I have often been criticized for my choice of religion. I am also criticized for not fitting a certain stereotype within it. I make jokes about enjoying my Dyson, I sometimes think a hot toddy would put a nice end to a difficult day  and I can fall victim to judgement and jealousy faster than the moosh can spot my hidden loot of Oreos.

All that being said I would not give up on my faith for anyone or anything.

Sure there’s times when it’s easier to stand behind my convictions with a burning testimony.

But there’s also times when it’s really hard. When something I’ve worked so hard for never quite seems to work out in the way I think it should.

Infertility is an excellent example of this.

There is a huge part of my heart that wants to be done with all the tests and waiting. But there is also a very rebellious part of my heart that knows it’s just not my time and it’s not up to me to say ‘when.’

There’s another kerfuffle currently brewing in my life  that I have thrown myself and my faith head first into. I want so badly to see even just one tiny improvement. To know all the sacrifice, fasting, tears and hours spent on my knees in prayer has helped.

That we physically can’t take another persons pain, suffering or burdens upon ourselves is frustrating.

Some people are given too much. And it’s not fair.

I may not have the faith to move mountains right now, but I still have it.

And I hope it’s helping.

Comments

  1. I just recently found your website and I am so glad. I am going through infertility and testing and all that jazz too, and it really, really, REALLY helps to not find other people going through it, but going through it with this kind of grace and strength. Because sometimes, I just don’t feel graceful or strong. Thank you!

    Lindseys last blog post..Technology With Cath

  2. Hugs because I don’t know what else to say except I have a mad crush on your dyson.

    Midwest Mommys last blog post..Seriously do I have a disease?

  3. Please keep praying. You know why, and you know what for. Please keep telling me it’s ok and that I can do it. Please keep believing because when I feel lost and alone, I know you have enough faith for me and you until I can find mine.

  4. if only i knew how to hide the oreos from myself.

    Don’t let things get you down! It will all work out in the end :) oh and dysons are dysongasmic. fyi.

    claires last blog post..Shreddin.

  5. You have an amazing strength, and if anyone’s faith could move mountains, it’s yours.

    It pisses me off so much that people criticize you for how you live your life.

    Avitables last blog post..Bullets, bracelets and breastesses

  6. Faith is an incredible thing. It’s amazing because you always have more than enough to share with us all. Keep moving forward & I’ll keep you in my prayers as well.

  7. This may be one of my favorite posts of yours.

    My faith is strong,too, but I surely have moments of doubt; lots of struggles. Nice to hear someone else say what I feel.

    The depth of your faith, so often visible on this blog, always helps strengthen my faith. Thanks!

    Bridgets last blog post..You’ve Got To Be Kidding Me

  8. I used to feel that way, but after all of everything, I just can’t anymore.

    Sashas last blog post..It’s over…

  9. I think Jesus knew how hard life would be when he said it’s the mustard-seed size type that moves the mountains.

  10. I have also suffered from infertility. Well, I still do, only I don’t actually suffer because of it as much as I did when we were really TTC. We have since given up because it was like a wrecking ball on me emotionally.

    This is where we differ though, because I am non-religious and I wish I did have faith of some kind. I’d like to think that things happen or don’t happen for a reason, but instead I just get ticked off because I’m not getting what I want.

    Faith and belief aren’t things I can just create in myself though, it’s just not there. It kind of sucks sometimes.

    Breighs last blog post..Handshaking Compulsory in NL?

  11. In all sincerity, your faith (not your religion, your faith) is probably the first thing I think of when I think about you.

    Someone like you shows me that I just wasn’t cut out for Christianity, because I lost faith after MUCH less than you have endured, and yet you still believe, still remain faithful.

    I am truly in awe. I have so much respect for you.

    SciFi Dads last blog post..Neglectimommy Volume 2

  12. Faith can get us through a lot. Sometimes it’s the only thing that can get us through.

    Natalies last blog post..Letting go

  13. Oh, Casey. I could have written this. I am trusting God 100% in regards to our fertility and I feel almost let down. I know that I just need to focus more on Him and things will come in time. Please know you are not alone! ((HUGS))

    Jens last blog post..How Far Would you go to Have a Baby?

