Nothing packs a wallop to a barren, unfruitful uterus like a Hollywood pregnancy. 

I’m not even talking about celebrities, which BTW, Britney? Why do you get two? And Angelina? Don’t even get me started.

I’m talking about movie pregnancies, television pregnancies and yes, even novel pregnancies.

I threw Breaking Dawn against the wall when I found out that little whiny human was knocked up by someone who doesn’t even produce sperm, just VENOM.

I screamed at the TV when Sun ended up LOST and pregnant on a deserted island with no one but her infertile husband Jin around to do the job.

Elizabeth the Golden Age? OF COURSE YOU CAN GET PREGNANT WITH THE QUEEN’S LOVE INTEREST THE FIRST TIME YOU DO THE DEED.

Meh.

There’s already a raging debate going on that romantic movies put too much pressure on everyday husbands who’s wives expect them to come home holding stereos playing Peter Gabriel above their heads every time they screw up. Fashion magazines put too much pressure on young girls to look flawless, tan and thin. Parenting magazines would have you believe that parenting is a beautiful joy spent surrounded by Pottery Barn furnishings and pastel clothing.

Well I’m here to say that movie pregnancies are just as bad.

There’s an ENTIRE MOVIE dedicated to getting pregnant off of a one night stand (and no, it’s not my kid in the movie.)

Yes, I know it can happen. Just like winning the lottery can happen.

But why my cousin can get his girlfriend pregnant, dump the kid on his handicapped parents,forcing them to adopt the baby, AND THEN GET THE SAME GIRLFRIEND pregnant again, even though they’ve had restraining orders on each other, twice, IS BEYOND ME.

I want to hear your favorite unrealistic pregnancy, real or theatrical. Maybe if I surround myself with so much ridiculousness I’ll be able to get pregnant while swimming through an ocean of fairies and twinkling lights while my husband is taking the bar and eating hot dogs half a world away while on my Barry Manilow karaoke world tour.

Hey, it could happen.

Comments

  1. Dude! If you’re gonna give away the ending to a book I haven’t read yet…TELL ME FIRST! Then I will not read this post.

    *Covers eyes…LALALALA…Did NOT just read a spoiler for Breaking Dawn*

  2. Ok, this one is a “you’ve got to be kidding me” story. My parents had my brother at 20 (surprise), afterward they used protection. Low and behold I appeared 13 months later. 21 months later my brother came along. (again, while using protection) 18 months after my brother my mom got pregnant again. That time it was “twins” and they found out she has 2 uteri, with one child in each. Apparently her doctor’s never knew she had a double cervix and she had been using a diaphragm for BC. The doctor’s were all thrilled because of the rarity of having a baby in each uterus, meanwhile my mother was crying on the table because she was 24 and going to be mother to 5 children.(hello, overwhelming) She had to argue with her doctor to have her tubes tied because back then they wouldn’t do it for someone so young. Good thing my mother loves children and we are all blessed to be here.

    And I understand the seemingly irrational emotions. It’s hard to get all excited for other people’s joy when you are suffering through trying. I have beaten myself up so many times because I haven’t been able to get all excited about my new niece. And I’m soooooooooooo tired of all the insensitive comments that people make to me without realizing it. I could care less if they mean well.

    My prayers are with you as you hang on to your hopes and dreams.

    Rachels last blog post..Making it Through

  3. Gosh, Casey, just sending you a big hug. I am always bummed for you when I read that pregnancies are mocking you all over the place. Even imaginary half-human/half-vampire ones.

    I’m just thinking of Abraham & Sarah.

    And law school? I can speak from experience that it’s not exactly a welcoming environment for conception. I mean, come on, we had dates at Meijer…@ 11 p.m…to buy food…So NOT romantic.

    Keep the faith, sister.

  4. Oh, and if Manilow doesn’t cut it, perhaps the Carpenters will!!!

  5. My cousin, who is 26 years old, has been pregnant FIVE TIMES – all by the low life boyfriend she refuses to marry.

    The last time? Was after a supposed tubal ligation.

    Miss Brits last blog post..More Degrees Of Separation

  6. It makes me sad when I read about women who desperately want babies, and can’t have them, while I desperately DON’T want babies, and probably CAN have them :(
    I’ll act as a surrogate if need be!

