When I was but a young child I thought that when a dad’s bellybutton touched the mom’s bellybutton in a “baby hug” a mom got pregnant. The kid was in her stomach and after awhile she pooped it out. I never did understand where food went with all that baby crowding her business. I also never really learned the difference between pregnant and overweight until embarrassing my parents over and in front of a long time (heavy set) friend.

Sorry about that guys, kids, sheesh. Right?

My aunt remembers a dream from when she was little (well before she knew where babies were made and where they came out for reals) that she remembers to this day. She barfed the baby out of her stomach through her mouth (because in her world babies hung out in stomachs too) but it wasn’t “cooked” all the way. So she swallowed the baby and some sort of Polariod photo fluid to “develop” the baby.

the moosh is at a point where she believes that a baby is put in a mom’s tummy when Heavenly Father decides to get His act together and put one in there. Being four she’s big on turns, so when I told her that her friend was going to have another little sister she looked at me and said “God skipped you.”

Kids, sheesh.

Now that I’m a grownup I know where babies are made and I’m even more aware of where they come out and what they do to you while they’re shacking up in your uterus for the majority of a year. I’m also very aware that when there’s a problem with the baby making hardware there’s really only one easy way in.

What I wouldn’t have given for a zippered bellybutton today.

I’m just going to say it.

Vaginal ultrasound.

*shiver*

Now this is also where I date myself in the babymaking process, when the tech pulled out the “wand of wonder” today I said “THAT’S IT? The last time I had this done the thing was the size of a TSA wand in airport security.”

Obviously the girl was young, fresh and new because in her memory of schooling she had never seen one bigger than the one she was holding.

Dear 2003, I demand my dignity back. Those two ultrasounds I endured back then were similar to having a spatula inserted (and not an omlette spatula, a full on pancake spatula) resulting in the tech trying to flip my uterus back to my tailbone in one swift movement.

Today’s ultrasound had soothing music, dimmed lights and I’m pretty sure an aromatherpy something was involved. I had my own little screen to watch the goings on in the KC Baby Ranch. Sadly after two previous ultrasounds I know what wrong looks like.

And my insides are all wrong.

It’s as if the outside of me is an average everyday person with a few zits and chubby knees.

Inside? Joaquin Phoenix circa Late Show 2009.

There is a cyst party going on down south and no babies are invited until they get all of their slobbish fraternal ways off my ovaries.

The good news? I have an explanation on the sudden 15 pound weight gain, zits as far as the eye can see and hairs in places where there should never be hairs on a girl. This also includes hairs with texture that should never never be found on girls.

I thought pregnancy cured PCOS. LIES! ALL LIES!

Then there’s the results of the hundredteen blood tests I had done a few weeks ago.

Joaquin Pheonix.

Srsly.

Comments

  1. *shiver* those are the very unfun ultrasounds…I did not enjoy mine at all. It scared my husband, he left the room…pansy.

    Jens last blog post..Random Tuesday…the food edition

  2. Wow. I am thinking about you, my friend. A thousand hugs coming your way.

    Carolines last blog post..Top Women’s Newspaper Journalists of Past and Present

  3. **HUGS** from one cyster to another.

  4. Hhrm. So what does a PCOS diagnosis mean? Can they remove the cysts and get the show on the road? It’s good to know the dealio, anyway, right?
    Questions, questions.

    Must Be Motherhoods last blog post..The red hair doesn’t lie: An authentic Happy St. Patrick’s Day

  5. i have a cyst on the right side. causes cramps during…THAT time. i KNOW that my *whispers*hair problem…is genetic. not cystetic(my own word)
    hugs
    xo

  6. This is when I do a little “cysts go away dance.” It’s similar to an Irish Jig.

    heather…s last blog post..Baseball, Cousins, and Meat (In No Particular Order)

  7. Are you in pain? Because that just sounds painful to me.

    midwest mommys last blog post..I’m Going Girl!

  8. I’m actually a little scared of my exam coming up in a couple of weeks, all the women in my family on my mom’s side have either had cysts, fibroids, or endometriosis. Not a good track record, although I’m the only female in the entire female descendancy of my maternal grandmother to NOT have produced offspring yet.

