Hooves joined our family via gift card about eight years ago. He’s cleaned every room of every apartment Cody and I have lived in since we got married. It’s travelled across the entire country and was even detailed by a circa 1960′s Electrolux and entire box of Swiffer dusting cloths during my pregnant nesting phase of 2004. It has vacuumed up cat hair, birthday confetti, needles from Christmas trees past and the smashed cracker debacle of 2006.
Hooves is tired.
Hooves is getting a little lazy at keeping it all in.
For example, when someone starts Hooves (which let’s face it, you all know it’s me) they must keep one hand pressed firmly on the top of Hooves’ canister lid. Otherwise the canister lid burps open upon starting spewing carpet roadkill all over himself and the floor you had every intention of vacuuming in the first place. The Swiffer cloths don’t even want to help Hooves anymore.
Hooves lights went out years ago, but he still pushed on. Even when the moosh thought it would be amazing to cut the tassels off her bike handlebars into tiny little pieces and throw them like CONFETTI! all over EVERY! surface of the upstairs, Hooves stood strong.
Love ya’ Hooves.
But I can’t ignore that Hooves smells like a burnt mouse every time I turn him on. I also can’t ignore that he’s getting a little sloppy when it comes to cleaning around the edges. And Hooves’ “accessory tube?” Not enough vacuum viagra in the world to get that thing going again.
I have an emotional attachment to someone that sucks, well, technically he sucks at sucking.
I’ve always had wandering eyes when it comes to vacuums. I looove to vacuum. It is a highly revered chore in my house. Nothing like vacuum tracks in the carpet. *ahh* When Dyson came out? I swooned a little. When I used my first Dyson? I swooned a little more. My best friend has a Kirby that is a piece of art that literally sucks. And now Hoover, Hooves decendtant, has reinvented themselves and gone fancy at sucking. (I’m pretty sure Dyson still holds my heart, I think it’s because Mr. Dyson has an accent.)
I’m pining for a new vacuum, especially since a new house (well, new to me) is on the horizon. Upright? Canister? Ball? Bag? Bagless? SO. MANY. CHOICES. Almost too many choices.
But ultimately, who’s the best at sucking? And what would I do with Hooves? Is there a retirement home for sad, tired, little vacuums?