…we almost got divorced.

Yep.

I admit, it was my idea to do the whole Lamaze thing. IT’S WHAT YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO DO!

But now that I have a neighbor who is eleven and a half months pregnant it’s all rushing back to my just how lame Lamaze was for us, and that fateful day that I actually seriously considered doing all this baby junk on my own.

“If you have the kid on the day of my final I’ll just have to come after it’s over.”

“LIKE HELL YOU’LL COME WHEN IT’S OVER THIS IS THE BIRTH OF YOUR CHILD!”

“Oh yeah, well who’s going to pay the bills if I flunk out of school?”

“YOU WON’T FLUNK OUT OF SCHOOL, OF ALL THE EXCUSES IN THE WORLD THAT WOULD GET OUT OUT OF A FINAL THE BIRTH OF YOUR FIRST CHILD IS RIGHT AT THE TIPPY TOP.”

“My teacher said there’s no excuses for anything not no way not no how.”

“(enter another pregnant all caps raving rant here ending with IF THE BIRTH OF YOUR CHILD ISN’T ALL THAT IMPORTANT TO YOU THEN I’LL JUST DO IT ON MY OWN WHO NEEDS YOU!”

We finally made it to Lamaze. I was steaming FREAKING mad. Crying even. I didn’t want HIM to touch me. I didn’t even want to admit that he was the one who impregnated me.

Have I ever mentioned that I was bat crap crazy when I was pregnant? Because now would be a good time to mention it. I was prone to raving rants of lunacy. At least weekly. More on that later.

Bad news bears.

I forget my point. But there’s an awful lot that’s rushing back with a really pregnant lady around more.

For example SOMEBODY, who just happens to be really pregnant and lives right down the street from me, woke up at four am yesterday to wash, fold and hang her new baby’s clothes. But I’m not naming names.

Somebody else, named me, headed out at midnight to buy a new shower curtain the day before her due date. Not only did she buy a shower curtain, she IRONED IT, STARCHED IT and hung it up before going to bed at 2 am and waking up in labor at 5 am. (The glories of having a baby near Christmastime. Stores are open late to pregnant nesting whims.)

Ah pregnancy. Craaaaazzzziiieeesss….

Comments

  1. what a magical time… i just can’t wait. :-P

  2. I was a wreck when I was pregnant too. Especially with my first. The hormones, the fear and excitement all rolled together into a big ol’ ball of crazy!

    Erins last blog post..Karate Kid

  3. uuuummmmmm….well, I didn’t really get around much when I was pregnant on account of the bed rest. BUT.

    EVERYTHING in my line of vision had to be PERFECT. No clothes on the ground, magazines lined up perfectly, bedside table immaculate. And you don’t even want to know what a freak I was about my hospital room.

    Since I had to stay in bed, I was the queen bee who yelled at everyone to clean.

    I? Was a joy.

    Heathers last blog post..My Daughter, The Dress Up Doll

  4. Damn men. What the crap do they know?

    A Whole Lot of Nothings last blog post..Photohunt: Hanging Claire

  5. Still sleep-deprived with my 10mo old son, I look at pregnant women these days and just roll my eyes. FOOLS! I think to myself. It may be a while before we decide on one more baby or not. :/

    Stacey @ Happy Are Wes last blog post..The Offer

  6. We went to three childbirth classes and fought on our way to each one.

    Also I always thought I should have known my second child was going to be premature when I found myself cleaning out my fridge at midnight when I was only 33 weeks along.

    Merediths last blog post..Out of the mouths of babes

  7. I can’t believe you starched the shower curtain. I feel like I was way too easy on my husband during my pregnancy. Next time I’m demanding much more favors.

  8. And you want to go through that again!? Wow.

    I think I could be happy just doing it once and then keep adopting more random animals…

    Reeses last blog post..School Daze

  9. For real, lamaze was the most relaxing time of my pregnancy. In fact, it might have been the only time my hubby didn’t want to strangle me because every time I laid on the mat and they turned on that soothing music, I passed right the hell out! OUT, snoring, drooling for the next 30 minutes. I think it brought us closer together as a couple.

    I just saw the video of your portion of the keynote speech. I had read it as a post, but was just floored by hearing it live in your voice, with all the emotions and inflection you meant for it to have. I think that was tremendously courageous and I sure hope I get the chance to meet you and tell you that in person in ’09.

    Thank you.

    Anissa@Hope4Peytons last blog post..The Healing Power of Ribbons

  10. I did some very, very crazy things while pregnant. I felt like a different person. It was as if I had undergone a brain transplant.

    Shamelessly Sassys last blog post..The One Eyed Creeper

  11. Ha ha! You know, I was bat crap crazy pregnant too. I think I was ALOT worse the second time around! Why do men have to be SO STUPID when we’re SO hormonal? The night before I had Chloe- NO SLEEP! I stayed up all night washing all the walls. I felt like they were toxic and I didn’t want my baby breathing in whatever could be on the walls! Silly prego brain!

  12. We were perswaded by the midwife to go to one class near the end of my first pregnancy… I had resisted up til then as I felt that they really weren’t my thing.

    I was so right.

    Luckily I had different midwives for my subsequent pregnancies and classes really weren’t my husband’s thing either, so I was free to stay home with my feet up reading a stack of books instead :)

    mamacrows last blog post..Chim-chiminey, chim-chiminey, chim-chim cheroo…

  13. I wasn’t crazy when I was pregnant. But oddly, everybody around me was.

  14. crazy. yep I was too. I remember once when I had a mad craving for Hooters hot wings, and Michael refused to bring me because he didn’t feel it was appropriate to bring me to hooters all in the condition I was in…

    we almost got divorced over hotwings.

