Last week I went to the doctor in hopes of finding something to explain my big mysterious symptom.
Someday I’m going to befriend a doctor and somehow trick him into telling me the truth about patients like me.
And what kind of patient am I?
One that goes in with a symptom of “sleepiness.” Or “fatigue” if you don’t want to sound like such a baby.
“Can you expound on that?” asked the hot doctor.
“I’m really sleepy all the time. I eat well, I sleep well, I drink plenty of water, I don’t really drink caffeine and yet I could curl up and take a six hour nap if you could just get me a pillow that isn’t wrapped in paper. Sorry dude, but all I have for you is sleepy.”
Then came the depression questions, if you have in your chart that you suffer from depression you know what the depression questions are.
“So do you have any hobbies?”
“What do you like to do?”
“Are you feeling withdrawn? Like you don’t want to be around people?”
“Any thoughts of hurting yourself or others?”
Now I’ve never had the depression questions when I haven’t been “in” for depression, they sounded kind of funny, like “Who would ever want to hurt themselves? And of course I want to be around people! I’m a people person! What kind of questions are these? I’m sleepy, not suicidal!” And bless his little heart, this was the same fresh faced doctor that asked about my uh, p.., erm, uhh, uhm, er, uhhh, menses. I answered them of course, proving that it wasn’t depression that was turning me into a hibernating bear in the middle of the summer.
I told him I like to write (I left out the bit about “I like to write about my life on the internet for complete strangers” only becase that would have led to a whole other string of questions that I didn’t want to answer. If you’ve ever had to explain to someone that you blog (and sometimes even blog about hot doctors) then you know why I avoided the question.) I also told him I like to hang out with my kid and go on adventures, I like to take pictures, I like to bake, and I like to hang out with friends and like totally hang out at the mall and listen to my new NKOTB CD.
He asked how old my kid was. I told him.
“Well that’s probably why you’re tired, you have a lot going on.”
Oh, well. Now my life has a lot going on to the point of utter and complete exhaustion. Good to know, Cody, did you hear that? Mama needs a break. Now I’m not going to claim my life is easy, but it’s no Deadliest Catch either. I’ve been at this mothering gig full time for a few years now, I was just starting to to think it was getting easier, not harder.
After sucking blood out of me the doctor concluded that I have lovely blood without a hint of abnormalities.
Apparently I just, wait, how did he put it? “Have a lot going on.”
Guess that’s a pretty fair diagnosis for someone who came in as “sleepy.”