TMI is in the title. You’ve been warned.

I have tiny little fluid filled cysts on my ovaries. Well, tiny is all relative. If my ovary was the size of my head? The cyst on my left ovary would be roughly the size of a very large cat sitting on my head. My right ovary on the other hand would contain a litter of the very large cat’s kittens.

everyone say hi to my ovarian cyst!

Not only are these cysts keeping me from getting pregnant they are basically like bodily weeds mucking up my entire internal business. (See Joaquin Phoenix reference in previous post.) These “cysts” are slowly turning me into a man.

With Cody freaking out about his 30th birthday on Wednesday it doesn’t help that his former petite feminine wife is slowly being turned into a testosterone laced barren swamp creature.

I admit the following because PCOS is common, it’s painful (!!!), and it can be rather embarrassing as you’re about to see. I have the acne of a teenager who smeared an entire large pepperoni pizza all over their face. I have been gaining an average of two pounds a week, mostly to my middle, for the last few months leaving me 17 lbs. overweight despite my best efforts. The hair on my head is falling out. If I don’t have a ponytail combed just right I have obvious bare patches of scalp showing, if I pull my hair back completely my receding hairline is painfully apparent. To counteract the hair falling out of my head I am growing hair in places Cody doesn’t even grow hair. Face, chest, shoulders, stomach, other parts, my tweezers can barely keep up. And finally? The symptom that has me ready to run into head on traffic?

Due to an increase in prolactin because my poor body doesn’t know what the heck is going on, I’m lactating.

Yep.

I was never able to nurse the moosh after she was born, but put some cysts in me and I could begin a career as a whet nurse.

The only other side common side effect to PCOS is depression. Thankfully I’m already medicated for that or that head on into traffic thing would become a serious problem.

I KID!

But only because I’m medicated.

So there you have it, I’m a short balding woman laden with acne sporting a rotund waistline and hairy chin who may squirt if you get too close.

I’ll put the whole wanting a baby thing to the side and replace it with “I just want my body back before some balls drop.”

Too far?

Comments

  1. (((hugs))))

    My left ovary feels your pain. Docs used to think that I’ve had enough cysts bursts and created enough scar tissue to prevent it from working, but my last CT scan showed they were “unremarkable” so who knows anymore.

    Time to serve the cysts an eviction notice, methinks.

    Sarahs last blog post..The Pope, condoms and HIV transmission

  2. TMI? Nary, I say.

    First, since yours truly happened to encounter the cyst-carrier recently, I can report to those who have yet to comment that Casey is as lovely as always. Claims of rampant manliness are grossly overstated.

    Second, what haven’t we heard about? Grossly embarassing battles with urban vertical architecture? Grossly embarassing bodily noises and commentary from the Moosh? Grossly embarassing admissions of momentary infatuation with attractive doctors while (ahem) splayed?

    Everyone loves Casey *because* of all the information. Don’t be afraid to tell us anything. We’re ready, even if—and especially when—it hurts to say.

    Robby Slaughters last blog post..The Trouble with Christina

  3. Okay then. And your next post will be about the miracle drugs they’ll give you to stop the madness, right? Right??

    xxoxxx

    I forgot Cody and I have the same birthday. Tell him to be glad he’s not turning the big 3 + 5 like me. Sob.

    Must be Motherhoods last blog post..Because I am both tired and crazy

  4. I don’t even know what to say…except you just described several things that have been going on with me lately…the bald spots? the hair EVERYWHERE else? the acne? the weight gain? got em. I’m not lactating, yet…

    I’m not going to say “I’m sorry” because I know you hate that. instead I’m going to send hugs your way and tell you my favorite ice cream is tiramisu gelato (but only while in italy)

  5. Cysts suck! Praying the balls won’t drop!

    Kates last blog post..The Follies of Laundry

  6. Time for the superheros to take control inside your body and bust those cysts out of there!!

    Megs last blog post..Mascot-lovin

  7. I too have PCOS (only I haven’t met a doctor smart enough to properly diagnose me) I too suffer from the weight gain, the facial (and other) hair and the lactation problem. That last one freaked me out WAY badly because I swore I had break cancer or some infection. Scary.

    Thanks for spreading the word, truly. The world needs to know more about PCOS.

    Untypically Jias last blog post..Untypical Partier (Welcome UBP Guests!)

  8. I am lactating as well, and my mother said to me this afternoon as I was setting the table, “Um, honey, you’re dripping and leaving spots on the tablecloth.” Hi embarrassing!

    Even though you’re not a Jew, I’ll say All of Tehillim (Psalms) for you tomorrow, G-d willing. Refuah shlemah (Complete healing)!

    Rabbi’s Wifes last blog post..new house, new kid, same old me.