    DesignHER Mommas last blog post..Feeders, Readers and Blogs…oh my!

  15. I was a lamaze drop out. Yeah. Made it to 1 class and couldn’t bring myself to go back.

    I got emotional because the instructor made comments of my inability to squat correctly.

    Wait, you ironed a shower curtain? wow. that’s all. wow.

    crookedeyebrows last blog post..Pluckin’ through the sitemeter…

  16. I just feel bad for the gal who is 11 1/2 months pregnant…poor girl :)… I bet she’s really getting CRAZY!

    Toast 2 Moms last blog post..My Life on the Mommy Blog "D" List

  17. I was that 4 am lady when I was PG. I had so much energy at 4 am it was ridiculous.

    At that time my husband (cop) was working the night shift and came home at 6 am and heard a vacuum and thought – who in the world vacuums at 6 am – and then discovered it was ME. HAHAHAHHHA Poor fella.

    Darla-UltraBeautyBoutiques last blog post..Fat Ticker Saturday, Weight Loss

  18. Glad your marriage survived! =)

    Camels & Chocolates last blog post..Bookworm

  19. LOL We are all crazy when we are pregnant. Maybe not bat crazy, but still…

    My husband teaches college and the day of his class one summer my water broke with child #4. We knew we had time because I hadn’t even started contracting yet, but all his students in the class were freaking out that he wasn’t rushing home. It was really funny. Had it been baby #1, he would have been!

    Camilles last blog post..Wow!

  20. hee hee … sounds about normal.

    Mrs. Wilsons last blog post..Duty

  21. My hubby told me I couldn’t have the baby the first Saturday in May (Kentucky Derby) or the last Saturday in May (Indy 500). He would laugh when he would say it though but I always wondered what really would have happened if I HAD gone into labor on those days. Maybe then I would be divorced?

    Mandys last blog post..Relaxing Nascar Style

  22. Pregnancy definitely brings out the craziness in women (and men)! Love your shower curtain story. lol Scary! I’m glad lamaze didn’t lead to divorce. :o)

    Rheas last blog post..King Kachi – Camera Critters

  23. Classes were so not our thing either. We did the whole day one and stuck out early.

    However, the real reason I’m unlurking to comment… YOU STARCHED A SHOWER CURTAIN??? Even with the pregnant crazies, I totally can’t figure that one out.

    Ok, done now.

    Amelia Sprouts last blog post..I named the baby doll Hazel

  24. I don’t even know what Lamaze is. Is that just regular pre-natal labor training?

    Either way, husbands. Sometimes – BAAAH.

    Her Bad Mothers last blog post..That’s Me In The Corner

  25. Absolutely crazy with my first. Then with my second I was on my happy pill (Zoloft) and was much happier!

    Lamaze is totally not my thing. When I told my mother in law I felt nothing during the delivery of my first baby she then said, “You will never give birth naturally.” Like having an epidural was the worst thing because then I would never truly experience the way birth was meant to be, PAINFUL!!!!!!!!!

  26. The whole Lamaze thing… bleahhh. I became a childbirth educator (NOT “lamaze”) because I wanted to offer something to people OTHER than lame old lamaze. I have no idea why it’s still all the rage at hospitals!

  27. Um, is your husband by any chance a law student? Because that conversation/situation sounds remarkably familiar to me…

    Yeah, just checked your “About Me” and it looks like he was probably in law school. That’s fun, huh? Being due during law school finals?

    Beth – total mom haircuts last blog post..Dolphins

  28. Heh. With our first, my wife reorganized the linen/medicine/toiletries closet a couple of days before she went into labour. Then she had a c-section and couldn’t get up to look for stuff for herself, and the pregnancy brain meant she couldn’t remember where anything was. I found the advil sometime after my daughter was sitting up on her own.

    SciFi Dads last blog post..Five Years

  29. EVERYONE is bat crap crazy when they’re pregnant. No exceptions. Except maybe some of us are raving loons.

    My favorite nesting symptom is having to have all new toilet seats. Now. It’s important.

    Jamis last blog post..V & W are right next to each other.

  30. What is it about being pregnant that makes us nuts??

    Marias last blog post..I’m in The New York Times, bitches.

  31. So…….either I was completely sane when pregnant (which is possible, since I had 3 more kids in two pregnancies) or, I was so crackers that I’ve blocked it out (which is possible, since I had 3 more kids in two pregnancies). Hmm.

    Kristins last blog post..Well bitching isn’t helpful

  32. I would have had the same reaction had my husband told me that. And one night, about three weeks before delivery, my husband nearly called the cops on me because I was organizing the guest room closet. At 2 a.m.

    Michelles last blog post..Mother of the year, part three

  33. I’ve never been crazier. And I’m not really known for my sanity to begin with.

    EMamas last blog post..Winner

  34. that sounds like our convo, Angela was born right around exam time, and the law school is across the street from the maternity ward of the university hospital, where all the pregos go to have their babies. And I as well got the whole well what if I have an exam…..men… I tell ya…hey at least you are not alone!

    Liam Craigs last blog post..Well it will be a busy week….

  35. ****ing hilarious. I split the psycho-ness between pregnancies. I nested like crazay the first time. Halllo??? I scrubbed the floor with a toothbrush and alphabetized the pantry. Was crazy! The second time I ranted daily, and craved a different drink every hour.

    Dianas last blog post..Dark and Twisty, I am

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