    Reeses last blog post..Latest Projects

  9. Hi, fellow PCOS-er. Should we make t-shirts? How about nerf bats so we can hit things?

    I myself am not trying to get pregnant, so I really can’t understand how frustrating this must be for you, but the first time I ever had a cyst burst? I was pretty sure I was just dying right then and there. Down with cysts! I say.

    Kerri Annes last blog post..What’s A Bogey Lowenstein?

  10. I have PCOS too, and have been trying to get pregnant for awhile. My doc wants to put me on Clomid but I’m hesitant. I believe God has a plan for us. It breaks my heart to see babies/kids sometimes. I long for when I can be a mom. I hate PCOS. :( ((HUGS))

  11. Oh, ouch. Healing thoughts coming your way!

    Al_Pals last blog post..My new creative outlet: Bread Puddings!

  12. That does not sound fun AT ALL. I’m sorry you had to go through this. On the up side there is the explanation for those hairs!

    Brees last blog post..Am I weird?

  13. I was told by my gynecologist last year that I may never be able to have kids because of an eating disorder I fought in college.

    I know it’s different than what you’re going through, but I wanted you to know that being able to read what’s really going on with someone who’s struggling with infertility makes me feel like someday, if and when I’m in that position, I won’t feel as alone.

    So, I guess thank you. And good luck. With the uterus and that house across the street from the juvenile detention center.

    Overflowing Brains last blog post..Pig Wrestling

  14. My mom had two miscarriages after she had my brother. After tests, it was determined she had a growth in her uterus and for the first time in her life, she went on birth control until it was gone(about 2 years). It took over 10 years to conceive me.

    My point, part of the journey is figuring out what is wrong, and fixing it. I hope this gets fixed for you.

    Beccas last blog post..Thank goodness, because I was so not in the mood to move.

  15. PCOS blows.
    Those hairs, those scary ones that even your Gramps shouldn’t have blow, too.

    I hope your cystastic party ends soon.

    Sarahs last blog post..An update where I almost don’t talk about poop

  16. Lisa in TX says:

    Is it wrong that I laughed ’til I cried? I’ve had an awful week (my cat foot got hurt, swelled up to golf ball size, then ruptured–the vet took off a toe, today) and somehow it’s nice to know I’m not the only one that’s hurting–not in a mean Schadenfreude way, but just something to snap me out of my funk and get thinking about others.

    Hugs to you, Casey. We all love you.

  17. Sucky McSuckypoo. I have PKD (Polycystic Kidney Disease), so all things Polycystic make me angry.
    Hugs to you. Beat those stupid cysts.

    Jen L.s last blog post..Comfort Food Saturday: Lunchtime Burritos

  18. I understand the PCOS frustration. I had two kids with nary an issue. And then post baby two suddenly all hell breaks loose, and I’m barren as the desert. We’ve been trying for a year and a half for baby three.

    My children beg for a brother or a sister. We’ve told them the same thing, that it’ll happen if/when Heavenly Father decides it’s right.

    I hate the guessing game. Good luck to you and everything you’re going through though. It’s a craptastic time, definitely.

    Moxies last blog post..Four Eyes

  19. cysts, cysts go away, never come another day…

    wishing you lots of luck!

    Swiggys last blog post..Here comes the sun

  20. CASEY!!!!!!

    Friends leaving tomorrow. You+Me+Skype?

    love your guts girl.

    rachel-asouthernfairytales last blog post..A Basket of Hot Doughy Delights

  21. PCOS sucks big ones.

    First pregnancy – miscarriage.
    Second, blessedly, a healthy, beautiful baby girl. I love her to bits.
    Three years later, and there is no third pregnancy. Just meds that make me feel sick and monthly disappointments.

    I’m going to be 38 next Monday.

    Hang in there Casey. I wish this was easier for you, I really do.

    Kets last blog post..Help save my neighborhood firehouse

  22. Casey, I feel for you! I had to have the same procedure last week for the same reasons. I too am on the PCOS road. Those ultrasounds are especially not fun… but I agree they’re much better than they used to be.

