Monday morning I headed into a local hospital to have ink shoved up my fallopian tubes.

If you are to ever have this procedure done your doctor will either call it an HSG test or a “Hystero,” if he’s really into freaking you out he’ll give you the full name, hysterosalpingogram followed with a shallow promise of mild discomfort. When you get home you will Google said HSG test and see that yes, mild discomfort similar to menstrual cramps is to be expected. 

If you are like me you will then tweet “Who’s ever had an HSG and are sedatives a good idea?” You will get responses back ranging from “@mooshinindy heavy drinking advised” to “@mooshinindy NEVER AGAIN. GOD BLESS, you’re going to need it.” to “@mooshinindy There’s not enough tranquilizers in the world.”

You will then call your doctor to make sure he’s aware you passed out at your first colposcopy and required Xanax at subsequent inter-vaginal procedures. Your doctor will quickly prescribe you Klonopin, so quickly in fact you begin to panic even more about the upcoming violation of your previously exit only cervix.

When V (violation) day comes you should really take a friend with you. I brought Ami, I trust her more than I trust my DVR. I really suggest you bring a friend whom you also trust more than your DVR. If you’re in the Indianapolis area, I am available, I may even let you borrow Ami.

I changed into a hospital frock, bare from the bellybutton down and hopped up on the hardest most cold, cruel medical x-ray table ever. Sure they put a sheet on it but there’s no denying that the tables they do autopsies on may be more comfortable. A radiologist came in (a middle aged woman thank heavens, I can only imagine the guffawing from Ami had a hot doctor appeared to ink me.) This middle aged woman made me the same “mild discomfort” promises to which I promptly replied “Iz on deh Klonopin, rilly, iz gud…*drool*” Humor can only take me so far when I’m scared.

Brr, cold x-ray table. Brr. Cold x-ray room. All of those where shoved where no one ever wants something cold, metal and expandable shoved.   

See all those speculums? Who else knew they came in every size and shape? Who found out they came in every size and shape after every one was shoved in their tender areas in an attempt to get their cervix to “pop out?” Anyone? By the time she popped my cervix out she asked “Uh, does this hurt? Your cervix is really irritated and bleeding.” To which I started to cry, because yes, it really did hurt and WAH, I didn’t want to know that you made me bleed. 

Ami gets four gold stars for champion hand holding.

In went the tube, which truthfully looked long enough to come out my nose, or at least tickle my uvula. The former moosh manor was filled with contrast ink and all sorts of pictures were taken of my anemone like uterus.

  • I had no idea it was that small. Talk about elasticity.
  • I had no idea it moves around as much as it did.

The idea behind the test is that if your fallopian tubes are open the ink will spray out the top like a shaken bottle of sparkling cider. If one of your tubes is blocked the ink will either bust its way through (which happened on my left side) or it will only pour out the open tube, or back out through your cervix if you’re all kinds of plugged up.

SAI HAI TO MAI YOOTERUS!

(click on picture to get notes on each frame.)

I am now 100% assured that my tubes are a superhighway of moosh 2.0 egg transport.

I’m not sure what’s next, but I do know my baby making parts are open for business. I also know that the sign of a true friend is one who takes you in to get donuts after a test like this, even though you’re staggering like a drunk, who doesn’t judge when you eat three of the four donuts on the way home, gets you to your couch, covers you with a blanket and leaves you to drool on your pillow in a drug induced haze for the next eight hours.

three of these did not make it home, unless you count in my stomach home.

Long’s Bakery Cinnamon Fry and Carmel Iced Fluff Filled bars. Everyone  now with the nom nom.

May everyone have an Ami in their life, and open free flowing tubes. And donuts for later. And Klonopin. And a fluffy pillow and soft blanket. And people to watch your kid (thanks A. and M.!)

Comments

  1. hmmm sounds similar to the IUD insertion…I still break out in a sweat when I remember that lovely day.

    staciesmadnesss last blog post..You Capture, Wk 6

  2. OHH I almost passed out reading this!! You are so brave. I am thinking about you!! ((HUGS))

  3. I seriously think that “mild discomfort” is the term they use to describe any kind of vaj-jay procedures.

    But it will be worth all the pain for Moosh 2.0!

    and nom nom nom on the donuts.

    Domestic Extraordinaires last blog post..Wordless Wednesday- A girl and her mother

  4. *hugs* I love you!

    sam {temptingmama}s last blog post..Marriage is a Funny Thing

  5. LOVE!!!

    and doughnuts, and fuzzy blankies.

