Dear tiny gramma,

the moosh is just like me. Go ahead and gloat.

Need examples?

Well first there was the “I want a new mom.” debacle of May 2009. Apparently asking her to get dressed was not in the mother/daughter manifesto leaving her to fire me only to rehire me after she realized she couldn’t pick her new mom up at the airport without the aid of her old mom.

So apparently I get to stay the mom by circumstance.

Which is to say as soon as she can make eyes at some boy who can drive her to the airport where they keep the new moms who don’t ask their kids to get dressed? I’m out of a job.

She also fired Cody the other night because she didn’t get any mail. But that’s beside the point, because Cody is ruining my child and when I say Cody is ruining my child I mean that the bar is ruining my Cody which in turn is ruining my child.

He leaves early and stays late to study. the moosh claims she cannot fall asleep without a hug from her dad (tender right? IT’S ALL A PLOY, I’m onto her little game) which in turn leaves her hysterically sobbing into the phone to Cody while she squeaks out,

DaaDaadddy…I…*hiccup*…miii*hiccup*sssss…*gasp*…yooouuu. sob.

Last night I had the brilliant! idea of giving her a picture of Cody to hold while she fell asleep.

But the only one I could find was a leftover engagement picture.

From 2000.

Nothing really says “go to sleep little darling” like a picture of your parents when they were 18 and 21.

I gave her the picture anyway since we still do resemble our previous selves (uh, enough.)

“MOM! CUT YOU OUT OF THIS PICTURE! I ONLY WANT DADDY!”

ouch.

“You can deal with looking at me, I’m not cutting it up. Good night, go to sleep, I love you, no bedbugs and all that jazz.”

This morning?

ouch

Yeah. There you have it. My existence in my daughters world can be negated with a well placed Barbie sticker.

Enjoy the quiet satisfaction that she is only four and is already stabbing tiny hot pokers of teenage angst into my weary heart.

xoxo-

Your youngest and most favorite daughter that could have never possibly caused you this much heartache and grief,

Casey

Comments

  1. I remember when Giggles was younger and would yell at the 16×20 family photo we had in the formal living room’s photo wall about how come he wasn’t home with us & with his other family. BTW, he totally wasn’t he was in the Navy and deployed but for whatever reason she was convinced he had a whole other family. She was also convinced that when Steve from Blue’s Clues went to college that was just a cover for him going to prison.

    Casey Reply:

    @Domestic Extraordinaire, Steve going to college was a cover for his heroin addiction.
    But prison is a close second.

    Domestic Extraordinaire Reply:

    @Casey, I totally didn’t know that! But in my defense we never watched the news much-it totally freaked Giggles out-I have no idea. She, at 14, still doesn’t watch the news.

    Casey Reply:

    @Domestic Extraordinaire, Everything I learned I learned from twitter. Or Wikipedia. Or Google.

  2. What? The spawn of Casey has the seeds of rebellion, manipulative tendencies and an eye for trouble?

    Shock.

    But, consider the long view. If the moosh and the mom share the same rambunctious childhood, the curly haired monster will turn out as authentic, true and beautiful as you.

    And one day in the science fiction future, *her* daughter will affix a bioadhesive covering over *her* face in a holodex recording of *her* engagement. Justice!

    Casey Reply:

    @Robby Slaughter, *sigh* I just wish I wasn’t the one who was responsible for molding her into a nice human being. I kind of was just hoping I could take credit for the awesome without all the pain and grief. And holographic Barbie stickers.

  3. I am laughing….hard. Is that wrong?

    Casey Reply:

    @DesignHER Momma, No because I laughed at your little kid who totally sneaked a dude in squarepants into her bed right under your nose.

  4. You are soooooooo screwed.

    Casey Reply:

    @Burgh Baby, The extra oooooo’s really drive that point home. Thaaaaanks.

  5. I’m sorry, but that’s the funniest thing I’ve ever seen!

    You’re a great mom… I think.

    Casey Reply:

    @Stefanie, Heh, you sound like me. I think.
    I’m pretty sure everything in parenting is followed by a silent “I think.”
    Like,
    “TODAY I DID A GOOD JOB!” (I think.)

  6. OMG! Is that what I have to look forward to in a couple of years? Heartbreaking! But mom will be doing exactly what tiny gramma is probably doing/thinking “HA HA HA HA payback is an evil thing”.

