Who’s played Wii Fit?

Has it made you cry yet?

Have you at least sworn at it?

I have.

You see, Wii Fit is a computer. It could care less if you’re a hulking beast of muscle. All it knows is that you’re 5’2″ 26 years old and that you weigh 127 lbs. It doesn’t know about your delicate wrists or your slender neck. It just knows that mathematically the BMI for a 5’2″ 127 lb. 26 year old woman is 21.47.

21.47 is normal, 21.47 is healthy. It even tells you you’re normal and healthy. It will even indulge you with a Wii Fit age of 24 years old.

Aw, Wii Fit, you’re making me blush.

Hop on Wii Fit a week later after two days of period water weight bloat and a half box of Oreos from the night before and the Wii Fit will notice that you are now a 5’3″ woman who weighs 128.2 lbs. The Wii Fit will then draw an ENORMOUS RED LINE at a very steep angle from your previously recorded weight of 127 lbs. followed by a screen giving you six options as to why you’ve gained weight.

Why do you think you’ve gained weight this past week Casey?

a. I eat too much.

b. I eat before bed.

c. I don’t exercise enough.

d. I watch too much SYTYCD.

e. I eat half bags of Oreos in one sitting.

f. I don’t know.

No where is there an option for “I am a bloated heifer carrying around enough extra water weight to drown a small dinghy”.

So I selected “I don’t know.”

Wii Fit came back and told me some garbage about me being accountable for my eating habits and he’s just sure I know why I gained two pounds and to play Wii Fit everyday and he won’t let me get tubby like I’m letting myself get tubby without his cute computer sounds and addictive games.

This is when the Wii Fit was formally told to suck it.

Wii Fit then made my Mii avatar chubbier around the midsection, to reflect my newfound weight gain.

Touché , Wii Fit. touché .

Comments

  1. Well you have just completely convinced me to never, ever buy a Wii Fit. The last thing I need in life is a stupid computer telling me not to indulge in a bag of M&Ms when I am PMSing. And by bag, I mean the full pound one. It’s just one of those periods.

    Jills last blog post..I thought I was done dating

  2. Great blog!

    And I just want to say, oreos and SYTYCD are my wednesday/thrusday night standard:)

    brittanys last blog post..Random midday thoughts…

  3. There’s got to be a way to make my Mii flip off the Wii. And go ahead and make it a chubbier finger for emphasis.

    Annas last blog post..101-103 in 24

  4. Whoa there…that wii seems to be a little out of line! I would so walk out of the room on it. Show that wii a thing or two.

    Just found your blog and after the laugh I had at this post, I have a feeling I’ll be reading you a whole lot more :)

    Ashleys last blog post..Reading Between the Lines

  5. ha ha ha ha!!! Way to put him in his place! I totally hear ya about the bloatiness and water weight. Aw, MAN does it suck!

    Mandys last blog post..Incompetent

  6. Wow, I was totally considering getting the Wii Fit but now that I know how mean it is, I will def not be getting. I need positive reinforcement, not criticism from a machine. Oh well, I knew there was no such thing as an easy way out of losing the weight. Le sigh.

    Caseys last blog post..Love and Such

  7. Got a wii for my berfday! Now I have to track down a wii fit, so I can feel bad about myself every night! Yippee?

    Heathers last blog post..Flying High

  8. So, uh, you COULD just be like me and kill your MII whilst playing tennis(the butterfly defense strategy works extremely well for this particular option). Then Wii doesn’t make fun of you because its DEAD.

    Mackenzie’s Mommas last blog post..Blowing cr@p up.

  9. Wii Fit sounds like a mean SOB! Sheesh! Maybe I’ve changed my mind about wanting one!

    Barb @ getupandplays last blog post..Pay It Forward!!!

  10. Crap, you can’t make my Mii any bigger than it already is. Bring it on Wii fit!

    psst…you are mentioned in my last post. You TwitterPimp you!

    Adriennes last blog post..It’s all HER fault

  11. Totally understand -I have a love/hate relationship with my wii fit. Though it was funny as the Wii told my husband, he should pay more attention to me.

    Alanas last blog post..Jarrett the Dad – Happy Father’s Day

  12. See, I could never own something which cost so much money and yet made me want to shout “blow me!” at it daily…

    Erika Jurneys last blog post..Frankie say what? And other signs of the Apocalypse.