    Megs last blog post..What I’ve done

  7. Freshman year of high school: 14-year-old girl who’s pregnant in my biology class. She leaves school a month or so before her baby is born. Junior year, she has another baby.

    Freshman in college, accomplished athlete. Does the nasty with another accomplished athlete and gets pregnant. Does not stay pregnant, but would have had twin boys.

    Seriously. Women need to work out a work-share program involving uteri. Jeez.

    Marins last blog post..Florida

  8. Just Slightly Bitter says:

    I know how you feel Casey! I currently know 5 (count’em 5 !?!!) pregnant women. At least one of them was an accidental pregnancy that they didn’t initially want but are now going to keep. To top it all off, one of the pregnant people is my SIL that pre-dated my hubby and I’s wedding date by 6 months, AFTER she knew what date we were setting ours at…and then picked the colors I wanted to have…GRRRR!! Now she is getting her baby and celebrating her anniversary (always before ours now, even though she knew her hubby for MUCH less time before they married and went against parents wishes for when to get married….) I am hoping to get pregnant soon, but it took my parents over a decade to conceive my older brother, so who knows how long it will take us, hopefully we dont have to wait another 7 years… Casey I know just how you feel, and I am about to have a LOT of really pregnant people and their hormones shoved in my face… Anyone know where they get their water??

  9. 3 years ago almost to the date, my hubby and I said “hey, maybe we should start trying”. We conceived the very first try, just 3 days after I quit the pill. She is 27 months old now.

    Just 2 months ago, while in pre-op for my gallbladder removal the nurse asks “Uh – is their a possibility you are pregnant?” I tell her no way, we are using two forms for BC but the blood tests said differently. Talk about shocking! We were thinking of trying after the surgery, but I was totally not ready for that news. I have since lost that pregnancy (and OMG, that is such an awful experience – my heart goes out to anyone who has gone through that once, let alone multiple times) and now hope that after the surgery (re-scheduled in a few weeks) I can conceive again as easily and maintain the pregnancy… because in my perfect world, I would be 3-4 months along right now and not dealing with a bum gallbladder.

    ikates last blog post..Good-Bye 2008

  10. Friends of ours told us that my girlfriend’s ex husband who had beaten her children so bad they were in the hospital and was declared bipolar and now pays $30.00 a month in child support (I KNOW!)… remarried. They couldn’t have any children so they went to my fertility clinic. They couldn’t afford the IVF, so the government because they are on welfare and he is in medical need approved a full funding for them. Now they are pregnant and we are still on the waiting list and saving up money. This world is REALLY twisted.

  11. Well I have lots of stories… lets start with the fact that I currently know 35 people that have had babies in the last 3 months or are pregnant…. yes I keep track. Pathetic yes, but such is my life.

    One of these 35 had her twin boys (so now she has 5) early after being on hospital bed rest. She’s my cousin, and is only 5 months older than I am (I’m 25). My wish for her is to slow down, breath, and kick her husband’s butt… he’s a jerk!

    Another story, a former co-worker (one of the overly dramatic kind) who I tried very hard to be a good friend to started dating another co-worker (single dad, in the middle of a nasty divorce his wife up and left all of a sudden leaving him to take care of the 4 kids…) This of course was after she went around telling everyone how much she didn’t like him. Talked of getting married, dumped him, got back together, talked of marriage again, and dumped him again… only to shout down the hallway and through the office of the elementary school where we worked that she was pregnant with his baby.

    She debated giving him up for adoption… but to some other friends of hers, never to us. Ended up in preterm labor and baby was in the NICU for 8 weeks.

    She called another friend a 2 months ago and said she was getting married to some ex-con. We’re sure #2 is already on the way.

    One day, maybe I can be so self centered.

    Erikas last blog post..We’ll see how this goes.

  12. My old friend (dumb as a doorknob, a barbie when she puts enough makeup on) called me right before I found out I was pregnant with Bella. Her new jerkwad bf knocked her up and told her he didn’t love her, didn’t want her to have his kid (he DID have two already, as did she…all supported by the system) and that she had to get an abortion or he would do it for her pretty much. So she did. She did the same thing the NEXT time he knocked her up. But thankfully (puke) he “let” her keep the THIRD one.

