Even though Cody and I have been married for over eight years we consider ourselves starting over.

Starting over with a new life, new goals and a new appreciation for each other.

This is where I get to gag all of you with romance.

On the day we started over Cody started a blog. A private blog meant just for me, where he writes to me, whatever he wants whenever he wants. And it means the world to me because I have all of these words from him to me in one place that I can read anytime as long as I have a wireless signal.

He also took me to the place where he proposed to me at almost nine years ago and he proposed again. One knee and everything. But the ring meant something different this time. Instead of wearing it on my finger where I wear the ring he gave me nine years ago I wear it around my neck, some of you have already noticed it. And in his own words this is what the ring means: (reposted with his permission.)

Here is what the ring means: (1) it is small and simple and represents my priorities in life from now on. Not that I view my devotion to you as small and simple, but that my priorities are no longer complex involving personal selfish goals. I got lost in trying to get you the material things in the world. I focused so much on school and work that at some point my reasoning for working so hard at both changed from being for your good, to doing well to meet unimportant personal goals. I will not ever forget that everything I do now, is for your benefit because you are my priority. Everything I do from now on will begin with the question, “how is this going to make me a better husband, and is this truly best for my wife.” (2) The diamond in the middle represents the goal of our marriage. I did not want to get a straight gold band, I wanted it to have a diamond at the center. The ring portion represents two paths that lead to one diamond. That diamond is our goal and we each take a path towards that goal. The goal is eternal life together. It is so important that we, together, get back to the temple. If I cannot stand to lose you in this life, how can I stand to lose you in the next? (3) Finally, the ring is to be worn on a necklace as a symbol of my love for you. I want it close to your heart so that you will never forget that I love you. I want you to take the time to thread the ring on the necklace. As the ring hangs on your necklace where it was not designed to hang, I want you to feel the ring hang there. I want you to see it hanging on the necklace as you see yourself in the mirror. I want other people to see the ring on your necklace and ask you about its meaning. I want you to tell other people how you got the ring and what it means. I want you to worry about the ring not slipping off your necklace as you come home and take off the necklace. I screwed up and did not treat you right. I let you wonder whether I truly loved you. Never again. You will know I love you everyday for the rest of your life. That’s what the ring means. I love you lady.

my necklace.

I don’t write this to brag, or to gag you all on all this loooove that I’m floating around in. I write it because back in February Jen Lancaster said “I like to write about things with an ending, things that are resolved.”

This whole experience is in no way over, but part of resolving this is talking about it. I thought my life and my marriage were over, when in reality it’s just starting to get good.

There’s too much divorce, hate and unhappiness in this world. I’d like to think if we fight a little harder for what we believe in there would be a whole lot less ugly out there.

This is why I share all of this. I never expected to be here. If my experience can give hope to even one broken heart out there then I’ve done more than I could have ever expected or hoped for.

Comments

  1. I am crying all over my keyboard. This is such a true story, and thank you for telling it.

  2. Thank you for sharing and for your candidness (Cody’s too). Marriage can be hard. People change and the relationship changes. Add kids, jobs, school etc. etc. to the mix and it can be overwhelming and tempting to throw in the towel. There is too much divorce and sadness. Anything worth doing is worth doing well and marriage is certainly worth doing. You’ve given me some food for thought.

  3. It was awesome meeting you and spending time with you last week :) You’re a beautiful writer (and person) and I’m so happy I got to meet you!

  4. Amy in StL says:

    Thanks for sharing this. After last month hearing the second man in a year tell me that dating was too hard and they didn’t want to have to work at it; it’s nice to know that some men realize that it’s worth it to share the love that working at a relationship can bring. I hope someday that I’ll find a guy who loves me even a tiny portion of the amount that Cody has for you.

  5. I am inspired by this and it’s given me a glimmer of hope in a dark time.

    You are courageous and generous to share such private information. I’m not so brave.

  6. That’s beautiful. Truly beautiful. I wish you both the best of luck – you can make it back to the good place. Really, you can. It just takes a lot of work and focus, which it sounds like you already have.

    My husband and I were in your shoes a few years ago. I was so brokenhearted I didn’t know if I would ever heal.

    But heal I did, and our marriage is a million times stronger for having gone through that.

    Good luck.

  7. Perfect post, and very meaningful.

  8. I am so happy for you guys. You seem like a great couple, and I see WAY too many people who are unwilling to put work into it and recommit themselves the way that you two are. It’s inspiring, amazing, and wonderful.

  9. i love it, you give me some hope. My mom is always reading your blog and said something about a post you did before this one about building two houses? I cant find it. I would LOVE if you send me a quick e-mail on where it was!

  10. That was simply beautiful. Here is to new beginnings and a path you many not have known was there. I hope you find your way and lots of happiness along with it.

  11. I’m a fan of finding post-it notes in the morning, or leaving the occasional one on my special buddys car. I never would of thought of a private blog!

    I’m so happy things are getting good for you, everyone deserves a chance at happiness, and in long-term relationships and marriage that’s a hard goal to reach.

  12. Thank you, so real and so appropriate to what I’m going through in my marriage. I hope we can ‘find it’ again and have that spark that you two seem to have found again. Good luck and thank you for sharing. It helps so much to hear from other people that are going struggling with similar issues.

  13. I love this entry, it’s beautiful and poignant.