  14. Casey, As a woman of your faith I want you to know just how amazing I feel you are. I don’t just think of you as another blogger out there who types things to get a chuckle or serve their starving ego’s. I admire you.
    As far as infertility goes, I am no expert. I have dealt with it but I also was fortunate to have to deal with it after having had 2 beautiful children already. It’s not the same thing, I know.
    But, as far as “faith” goes.
    When I read blog headings I like to guess what they are really going to be about. Right now in our ward we are dealing with 3 amazing women with cancer. 3 different kinds. 1 of those ladies (the youngest-30 with 4 young boys) has been given 9mos to live. We have Faith that she will somehow be healed. So that is the faith I thought of when I read your blog header “faith”. I thought “I have faith”, I have faith in Miracles.
    When I then read your blog I realized you were referring to religion “faith”. Then I thought, we are of the same faith – LDS.
    That is what I still believe. Casey, we are of the same faith and I have faith in Miracles.

  15. As someone who has spent about 10 minutes of life with you, the impression I got is that you are so full of life. You are kind and compassionate, witty & funny, but also very humble. I hate that people judge others just by what misconceptions they have of a certain religion. I know that when we pray God doesn’t always give us the answer that we are looking to find, I know that life here on this earth is not going to be perfect-because if it was, then what would we have to look forward to. I also know that whatever it is that you are praying for, I am praying that your prayers get answered. Much love to you. Hugs.

    Heather @ Domestic Extraordinaires last blog post..Waterboarding doesn’t have anything on this

  16. First, tell me who is criticizing you and I’ll kick some butt. Second, I think your faith is inspiring, especially in tough times. I admire your faith and belief and I think you’re amazing.

    pgoodnesss last blog post..day of the mama

  17. Faith is a deeply personal thing. No one should ever be criticized for standing by their own beliefs. Anyone who does that lacks compassion and understanding.

    I know what you mean about wanting to take away someone’s pain. It is unfair to want to and not be able to. And you’re right… some people are given too much to deal with. It’s not fair.

    I’m pretty sure you move mountians anyway though :) No matter where you’re at with your relationship with God.

  18. We’re all praying for them too. In His time, our prayers will be heard and answered. Although it breaks our hearts, and it can’t happen fast enough, our prayers are helping.

    Plus, He’s probably so smitten with Maddie, that He’s been distracted from the rest of us. How could he not be?

    Angis last blog post..The Ice Age

  19. Sometimes I think my faith that something else is at work in the Universe is the only thing that keeps me sane. Just the hope that some day I might get answers for the things that have festered in my brain for so long. Plus, I totally want to be right. ;o)

    And I totally understand what you mean about taking someone’s pain.

    Jamies last blog post..Wordless Wednesday

  20. I really don’t have a lot add that others haven’t. I understand the frustration of not being able to conceive right when I was ready for a child. It two years to get my daughter here. I’ve had other rounds of Faith trials. All I can say is it’s never been on my timeline and that sucks at times, but somehow I’ve never been left alone and things do work out. Rarely how I expect, but they do.

    Nickys last blog post..Mother’s Day

  21. Tiffany says:

    i’m jealous of your conviction for your faith!! I need people like you, that feel strongly enough, to make me yearn to keep on believing.. and as a reminder that there is something bigger out there!

  22. Thank You! I needed that today….to acknowledge that we may not be able to “move mountains” but we still have faith is exactly what I needed to hear today. I am sorry for your frustrations and pray the best for you, but I wanted you to know that by sharing with us you have helped me.
    Thank You!

  23. I recently found your blog through Simply me’s… and i love reading it.
    A YW advisor once said to me- “I dont have enough Faith to move a mountain- thats a lot to ask… but i can move a stone… one stone isnt alot… i have enough faith to do that… so i will move one stone at a time.. and eventually that mountain will be moved.”
    Keep the faith- and move just Todays Stone…

  24. I love you friend. No matter what. I hate that people judge others based on religion. It’s only a small part of who you are. You’re a bright and wonderful person who I am privileged to know.

    I want nothing but the best for you and I’m hoping all your dreams come true. Soon.

    xox

    sam {temptingmama}s last blog post..Dreamt of You Again

  25. I think one of the greatest things about the internet is its ability to connect people from all different places and backgrounds. Although we might not have ever met, I think God works through all of to provide the strength, support, and understanding that is needed. You’ve articulated in your blog so much that others have gone through, and because of this, you’ve healed many people.

    So maybe your faith has worked through your blog to reach and comfort many others.

    You are very talented, Casey.

    Stefanies last blog post..Bed Head

  26. I don’t necessarily believe in the power of prayer as strongly as a some people do, but I believe in the power of love and of family and friendship. You do what you can to reach out and help out but there are a lot of things out of our control, as you well know. I hope everything works out for the “kerfuffle.”

