I am currently writing this with the equivalent of a very tasty breakfast smeared on my face.

It involves oatmeal, sugar and a few other random things floating around my MIL’s kitchen.

Google told me how. Well, google told me to try some jojoba oil and I told google that when I step outside I smell cows and I’m awoken to a rooster every morning so therefore jojoba oil is not really a viable option from where I stand.¬†

Cow pies and roadkill however? Plentiful.

Anyway.

This is my face meeting up with the recession. I do not have naturally dewey glowy luminous skin, I have photoshop. I do however have naturally blotchy, zitty, puffy skin. WHEE!

I have yet to find something that works. And that’s when we had the budget that allowed me to find products that worked. (Even though they didn’t.) I used that Olay stuff that promised luminosity. I used the entire Philosophy line only to find myself with bad skin and without a lot of money. I failed with Proactive and pretty much the only time I came close to lovely skin is when I washed my face with snow for a week.

Seriously.

And then the snow melted and I was out of luck.

So here I sit, with Quaker Oats on my face. (Not even from a tub, they’re from an instant baggie. *sigh*)

I’m thinking back on all the dumb things I’ve done for beauty.

Mayo in my hair? Check.

Eggs in my hair? Check.

Cooking oil on my face? Check.

Beer in my hair AND on my face? Check.

Rock salt as a scrub? I’m pretty sure sliding down a razor naked would hurt less.

So tell me, have you ever done anything dumb for beauty? Do you have any suggestions of things I can make out of food storage that will give me the dewey luminous skin I dream of?

My, uh, “mask?” Starting to burn.

Stay tuned…

Comments

  1. The single most brilliant and trustworthy thing I have ever discovered? The piercing antiseptic they give you at Claire’s when you get your ears pierced makes pimples go away within 24 hours. Dab some on with a q tip at night, and they’ll be smaller and almost gone when you wake up.

  2. i have horrible icky yucky skin. I’ve always thought it was too oily or something. now i’m beginning to believe it is actually TOO dry.
    during this season my skin dries out anyway. So i remembered a site that mentioned a bunch of beauty uses for vaseline. And it had gotten to the point of where putting regular moisturizer on my face would STING. (this was about 2 weeks ago). So one night after i got out of the shower (i wash my face while I”m showering with a face wash made from all natural ingredients, since I”m allergic to EVERYTHING) and after I dried off I applied the vaseline by using a cotton ball. You don’t need to smear it on, just a very light coating that makes you look very shiny. You LEAVE IT ON OVERNIGHT. I woke up the next morning with my skin feeling softer than it had since I was the Moosh’s age and i didn’t break out all that week (which is a heck of an accomplishment)

    Ambers last blog post..The Pressures we put on women in our society regarding child-bearing and raising.

  3. jane dough says:

    I make a thick paste of lemon juice and brown sugar. Then I let it sit on my face while in the tub and only gently rub it as I wash it off. They have acids that sufficiently exfoliate but are gentle enough for the face. I have an aesthetic license (read eyebrow waxing and skin care) but am still often unwilling to fork out cash I don’t have for glycolic peels and alpha/beta hydroxy treatments.
    by the by – with rock salt/cornmeal/apricot kernels: always be sure that what you rub on your face has an even, spheroid texture. (NOT apricot scrub on anything but your feet or rough elbows, etc.) uneven stuff like salt can tear pores causing redness, acne, and damaged skin. I only use the brown sugar gently and after the lemon juice has soften some of the grains.
    Often if there is zits with no oil (esp. in winter) = gentle exfoliating 2x a week to get rid of dead skin cells that could be clogging pores. Yogurt also has gentle acids. If you are not dry, heavy scrubbing can cause irritation and more acne.
    If oily, use some sort of clay mask 1 or 2x a week to absorb oil. Kaolin or french is easy to order online.

  4. I have horrendous skin, and some of this advice makes me want to cry. My skin is dry, oily, zitty and starting to ‘crease’ (I refuse to use the ‘w’ word) – oh, and I have rosacea (sp?). So if something doesn’t work, it also makes my face swell and turn REALLY red. But my miracle is Sage Skin Care. It’s pricey, but it works. The website is http://www.zerozits.com.

  5. Baking soda for the skin. A friend of mine recommended it and I can’t believe it. It’s messy to get a paste that doesn’t leave a trail of baking soda all over, um, well everywhere, but it really does clear up my skin….Dewy, not so much an option in the middle of the DESERT, but….everytime I break out I break out the baking soda!