  6. Crap. I went to the dentist today. They did some sort of new ‘test’ thing where they poke your gums no less than 2,000 times.
    What? Doesn’t compare to needing tranquilizers?

    Sorry girlfriend. Time for insemination or what?

    Time for those dang cinnamon frys What??

    Carissas last blog post..You Gave Your Toddler A Cell Phone!?

  7. I had only glanced at the top of that last picture and was afraid to find out what you were showing us…thank goodness it was just donuts, lol!

    midwest mommys last blog post..4 hours

  8. Carissa, your dentist was checking the health of your gums by checking the depth of your gingival pockets. Be glad he did it, because periodontitis can lead to heart problems as well as dentures. (Sorry, DH is a dentist…)

    Casey, I’m really glad you had drugs and a friend. I had no drugs and had an hour-long drive home alone. It sucked the big one. However, one ridiculously painful HSG + two months of Clomid = my first bouncing baby boy after 3 years of “unexplained infertility.” It’s entirely anecdotal, but “they” say that if the test hurts a lot but your tubes show up clear, it’s because you had a blockage that the test cleared out. And a lot of women do indeed get pregnant afterwards. I will cross my fingers and bend my knees for you…

  9. Mild discomfort my tush. Goodness that was horribly painful. My Dr said to take 800mg of IBU prior to the procedure. It did not even touch the pain. I came out shaking and crying. My poor husband thought they had given me bad news. Thankfully it was all good and we were PG 4 months later.

  10. Yikes, you are very brave. Glad to hear the good news though, and hope to hear even BETTER news in the near future! Best wishes!

    Melissas last blog post..Protected: fighting my inner control freak—and winning, sort of

  11. Not a pleasant procedure by any means but I have to say mine wasn’t too bad and I wasn’t able to take any medication for it. I was amazed at how skinny fallopian tubes really are.

    But here’s to hope, I was one of the lucky ones who got pregnant at the first possible opportunity even with male factor infertility.

  12. OH MY GOD! I totally had blocked out that procedure. Mild discomfort and some pinching. Yeah right. I think that pain was second only to actually giving birth.

    After having that test done… I got pregnant with Zoe though. It’s like that ink swishing around in there opened everything up.

    Colleens last blog post..We’re off…. again…

  13. Tiffinie says:

    I had one 10 years ago when I was trying to get pregnant with my first child. Except I took the doctor for his word that it would just be mildly uncomfortable. I spent two hours in the bathroom puking from the pain. I’m so sorry you had to experience that

  14. I passed out when I got to the picture of the speculums.

  15. Sounds so painful! Hopefully the donuts really did help. Also, I really hope that the procedure helped to fix the problem.

    Swiggys last blog post..The art of laughter

  16. Meredith says:

    Thank you for sharing this. I too have PCOS and my doctor wants to do this same procedure on me. She wants to wait awhile first and “see how things go” before doing this. By chance have you been on Chlomid & Glucophage? Thanks again for sharing!

    ~Meredith

  17. Klonopin and donuts. Wowzers.

    I have a prescription for Klonopin with like 12 refills. That statement has no purpose except to say, I know of it and I lourve it.

    Glad the moosh tubes are clear.

    Overflowing Brains last blog post..Worlds Colliding

  18. Poor thing! I had that done and it’s awful. I’m glad you had such an excellent friend to hold your hand and buy donuts.

    Wishing you the best.

    threeundertwos last blog post..Extreme Crafting Part 1: Death By Quilting

  19. Casey, SO PAINFUL! I don’t know why I didn’t know this before having one, but it was horrible. I am glad you have it behind you – and seeing your photos takes me right BACK! A dear friend and donuts afterwards – how perfect!!!!! I’m thinking of you and sending (((hugs))).

    Emily-TheMotherhoods last blog post..Maybe we can…

  20. Yes, I have had that procedure done. It hurt like a mofo. I had to scream and beg them to stop.

    They told me that it looked like my tube (since i only have one left) was open. After months of TTC, and no baby- I had exploritory surgery and was otld it actually was only a tiny bit open, not enough to actually get pg.