    Jills last blog post..Whatcha Makin’? Vol. 4

  27. It’s hard to grasp: this life and trials we are given, but faith is what gets us through. Keep on praying–God hears our prayers and knows our hearts. I’ll help too–because I’ve experienced the weariness when prayers aren’t answered the way we want them to. Hang in there.

    Jennifers last blog post..I Heart Brazillian Dancers Without Poison Ivy.

  28. Michelle says:

    No, we can’t take another’s pain and burdens. But we can keep lifting them to the Lord, and standing with them. Also, praying for miracles, even if the miracle isn’t what we would have chosen, if it is a miracle, then it’s still a miracle (that made sense in my head, hope it makes sense to you).

    But trusting in the Lord and standing with those who are having trouble standing, means so much.

  29. Everyone has something in their life that is a huge challenge and often deeply frustrating and painful. Some have multiple examples of these things.

    Lots of times I wonder why it is the way it is. For myself and for others. I have more than a little anger at it.

    I would love to have that kind of faith to fall back on-I just don’t.

    However, it gives me comfort that YOU do. xoxoxo.

    loralees last blog post..Help, help! I’m being repressed!!

  30. Lisa in TX says:

    “But if not…” is the hardest part of any testimony. And don’t we all have days where we just want to throw in the towel?

    Hugs to you. Feel free to pass them on, too.

  31. Your faith is inspiring. Your prayer and tears are not in vain, but answers are not always obvious. While I do not attend church anymore, and do not recieve the sacrament, I will NEVER forget the feeling in my heart when I heard President Hinckley speak at Madison Square Gardens some years ago. I hope you find peace!

  32. Christine says:

    I’ve been feeling the same way recently. I pray and pray, I read the bible, I’ve shed countless tears and I still haven’t seen anything or feel as though I’ve received anything resembling an answer. Meanwhile, there are those in my vicinity who seem to be doing none of those things and yet life seems to be unfurling without a hitch for them.

    Sometimes I feel like raising my hands in defeat and think, “Maybe this is my answer.” But I have this tiny hope deep, deep, DEEP, down in me that the light is just around the corner and that God wants me to put in JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE effort.

    This tiny, miniscule hope is what sustains me these days.

    We have to believe that we are loved and that this experience will be our testimony.

  33. The words “mustard seed” come to mind…

    Miss Britts last blog post..So I went to see the endocrinologist today…

  34. It’s moving mountains, my friend…one teeny pebble at a time maybe…but you’re moving it.

    XOXOX

    Anissa@Hope4Peytons last blog post..This entire post is just another form of procrastination

  35. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you.

    Sucks that you Dyson won’t suck anymore though. :(

    Joe @ IrrationalDads last blog post..Wordless Wednesday v. Bubbles

  36. As a Woman of a different religon than yours, I’d like to say, don’t give up hope. All Theology aside, Proverbs 13:12 has been a lifeline for me, and I’ll explain why if you’ll forgive the long comment. A hope deferred makes the heart sick, which our Sages teach us is sick with longing the same way the shulamite woman was sick in Song of songs, because she knew her desire was correct and would be eventually fulfilled, as we see it becomes a tree of life, the source of all knowledge in the Garden of Eden. A new beginning with each longing fulfilled, if you will. I could go on, but I think I’ve said enough. Cling to scripture. It’s Truth will not fail you, even in darkest times.

    Rabbi’s Wifes last blog post..Chicken Cholent

  37. as a person of no faith, i get judged plenty. i’m sorry you do, as well. it would be so much better if we accepted each other’s choices and supported each other anyway. what works for one person doesn’t work for another. i can still love and support my friends and family who are believers without judging them according to my beliefs (or lack thereof)

    mommymaes last blog post..i’m gonna say it

  38. You don’t always have to have enough faith to move mountains, just enough for a mustard seed.

    It’s ok to say that it sucks, it’s ok to feel overwhelmed, it’s ok to be tired of being on your knees & to admit that fasting is killing you. So long as you still have the mustard seed & you believe that God will work in His time ~ that’s all He asks. And He gives us chocolate for the rough days ;)

    Bellamommas last blog post..Would I do it all again? aka: Infertility SUCKS.

  39. This is exactly how I have been feeling the past two weeks. Wishing I could help and take away another’s pain. Yours included. I pray for you often and my hope that you get preggers soon is on that list. I love you. Huggies.

    Kimmies last blog post..Opposition