    Casey Reply:

    @Colleen, Yeah, tiny gramma will probably replace “evil thing” with what payback truly is. And it is a word I don’t use.
    *ahem*

    Colleen Reply:

    @Casey,

    No question my mom would say “payback is a bitch” as well but I would NEVER use such language! LOL

  7. Wow, that’s pretty harsh. Although my 5 year old might do the same. Tell him to enjoy it while it lasts as I am. Someday not too far away from today, we will no longer be the most important boy in their life. But mom always will be the most important girl.

    Casey Reply:

    @Hockeyman, Well that’s some good perspective. However we will also be the most hated girl to EVER come into their life at some point.
    And truthfully? Little girls always come back to their daddies.

    Hockeyman Reply:

    @Casey, Yeah when they need Daddy’s credit card! ;) Mom’s are only “hated” because they are the only honest and logical voice during the teenage years. Teenagers don’t want honesty and logic, they just want to be right. But at the end of the day, only mom understands. I will do my best to be their best friend as long as I can, but I know their mother will know more.

    Casey Reply:

    @Hockeyman, Iz u kissin’ mamas butt?

    Hockeyman Reply:

    @Casey, Iz kissin every mama’s butt!

  8. I am SO screwed if we get what we sowed as a child.

    That said, at some point, the Moosh will write on her blog (we probably won’t call them blogs then, or at least people Moosh’s age won’t and they’ll roll their eyes when we INSIST on calling them blogs….) about how Moosh Jr. is just like her, and oh my goodness, just deleted photos including her off wall. (Right. This is the Jetsons. But you catch my drift.)

    Casey Reply:

    @Daisy, I’m pretty sure if the moosh had photoshop I would have been turned into a puppy or an ice cream cone.

  9. melissa says:

    Ouch! yeah I’ve been there. My now 9yr old has requested a new mom, kicked her dad out of conversations because “your a boy, you just don’t get it Dada” and literally packed her bags when we ran out of icecream in the house.

    I honestly think 4 was the best age. I look forward to my 8 month old getting there and seeing the similarities.

    Enjoy!

    Casey Reply:

    @melissa, Don’t even get me started on what this kid is capable of if we run out of ice cream.
    Ugliness.

  10. I hear, often, “mama is yucky” from my twins. One of the twins carries around a photo of her cousin for comfort, not of me or her dad. Ouch.

    hugs!

    Casey Reply:

    @Kristin, I like to think it’s because they smell us in the morning. Because this mama is yucky in the morning.

  11. Candace says:

    OH the DRAMA of being four!! I, too, DREAD what this foreshadows in the upcoming teenage years….

    Casey Reply:

    @Candace, Are you secretly a little glad that you’re carrying a tiny penis in your belly rather than a lot of drama?

    Candace Reply:

    @Casey, No secret about it!!! Although I LOVE my little girl to pieces (most of the time….depending on the day)…..

  12. That was way harsh, Tai.

    Casey Reply:

    @Kelly, And yet she doesn’t get that it is, and never will.
    She probably forgot about all of this as soon as she saw the pool.

  13. Monday night at the grocery store I wasn’t good enough to stand in front of my three year-old and push the cart. And when daddy went back to get some cheese she acted as though she’d been left with some evil hag who wouldn’t buy her bathtub crayons.

    Then today it was the hair. “I want daddy to do it.” No, daddy does not do the hair. Daddy sprays on the sunscreen and mommy does the hair because mommy used to be a girl once. Now she’s apparently just an evil hag. An evil hag who does not buy bathtub crayons.

    Casey Reply:

    @Heather, HEE! I don’t even have anything to say to that because it’s just too perfect.

  14. Wow. I seriously laughed really hard in my cubicle when I saw that. I know it’s not funny for you though. I guess the good thing is that you know she’s an assertive gal…?

    Casey Reply:

    @NEWMOM, So NEWMOM? How new are you? NEW ENOUGH THAT YOUR CHILD HASN’T MADE YOU CRY?
    If so, your day is coming. Bwahaha.

    NEWMOM Reply:

    Oh my day is TOTALLY coming!

    You’re doing great. Some day Daddy novelty will wear off and Moosh will only want her Mama.
    Until then, good luck!

  15. melissa says:

    Ouch! Yes, that is all too familiar.

    Let’s see when my now 9yr old has requested a new mother, played the daddy at bedtime card, kicked her dad out of conversations because “you don’t get it , you’re a boy!” and literaly packed her bags when we didn’t have icecream in the house one night.

