I don’t have the energy level it requires to maintain a complaint.

I get very complacent very quickly and so when I burst into passionate annoyance or over the top dissatisfaction I rarely have the gusto to follow it up. Then I just feel like a jerk.

Getting angry about stuff takes too much energy.

Besides I usually cry about it so much in the first place (or last place or middle depending on the situation) I’m pooped before I even have a follow up argument. And then I get into that whole hurting people unintentionally with my ardent outrage.

Sorry about that.

A majority of you know I don’t like swears and that I avoid the use of them at all costs. Those of you even closer to me know that when I do swear it’s because I. MEAN. BUSINESS. Cody knows darn well that if that one word comes from my mouth in conversation it’s time to drop whatever he’s doing and save whatever or whoever is in my warpath. (Most recently it was our banker. *ahem*)

I do not abuse this power.

If you have ever or do ever hear me swear? You’d better believe it’s because something inside my mild mannered spirit has snapped.

I got into a rage tonight on twitter about the fact that after all of this health insurance LET ME HAVE MY BODY BACK  so that maybe JUST MAYBE one day I can get pregnant again I find out that we are most likely not going to be able to afford maternity coverage for a few years.

*insert swear word that references the poop of a very large horned mammal here*

See. And now I feel bad.

The good news is that my husband is a lawyer (at least he had better be as of October 2, 2009 at 8:31 a.m. EST.)

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The bad news is that he’s also a lawyer.

I won’t get into it. I don’t have the energy for it.

We are just at the lowest of low points as far as this whole stupid transition into adulthood will get for us (hopefully.)

I get scrappy at low points. Or when I’m pissed off, backed into a corner or worse yet emotionally drained. Cody would have you believe I get scrappy on days that end in y and during times that end with o’clock.

We have made it through the last three years together. However ironic that it is that a great majority of the last three years was spent alone and away from each other.

No more studying until 2am.

No more finals.

No more tests.

No more school.

No more bar.

I finally have him back.

And really honestly and truly that’s *** good enough for me.

(***CRAP I SO BADLY WANTED TO PUT THAT WORD UP THERE. You know, so you’d all know how serious I am. BUT I JUST CAN’T DO IT. So put it in there with your mind will you? Okay. Good. Thanks.)

Comments

  1. That’s just an invitation for me to swear all over your blog.

    Ready….

    Crap, I can’t do it. I dropped an f-bomb in an email to you today, that’s good enough for now. LOL

    So excited that you have your hubby back!!

    But…

    Does that mean our late night skype fests are over?

    Casey Reply:

    @sam {temptingmama}, Never. I’ll make him go watch sports or something.

  2. It’s so hard to transition from law student to lawyer, when people are out there assuming that the JD + Bar passage = Lawyerpants bigbucks (with full benefits). Most often that is not the case and as you so rightly pointed out earlier on Twitter, the amount of money spent on getting to that point is ridiculous and paid back over the next lifetime.

    I’m sorry about the health insurance debacle that has enraged you (and rightly so) – I hope that something (ANYTHING) will work out very soon so you won’t have to stress about this anymore.

    Casey Reply:

    @Megumi, Yeah. I was fooled by the lawyerpants bigbucks stereotype too.
    My new goal is to change this stereotype.

  3. Mandi Bone says:

    Dude I thought that said Aug 2 and I thought that wasn’t too bad of a wait but Oct 2 is a wait.

  4. I am happy you get your hubby back! That sucks about the maternity insurance. My husband is self employed and we can’t afford maternity insurance either. It’s disappointing I would like another baby but we really could not afford it now. Maybe someday. I enjoyed your post.

    Jodee:)

  5. i curse like a sailor in real life but not online. i wonder what that says about me?

    anyhow, gah, and garrrrrr and big sighs.

  6. Why do good things always take time?
    However I can imagine you are glad that the first bit of the long journey to the bar is over. Sounds wrong somehow, to the bar, but that must be the ironies of the world. Just like health insurance is not about health. My mind boggles with yours in all this and it has done so for a lot longer I might add.

    Casey Reply:

    @Wilma Ham, I don’t even like Boggle. What a dumb game.

