Meet Hooves.
Meet Hooves.

Hooves joined our family via gift card about eight years ago. He’s cleaned every room of every apartment Cody and I have lived in since we got married. It’s travelled across the entire country and was even detailed by a circa 1960′s Electrolux and entire box of Swiffer dusting cloths during my pregnant nesting phase of 2004. It has vacuumed up cat hair, birthday confetti, needles from Christmas trees past and the smashed cracker debacle of 2006.

Hooves is tired.

Hooves is getting a little lazy at keeping it all in.

For example, when someone starts Hooves (which let’s face it, you all know it’s me) they must keep one hand pressed firmly on the top of Hooves’ canister lid. Otherwise the canister lid burps open upon starting spewing carpet roadkill all over himself and the floor you had every intention of vacuuming in the first place. The Swiffer cloths don’t even want to help Hooves anymore.
Hooves the Vacuum. 
RIP Hooves.

Hooves lights went out years ago, but he still pushed on. Even when the moosh thought it would be amazing to cut the tassels off her bike handlebars into tiny little pieces and throw them like CONFETTI! all over EVERY! surface of the upstairs, Hooves stood strong.

Love ya’ Hooves.

But I can’t ignore that Hooves smells like a burnt mouse every time I turn him on. I also can’t ignore that he’s getting a little sloppy when it comes to cleaning around the edges. And Hooves’ “accessory tube?”  Not enough vacuum viagra in the world to get that thing going again.

I have an emotional attachment to someone that sucks, well, technically he sucks at sucking.

I’ve always had wandering eyes when it comes to vacuums. I looove to vacuum. It is a highly revered chore in my house. Nothing like vacuum tracks in the carpet. *ahh* When Dyson came out? I swooned a little. When I used my first Dyson? I swooned a little more. My best friend has a Kirby that is a piece of art that literally sucks. And now Hoover, Hooves decendtant,  has reinvented themselves and gone fancy at sucking. (I’m pretty sure Dyson still holds my heart, I think it’s because Mr. Dyson has an accent.)

I’m pining for a new vacuum, especially since a new house (well, new to me) is on the horizon. Upright? Canister? Ball? Bag? Bagless? SO. MANY. CHOICES. Almost too many choices.

But ultimately, who’s the best at sucking? And what would I do with Hooves? Is there a retirement home for sad, tired, little vacuums?


  1. I’m planning on running away with my lightweight Dyson. I’m thinking Rio, maybe.

    Velmas last blog post..Happy "Mommy’s Turn with the Wii" Day!

  2. {{giggles}} too funny! I am a little in love with Dyson too, but I’m paralyzed by indecision.

  3. Get a miele!! it’s german it rocks and according to my consumer mag that I subscribe to canisiter vacs out perform uprights every single time they tested them. If you go miele you’ll have to bag it but soooo soooo worth it.

    Lindys last blog post..Baby V- sneak peek

  4. I love all appliances, both major and minor :) I have a Miele that I adore. They are definitely pricey, but I like it better than my old dyson. Only thing is they don’t make an upright – just a canister. Am I gushing? babbling? How embarrassing.

    Margo Ms last blog post..Reasons to Justify Wasted Time

  5. I love vacuuming too. I have been wanting the Dyson Animal for the longest time but the price has scared me away!

  6. I bought a Dyson last fall and haven’t regretted it once. Mine is the allergy & allergen model. It’s only downfall is that it doesn’t get right up against baseboards or under cabinets, but the hose makes up for that. On a flat floor surface, like my vinyl tiled kitchen, it’s performance is AMAZING.

    the mrs.s last blog post..Punkin and Prada

  7. my MIL swears by her Animal Dyson and trust me she is every bit as vacuum crazy as you if not more. The woman vacuums her whole house at least twice a week. She has saved the “canister findings” for a day or so to show me how spectacular it is…

    Jens last blog post..Hot by Blogher – Week 1 Challenge


    great minds blog alike… ;)

    The Queen of OVER-researching All Purchases agrees with Consumer Reports and loves her Kenmore upright.