    4 is a fun age. I think it’s when their personality peaks. It’s hard and they can’t make you want to cry and rip your hair out. I swear I live with a real life Eloise, but I can’t wait until my 8 month old gets to that age again and do it over. Honest.

  16. Hahahahaha! Oh, god, the moosh is AWESOME.

    I had totally the opposite reaction when I was a kid–instead of missing daddy when he was gone, I was all, “What are YOU doing here?” when he was home! Poor daddy. He’d get home from a long, hard day of shooting people or whatever it is Marines do, and then I’d throw a temper tantrum because I wanted to watch The Little Mermaid and he just wanted to check out CNN. Dads get it bad, too. Although a Barbie sticker to the face? That’s harsh, kid. That’s harsh.

    Casey Reply:

    @Talulah, And that happens here too.
    GIRL.
    DRAMA.
    BAH!

  17. Look out, world. Moosh might have her own reality show one day. ;)

    Casey Reply:

    @whoorl, Or her mom may just have an awful lot of therapy bills.

  18. Oh man, I am so screwed if I ever have kids.

    Casey Reply:

    @Just Shireen, take heart that not all kids are capable of this kind of…stuff.

    Just Shireen Reply:

    @Casey, I would except that I’m pretty sure I came out of the womb spewing angsty, emo teenage girl drama at my parents. Heard around my house since I was wee? “One day…one day you will get one just like you…”

  19. Not that you want to encourage this necessarily, but when my daughter misses me at night, we give her one of my worn shirts to sleep with; it smells like me (not gross, just “Daddy”) and makes her feel better.

    Casey Reply:

    @SciFi Dad, Oh, did I not mention I did that too? Yeah. Sorry for the dry cleaning bill Cody. Heh.

  20. If you send me a picture of the two of you, I promise to cover up Cody’s face with my very own Barbie sticker.

    Casey Reply:

    @Avitable, Could you cover his face with like, Ryan Gosling stickers instead? And send them back to me to sleep with?

  21. Heartbreaking and hilarious at the same time. I’m glad you have a sense of humor about it!

    Casey Reply:

    @Suzy Voices, I’m over the heartbreak part, I will not let this little kid break me before she’s even in school.

  22. Princess was gone with my parents for 10 days. When we picked her up, I got a hug and a kiss. Nathan got a “DAAAAAADDDDDY I missed you the most”
    I even asked her, did you miss Daddy the most? “YES, I love him the best and missed him the most!”

    wanna help me pull the dagger out of my heart?

    Casey Reply:

    @rachel-asouthernfairytale, Just as soon as I get this knife out of my back.

  23. :::Thud:::

    I just hit the floor laughing…don’t feel too bad my 6 week old is already destroying my sanity.

    Casey Reply:

    @Jen, What is this sanity you speak of?

    Jen Reply:

    @Casey,

    Hard to believe but at one point in time I did have a least a shred of it…it is GONE now…just gone

  24. I was a “good” kid (well, nobody’s perfect). My daughter, now 11, has been acting like a teenager since she was 2. I was always worried that the teenage years would be beyond horrible. Now that she is almost there, I realize its worse.

    I ask my mom all the time what I did as a kid to get a kid like that. She just smiles and reminds me that I was really good at the “you-are-so-dumb-and-don’t-know-anything” look. (whaaaaat? Not me)

    I hope my other daughters (5 yrs & 18 mo) still like me when they’re 11.

    Fingers-crossed

    Casey Reply:

    @Marnie, I’m sick to my stomach. Blergh. Make it stop!

  25. I’m glad I’m not the only one who has kids who do that. Only my 3 year old says he wants a whole new family. Heartbreaking. Twerp.

  26. My mother tells me she can’t wait til I have a child just like me! I’m 30, still no kid, but she will relish the day when it happens. I just pray that Mom is wrong and I have the bestest child ever. It doesn’t ever happen that way? Does it? LOL

  27. Hey, occasionally I get it from my 9-month-old daughter. NINE MONTHS! She always chooses her dad over me and, I swear, pulls the “Teenage ‘tude” face is she doesn’t get her father.

    Love the SLC temple engagement pic. And love that little Moosh!

  28. yeeeeeeeeeeeeapp. I am NOT looking forward to any of that happening at my house.