    I hope you’re able to have a brother or sister or two for the moosh. I also hope that your journey is as smooth as possible.

    We don’t have any kids of our own but a five year old friend of mine asked a couple years ago why I wasn’t having a baby because her mom was. I too responded with the Heavenly Father hasn’t sent us one yet… since then she occasionally prays for us to have kids.

    Sending prayers your way!

    Erikas last blog post..Lupron or Laparoscapy? That is the question..

  23. Sigh…could I loan out my uterus to you? If it was possible I’d do it in a heartbeat.

    It kills me to see people hurting because they’re having trouble getting pregnant. And it makes me feel a little guilty because I’ve never had a problem with it.

    I actually did offer my uterus to friends who were having trouble conceiving – they might have taken me up on it had they not been spotted right away as the perfect parents and given a child to adopt three days after filing adoption paperwork.

    And those vaginal ultrasound wands are really no fun. It should really buy you dinner first.

    Wishing you a cyst-free existence and a cushy first home for a second child.

    Christinas last blog post..The Journey To Sisterhood

  24. Oh hilarious, but I hope for your reprieve soon. Still Joaquin… too funny. Great use of his cray cray antics.

    Steph

  25. Since your name is in my G-Chat one of these days we’ll just have to have a nice discussion about this. (One in which I do not bash you for being Mormon or mentioning sexy-ish things on your blog).

    For now, I will just say that the first time I had an ultrasound was about a year ago, and the hubblybubbly was there with me and looked at the screen on which he saw a giant cyst (5 cm. across) and said, “Ah, honey! We have a cyst!”

    Not quite what I expected of my first ultrasound, I tell you that.

    Sherrys last blog post..Blanketing, part 2

  26. If your vagina decides to start rapping, I promise to buy tickets.

    Avitables last blog post..Miss Britt Goes To Prison: A Story

  27. i don’t remember the magic “wand” being that big all those years ago.

    go figure.

    hang in there, casey.

    the planet of janets last blog post..My mother, the pole dancer

  28. “God skipped you.” – That broke my heart, not just for her, but for you as well.

    Also? Isn’t the hairy part usually on the outside, not the inside? Wait… that isn’t what you meant.

    SciFi Dads last blog post..But Why?

  29. I feel your pain! It’s been 5 years and still no baby for me. Today I go back to the Doc for the 6th day in a row (and yes that is including the weekend) for the 6th ultrasound in a row….I’ll pray, you’ll pray and one way or another our turn will come around. Hey, maybe God didn’t skip us, maybe there are just line jumpers around us, just a thought.

  30. I first got a drift that something was wrong with me when at 25 years old my face broke out again like I was 15 or something. It has never gotten better either.

    Isn’t PCOS great?

    Melissas last blog post..Monument Valley

  31. tipperella says:

    I actually went to what sounds like a similar office for my ultrasound in Dec (same reasons). They dimmed the lights and the office was almost spa like. It definitely was not as uncomfortable as I thought it would be.

    Sorry to hear about the cyst fest going on. Hope the party is over soon and your body gets back to work. :)

  32. As a fellow PCOSer who is not TTC, I’m so so sorry. Did they give you a prescription for Metformin? It really does help with the acne and the hair growth, BUT and this is a big BUT, make you sure get an extended release version so it doesn’t wreck havoc on your gastrointestinal system. I’ve done a good deal of research and if you need to be pointed in the direction of any resources, please let me know.

    Nics last blog post..Yet another work trip.

  33. Tell those cysts what I wish Letterman said to Joaquin… shower, shave and get the hell out!!!

    Domestic Goddess (In Training)s last blog post..In Memory of Brian O’Neill

  34. Cyst-palooza is no place for a baby. So tell them to get their acts together and move on! You’ve got some baby-makin’ to do!!!

    Katies last blog post..Its All Baby

  35. But this can be fixed, no? Can they scrape those frat boys off?

    What moosh said. It kills me.