    I tell you hon, the first thing I ask when I get to heaven is going to be “WHY?” Believe me.

    ButrflyGardens last blog post..Work

  13. My own story is amazing, with my third and last baby. I did not know when we were trying to get pregnant, but I was menopausal in my late 30s. Premature menopause is quite rare. Had we known, we might have given up trying. But we got pregnant, and after his birth when we wanted one more baby but my periods never resumed, blood tests revealed that I had the ovaries of a 52 yr old woman. It wasn’t perimenopause. I was post-menopausal at that point – done and over. The Lord gave us that baby. He’s a little miracle.

    (Yeah, when Bella got knocked up I thought Twilight had jumped the shark for sure.)

    Amys last blog post..

  14. While my husband and I spent a horrible, painful year trying to get pregnant my 17 yo SIL got knocked up by her loser/ass hat boyfriend. Two days later my FIL informed us he had knocked up his crack-whore (literally, a crack whore) girlfriend with her fifth child, only one of which she had custody of. My sister got pregnant with her third. One of our best friends got pregnant with their first. It was a horrible, horrible time. I asked a lot of the same question – why do they all deserve to be pregnant and we don’t? Fast forward 7 years and we have 6 year old twins and a 3 year old.

    You’ll get through this.

    Lisas last blog post..Self

  15. are you ready to commit suicide by now? I can’t imagine how any of this can be helpful to you in any way whatsoever.

    Just remember Casey, the Lord is in charge. Maybe you already have but I think you should go to him about this in all the ways you know how to.

  16. My sister worked hard for the first kid (it took a couple of years). Then the second was a surprise while she was on birth control. Then they kept trying for #3 and after 7 years gave up and my sis arranged to get a graduate degree when all the sudden it happened. Her kids were 10 and 8 when the third boy was born.

  17. I seriously wish I could donate my lady parts. I have the opposite fear because I did have such an easy time getting pregnant and now that I think I am done I worry about getting pregnant (yes I would happily welcome another baby but I am just done planning and I am a planner like that). I would be one of those birth control, condoms, vasectomy people. See, now I feel bad for writing this and why I wish I could just donate my slightly used parts :-)

    midwest mommys last blog post..Because She Was Dirty

  18. varangianguard says:

    You could always adopt your fecund cousin’s kid(s).

  19. A friend (ish) in high school got pregnant her/their very first time — and he didn’t even (ahem) GO in the inside, if you catch my drift. Her baby was born on my 16th birthday.

    This can’t possibly be helpful. Stinkin’ fertility. Or lack thereof.

    kristis last blog post..Bilingual kids

  20. Crossedwires says:

    Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston, nuff said.

  21. Do we have the same cousin / Mine has 5 kids with 2 baby mamas and well he doesn’t even acknowledge the first 2. Now he and his current wife are splitting up and he took his son and didn’t take his 2 other daughters. WTF…I’m almost embarassed to say we’re blood.

    WMs last blog post..The horror that was New Years Eve

  22. Wow! There are a lot of screwed up people out there and I have another story to throw out there!

    C, a single drug using relative of my husband had a daughter. After awhile she decided she didn’t want her anymore and her mother started raising the little girl. Then C gets pregnant again. After she gives birth, she decides she could use some extra cash. So, she sells the baby. Her family freaks and fights to get the baby back. Now, her father is raising the second daughter. When C showed up for the holidays, guess what? Another baby. I guess she wants to keep this one. I feel so bad for her other daughters as they must feel passed over.

    It literally made me sick that she had another baby. Especially because I want one so badly.

  23. I totally feel your pain, just in a slightly different way. Having lost our baby and then being told not to get pregnant again (without further testing and surgery) makes it so hard for me to see babies. But they are EVERYWHERE. I’m about tired of movies and television for this very reason.

    And I don’t understand how people who don’t want their babies are allowed to keep them when I lost mine and we wanted him so badly.

    Can’t think of any movies off the top of my head, but all the pregnant ones suck right now.