    If I don’t believe in karma/what-goes-around-comes-around, it can’t affect me, right?

  29. I’m trying really really really hard not to laugh…and failing miserably

    i can only imagine what her children with Jake will be like…we should probably run for the hills RIGHT NOW

  30. I’m sorry for laughing so hard at this. Really. Just sorry. Truly. Change the names to Jessie and Joan and that very same scenario occurred here about 8 years ago.

  31. And now you don’t resemble your younger (plastic, Barbie looking) self at all.

  32. I don’t think I’m doing my job right unless I hear at least one “I wish you weren’t my mom” per day.

  33. Mine is already choosing Daddy at 10 months. He walks in the door and she’s squealing in joy. *sigh* I’m so screwed as she gets older!

  34. I have been giggling over this all morning (didn’t have time to comment at first) and had to come back and tell you. This is SO going to be me in a few years… we have a true Daddy’s Girl in our house already, and she routinely pushes me aside in favor of him.

    I cannot believe the sticker… oh, I am still laughing, but it’s in commiseration, mind you. A commiserating giggle.

  35. Oh the things we girls put our mamas through!
    The bar is almost over – hang in there.

  36. That has never happened to me exactly. But I am in the same boat as you with many other examples of small female drama. Yes, I am just as screwed. And my mom? Laughs when she witnesses these little dramatisodes. “Payback,” she says. I feel for you Casey. But giggled a little too.

  37. I don’t know why my comment showed up twice. :(

  38. This post makes me so deliriously happy that I had a boy. Is that awful?

  39. LOL oh my. I shouldn’t laugh but… wow. Good thing she’s adorable.

  40. It’s the evil four. Serious. Mine called my freaking mother on the phone two days ago to tell on me.

  41. “I hope you have a kid that is exactly like you.” That is what my mom always threatened me with when I was younger. Lol, it’s proving true so far for me too!

  42. Well and at least she will take really awesome photos too!

  43. “Waaaaaahhhhhh I’m tired of this! When is it OVER?” she said when my husband at this point in studying for the bar. Oh, wait, we had no children at that time. IT WAS ME!

  44. Okay, that’s sort of heartbreaking! And creative. You have to give her creative. This is why I’m glad I have a video of Gabe’s birth. When he’s older and does something like this, I intend to exact my retribution. It’s one thing to go on endlessly about his ungratefulness for all I’ve done for him. It’s another thing to show him. (And I’m totally just kidding – I’ll never show him. But it does make me laugh to think about how I’ll be able to torment him when he’s being a disgruntled teenager.)

  45. This is EXACTLY why I’m praying daily for a boy. Because the payback for the way I was as a teenager? The thought of it makes me want to crawl into a hole now.

  46. NO WAY!
    I would have loved to have a Mama like you. She is your little sidekick! *pout*
    She is so cute it’s sickening. :)

  47. Ah yes. We are in the middle of a daddy only phase around here. Only daddy is allowed to lay by her in her bed. I can sit by it but not lay down.

  48. It could be worse- she could’ve cut you out of the picture altogether. I mean, at least this is mendable…ish. And she did use girly stickers, so that’s a win.

    Overflowing Brain Reply:

    @Overflowing Brain,

    I think that came out wrong. I mean, of course it could be worse. But, in the realm of small child shunning this one is amusing and must be retold at family functions into the future.

  49. My four year old regularly fires me over some issue of unfairness.
    He got pissed last night when hubby and I were sitting on the couch holding hands after we put him to bed. He snuck out of his room and caught us on the couch. (you’da thought he was my mom catching us sucking face the way he reacted)

    “No fair! Mommy loves YOU more than ME! She’s holding YOUR hand instead of cuddling ME in the bedroom. I don’t like EITHER of you anymore!” (stomp stomp stomp slam)

    And then there was the day I told him to put his dirty clothes in the hamper…
    “You’re not my mommy anymore, I’m getting a new one.”

    Me: Mkay Baby u go right ahead and see if you can find someone else who will love you half as much as I do, because who else but the woman who went through 36 hours of unmedicated back labor and endured an emergency c-section to rbing you into this world would put up with this drama?”

    Him: You win Mommy, I’ll keep you.

  50. I think everything skips a generation – so Moosh’s daughter will worship & adore her mom & fight w/her dad, while Moosh stands there wondering why daddy’s little girl is putting stickers over HIS face. Grandma Casey will be giggling behind her hand!

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