Who’s played Wii Fit?
Has it made you cry yet?
Have you at least sworn at it?
You see, Wii Fit is a computer. It could care less if you’re a hulking beast of muscle. All it knows is that you’re 5’2″ 26 years old and that you weigh 127 lbs. It doesn’t know about your delicate wrists or your slender neck. It just knows that mathematically the BMI for a 5’2″ 127 lb. 26 year old woman is 21.47.
21.47 is normal, 21.47 is healthy. It even tells you you’re normal and healthy. It will even indulge you with a Wii Fit age of 24 years old.
Aw, Wii Fit, you’re making me blush.
Hop on Wii Fit a week later after two days of period water weight bloat and a half box of Oreos from the night before and the Wii Fit will notice that you are now a 5’3″ woman who weighs 128.2 lbs. The Wii Fit will then draw an ENORMOUS RED LINE at a very steep angle from your previously recorded weight of 127 lbs. followed by a screen giving you six options as to why you’ve gained weight.
Why do you think you’ve gained weight this past week Casey?
a. I eat too much.
b. I eat before bed.
c. I don’t exercise enough.
d. I watch too much SYTYCD.
e. I eat half bags of Oreos in one sitting.
f. I don’t know.
No where is there an option for “I am a bloated heifer carrying around enough extra water weight to drown a small dinghy”.
So I selected “I don’t know.”
Wii Fit came back and told me some garbage about me being accountable for my eating habits and he’s just sure I know why I gained two pounds and to play Wii Fit everyday and he won’t let me get tubby like I’m letting myself get tubby without his cute computer sounds and addictive games.
This is when the Wii Fit was formally told to suck it.
Wii Fit then made my Mii avatar chubbier around the midsection, to reflect my newfound weight gain.
Touché , Wii Fit. touché .