I finally learned all the right words to “Silent Night” tonight. It’s the moosh’s favorite bedtime song along with “Baby Mine.” Since December I’ve hummed and la la la’ed through verses two and three when I wasn’t entirely sure of what went next. And let me tell you, the moosh has no problem letting me know when I do something wrong.
“What song do you want tonight?”
“What songs do you know?”
“I know Baby Mine, Stay Awake, Tarzan, Child of God, Silent Night, Rock….”
“No you don’t.”
“No I don’t what?”
“Know Silent Night.”
Schooled yet again by my four year old. Tonight I got up, dug out the hymnbook and made myself learn the proper words to “Silent Night.” I’m nervous that when the moosh gets to school kids will laugh at our version of “Patty Cake.” (I didn’t know the words so I made them up too.)
Patty Cake Patty Cake Baker’s man,
Bake me a cake as fast as you can.
Roll it, and smash it, and PACK IT WITH CHEESE!
Put it in the oven for mooshie and me!
I’ve always known my little kid is my life and it is a true blessing that *I* of all people get to be her mom. The past week has punched me in the face. Changed me in its own way. I’d like to say I treasure every moment, but treasuring entire bottles of pomegranate juice spilled on the clean blanket I happen to be sitting on is still a little out of my league. Then there’s the guilt. Heather will never find Maddie hidden in a corner eating an entire bag of Milano cookies and drawing on herself and surrounding areas with a permanent marker. Where is that line? The line that separates gratitude that I have a small marked up person who smells of cookies and Sharpie and the raging horror at myself that I let her get a Sharpie and a bag of Milanos and even worse that she was smart enough to know EXACTLY what to do with them?
I will never be perfect, whining will still make my ears bleed on bad days. However I can and will take the time to learn the words to “Silent Night.” To draw a heart in her peanut butter sandwich (remember circa 1986 JIF commercials? My sister and I DEMANDED hearts in our PBJ’s.) To stop off at the animal shelter to pet cats. To stand at the top of the stairs and blow bubbles down to her. To wake up (to her clobbering me) with a smile and a hug before demanding “FIVE MORE MINUTES!”
Most of all, I want her to know that her true friends and family are more valuable than anything else in this life. And I hope that I can instill in her strength, compassion and confidence so when the time comes for her to care for one of her friends more than she has ever cared for herself, she will be able to forget herself and go to work.
The only thing in this life that increases when we give it away is love.
Lucky for me I have lots to go around.