Foster parenting. Adoption. Scams. Miscarriage.
Chances are a good majority of humans can relate to one of these. For many of you, one of them may have been a defining moment in your life.
Now imagine having all four happen to you, one happen twice, and it all happening within five months.
Now imagine it happening to your best friend and being a thousand miles away from being able to make anything hurt less.
Some of you were around when I wrote a snarky post about my best friend being pregnant. Yes, it hurt. And yes, I went about it wrong. Now imagine my shame finding out that my best friend had a horrible miscarriage days later. One that landed her in the ER, the day after she took a difficult foster child into her home. She was almost seventeen weeks. Had it happened any later she would have had to labor to, well, you know.
My best friend was in Utah, I was in Indiana. I had no words to say to her, there are no words for situations like this. When I did get ahold of her, I could hear the pain in her voice. She wasn’t herself. Her writing was not the girl I had known for seven years. My heart ached for her, and short of constant prayers for her I was helpless. Helpless until I told my husband I was hopping on a plane to go to Utah to hug her. As much as you’d like to believe my very presence on her doorstep with lasagna in hand healed her instantly, it did not. I knew she had a long road ahead of her and no one could heal her. I saw a glimpse of what God must feel for all of us, wanting to take all of the hurt and pain away but knowing that’s not how it works.
A few weeks later a birth mom contacted Kim, telling her she was pregnant and due in June and that she wanted to place her baby with Kim’s family. Those who knew Kim were over the moon. Kim began to sound like herself again.
And then crap hit the fan again.
The birth mom was never actually pregnant. She was seeking attention, and she got it. But she couldn’t have picked a worse girl to mess with. Kim and her family had been warned about these “scammers” and yet were too overwhelmed with what had already happened to notice the warning signs right away. Chelsia, if you’re out there? I hope you have a thousand tiny slivers in your butt cheeks and all you have to sit on are lemons.
The situation with the foster child continued, given her circumstances and emotional state she fell in love with that little boy and loved him as her own. There were rumors of adoption with him and his baby sister but they have both since gone to stay with their birth mother.
Lastly, the most recent development was that another birth mom picked Kim’s family to place her baby with. This one was really pregnant. And really sure Kim was the one. Kim was ready. If I can say one thing about that girl, she is adaptable. She spread the news of the upcoming adoption, feeling it was safe this time.
Things went a little wonky with the birth mother, the situation changed and this time Kim backed out for the emotional benefit not only for herself but for her family. She has been picked by two other birth mothers in the past but both decided after birth to parent their children, which is fantastic for the family that gets to stay together, but difficult for the family whose arms are left empty.
Through all of this Kim trained for a half marathon, and totally finished it.
Why do I write this? Because her story needs to be told. Kim is an amazing mother, wife, photographer and friend. Never in my entire life did I see her getting hit with this much garbage in a matter of months. Had she been your friend and you told me her story I wouldn’t have believed you.
No one is immune from pain, suffering or sorrow. But it’s how we deal with it that makes us stand out. And Kim is dealing with it like a superstar, despite her feelings of inadequacy.
Her baby Peanut would have been born two weeks ago. Had the original birth mom actually been pregnant she’d have a four month old baby to care for. Had the foster situation gone through she would have had two more children to love. Had this final adoption gone through? She would have had five additions to her family within five months.
Kim was born to be a mother, a wife, a photographer, a sister, a friend and selfishly, an answer to my prayers.
To come that close to five children. And be left with none.
Can you imagine?