post..My Hair Used to Rock My World

  43. Oh my ****ing hell. I just found your blog and this post SERIOUSLY made me laugh so hard, I had tears AND nosewater running.

    Oh. My. GAH.

    I take yoga all the time and it is my WORST FEAR, queefing in the instructors face.

    And these comments were just as funny as your post.

    I am so, so bookmarking you.

    the new girls last blog post..Sidebar Saturday: Happiness Through Art

  44. Honest – I quit yoga because I was freaked out about farting in front of all those people. I think I would have died of mortification if I had queefed. :) Loves ya Casey!

    Butrfly Gardens last blog post..Answer You Anything! Part Two.

  45. Hilarious! You are so brave to stay and explain. I probably would have run from the room in embarrasment. I’m such a coward!

    Alysons last blog post..Baby Girl

  46. Man, your queefing story is awesome. Unfortunately, I have let out queefs lately in plow pose…three second long queefs SO loud. What can you do? I’m glad you had the balls to tell your instructor what that noise was. Props.
    P.S. My boyfriend and I think your story and the above comments are hilarious.