  9. Oh sweetie! I’m so sorry. Here’s hoping and praying that you get your regular body back!

    Headless Moms last blog post..Best Google Search For Me, Ever

  10. It sucks when your body goes haywire. I was getting steroid epidurals for my bad back and the steroids went systemic (which apparently happens in less than 1% of all cases)

    within a month and a half i’d gained 20 lbs, gotten even BIGGGER cheeks (which trust me, is a feat for me) and was sporting some really hot cheek, jawline and back acne. I was sexy. Oh and stretch marks. HAWT

    I went to the doctor and explained that I’d been getting steroids and I thought this was a side effect. she said “Oh no sweetie. if it’s anything it’s just diabetes”

    Oy!

    Also, i’ve totally had a pelvic ultrasound before. Is it bad that when I looked at the wand thing I thought “sweet. some action!”

  11. Wow Casey. I <3 you for being a trooper. I feel like turning into the Hulk if I have a headache or when my blood sugar drops. Chronic migranes and hypoglycemia sho ain’t got nuttin on this PCOS shyte. And, um, I am the world’s biggest biotch for a previous comment made on an infertility post.

    As for Cody, tell him to quit crying in his milk. 30 is the new 18!

    Emilys last blog post..Courtney’s Wedding Two Months Later

  12. I admire your ability to turn such a difficult/embarrassing/frustrating situation into a painfully funny blog post. You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers! I hope your body becomes your own again ASAP.

    Lauryns last blog post..Sinatra Was Right

  13. Sending big hugs your way and well wishes too.

    Nicoles last blog post..Spring Time Tote

  14. That’s always the way huh! You want your boobs to do their “job” rather than just sit there and look pretty and they give you the finger but when you are expecting them to just play nice and put on a show they’re squirting people in the eye! Just not fair!

  15. You are hilarious. I love your sense of humor and ability to be self-deprecating and to find humor in not-so-funny situations. You rock.

    If you turn into a guy, I’d totally date you.

  16. Wow, thank you for explaining. I had googled it when you first wrote about it but no one explains things quite like you :-)

    midwest mommys last blog post..We do things a little different around here!

  17. I’m going to be grateful I’m not experiencing all of these side effects yet… at least if they start to happen I’ll know what they are… You’re amazing! Good luck, I hope they\ dr. can help you out!

    Erikas last blog post..Lupron or Laparoscapy? That is the question..

  18. That’s harsh. :( I feel your pain though. I have an appointment (finally!!!) with an endocrinologist at the end of April because my testosterone levels are consistently high, my progesterone levels are consistently low and my right ovary is staging a protest. I’ve got all the same things as you minus the lactation (I REALLY feel for you on that one – unfair!!!).

    I hope you’re able to get everything under control and if you do, tell me what worked! I look like an apple with legs right now and I’m NOT happy about it.

    Lynn (Walking With Scissors)s last blog post..The Apple Doesn’t Fall Far From the Tree…

  19. no, not too far. Wow. That’s a lot to deal with… I hope you get it all figured out and regulated soon! Before, you know, the balls drop and all that ;)

  20. Aw, crap! Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Do me a favor and please do tell us if balls drop. And get yourself a good publicist and at least make some money off that.
    Seriously, I hope things get better for you. Wishing you daisies and Costco cake! ((hugs))

    Jen L.s last blog post..Comfort Food Saturday: Shrimp Creole (And UBP Continued!)

  21. I’m LDS, but I’m just gonna say it: HOLY ****!

  22. you poor thing
    this WAS funny though, if that matters at all…

    staciesmadnesss last blog post..Bubba say wha???

  23. Thanks for writing this. So one day if this ever happens to me I won’t feel alone (and I’ll know who to email). Hopefully, they can make it all better?

    Here’s to a smaller middle and less of a beard soon!

    Genies last blog post..Those poor bunnies …

  24. Tear. You just said out loud what I’ve been too embarassed to say or admit about PCOS! (Well to anyone other than my hubby. Can’t hide from him!) It is seriously the most cruel joke ever played on a woman! I guess I should have never been so vain back in the day- maybe this is some form of payback? Found a really killer book on PCOS if want. Actually two. I need to do something more than just the PCOS meds to get myself back again! It’s soooooooo embarassing/depressing being this way! I have to serioulsy pluck EVERY stinkin day! How I’d love the money to get me some electrosis done! PCOS cousins! Who should we shoot for passing along those genes?

  25. NEVER too far! I love your honesty. You make me smile.

    Alis last blog post..The games babies LOVE

  26. Wow. PCOS is a serious bitch.

    Barb @ getupandplays last blog post..39 weeks

  27. I imagine you will be helping so many women by sharing this information… no matter how personal it is. I had no idea the effects PCOS could have on you.

    Colleens last blog post..Grace in Small Things – 33

  28. Hugs from the other end of the world and thanks for your honesty.. it is such a relief to have PCOS out in the open.
    Kay (New Zealand)

  29. I wish I could give you Dr. House’s number right about now.

    Please know you will be in my thoughts & prayers.

