TMI is in the title. You’ve been warned.

I have tiny little fluid filled cysts on my ovaries. Well, tiny is all relative. If my ovary was the size of my head? The cyst on my left ovary would be roughly the size of a very large cat sitting on my head. My right ovary on the other hand would contain a litter of the very large cat’s kittens.

everyone say hi to my ovarian cyst!

Not only are these cysts keeping me from getting pregnant they are basically like bodily weeds mucking up my entire internal business. (See Joaquin Phoenix reference in previous post.) These “cysts” are slowly turning me into a man.

With Cody freaking out about his 30th birthday on Wednesday it doesn’t help that his former petite feminine wife is slowly being turned into a testosterone laced barren swamp creature.

I admit the following because PCOS is common, it’s painful (!!!), and it can be rather embarrassing as you’re about to see. I have the acne of a teenager who smeared an entire large pepperoni pizza all over their face. I have been gaining an average of two pounds a week, mostly to my middle, for the last few months leaving me 17 lbs. overweight despite my best efforts. The hair on my head is falling out. If I don’t have a ponytail combed just right I have obvious bare patches of scalp showing, if I pull my hair back completely my receding hairline is painfully apparent. To counteract the hair falling out of my head I am growing hair in places Cody doesn’t even grow hair. Face, chest, shoulders, stomach, other parts, my tweezers can barely keep up. And finally? The symptom that has me ready to run into head on traffic?

Due to an increase in prolactin because my poor body doesn’t know what the heck is going on, I’m lactating.

Yep.

I was never able to nurse the moosh after she was born, but put some cysts in me and I could begin a career as a whet nurse.

The only other side common side effect to PCOS is depression. Thankfully I’m already medicated for that or that head on into traffic thing would become a serious problem.

I KID!

But only because I’m medicated.

So there you have it, I’m a short balding woman laden with acne sporting a rotund waistline and hairy chin who may squirt if you get too close.

I’ll put the whole wanting a baby thing to the side and replace it with “I just want my body back before some balls drop.”

Too far?

Comments

  1. Neila- “…We don’t need any more men in this world…”- I think You are joking, my Darling?

  2. Oh, man, you got me beat.
    Have they told you yet that PCOS responds to a low carb diet? It seems to for me.

    Good Luck.
    Lee

  3. I don’t even know what to say. So I’ll say that I’ll Heart You Hard, even you you do grow a full on Santa beard.

    Jills last blog post..Tell Me Why

  4. Oh honey. I’m not sure what to say (would funny make it worse, or better), but hugs times 100.

  5. I’m so sorry that this is the first entry I’ve read of yours! (Albeit, a lot of it was very funny…in a kind of sadistic way…)

    A friend of mine has cysts growing as well, and it’s tearing her apart. It’s nice to see that you’re holding strong. Be well.

    Matthew Drydens last blog post..My Friend Needs Your Help

  6. Oh, God bless you.

  7. Lee Laughlin says:

    Casey, books will go in the mail tomorrow. Hope they are helpful.
    When my daughter was 2 we started trying for number 2. When she was 2.5, we sold our house, put our life in storage, moved in with my mother in law and started building our new home. Stress? Eh, just a little. After a year, that included completing the new house, and moving in, numerous visits to new doctors in our new town and them pushing me towards advanced infertility treatments that I didn’t want, we gave up and thought we’d be a family of three. I made work commitments, we went from a minivan to a small SUV and life went on. Yeah, what is that saying, wanna hear God laugh, just tell him your plans. 6 weeks later, I was pregnant with number 2.
    From what I’ve been reading, you might have a little stress in your life right now (hope you find a house soon). PCOS thrives on stress.

    I live in the real world, so won’t tell you to “just relax”. Instead, I wish you peace, health and happiness.

  8. Oh my goodness. Are you into hugs? ‘Cause if you’re still going to KC next month I totally want to give you a hug right away.

    Steph

    Adventures In Babywearings last blog post..I Started A Joke

  9. You are my hero.
    :-)
    hugs you.

    rachel-asouthernfairytales last blog post..At The Rattlesnake Races: Weekly Winners

  10. Oh jeez Mama.

    It’s a good thing I’m a wee bit bisexual so I can love you both as a woman or man.

    Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]s last blog post..Highers Up in Interweb Land

  11. Sending hugs. Have Cody draft an eviction letter to those cysts so that you can regain control of your body. :) If he won’t, I will!

    Kristins last blog post..Come on Barbie, Let’s Go Party!

  12. Wow, that sucks! I hope they get you all straightened out soon, PCOS sucks!

    Rachaels last blog post..It was the bear

  13. I admire your strength. I don’t think I could joke about it like you do if I was going through a similar experience.

    SciFi Dads last blog post..Road Trips With Kids (and other unrelated suffering)

  14. Oh, honey… found you via ad-link from Hathor the Cow Goddess.

    I went through everything you’re describing except the hair loss and the lactation. All I can say is, when I seriously cut back on refined sugars and grains, I lost weight, sort of got my body back (I’ve been battling PCOS since I was 18, and have been “plus size” since I was 14), and got pregnant within 2 years.

    Good luck on your journey, and I completely empathize with you!

  15. okay. PCOS and i are officially in a fight.

  16. Casey, you are hilarious. What a great attitude though…I would probably be leaning to running my head into on coming traffic!

    Hang in there girly.

    Sarahs last blog post..One day

  17. Where do you have hair that Cody doesn’t? That man is practically wearing a body sweater of hair.

    Olivias last blog post..Are You There God? It’s Me, Olivia.

  18. Am not sure you’re looking at the bright side of this. Think of the money you could get if Octomom hired you to feed her babies? Or, the circus was just here… there is bearded lady potential!!!

    Domestic Goddess (In Training)s last blog post..How do you know you know?

  19. I have PCOS too, while complaining about some of my symptoms at a Dr visit a while back, she said to me “At least you don’t have a hunchback, lots of PCOS women get a hunchback.” WHA??? Seriously?? Thank goodness you don’t have a hunchback either.

    Ambers last blog post..When I should worry….

  20. Are you sure your body isn’t having an identity crisis? It’s a boy trapped in a girl’s body … or something. I mean, I have the cysts, the stray hairs, and the zits ~ but LOOSING hair & lactating for no good reason, that’s just cruel!!

    But hey, since you’re already lactating ~ can you babysit my munchin for a few days? ;) At least all the drippage would be useful …

    I love grilled cheese sandwiches, chocolate fudge cake & currently have chocolate brown sheets on my bed. :-*

    Bellamommas last blog post..The Sluttiest Barbie In The Land

  21. I feel your pain. I mean, *all* your pain. I too have PCOS. I pluck so many hairs from my chin that I should save them and glue them onto my head. I am nursing my miracle baby, and as she nears one year old and is nursing less, my testosterone is ramping up and I’m starving all the time and gaining weight. I’m such a pretty picture!
    So, I feel ya.

    Loras last blog post..Random Happenings

  22. On Saturday afternoon I had lunch with my best friend from college. She was updating me about last wkd when she and her husband of four years were enjoying a night in Malibu as part of a work trip. They were in the midst of “enjoying” when she said it felt like her abdomen exploded. Several hours later in the ER, they confirmed that a cyst had burst and there were others. She has a history of hormonal imbalance and a benign tumor on her pituitary gland but this news was especially hard for her to hear. It’s so common. Within 2009, she’s the 4th woman I know who’s been diagnosed. I’m glad you’re talking about it because I think the more attention it gets, the more research gets done and hopefully fewer women will be made to play the waiting game. Thinking of you.

    ToKissTheCooks last blog post..A(nother) Proposal for the Brides

  23. Amy in StL says:

    Oh, I’m so sorry. I’m sending big hugs from here in St. Louis. Not that they’ll help keep you from turning into a balding man; but I feel for you. ((hugs)) Really.

