…we almost got divorced.
I admit, it was my idea to do the whole Lamaze thing. IT’S WHAT YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO DO!
But now that I have a neighbor who is eleven and a half months pregnant it’s all rushing back to my just how lame Lamaze was for us, and that fateful day that I actually seriously considered doing all this baby junk on my own.
“If you have the kid on the day of my final I’ll just have to come after it’s over.”
“LIKE HELL YOU’LL COME WHEN IT’S OVER THIS IS THE BIRTH OF YOUR CHILD!”
“Oh yeah, well who’s going to pay the bills if I flunk out of school?”
“YOU WON’T FLUNK OUT OF SCHOOL, OF ALL THE EXCUSES IN THE WORLD THAT WOULD GET OUT OUT OF A FINAL THE BIRTH OF YOUR FIRST CHILD IS RIGHT AT THE TIPPY TOP.”
“My teacher said there’s no excuses for anything not no way not no how.”
“(enter another pregnant all caps raving rant here ending with IF THE BIRTH OF YOUR CHILD ISN’T ALL THAT IMPORTANT TO YOU THEN I’LL JUST DO IT ON MY OWN WHO NEEDS YOU!”
We finally made it to Lamaze. I was steaming FREAKING mad. Crying even. I didn’t want HIM to touch me. I didn’t even want to admit that he was the one who impregnated me.
Have I ever mentioned that I was bat crap crazy when I was pregnant? Because now would be a good time to mention it. I was prone to raving rants of lunacy. At least weekly. More on that later.
Bad news bears.
I forget my point. But there’s an awful lot that’s rushing back with a really pregnant lady around more.
For example SOMEBODY, who just happens to be really pregnant and lives right down the street from me, woke up at four am yesterday to wash, fold and hang her new baby’s clothes. But I’m not naming names.
Somebody else, named me, headed out at midnight to buy a new shower curtain the day before her due date. Not only did she buy a shower curtain, she IRONED IT, STARCHED IT and hung it up before going to bed at 2 am and waking up in labor at 5 am. (The glories of having a baby near Christmastime. Stores are open late to pregnant nesting whims.)
Ah pregnancy. Craaaaazzzziiieeesss….