    Megs last blog post..What I Did For New Years

  24. ME! I’ve got one!!! It involves my very own sister!

    Here goes- so she’s not even married and tells me that she really wants to have a baby. She says it with that twinkle in her eye that only a girl like Paris Hilton gets when trying to decide what the new craze is and realizes that she MUST have one of those toy size dogs that come in a little handbag to carry around! Yep. Same look. My sister decided she wanted the new craze- a baby. Thanks hollywood! So, her boyfriend cuts down on the caffeine. Caity starts reading magazines on getting pregnant. The need for the newest, hottest item has set her on a determined road to MOTHERHOOD. Funny. I just shouted out the word MOTHERHOOD when I was talking about my baby sister, who yes, is 22, but has the mentality, still, of a 12 year old! So, what happens? She gets pregnant. And OY! Imagine a 12 year old getting pregnant and the drama they must be with all those hormones! I’m crazy when I’m pregnant and I’m actually a WOMAN! So, she of course has the perfect pregnany and does all the things she needs to do to avoid the genetic surety that is stretch marks and is instantly connected to the LIFE that is growing within her- let’s just say that never happened for me my first time. I was far from connected to that rude thing inside of me that was invading my space! Love her now though! Flash forward to her having the baby. She is now engaged. Her fiancee, herself, and their new son (who depends on them for LIFE’S neccessities) moves in with my parents in their already stifling, cramped split-level home. My mom and I stayed up ALL NIGHT LONG the night before they arrived rearranging the bedrooms so that it would be more comfortable and organized for them when they came home. It was destroyed in a DAY. It’s never gone back to being that way again. Talk about grateful. Since these kids have lived with my parents they have not payed a single bill (my mom even buys the diapers and formula), they leave dirty diapers lying around in the front room, my sister makes my mom stay up with the baby until 4 in the morning because she is just too tired to do it (this has been a regular thing. My mom stays up with the baby while the new parents sleep away. My mom has woken up exhausted every morning!), they don’t clean up after themselves (i.e. dishes, vaccumming, laundry), they don’t make themselves food, and they pawn the baby off on my parents whenever they need to shower or to just go out and party! How nice would it be to have a housekeeper, nanny, and someone to pay all your bills when you become a new mommy? Hell, even if you weren’t a new mommy it would be nice! My sister, even after ALL that my mom does for them, complains ALL the time that she’s sooo tired! She even makes Scott stay home from work occasionally because she’s so tired and just can’t do it and is too frustrated! Boo FREAKING Hoo! !$#*!$#*! Did I mention that she thinks that because she got mastitis right after the baby was born that she had it soooo hard? No? Well, she did! Poor thing. All in all, my sister got what she wanted- a new toy/pet (which reminds me- they also pawned off their ginormous dog on my parents) and my mom and dad became new parents with all the responsibilities! The funny thing is- the children are trying to buy a new home (her fiancee inherited money) yet they can’t even afford to pay my parents ANYTHING (their bills have more than doubled since they moved in) and force my mom to buy diapers and food because they wait until they are all out and my mom doesn’t want her grandson to suffer! Did I tell you- they named him Wolfgang? Ugh! Ok, I’m sure there are some who think that name is alright and all but this Aunt doesn’t! Especially when they call him by the pet name- Wolfy. GAG!

    SIGH! That felt AMAZING to get off my chest! Even though that only skimmed the surface- I could go on to write a novel! Don’t you have some great cousins? I say we go kick our dear Dusty in the balls so he can’t procreate anymore! Love ya!

  25. My sister and husband had two babies back to back. They are 20 months apart and for two LONG years I listened to my sister and her husband tell me how “they just have to look at each other” to get pregnant. gag gag gag. After one family get together my brother in law told me that my decision to marry a “non-member” was the reason God wouldn’t give us a baby. (Oh you should have seen the daggers fly!) Any way after what seemed to be an eternity we were blessed with healthy twins. We tried again when the twins were 12 months for a year. Nothing so we were content with our family. Then three years ago I had the flu. This flu is now two and brings us so much joy. This Christmas I wasn’t feeling good. Hesitantly I took a pregnancy test…positive. I am expect another and we were on birth control.

    The sister I mentioned before, couldn’t get pregnant again for seven years. They tried several drugs and she even had a surgery to see if anything was wrong in the “plumbing”. They went to the fertility clinic to do IVF and the doctor told them to take a two month break then come in for the necessary drugs and shots. During this time our parents took all of my siblings and spouses on a cruise. She got pregnant. So I guess all you need is a $26,000 holiday on a boat!

