House flippers must be optimistic, masochistic, jerky people.
Optimistic because frankly after some of the houses I’ve walked into over the last month? You would need a really sunny disposition and glass half full mentality to even envision anything but a pee stained hole in the walls hot mess of a house. Even if I had the guts to flip a house I could never live in it, or comfortably allow someone else to live in it after seeing just what existed there before.
(P.S. In case you don’t follow me on twitter or you’re not my parents or grandparents, Cody and I have been looking for a house in Indy since February with him graduating and having a job and all that stuff, celebrate! whee! squee! And we’re done, house hunting sucks, I’m not even going to call it hunting because no one goes hunting as much as we’ve gone hunting and comes back empty handed.)
(P.P.S. If you do follow me on twitter or you are my parent or grandparent sorry for all of the false hope “WE OFFERED ON A HOUSE!” followed by “Nevermind, some other person bid $2K over us and got our house.” back and forth stuff. Really, sorry.)
Anyway, back to house flippers. I say masochistic because some of these “investment opportunities?”
There was the one on Orchid Ln. that was charming all except for the fact IT HAD NO CEILING. Then there was Oakdale Dr, lovely in every way except for the foundation buckling and falling out from underneath the house. Then there was Herbert St. where I’m pretty sure an old crazy cat lady died, leaving her cats to eat her face for a month and her death was only discovered because of THE SMELL THAT WAS COMING FROM THE HOUSE.
I could go on for a while, dungeon bedrooms, bathrooms with no sinks, mouse turds in the upstairs closet, showers in kitchens and freezers growing hair. Not to mention the things PEOPLE. DO. TO. THEIR. CARPET. Blech.
I call house flippers jerks because they go in and pretty a place up with new! paint! smell! clean stain free carpet, maybe some poorly laid laminate flooring and a few new ding and dent appliances, jack up the price because it does look deceptively appealing to a weary homebuyer. All in a feeble attempt to distract you from the fact the plumbing exploded, it used to be a meth lab and your new neighbors are regulars on Jerry Springer and/or the county jail scene.
The right house is out there for us somewhere, but I swear, if one more person sneaks a bid past us and gets the house I wanted I’m going to start sneaking dead fish into their curtain rods.