  13. This is funny. It also makes me WANT a wii fit. If I was a little chubbier on my avatar…I might work harder. Sounds awesome.

    Kims last blog post..To blog…or not to blog?

  14. Sounds bad, but good. I’m going to try one!

  15. I totally want Wii Fit now.

    Ashleys last blog post..How many is too many?

  16. So true.

    The best is a comment from my 5 year old daughter. We try to emphasize being “healthy” versus “fat” or “skinny” or any other kind of description. Well, my husband is slightly overweight and his Mii shows it. So, my 5 year old says, “Daddy your Mii is fat.” And we said something like, “Let’s not use that word, it’s really whether Daddy is healthy or not.” Her response — “Daddy, you’re looking a little TOO healthy.”

    Too funny!

    We love our Wii Fit here. All the kids play it (8,6, 5 and 18 mos.). And our 18 mos. old is awesome at that soccer game, if you can believe that!

    Love the blog! Have fun in SF!

    Aileens last blog post..The hands of time

  17. Jeez – it was that ridiculous about one pound? Way to help with healthy body image – I can see Wii Fit spurring young girls into an even worse position – not only do they have the media telling them they are fat and don’t eat this or that – now their video games are telling them they are fat for gaining 1 pound? I mean – come on – weight flutuates at least A LITTLE. Even more reason for me NOT to own a Wii – I am already low on self esteem – I don’t need a game to tell me more bad news about myself.

    SuzyQs last blog post..Ah, Yoga!

  18. I have a wii also, but I stick to games like dr. mario for this exact reason.

    But my dear, you looked fab this morning….now I’m off to get a cupcake per your suggestion.

    designHER Mommas last blog post..Moosh…I need Whoorl badly!

  19. hm… maybe I DON’T want one any more… I don’t need a piece of gadgetry to tell me when I gain weight, I’m perfectly capable of knowing when I’m bloated and irritable, thankyouverymuch ;)

    Zs last blog post..Terrible Twos

  20. Wow. I can’t decide then whether a Wii Fit will make me work harder or hate it with every fiber of my being.

    Hmm.

    Kims last blog post..Dear the moosh, please Whoorl my hair. Please?

  21. Constructive criticism from a computer…hmmmm. I think I can live without it.

    Must be Motherhoods last blog post..Pitter’s Birth: Part III

  22. dang…that’s not nice, Wii Fit.
    You’ll show it next week when you’ve dropped that water weight and you’ll be back to “normal”. But for now…keep eating the Oreos!! :)

    Kristins last blog post..Alice in Non-Dairyland

  23. Then there’s the feature that asks you to narc on the other members of your family. “So…how is Daddy-o’s posture looking lately?” or “I haven’t seen Mamasita in a few days!”

    Talk about Wii paranoia! :)

    Stacey @ Happy Are Wes last blog post..When It’s Already Gone

  24. Wii Fit yelled at me for 1.5 pounds, once. My BMI is usually around 20. Shouldn’t it tell me not to worry about it?

    I still love it, though!

    merrymishapss last blog post..weekly winners

  25. If I had a computer chastizing me for something as inconsequential as a pound, I think it would drive me to eat MORE cookies, not fewer. Just sayin…

    MommyTimes last blog post..Notes from Monday Morning at the Gym

  26. LOL. Oh my gosh. Wii Fit sounds like my scale. One day you love it; the next you want to toss it out the window.

    I just entered to win a Wii Fit on Dooce. If I don’t win, I’ll consider it lucky now! :)

  27. Oh my gosh, it’s so funny… I want a Wii Fit and I thought it was really interesting when it came out, but what’s been more interesting (and hilarious – bonus!) are the stories like this one I’ve been hearing from people using it!

    I would have to answer d. to the weight gain question… I heart SYTYCD.

    Rachaels last blog post..More advice on resumes and cover letters

  28. My husband bought me a Wii for Mother’s Day and I really want a Wii Fit (just has a baby 3 weeks ago). I saw it once at Wal Mart and I should have bought it but being 9 months pregnant at the time, I figured I didn’t need it yet. Well, I haven’t seen the stupid thing since. I did buy Guitar Hero Aerosmith edition. I can’t wait to get a Wii Fit so I can get back into shape even if its going to piss me off by making my avatar chubbier. Sorry for the long comment but I’m stuck at home with a baby and have nothing else better to do.