    Amandas last blog post..‘Tis the Season

  26. I used to work as a social worker at a homeless shelter. About 5 days after my 2nd miscarriage, a woman in the shelter for her second time with her 4 children told me she was pregnant and thinking about getting an abortion because she was pregnant by an African-American and her boyfriend would be angry. And the boyfriend – white and in prison for attempted murder. That’s the only time where I almost physically harmed someone. Seriously, not sure how I stayed on my side of the desk.

  27. I miscarried at 11 weeks…and it killed me when ever I saw this other pregnant “girl” at the pool that summer (looked like she had a due date near my original due date) SMOKING!!!! Every time I see a pregnant woman smoking I think. Why do you get to be pregnant when you are damaging your body and exposing your unborn to that poison and my “perfectly healthy” body hosts babies that stop growing and then spits them out?

    heidis last blog post..Letters and Drawings By Maesyn

  28. blowing some of my fertilness (sp? is it even a word) your way, I am done with it, I don’t need it.

    It’s people like you (and others) that really make me think about surrogacy…I could make some family really happy.

    Sure I’d have to straighten out my smoking and other bad habits…but…

    it can happen ;)

    staciesmadnesss last blog post..Flying WITH kids

  29. my cousin convinces his parents to let his “friend girl” :D live with them till she joins the army. before she makes it to the army SUPRISE! She’s pregnant… but wait it might not be his. awkward. anyway turns out the boy is like his clone no Paternity test. They get married when the little boy is like one. Oh happy day! and within weeks of the wedding BAM pregnant again. has this new girl child 9 mo. later. they are on welfare and all that jazz and she leaves him frequently then comes back. so over Christmas they come to the fam x-mas party. BAM pregnant again. now there is a healthy family life. like really. if you frequently consider divorce it might be time to stop having sex.

    Kells last blog post..Excuse me? Attention Everyone! We’re in The Witness Protection Program!

  30. in college an RA walked by me while i worked the desk every day. just knew her enough to say “hi, niki”.

    one day, she walked in w/ a baby probably 2 months old.
    i asked who it was.
    it was HERS.

    turned out, she hid her pregnancy from everyone. including her mom. then she went to bio lab. left and broke water in bathroom. ambulance took her to hospital and she had her baby (on my birthday). called her mom that night to say- mom? i just had a baby. can you take care of her while i finish school?

    turns out she was on track to be a doctor. i graduated before her; but she was still around and doing well for 2 years and the daughter would come visit some weekends.

    hmmmmm wonder what happened to them.

    mpotters last blog post..nothing to see here

  31. It is so hard for me to hear all of these women struggling with fertility issues. I have quite a few friends who have had to go the Chlomid, IVF route to get pregnant…some successful and some not so successful. For the life of me I can’t figure it out. It took us 14 months to conceive our daughter and then we got pregnant with her brother the first month we tried. We talked about having a third child, but decided we were blessed with two, healthy kids. My husband had his appointment scheduled for his procedure and two weeks before the appointment we found out we were pregnant. We were only intimate one time without protection…once. It still shocks me. I will have a three year old, a two year old and a newborn. CRAZY! I will continue to pray for you that you are able to have more children. Maybe if you stop trying it will happen. I don’t know. This life sure doesn’t make much sense these days.

  32. When I was pregnant with my first child (after fertility treatments), one day I was talking to my landlord’s niece (17, had 2 or 3 kids already and was pregnant again). She exclaimed, “I’m going to have my baby before you because my water broke!” (I was due in July, this was in March.)

    She had her baby in August. Talk about ignorant – she didn’t have a clue how far along she was in pregnancy when she’d been through it before! Grrr. I wonder if she ever had prenatal care – they would have been able to tell her a real due date.

    I agree with what many have said – it doesn’t seem to make sense that people who don’t take care of themselves have children, people who don’t take care of their children have more children, but people who would be caring parents are denied the opportunity. I don’t have an answer for that.

  33. I am sorry I dont have much to share here, but just want to say that I really loved your write-ups here. They are simple yet quite thought provoking. I got to your blog through Facebook BlogNetworks… :)
    Tc

    Afaques last blog post..We Condemn War

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