  30. Wow. PCOS is just mean. I’m sending good thoughts (and lots of cupcakes if you want them) your way.

    Brees last blog post..Cute baby

  31. Oh honey, that’s rough. I guess I didn’t realize how horrible PCOS could be. I’m sorry you have to put up with that. Thank you for sharing with blogland.

    amandas last blog post..The Danger of Silence

  32. We don’t need any more men in this world. Take care of yourself, and keep us up to date. Thanks for opening up to us!

  33. Your cyst looks a little like the Burger King king. Which is kind of cool.

    You already know how I feel about all of this, so I’ll just quietly thank you again, for trusting us enough to share.

    Overflowing Brains last blog post..California here we come, right back where we started from…

  34. Man oh man are you eloquent! SO TRUE about the PCOS. I battled it for 2.5 years myself before finally getting pg on clomid/IUI. Sucked rocks. Hoping it won’t be a continued problem the 2nd time around, but I’m not holding my breath. I wish you well…

    Aimees last blog post..Open for visitors

  35. oh Casey Casey Casey. As a woman who doesn’t COMPLETELY know what you are going through BUT, I did pluck a few chin hairs just this evening and the baby train stopped at 3 babies over 13 years ago.
    I feel ya honey and if I were close enough, I’d give ya a hug and a breast pad (or two).
    (I still think your awesome just the way you are)

  36. the things we infertile/sterile folk to get our babies.

    i seriously lost it at the balls comment. laughed so hard.

    although, i might prefer to have a sweet set of balls instead of going through our nasty custody battle with gavin’s birth father. (i hate that kid.)

    good luck friend. thanks for writing about it …too many are too “ashamed” of their infertility. it needs a voice. i personally am glad it is yours as it makes me laugh.

  37. Your balls would totally be bigger and more awesome than mine, too. Damn you.

    Scrotess last blog post..Verbally Abuse Avitable Day

  38. holy UTERUS, batman.

    gah. i have a bald spot on my head. thankfully it’s under the line of vision and even if i pull my hair back, you can’t see it.

    are we doing the sheets color thing? ’cause i want to tell you i’m sorry for what you’re going through, but i’m going to tell you that…

    THAT I LOVE TURKEY PESTO SANDWICHES.

    geez. sorry for the caps. i just really really mean it.

    Ms. Changes Pants While Drivings last blog post..i haz mad stalking skillz

  39. Sending plenty of good thoughts your way … take care!

  40. hugs – hormone issues really are from the devil

    Lauris last blog post..Awww Heck

  41. I was unaware of this disease and all it causes….thanks to you i am aware. i hope that there is recovery and healing in site.

    feeners last blog post..weekend

  42. Not too far at ALL. I have been diagnosed with PCOS but escaped without the pearly white ovaries…just have high testosterone and high cholesterol without medication. Hopefully they can figure something out with this and get you flipped around and straightened out, and soon.

    Kims last blog post..Um…I ate too much peanut butter today.

  43. That sounds just lovely… balls dropping about made me wet myself.

    Cassies last blog post..A Day of Rest

  44. I know you don’t like people to tell you they’re sorry, so I won’t. I’m not sorry in the tiniest little way.

    Camilles last blog post..I’m Not as Good as Some People Think.

  45. My advice, have fun shooting Cody in the face while you can. And anyone else you’re comfortable with for that matter. Its a coping mechanism so do it and cope. (I actually shot my sister in the face while she was driving once….hahahahhaa!)

  46. That sounds awful! What’s the treatment?

    Hopefully the cysts aren’t trying to turn in those “balls” you don’t want to drop.

    Swiggys last blog post..Here comes the sun

  47. I just looked up PCOS on the internet so I could appear intelligent and articulate. HOLY CRAP!! (alright there goes any hope of appearing smart) Although, did you know only 5% of women get this? So basically, you are 1 in a million, baby! You should play the lottery.
    I’m having incredible bursts of love for you so all I’m going to say is this: Popcorn trumps ice cream any day.

  48. Just so you know…. I will ALWAYS love you no matter how manly you are.

    Thinking of you! *hugs* *hugs* and MANY MANY *hugs*

    sam {temptingmama}s last blog post..The Most Vile Apparatus

  49. Casey, I totally want to hug you right now. Or take you out on the town for a night of rad karaoke to take your mind off the b.s. going on inside your body.

    Can I ask what they are doing to treat the PCOS, if anything? I feel like there has been absolutely no treatment discussed with me beyond “Here, take some birth control!” because I’m not trying to have kiddos right now, but I’m wondering what they are doing to get past the cysts and the other symptoms to get you healthy again? xo

    Kerri Annes last blog post..What’s A Bogey Lowenstein?