HI HI HI!
So it’s been about two and a half days since my innards were spelunked and I currently feel as though there is a very full puce colored balloon in my tummy that just has to be full of very nasty noxious gut gas. Got a visual on that? Good.
Just imagine the worst gas of your life but not being able to get it out the front or the back.
(Which reminds me. What did the stomach say to the burp? Give up? “I’ll let you out the back if you go quietly.” HA!)
So far the shoulder pain that a lot of you warned me about hasn’t been much of a bother. Of course from the way my last post reads and the way a lot of my tweets have been sounding I’m not sure I’ve felt much of anything over the past 48 hours let alone been coherent enough to comprehend any of it.
So I hurt. A lot. But my spirits are spry as a spring chicken.
Because I have an answer! A timeline! HURRAH!
Now if any of you want to fill in the blanks because you’ve had this happen to you as well I’d appreciate it. I’d go out googling it but last time I did that I found out about teratomas and OH MY GOSH my doctor pulled a teratoma out of a girl a few weeks ago that had AN EYELID WITH EYELASHES IN IT.
The plan is to shut down my reproductive parts for six months with some sort of shot. (I got this news from Cody, he said “it sounded like something like, uh, Dem-uh, I don’t remember but it’s a shot.“) Now I won’t get the official MEDICAL definition and description of what’s going to be next until my follow up appointment but I can tell you that I like that where Dr. SallyForth is going with this. To know that for six months I can just live my life, let my little uterus get her freaking act straight and then assault her like a rabbit in heat when all is healed and taken care of. (Did you get a good visual on that too? YOU’RE WELCOME!)
Things I’ve learned while being laid out and gassed up?
Daytime TV stinks.
Simply willing food to appear in front of you does not work.
Many many women have all sorts of nasty things done to their uteri.
It takes approximately 23 minutes for narcotics to hit my system and make me ten kind of floppy fingered fun.
mmm. breakfast. (and lunch, and ironically dinner too.)