Sit right down folks because I’m about to get all TMI on you (seriously, again.)

I have found that going through this kerfuffle to make moosh 2.0 has been a blessing in disguise.

I was so focused on getting that baby in me and getting it out of me that I failed to realize just how messed up my body had become. I ignored screaming signs and symptoms that something really was wrong, infertility was just a side effect and the only thing that opened my eyes to just how out of control my insides were.

When I was pregnant in the beginning, barfing over a dozen times a day, I figured “this is morning sickness, this is what so many people talk about, why there is an entire stereotype around it.”

Barfing 12 times a day is NOT normal. But I didn’t want to look like a complainer for mentioning it to anyone else.

For the last 12 years (gah, 12 years) I figured it was perfectly normal to double over in cramps each month, take vicodin for them and miss days of work due to crippling pain associated with my period. All those Midol commercials must have been talking about what I was going through, I was just a wimp and needed prescription drugs and a day off to make it through.

WRONG.

I spent all of BlogHer on my period. (TMI ALERT TMI ALERT) It wasn’t just a pretend period either. It was a burn through super tampons and overnight pad in less that four hours period.

I didn’t feel a thing.

Not a cramp.

Not a twinge.

Not an ache.

You have no idea how pissed I am that I spent one week every month for pretty much the last decade in pain, no one ever even suggested endometriosis as a possibility. I’m pissed that I never spoke up for myself and said “YOU KNOW WHAT DOCTOR? MY PERIOD HURTS REALLY BAD AND I’M SICK OF IT. SOMETHING IS WRONG, I KNOW IT.”

I’m not going bald anymore, I sleep better, my emotions are in check, I’ve lost 9 pounds, I don’t retain water like I used to, I don’t get headaches like I used to, I don’t have constant dull stabbing pains in my abdomen, my depression is better, MY SKIN IS BETTER and SWEET NAKED ANGEL BABIES IN HEAVEN I DON’T HAVE MENSTRUAL CRAMPS ANYMORE.

Now I’m not saying that if you have the above symptoms you too can be magically healed by bellybutton sodomy. But I can say that if you chronically don’t feel good? TALK UNTIL SOMEONE LISTENS.

Being on the panel with other bloggers who write about their diseases opened my eyes, even patients who KNOW something is wrong, who KNOW what is right and best for them can back down when someone in a white coat acts as if they know our bodies better than we do.

I’m ashamed that I’m the one that said “If someone says they’re not doing well, listen.” and yet I let doctors tell me what was best for me for years, when it was me that had to live in my wonky body.

Being healthy and having control of my body for the first time in years feels spectacular.

SO THIS IS WHAT BEING A HUMAN IS SUPPOSED TO FEEL LIKE! IT DOESN’T SUCK!

Suddenly I’m not so worried about getting a baby in there, I want to see what this body can do when it’s not overproducing this, underproducing that and going bat crap crazy over there.

I angered some people when I mentioned that the follow up shots to my surgery were not being covered by my insurance. (Which they are now FTW!) While I can see how some people don’t feel infertility a valid medical concern worthy of coverage by a health plan, I hope they can understand that while my journey began to get pregnant, it has since turned into a journey to reclaim my body. To have it back in working order. Had I never gone it with the intention of getting pregnant I would have never come to where I am at today. And today? I feel good.

If $6K worth of shots will keep me in working order and preserve the benefits of a $17K surgery, why not cover them? Why run the risk of my symptoms returning resulting in more costly doctor visits and perhaps another costly surgery?

When I was pregnant my insurance refused to cover more than 21 anti emetic (anti barf my brains out) pills in a 30 day period. But they would cover my weekly trips to the ER to get IV fluids and a shot of the same anti emetic drug at five times the cost of giving me enough pills in the first place.

So many plans refuse to cover dental care. Having a $100 cleaning every six months is way cheaper than going without for five years and ending up with a $4K dental bill.

I am a firm believer that taking care of yourself is your biggest responsibility when it comes to your health. But there are times when diet, 64 ounces of water, exercise and getting enough rest aren’t enough.

This is where our healthcare system is failing so many of us.

I just want to be able to go to the doctor when chicken soup and orange juice fails me.

Not have to wait until I’m so sick that I require a hospital stay and perhaps even surgery to get better.

Is that too much to ask?

Comments

  1. Glad you’re feeling better and thanks for the message. Something needs to be done to curtail the insurance companies’ hold over us. Not sure exactly what it is and who should oversee it, but it needs to be done.

  2. Your message can be applied to empowerment in general. So many times we think we just need to cope with the things we’re experiencing. Yet, for so many situations, there are solutions.

    So glad you’re feeling better, both inside and out!

  3. Wow, Casey…I’m calling my Dr….TODAY.

  4. I have MUCH stronger words for those people whom had the audacity to sit there and say that these shots shouldn’t be covered.

    I am shocked, saddened and disheartened to know that some people said such hurtful things.

    Makes me wonder just what they would say had it been them who suffered. How would they feel if someone they loved had said something so hurtful about them?

    Sigh. Getting angry again.

    An injection that gives a woman the power to conceive after infertility is a wonderful thing and SHOULD be covered. Damn right it should.

    I am so glad you’re feeling better, and can hopefully get the injections to help you along the way to Moosh 2.0.

    I say forget those who say otherwise, they’re obviously not worth the time and effort; because if they knew you AT ALL they would NEVER say anything of the sort.

    NEVER.

    I love you!