    Here’s to hoping that all as clear in the baby making valley (from one IF to another!)

    mayas last blog post..Soleil &Neve Fashion Paloozer (copyright by thespohrsaremultiplying)

  21. I am moved to share my fertility history. Here it is in a nutshell (not for the faint of heart): Always used protection. Pregnant at 24 by accident with husb-to-be. Not ready, so i exercised my right to choose and chose to terminate (separate conversation). 2 years later, i enter the land of INFERTILITY, trying for 2 years, then 18 mos of fertility treatments beginning with HSG (ick) and ending with IVF #1 and BABY! Whew. But wait, there’s more. 2 years later unsuccessful frozen embryo transfer. Endless months of ‘military sex’ then pregnant the old fashioned way. Victory! Oh, but then at 23 weeks, something wrong on routine ultrasound. Chromosomal anomaly. Baby won’t live. Chose to end pregnancy since all my friends are pregnant and i cannot bear carrying a baby possibly to term who will then die. Deliver at 24 weeks, sweet baby boy dies. I bury his two tablespoons of ashes in my garden. I’m angry for a year, then IVF #2…and…twins!?! I cry for a week since this was not my PLAN. HA! No complications, twins grow but nearly take me down physically, emotionally. Twins born healthy, term, then the cruelest joke of all… severe POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION. Now 2 years later…I have 3 healthy kids, have been pregnant 4 times, twice naturally, twice by technology. I still consider myself an infertile person. And there are so many who have been through worse. I SO appreciate and share your perspective. Keep trying. Your path is still unfolding.

  22. Hooray for unclogged tubes! That’s great news.

    Sorry you had to endure that procedure just to find out everything is OK tube-wise.

    Christinas last blog post..Haiku Friday: Test Stress

  23. good article , thanks

  24. blessed-with-3 says:

    Yuuuummmmm! LONG’S!I live on the W. side of Indy and fondly remember my one trip downtown for some gooey-goodness!

  25. Sounds like utter hell. Glad to hear the tubes are free and clear, one less obstacle in your way. All hail the donuts, they are a girl’s best friend. I see no chocolate though.

    Kimmies last blog post..Beauty

  26. i never had that done, but the scraping i had when i was having my uterus checked before they would do an ablation just about did me in. and i had 4 c-sections. and one of them with very little drugs. still the horrendous cramping from all that scraping was too much for me!

    hope all is well or on the mend!

    natalies last blog post..A whim

  27. I just happened upon your blog today and have to say that this post brings back memories…I’m glad that you got through it and wish you all the best.

    When I asked my RE for a sedative she told me to take Ibuprofen prior to the procedure. Clearly this woman had never undergone one of these lovely experiences herself. During the test she pronounced that my uterus was shaped strangely – I believe her exact words were “it has handles, like I could drive it like a motorcycle!” File that under things I never want to hear again.

  28. What a great friend she is!

    I know this isn’t related at all but last week my doc brought those stupid duck lips out..yeah get this! She clamped them open, then proceeded to get up and go find her other items. Yeah, there I was sitting all open. I could feel a slight breeze in areas I’d rather not talk about..

    Ok now I’m off to cry..

    kristins last blog post..New Woman’s World Webisode

  29. I just want to add for anyone reading this that it doesn’t always hurt. I had mine about two years ago and was very apprehensive going in, but didn’t find the procedure to be too bad. I think I felt mildly crampy and that was it, nothing to stress over at all. Same thing for my amnio and most recently, my epidural. I am not a superhero when it comes to pain (note: I chose to have an epidural!) but my experience with these procedures just wasn’t bad. I don’t know if I lucked out with my doctors or if it’s a function of my anatomy, and I’m not discounting anyone else’s experience. But if you’re facing one of these tests coming up, know that while it may hurt, and you should be prepared for that, it very well may not hurt at all!

  30. I would have given you a much bigger hug if I had read this post before we met up in KC. ow ow ow OW.

  31. I love you, and always will.

  32. That’s awesome that your tubes are clear and ready to transport! I am so happy for you.

    When I had the procedure done it was PAINFUL and I started to pass out afterward so all I have to say is that those were some well earned donuts.

    Dinas last blog post..Bye, Bye Mercury

  33. i’m glad things are all clear. fingers crossed for you.
    take care.

    melissas last blog post..Penguins And Hygiene And Stupid Things Husband Say

  34. You made me laugh, so I thank ya.

    Now then, if the superhighway is open, maybe I should just have my husband come stand in the room while you and the hubs get it on, because he apparently has superpower sperm which probably work just by vicinity.

    It would be nice to be able to be throwing up with you this time around. Though, um, on second thought, no throwing up for you this time around.

  35. Eesh. I had lunch today with Miss Heather Spohr and she told me you had just had an HSG test, but didn’t want to direct me to your blog until after mine was over. I had it Monday, and HolyMotherEffer – OW! Talk about adding insult to injury! I didn’t have the added benefit or Klonopin and my doctor was a kind, 70 year old MAN. Awesomeness. Here’s to that being OVER!!

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