  7. I almost never swear on my blog, but unfortunately I have the sailor’s mouth in the privacy of my own home.

    I’m so confused on the horned mammal though. I think of horse—-, but what is this horned being’s dung? rhino—-? unicorn—-?

    SO LOST.

    Won’t the lawyer be making millions of dollars and have awesome benefits? (Please say it’s true…)

    Casey Reply:

    @Jane, Yeah. You’re kidding right? RIGHT? THIS IS JUST BULL IF YOU’RE NOT.

    Jane Reply:

    @Casey, Dude. I feel so stupid. {blushes} And hear I felt like the veteran potty-mouth. I guess I have a pure-er mind than I thought.

    I just really, really like that one word that starts with an f (but only when I say it. When other people say it, they just look uneducated and also dumb — except the Bloggess. Sounds good on her, too, at least in writing).

    Casey Reply:

    @Jane, I hope Jenny sees that. Because I? Totally agree. (I also know how to use the f one properly.)

  8. I saw that word fly by in my tweetdeck and knew that either your world was coming to an end or something really really bad had happened.

    Any time you need some good swears you feel free to call me.

    Casey Reply:

    @Adrienne, I know you’ll always be there to fill in my blanks.

  9. Congratulations on having your husband back!

    And what kind of health insurance doesn’t cover maternity?? They’re basically saying that they don’t want to support the continuation of the human race, which will put a damper on their future business. Boo, health insurance. Boo!

    *hugs*

    Casey Reply:

    @Lauryn, At least not the continuation of the AWESOME human race.
    Stupid people can still apparently procreate for free.

  10. I said a few good swears for you, just in case that might make you feel a little better. I know a good cursing session makes me feel better for at least 5 minutes.

    Congrats on getting your hubby back!

    Casey Reply:

    @ClassyFabSarah, Screaming into a pillow and or breaking stuff really does the job for me.

  11. I have no words for you my dear, just lots of happy thought that don’t include swears. Because when I think of you I nearly blush when I swear. For realz.

    Congrats on getting your hubby back, now can you do something about getting mine back, he has been gone to work since 10:45 this morning. UGH.

  12. Moosh, enjoy him while he’s still around, because when the associate thing really kicks in, his hours will once more no longer be his own.

    We took a four-week vacation after Mr. Buxom took the patent bar exam and before he started as a first year associate. Mr. Buxom said that we didn’t have any money, but that was the most time he was going to have off until he retired. So far, that’s been right.

    Also, I’ve heard that law firms buy the cheapest, worst health insurance available. Because the partners don’t feel like spending the money on the associates.

    :(

    Casey Reply:

    @Poppy Buxom, You guys are all buzz killy.
    I know this is the last time I’ll see him for the rest of our lives, but I try not to think about that or I’ll just spend the next two days crying.
    So there.

  13. It was “unicorn turd,” right? Am I right? There should be a prize for this kind of stuff.

    Casey Reply:

    @Lara, Exactly right. Ten points.

  14. screw the insurence people. move here for a year – have your treatements, hospital costs, labor n delivary for free….take the $5000 baby bonus from the Gov and go home. I’m serious. come over. oh and get Americans to lobby for universal health care. but yeh come here n have this baby first.

    Casey Reply:

    @Dugi, Don’t even get me started on the fact that other countries pay their people to have babies.

  15. So your husband’s law company doesn’t provide maternity coverage? I say you sue them. That’s discrimination or something. ;)

    Glad he’s done with the bar and you get him back!

    Casey Reply:

    @Heidi, It really kind of is. Considering I’m the only one either associate or spouse that is of child bearing age.

  16. Jenn Bo says:

    Oh Casey – I will read the comments, but someone surely told you that first year associates never see the light of day? =)
    Maybe your husband will not be working in a firm, or he’ll be working for a firm that is not full of crazy partners.
    Not to long ago, one of my former bosses, who put associates under him through crazy hours, was complaining about all the hours his freshly graduated daughter was working at a similar firm. I kindly reminded him that while he was sympathetic to the hours his associates worked, he never stopped the crazy. =)

    Casey Reply:

    @Jenn Bo, IT’S CALLED OPTIMISM JENN BO.
    Optimism.
    Pardon me while I go sob in the corner.
    (However the firm he’s with is actually not. that. bad.)