    Donate Hooves to a local disabled training center where they teach mentally and physically challenged to repair appliances.

    Keri (Auburn Gal Always)s last blog post..Friday, the End of My Obnoxious WDW Posts

  9. p.s. The Kenmore is available for under $300. The Dyson scored around 9th on the CR tests and is waaaay more than $300.

    I prefer the bagged vacuums. I hate having to clean a vacuum cleaner. I should just be able to remove the dust and dirt and go back to work with it and NOT clean up the dust that is spread around by the bucket.

    Keri (Auburn Gal Always)s last blog post..Friday, the End of My Obnoxious WDW Posts

  10. I was gonna suggest that you take Hooves in for a little “once over” at your local vac repair shot, but after the pictures and your description, I’d say he’s done.

    kj @ Where my boys at?s last blog post..Key West, why were you so cold?

  11. Oh how I wish you did this last month so I could mooch off of your recommendations. I just recently bought a new vacuum, but it was out of desparation! We have a Roomba which works well, it just doesn’t do stairs or high pile carpet. Other than that, it’s great.

    Swiggys last blog post..My mother-in-law is handy

  12. I HATE my Dyson with the heat of a thousand suns. HATE. Even though we have the “animal” meant for pet owners it only took about 3 years for it to get all clogged up with dog hair and dust (we’ve followed the instructions to a T). I took it for repairs but was told I’d have to pay to ship it to the UK, wait 8-10 weeks, then maybe get a cleaned out Dyson back. The guy at my local vacuum store (which sells and repairs Dysons) said he sees issues like this all the time. $500 for a machine that crapped out after 3 years. What a waste of $$

    ikate/kakatys last blog post..Playing Tourist

  13. I said it in a tweet but in case you missed it, DYSON DYSON DYSON DYSON DYSON.

    For 4 years now it has cleaned up after 5 kids, two shedding dogs and both carpet and hard flooring.

    I vacuum so much that I would burn them up after about 2 years.

    Oh and the Dyson has a bendable crevace tool…need I say more. :)

    Britts last blog post..Mass Marketing doesn’t mean just anyone

  14. please don’t buy a dyson. i unfortunately learned the hard way. it ruined all my brand new carpet. boo for dyson. i’m not sayin’ i didn’t love how it sucked, but it sucked too hard!! =( i ended up having to replace all my carpet again after 10 months. sad day.

    Evonnes last blog post..we will get you!

  15. I adore my Dyson!! We have the one for allergies and it actually helped a lot….would probably be perfect if I just used it more.

    Anissa@Hope4Peytons last blog post..Just when I think my kids are out to get me, they do this

  16. dyson, all the way. we got an animal rollerball and i’d never have it any other way.

    plus it’s fun to watch, as it sucks it creates it own “cotton candy” in the canister. but i wouldn’t recommend trying to eat it.

    lindsaywillmans last blog post..Pizza Dough

  17. I have a Filter Queen which I LOVE. I got it off of Ebay for a much better deal than it would have been to buy it from a dealer. What I REALLY love about it is that I can vacuum UNDER the beds without actually having to MOVE the beds. It is nothing short of pure vacuum heaven.

    amandas last blog post..The Danger of Silence

  18. Get a Dyson! You won’t regret it.

  19. Wow! You asked for it Casey and now they gave it to you. I’ll bet this hasn’t helped you choices has it? I would check online at consumer reports about which sucker is the best if I were you. I have had a Kerby and although it worked well, it was a BEAST! Very Very heavy and the selling point was that it was made for women and easy on the back, I say bunk.
    I used a dyson at the last job I had and although we had very little carpet I would vacuum daily just to use it. It was heaven BUT that wasn’t exactly working it hard, there was nerry a fleck on the carpet.
    Good luck with all your many many choices? To me it is akin to asking women what type of tampon they prefer. Ack!

  20. I whisper sweet nothings to my Dyson Ball. Actually, its so awesome, even my husband whispers sweet nothings to it…and that is saying a lot. I really can’t say enough good about it. I lurve it. WAAAAAAY more than is healthy to love a vacuum cleaner.