    Amy2 boyss last blog post..It Starts Out Sweet

  36. Aw man ~ Moosh should not have to think that God doesn’t play fair & skips people in the baby line …

    I have/had PCOS & was put on Clomid to get preg twice. It wasn’t fun & painless ~ but it did the job. I’m praying your next u/s is for a MUCH better reason.

    Bellamommas last blog post..Wordless Wednesday

  37. Hey you know what? I am SO excited for you that you have an answer. I can’t imagine how much it must royally suck to have infertility issues, but I would think (sorry if I’m making incorrect assumptions) that it must feel a little better to know what the issue is so that you can tackle it head on and then tackle your hubby(as sinful as that may be). I will be praying for you.

    amandas last blog post..The Danger of Silence

  38. Freaking fratboy cysts with their hangovers and keg stands! I’m glad your ultrasound experience was better this time, though, and hope you kick those nasty cystic layabouts to the curb!

    Parsing Nonsenses last blog post..My Fair Vader

  39. I have definitely had my share of cyst problems. Hang in there. :)

    the mama bird diariess last blog post..our true colors

  40. That stinks, Casey. I hope that now you know what’s wrong you can fix it and get another baby ASAP! You make cute ones, so you definitely need more. I’m praying for you!

  41. Savannah says:

    My goodness lady are we too much alike or what? I too just found out about the party of cysts going on in the ovary department. I like that he called them beaded necklaces though…nice, real nice funny doctor man. Now get me pregnant haha

  42. UGH…although I have to say that I am tempted to sign myself up for a new-agey, vag U/S…it sounds like the technology has really come a long way. hang in there!!

    Michelles last blog post..Baby Einstein World Music

  43. awww, poor you & Moosh.

    I am hoping that you can figure out how to get rid of cysts so you can turn that place back into baby land.

    Domestic Extraordinaires last blog post..Wordless Wednesday-Spring has sprung

  44. Oh my the tricky god post below has me floored?? HMMM??? what? And that was a lot of cutting and pasting!

    AS for THIS post.. sheesh girl I agree let’s get your insides all back in the places they are sposed to be, no cysts no Joachim Phoenix or however you spell his name..

    PS.. I so need to find the time to chat with you…will email a real email in fact.. :)

    Carissas last blog post..Ya Gotta Love Em.

  45. Cysts are rough.

    My infertility doc spotted cysts on my left ovary and said I probably have PCOS (which also explains the acne and hair growth.. grrr).

    The good news is that the right nutrition can do a lot for those of us with PCOS. I’ve incorporated much of what Dr. Jeremy Groll recommends in his book, Fertility Foods, into my diet. He covers how to balance insulin which is a major issue for us PCOSers.

    I can’t say for sure how much credit the insulin balancing portion of my new diet should get but my exams now show two shiny ovaries with no cysts (OK, so they’re blurry on the screen but I think of them as shiny). Now I just need my tubes to get their act together and start moving the precious cargo…

    Best wishes.

    Dinas last blog post..How Long to Wait After Miscarriage?

  46. Golden Shoes re-blogged you!

    GoldenShoess last blog post..Another woman’s PCOS story

  47. mommyatlaw says:

    I feel your pain, girlfriend. BTDT. Metformin (for PCOS’ers) worked wonders for me (she just turned 3). Hopefully your doctors have recommended it. Much good luck. From a fellow Cyster.

  48. The only vag ultra sound was the one where they couldn’t find my babies heartbeat at 9 weeks. My miscarriage was my first introduction. It was sad, painful, heartbreaking and really emotional. I never expected to feel SO much about an embryo I didn’t even plan for. But I did. More women should talk about things like you do and they wouldn’t feel so alone. I appreciate your blog.

    Amber Warrens last blog post..Everything I Need to Know About Working I’ve Learned from the Biggest Loser

  49. Dude that sucks.

    Take care of yourself, I hope you can get things back to how they’re supposed to be.

    Jills last blog post..Tell Me Why

  50. at least it’s an answer, right?

    might not be a fab answer, but it is one nonetheless.

    Hopefully that will make the journey more hopeful and less stressful…and well…give you the end results you want.

    HUGS

    staciesmadnesss last blog post..Sometimes, I *am* funny

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