  5. I was so incredibly ill during my three pregnancies and my meds were also not covered yet the trips to er were… I also suffered greatly after my first delivery and swore it wouldn’t happen again… I love this article and YOU are an amazing lady!

  6. Prevention is cheaper, easier, safer. Why our health care system seems to want to deal only in medical emergencies is beyond me. Great post.

  7. My BFF had a brain tumor removed and you would NOT BELIEVE the bull**** it took her to get someone to believe her. She literally had a bolt in her head for 24 hours because her doctors refused to believe that there was something else wrong with her. She had to find a pediatric surgeon to do the surgery and is now fighting to get the follow-up she should’ve had 2 years ago. During these 2 years, she’s had to be on class 3 (level 3? whatever morphine is on) narcotics JUST to get out of bed. Forget functioning.

    She’s now in a current fight to get her insurance to cover the follow-up surgery, which will be cheaper in the long run (She was once on pills that were $100 a pill and she had to take it every 4 hours).

    And the bleeding thing? Yeah, I thought throwing up and OD’ing on meds every month was normal for 20 years. It’s no wonder my liver just about shut down on me. Thankfully, having the baby has curbed the cramping. Unfortunately, I’m as irregular as they come and I’m sure things still aren’t as kosher as they could be.

  8. First let me say, I am so glad you are feeling better. You are so right about speaking up for yourself! I also found this out the hard way. I was recently diagnosed with a disease that my new doc thinks I have had for the last 23 years. It is frustrating when no one will listen and other doctors blow you off. I totally agree with you about speaking up for yourself until you find someone who will listen. I am on meds now, learning to manage this disease and feeling so much better! My insurance hasn’t covered it all either and it has been frustrating, as well!

  9. Mandi Bone says:

    As someone who has had 5 open heart surgries I have have dealt with far too many insurance companies. There are some that are super great and some that will have a special place in hell. I saw your adoption button. I am adoptive mama in an open adoption. If you have any questions or want to chat about adoption I would be willing to share our story with you.

  10. And that is what healthcare should be about: making people healthy. Too bad the insurance companies seem to miss that point far too often.

    I’m glad you’re feeling so much better now, and I’m glad you’ve found the ability to stand up and demand to be listened to by your healthcare team.

    (And I wish we could have spent more time together at BlogHer!)

  11. Lisa in TX says:

    My 3 year-old son split open his cheek on a corner of the futon frame and needed stitches, last week. We took him to the ER because the closest minor emergency/all hours & even on weekends place is actually a fancy office for a regular doctor and the vast majority of doctors WILL NOT take new patients if they’re on medicaid or state insurance. (When my daughter had pink eye on a Saturday, a couple years ago, we paid $250 to get a Rx for eye cream.) It’s dumb beyond anything that I had to wait three hours at the ER for three stitches, when if the minor emergency place had taken us we’d have been done in half an hour and not taken up the hospital’s resources. Sigh…

  12. See, it’s stories like this that make me shake my head about the American Health Care system. (I’m in Canada) When we visited the USA this summer so many people asked us SO many questions-and some thought that we were all communists that make people wait for years for surgery, and that we never get taken care of! Not true!

    There’s a lot of propoganda out there that Canada’s style of health care is bad. Even we complain a little but hey, when I hear stories like yours I thank those “sweet naked angel babies in heaven” that I live here.

  13. I am so glad you are taking back your body. I had a very similar situation since I have PCOS. Infertility was a result of that condition. Now the battle is finding treatment post-infertility.

    I enjoy your tweets, now I’m enjoying your blog.

  14. Insurance companies are idiots and they seem to be getting dumber every day. It’s like they know they are failing and they want to take us all down with them.

    Mine won’t pay for anything, cause I’m crazy. My happy pills are not coverable, because hai, I’m crazy. So my doc labels them as sleeping pills, because I am a horrible sleeper and somehow they’ll pay for them.

  15. I read your post a few days ago but I have been thinking about it ever since – I am SO excited by it. I had an exploratory laparascopy in Jan and they found I have stage 4 severe endo. So I went back on the waiting list and am just about due for my next op (I’m in NZ so completely different healthcare system).

    Your list of symptoms that have improved since your op makes me SO happy! I can’t wait to be painfree!! And hopefully my general emotions will be more in check as well :) So glad it worked out for you and thank you so much for sharing – you give me hope! Good luck with moosh 2.0

  16. grandeMocha says:

    Aurelie – I went into preterm labor (29 weeks) at work and didn’t know it either. It wasn’t until I started bleeding that I knew I was in trouble. I had way more powerful cramps in HS too.

    I thought they were being so over careful to make me stay in the hospital until delivery. Turns out it was $683/day for me and $2000/day for a preemie in the NICU. It was mostly about the benjamins.

  17. I am so glad you were diagnosed and the sugery is helping your body get back to normal. I used to have really bad cramps, vomiting, etc and be non functioning for the first day of my period. My mom had me tested for endometriosis but I didn’t have it. I only senitive hormones? After my first baby my cramps changed dramatically. They are so mild sometimes I don’t take any advil. Which is saying a lot because my husband thought I was addicted when we first got married. I am so so happy your body is getting better. And I am so sorry no one suggested you get tested for endometriosis sooner. Heres to restoring the gift of Mother Eve!

Trackbacks

  1. [...] was reading this post yesterday, and I thought it was so good that I sent it to one of my friends.  She and I then [...]

  2. [...] about/contact archives disclosure/advertising moosh in indy. ← getting pregnant may not be an American right, but feeling better is. some fire, way more fizzle. July 29, [...]