    Jessica @ A Bushel and a Pecks last blog post..Simplify: The Yard Sale

  21. i used to have a kirby. it was soooo heavy and i just got the dyson for christmas. i love it. especially because it’s pink. it does an amazing job. equally as hard working as a kirby for much less the cost.

    happy vacuuming!

    OHmommys last blog post.."…. just one more thing."

  22. Also, I should say I have three kids ages 4.5, 2.5 and 8 months, a cat, and OFF-WHITE carpet that was installed by the previous owners. And the Dyson Ball still kicks ass, even against those odds.

    Jessica @ A Bushel and a Pecks last blog post..Simplify: The Yard Sale

  23. My husband and I bought the Kenmore vacuum recommended by Consumer Reports (Kenmore Progressive 35922) . We LOVE it! We’ve had it for over a year and it somehow made our carpet look new heh. It’s not as “pretty” as a Dyson but it works.
    Ugh.. I sound like a commercial..

  24. I heart my dyson. It is 5 years old and I am still in love!

  25. I got a purple Dyson in 2004 or so, and I still love it. WAY cheaper than the Kirby, too, which 1) requires annoying salespeople to come to your house (although, since you’re a Mormon, that’s really only fair… ;) ) and 2) will set you back about a gazillion dollars.

    And it’s purple. Go Dyson!

    Amys last blog post..Urgent Care is Trying to Kill Me

  26. I recently got the Kenmore Progressive and lurve it.

    Christys last blog post..She bangs!

  27. My animal Dyson is a true animal.

    And how sad is that statement?

    Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]s last blog post..A blog about nothing

  28. I LOVE our Bissel. Got it at costco (they are awesome)!

    It is bagless… I think it may be a dyson copycat…. and it is wonderful.

  29. Michelle says:

    I have a Wertheim (German model), which I love. But our new (4yo house) has floorboards all through and a ducted vacuum. The BEST invention ever – especially since I only have to empty the bag every four-five months (it’s really big) and it has great suction. Probably not an option for you, though (sorry ;) ). My sister-in-law swears by her Dyson, but I prefer the Wertheim.

  30. I blogged my love affair with my Dyson…


    Coreys last blog post..Home Improvement

  31. We are big Dyson fans – we got one for Christmas one year (the only way we could have afforded it) and I have to say…Once you go Dyson, you never go back!

    It made us really ill to find out all of the stuff that our old vacuum was not getting up!

    jeanelles last blog post..What would you rather be doing?

  32. The following is a true story. When my son was 5, he was CRAZY about vacuuming (I mean bat poop crazy). His reward for finishing his dinner? He got to vacuum the living room. When our neighbors got a dyson, we borrowed it to see if it was as cool as it looked (yes, it was). My son was blown away and went on STRIKE until we bought our own. I kid you not. And sadly it worked, we caved faster than you could say “never loses suction.”

  33. Buy anything but a STICK VAC. PLEASE.

    Emilys last blog post..The Black Hole of IKEA Sucked Me In

  34. I recently got a Dyson ball (and blogged about it!) and I am in love! LOVE! It’s perfect. It’s tiny. It sucks like nothing else. I highly recommed it.

    Loras last blog post..Egg Blowing

  35. Wishing Hooves a Happy Retirement!

    Nicoles last blog post..Breakfast for Dinner

  36. good luck in your quest for the best sucker.

    staciesmadnesss last blog post..Mama, she’s coming home.

  37. I want Dyson! My Hoover’s story is very similar to yours, but he has yet to give up the ghost to enable a new vacuum purchase! I’ve contemplated sucking up a few more bobbie pins to see if that speeds up the process. Good luck with your search! Let us know what you decide!

    Kates last blog post..What Could be Better…

  38. I was loyal to Kenmore for years, but when my husband broke our Kenmore vac *ahem* I talked him into getting a Dyson. OMG! I almost cried the first time we used it. I couldn’t believe how much stuff my Kenmore had been leaving behind. The Dyson really blew me away, and I’m in love.