  29. I want it. My husband owes you his thanks for opening up my mind about gaming systems.

    EMamas last blog post..Oh, how I love them Internetty Quizzes

  30. I am constantly yelling at that thing! It tells me “oh, looks like balance isn’t your strong point” all snarky and sarcastic. Or, when you havent’ been on for a few days it totally berates you and makes you feel bad! But, I do love some hula hooping.

  31. shut up, I love this..

    I don’t even have a Wii and I WANT one only for the fitness thing.

    Hilarious.

    staciesmadnesss last blog post..Something cool is happening.

  32. We totally told those skinny wii fit bitches at the wii fit party that there needs to be a “I got my period so back the **** off” option for that question.

    They said they thought that was a great idea, and they’d get back to us about that.

    Heh.

    VDogs last blog post..17 Things About 17 Months

  33. I just got a Wii Fit (finally!) yesterday and spent an hour and a half on it last night. I love that it tells me I’m fat and unbalanced. Nothing like a little gentle encouragement!

    dees last blog post..Three

  34. It did not!! Seriously? It made you chubbier around the middle. Wow, I really hate the Wii, yet I’m so intrigued by it…

    Nette @ Smiling Moms last blog post..Happy Birthday to you!

  35. I knew that thing was evil.

    Candys last blog post..Altercation with the Crazies, Part 16

  36. Like we need another entity telling us that type of crap!!

    danas last blog post..Deny, Deny, Deny

  37. Damn, who knew Wii Fit had attitude!! What a biotch!

    Rheas last blog post..Butt-Scootching happy dance.

  38. it’s bad enough you have a daughter that will inevitably give you attitude, but now you have a friggin video game do it too???

  39. LOL. That damn mid-section on my mii is killing me!!

    pgoodnesss last blog post..summer

  40. I have an ongoing love/hate relationship with my wii-fit.

    It’s worth it just for the cardio-boxing though. I think I have a crush on my trainer. . .

    threeundertwos last blog post..Creative or Crazy?

  41. I truly don’t know if my butterfly-wing fragile ego can handle abuse from a piece of electronic attitude…do I need my video games judging me too? I’ll probably get one and I’ll think about developing an eating disorder.

    Yeah, right. If I could commit to an eating disorder, I’d have stuck to my diet and be able to post this from a place of complete superiority.

    –Anissa
    http://www.hope4peyton.org

  42. Aw, man. I was looking forward to someday buying a Wii. But why spend money on it now that I know it will only make me look fat?

    Camilles last blog post..I’m Havin’ Fun. {So Sue Me.}

  43. I don’t care how fat IT thinks YOU are…I’m still jealous. No Wii around here. Have to go to grandpas house!

  44. Wow. That might be enough for me to NOT ever get a Wii…

    Reeses last blog post..Dear Husbands,

  45. I love my Wii Fit until it tells me that I am fat. Or fatter. As the case may be.

    Bries last blog post..The one where I mostly talk about a wedding that isn’t mine!

  46. I think when I stepped on my Wii Fit and it shouted “Ow!” I promptly wanted to kick it. I’m not that fat! At least I have curves! It’s all flat and pale!

    Jia@ColorMeUntypicals last blog post..WFMW: 5 Ingrediants or Less

  47. I cannot live w/o peanut butter m&m’s while surfing the red wave. If my husband said something to me like that, I’d change the locks. If the Wii said that to me, I’d drop kick it. I think it’s cheaper if I buy TWO bags of m&m’s & call it a day.

    Lawyer Mamas last blog post..I Need You to Dress Me!

  48. Casey,
    Sounds like your Wii Fit and mine should get together. My IBS is not a good excuse for my Wii Fit…well I’m SOOO sorry you didn’t give me an option for I can’t POO :P
    BMA Wii Fit… B M A

  49. Oh but you forgot to mention how amazingly FUN the wii fit is! you are only required to weigh yourself once, and you can totally cheat. (make a skinny teenager stand on there FOR you!) and, then you may go on and play some magical games and beat your husband’s top scores. yah. it’s happened.

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