  24. memphislis says:

    I have it too. I SHAVE my chin every day and if I don’t, I have a mini goatee. 80 pounds have found my middle in teh past 3 years, and my hair comes out in clumps. I am on meds for the acne and PCOS, but I have yet to see a difference. I am in no pain, though, so I am sorry for you. Will you tell us what books you got? I need them too. Prayers…

  25. Oh sweetie!

  26. So sorry you are dealing with all that. Ugh. Being a woman can be just icky sometimes. We deal with a lot of crap.

    the mama bird diariess last blog post..the vacation jinx

  27. Balls drop…not too far…hilarious! Sorry you are having to deal with all this. What major suckage! We all know you’re still beautiful though, hope you do too!

    Jenny from Mommin’ It Up!s last blog post..You’ve got a Blogging Problem…

  28. I am laughing SO HARD…the ball thing, Flav and I are dying on the floor in laughter. Only you can turn something so horrific into something so humorous. I can’t wait to hear how everything is going. I hope you are okay, wish I were closer.

    I had to have an ultrasound last week where they found a cystic tumor the size of a large walnut (not the same as what you are dealing with by any means) but in August or September it will need to be removed via “laparotomy” not to be confused with the tiny cuts of a “laparoscopy” I was schooled. Not looking forward to it, I may end up more of a man than I ever wanted to be…no ovary…no womb.

    Not easy things to digest. Just know I am here for you, praying for you, and loving you.

    Kisses BFF!

    Kimmies last blog post..These shall be…

  29. My chin hairs are waving a warm welcome to your chin hairs. May we get rid of every last one.

    Christinas last blog post..Trust vs. Mistrust

  30. Holy crap! Lactating?! Seriously…all that sucks and I hope it goes away soon! Being a woman is HARD.

    Annas last blog post..The Check Up

  31. WAH! on your behalf. Will pray for you. Seriously.

    kristis last blog post..The Shift

  32. I feel you pain. Oh, do I feel your pain! I have it, too. I’ve got the weight gain, the body hair, and the hair loss.

    Whoever said cut back on refined sugars/grains is SO RIGHT. It’s hard, but I’ve lost about 10lbs doing this, along with an exercise plan.

  33. I too feel your pain. My doctor tells me I have 3 the size of those little footballs the cheerleaders throw to the crowd among the TEN. Never knew why I couldn’t get pregnant and by the time I found out was really too old to do so. Looking at surgery — but the time off work is worrying me.

    WiWonkys last blog post..Ann Landers, Miss Manners, and some winos in Houston

  34. I’m starting to think I should go to the doctor… I’ve got the manly hair in girly parts too. It’s embarrassing and tweezing gets old. I have cysts in my breasts and have been putting off getting the ovaries checked for fear that I’ll have some there too.

    Kristines last blog post..nope — some are worse.

  35. Michelle says:

    I have PCOS too, but it isn’t as severe as you’re describing. I will tell you though, during my internal ultrasound (yep who wants a dildo sized wand up their hoo ha in a doc’s office!) I cried when she showed my the lovely pearl necklace looking cysts in around my ovaries. I feel your pain sort of. I ended up going on metformin and chlomid to conceive. I had problems nursing too, I ended up going until he was 14 months, but my supply was always tanking and I had to supplement from the beginning.

    I am holding out hope for your pregnancy (and non-balls) quest.

  36. Wow. I just got diagnosed with PCOS today. I can’t say I’m happy about it but I am happy to know why I hadn’t gotten my period for 3 months. I read up on symptoms and I just was like, “Holy ****! This all makes sense.”

    I’m sorry you’re going through this. I am. It’s been hard enough for me feeling the way I have for the past few years. I give you credit for being so strong.

  37. um… holy crap. i’ve never heard of this, and I’m so blown away. you’re awesome though, thanks for posting, even if you are lactating. ain’t that a bitch?

    Keras last blog post..Thanks.

  38. I sometimes don’t read your blog (or any blogs, seriously) for weeks at a time and then am richly rewarded with lots of “laugh out loud” -ness when I get to read lots of posts at once.

    Though tonight I’m laughing with you about some crappy stuff, I’m still laughing. With you. Not at all at you and your hairy chin.

    Because kettle? I can has pot.

    Megan {Velveteen Mind}s last blog post..Mad About Maddie Spohr