    As a side note, my husband used to sell Kirbys back in the day….and he said the Dyson worked as well, if not better than the Kirby. You miss out on all the fancy steamer attachments and whatnot, but you save a TON!

    Tiffanys last blog post..The Killing Tree: Book Review

  39. I am waiting for my sad little Hooves to retire so that I can shove DH into buying a Dyson. He bought us a Rainbow (the kind with the water instead of bags) 8 years ago … it works WONDERS & can do the steam cleaning, suck up wet spills & generally is a wonderful machine (especially with a messy toddler) – but it’s so bulky that I wind up in pain the next day. I hate it with a passion & refuse to use it – it hasn’t come out of the closet in two years.

    I want a Dyson so bad I could throw a tantrum.

    Bellamommas last blog post..Pumping At Work

  40. Glad Evonne commented, after her Dyson disaster, I would steer clear. I would say Kirby all the way. Get the guy to come over and then talk him down to the $500 we did. Same price as the Dyson and they have been around FOR FREAKING EVER. We have had ours for about a year and a half I think? And I have only had to change the bag TWICE…and it is really that good…the sucking power is amazing. I can be found caressing and petting it occasionally. You used it when you were here no? If not, next time you are in town, you are welcome to have at. And the best thing? The attachments! The hardwood floor attachment is BOMB! Love the attachment for the couch…it sucks out all of the yuckies there, our house never felt so good.

    Best wishes. Love you.

    Kimmies last blog post..These shall be…

  41. I have a Kenmore canister vacuum which, after nearly 12 years and one trip to the shop for a tune-up, is still running like new.

    For maintenance level clean-up, in between serious sucking sessions, I also have a Roomba. If you think you love to vacuum, you have no idea how fun it is to watch a robot do it for you. It also gets all the way under beds and couches (if they are high enough).

    Jenny in MNs last blog post..More About the Cat

  42. I’ve gone Dyson and will never go back! I have a St.Bernard who leaves life size tumbleweeds of hair around the house, and my Dyson sucks them away like a cartoon where this big thing is sucked into a small container. If only the Dyson could fix my washing machine I could give up men! well,….no,….not really. heh

    Cheryls last blog post..Labradorite Pendant

  43. I’m just in love with my dyson becausse you press a little button and the dirt comes out the bottom. Way better than my mom’s bagless where one most try to hold in the filter while not become covered in dust while empying.

  44. SO I say Dyson. I don’t own a vacuum, as I do not have carpet, but I think that I want one just so that I can have the pink or yellow Dyson. They are pretty!

    DJ Kelly-Kell-Kells last blog post..Kelly Ripa And Days Of Our Fricken Lives

  45. There is a retirement home for sad old tired vacuums. Its called my utility closet. I have three friends for Hooves right here! I call them Large Non-Sucking Vacuum, Cordless Non-Sucking Vacuum and Hand Held Non-Sucking Vacuum.

    Domestic Goddess (In Training)s last blog post..Grouchy, party of one…

  46. New (to you) house? Does that mean Cody landed a job? I hope so. And I hope you can get a new vacuum.

  47. My brother sold Kirby’s. They suck good (*snort*) but those suckas are loud!!!
    I love my Dyson. We have a lovely relationship and for 2 1/2 yrs now that sucka, has never let me down. Whether it’s the car, cheerios,t he carpet, the wood floor, the couch or any nook or cranny I throw at him, he is my lovah man. I cannot recommend them enough!
    I can’t imagine you not being able to vacuum. Whatever shall you do?

    rachel-asouthernfairytales last blog post..Garlic and Soy Baked Chicken Thighs

  48. I love my Rainbow, but crap they’re expensive. It better last me 20 years.

  49. First, you’re crazy. Vacuuming is by far the worst chore. It is the only style of cleaning that often makes me sweat…I mean glisten.

    I have a Roomba. And a husband who uses it. And I love both of them.

  50. I have a dyson – the animal. I mean, don’t you think owning something called “the animal” is so you? Sorry Hooves (or whatever you call it) is so over? Give it to a charity and call it a day. Love your blog.