    Jenn Bo Reply:

    @Casey, Oh, yes – OPTIMISM is an excellent idea – you should go with that!
    (It’s nice that his firm actually gives you hope.)

  17. I’m so sorry things are so sucky. Casa de Moosh could really use a break and I hope you get one real soon.Orrrr I’ll just kidnap you all bring you to Austin and stuff you all full of BBQ and Tex Mex.

    Casey Reply:

    @Magda P, Yes. Food. And Texas. I have reason to believe both of these would heal a good portion of my soul.

  18. In this day of technology and speed and all that, I’m surprised that it’s going to take over TWO months before they can tell you whether Cody passed the bar. You know that they know right now, right? RIGHT? They have to. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for y’alls.

    Casey Reply:

    @Joe @ Irrational Dad, I’m just giving my computer the “I KNOW RIGHT?” stare.

  19. Congrats on the end of a long journey. He’s finally done. Now tell Cody to get out there and SUE someone!!!

    Casey Reply:

    @AmazingGreis, That’s the kind of comment I like to see! OPTIMISTIC WITH LAWYER HUMOR!

  20. Right. Please excuse my monumentally long comment ahead of time.

    First, health care. I’m the opposite boat you are- I’m leaving on my honeymoon in two months and as much as a little Moosh would be fun it isn’t the right time for us. So looong story short through 9 million mixups (by the pharmacy, my doctor, my doctors nurse…) I found myself standing in a Walgreens at 10:00 last night choosing between filling a birth control prescription I truly can’t afford (yay lawyer salary that somehow pays less than being a school teacher or sanitation worker!)OR hoping that things don’t get all screwy & homrones out of balance the longer I wait and hope that my pharmacy can sort the mix up & insurance out tomorrow…3 days after I started trying to fix this. After all of law school and paying for my own, private (expensive) health insurance, and now (finally) having employer provided insurance I still felt broke and failed and ultimately walked out of a pharmacy empty handed. How does this happen?!

    Second. The bar exam/law school. I know I’ve twittered about this to you and you stopped by my old blog & left a comment on my “surviving the bar exam for significant others” post but..um..yeah. The next two months are somehow worse than the studying portion. You have nothing *useful* you can do towards passing the darn thing, but yet, you wait. In limbo. And somehow, someone brings up something benign that reminds you of the month of October and then you think “October. I get my bar results then.” and so as the other person discusses a fall farmers market or a cute Halloween costume you are hyperventilating in the corner at the thought of…not passing. Awful. I wish you a speedy two months.

    That and I really hope Indiana does not do to you what Illinois did to us last year, namely changing the process of handing out results a mere two days before results went out, thus crashing the entire system and DELAYING the results by 24 hours. That 24 hours was wretched and I wouldn’t wish it on ANYONE.

    So! Um! Have a great day!

    (Gah.)

  21. I’m cussing for you in my bwain. You’re welcome.

  22. I always figure it’s a good thing we’re married for eternity, since that means that I’ll *eventually* see my husband. He travels for work %50 of the time, leaving me home with the five kids. So unfortunately, there are low points even AFTER you transition into “adulthood.” Sorry for the not-so-chipper thought.

    On the funnier side, I had a dream last night wherein I screamed the F-word at someone threatening my son. Only, the F-word was actually BLEEPED OUT. In my dream! I woke up laughing. :)

    Casey Reply:

    @Stacey @ Tree, Root, and Twig, Yeah. Eternity. I knew that was good for SOMETHING.
    And way to be on edited dreams!

  23. Casey- I definitely understand some of your frustrations. For 3 years I paid an insurance premium of 400 dollars a month, and then on top of that, paid about $12,000 a year in regular health costs (mainly co-pays and prescriptions. And a brain surgery bill). My credit card debt is unmanageable and I’m getting ready to begin a grad school program, that, when I’m finished will give us a combined 500,000 dollars of student debt.

    It is too much.

    I don’t know how to be helpful, but I wanted you to know that I’ll swear a lot for you and keep you in my thoughts. Hopefully you’ll find a way soon.

    Casey Reply:

    @Overflowing Brain (Katie), Come over here and sob with me. Because that’s all I have left.

  24. Don’t even get me started… My first job out of law school paid LESS than the job I got out of college. I have since changed jobs and I now make more money but I don’t get benefits – they figure that they pay us enough to get our own! So we have catastrophic benefits only – I had to pay $6000 for my child to get tubes in her ears last winter. Did I mention the fact that I have a student loan payment which rivals my mortgage? I would love to work part time and spend more time with my daughter but I simply can’t afford to. Grrrr….

  25. “The bad news is that he’s also a lawyer.”

    Yup.

    I SOOO get that.

  26. Yup. Can totally relate. When hubs got out of law school, I MADE him delay taking the bar so we could actually have some time together. It may not have been the best decision for his career, but it was the best decision for us. Sending you ****in’ positive thoughts your way! (In the spirit of things, hopefully that makes my point)!

  27. Dang it, Greis stole my comment. This is why I shouldn’t read the comments before I post mine.

    YAY for Cody for being done. October will come fast.

    In Colorado, insurance companies have stopped covering maternity. Like at all. Unless you work for some large corporate co. and they have too. Talk about f’ed up. However, my theory is this, have a kid (cause dang it girl, I know you will one day) and then pay the stoopids like 10 bucks a month forever. Hospitals can’t fault you as long as you pay something. Truly.

  28. Awww…Casey, I feel for ya girl! We have close friends who went through the law school and hoping to get some great insurance…only to find out it sucked.like.majorly!

    But, on the flip after a year there, they did get better insurance through the firm. So, maybe it’s a trend for these firms to know they have to provide an *entire* package for their associates – not just a decent salary.

    And, I don’t have energy for negativity either girl. I’ll just say I’m so happy you have your husband back, with a normal schedule for a little while. He’ll be doing what he’s been studying for!

    Sounds like you need a trip to Ohio!!!!! ;)

  29. I’m an excellent midwife and I work for wownies. No maternity insurance needed!

  30. love. that’s all.
    Oct 2nd. It’s on the calendar.
    Until then, make Cody go watch TV so we can Skype ;0)

    <3 you

  31. Maternity insurance will cost about as much as just paying out of pocket for the baby…at least that is what I heard when researching insurance for our family last year. We were almost in that boat and were just planning on paying “cash” for the next baby rather than fork over the big bucks for the separate maternity insurance. The regular insurance would cover any “complications” but not any regular maternity cost. However, being self employed = costly insurance. When looking at jobs with big companies my husband and I always look at their benefits packages as closely as the salary. It is almost worth more to me!
    Thank goodness we have a pretty good plan at the moment, however, some are super crappy. Unfortunatly I feel that if the government takes over health care it will be even more crappy and inefficient (as it goes with the government-just my opinion- subject to disagreement I’m sure!). It is a big conundrum and I have yet to hear/see a good solution.
    And I hear you on the Lawyers coming out of school and not being rich. Such a misconception. It does take a while and people don’t really realize it.

  32. Congrats on your husband being done with the Bar – I think…

    Sorry about the insurance :( US health insurance sucks – but I wouldn’t want to be without it either!

    One question on the swearing -genuinely curious – why, when crap and BS are the same effectively – excrement – is it okay to write one and not the other? It fascinates me when I see this on tv too – I hear ‘crap’ – yet the Sh1t gets bleeped out everywhere – am I missing something?

  33. Don’t get too excited to have him back. I thought the same thing after watching the hubby go through med school. And then I hoped after residency he would have more time. And here we are one year into REAL employment (and yes barely able to afford maternity insurance) and he still doesn’t come home until 7:00 and then he has to chart and do some reading about the newest technique. Now I’m hoping I’ll get him back in retirement. HOPEFULLY you will fare better and actually get Cody back!

  34. I’m confused… what does his employment have to do with your maternity coverage? Also: I thought you were a SAHM, so why do you need maternity coverage? (Or wait… are you talking about paying to have the baby? Because if that’s the case, MOVE TO CANADA. WE LET YOU GIVE BIRTH FOR FREE. Also? My wife and I would make really great neighbours.)

    Or just ignore me because I’m a cursing heathen. Your pick. ;)

  35. I’m so sorry – whatever the snafu is. That really sucks. I hope you can figure something out.

  36. I will just say congrats to your hubby for passing the bar and then back away slowly.