HI!

I LIVE IN A HOTEL!

AND NOT A NICE ONE!

IT KIND OF SMELLS LIKE FERMENTED DRYER SHEETS THAT HAVE BEEN STORED WITH CHEESE AND OLD SOCKS!

(If anyone has one of those Sharper Image BlueAir Purifier Destinkifier things in Indianapolis can I please borrow it? plzkthx.)

The best part of the entire night was going from hotel to hotel looking for somewhere that fit into our budget that didn’t come with free continental breakfast and a complimentary STD. Somewhere around hotel #2 the moosh started whining “BUT MOM, WHERE ARE WE GOING TO LIVE? DAD? WHERE CAN I SLEEP TONIGHT?”

Cody suggested we just hand over the phone number to CPS and save the hotel clerk the trouble of looking it up.

The good news is that the moosh thinks that living in a hotel is the most awesome thing ever. Also? I won’t have to make my bed for a month, I will never run out of ice and you bet your butt we scored a place with free breakfast that includes waffles. I also brought my own bedspread because my dad watches those Dateline shows where they take a UV light to hotel bedspreads and EW YUCK BLECH! (P.S. Daddy? I already searched for bedbugs and corpses in the box springs, thankfully there’s neither.)

The bad news is that where my bare flesh is touching the pillow has started to itch, there’s only a (closed) outdoor pool, the moosh is sleeping on a fold out couch and hello? We are living in a two star hotel for a month.

Also? I found a skidmarked pair of gentleman’s underpants in the nightstand drawer.

Let’s just say I bought a really big can of Lysol. Because I did. And I used it. All.

We’ll most likely be staying in this tiny hotel room for Thanksgiving. The really good news? Thanks to Turkey School I know how to cook a turkey in the microwave (which I have, along with a minifridge. MINIFRIDGE FTW!)

November should be interesting. Home renovations (the old carpet has been ripped out!) Feeding my family three square meals with nothing but a minifridge and a microwave (recipes please? besides EasyMac?) and apparently strangers underpants (hopefully this one was a one time occurrence.)

Comments

  1. Jeremy’s grandma rocked the microwave cooking recipes-I will dig some up and email you.

    Casey Reply:

    @Heather @ Domestic Extraordinaire, And then I will kiss you.

  2. Ugh. Just… ugh.

    I’m confident that if anyone can rock a microwaved Thanksgiving feast, it’s you. (But fingers crossed that you don’t have to!)

    Casey Reply:

    @Ket, Amen to that. Good thing my favorite Thanksgiving food is olives straight out of a can.

  3. I hope this doesn’t come across as odd or borderline-stalking, seeing as how we’ve only met in passing a few times. I just wanted to offer you guys a place to hang out if you can’t stand the hotel for one more minute. If you’d like to do your laundry somewhere that doesn’t require loose change, or have a meal that doesn’t come from a microwave or restaurant, or just sprawl out on a couch instead of a hotel bed and watch TV, I’m just up the road in Fishers. I promise to put away our underpants so you don’t have to deal with that trauma ever again.

    Casey Reply:

    @Angie Six, So I’m considering a Blogger road trip around Indianapolis. First stop? Your house? Okay.

  4. If you get sick of hotel living I know my mom would let you guys stay at her house… However that means you’d have to live with my mother… ; ). You’re amazing. Keep up with the Lysol!!! Good luck!

    Casey Reply:

    @Erika, Uh, could she just make me dinner? Is she a good cook? Can I get it to go?
    Thanks.
    ;)

  5. mommabird2345 says:

    Two things:
    1. I always take my own pillows when we stay in hotels.
    2. If you can, go out to eat on Thanksgiving.

    Hopefully the renovations are done fast so you can get into your super cool new house!

    Casey Reply:

    @mommabird2345, (shh…I’m actually hoping that someone takes pity on me and invites me over. I’ll bring the microwaved potatoes!)
    Heh.

  6. I will be in Indy for Thanksgiving. I’m warning you of this fact because you should expect that I will, at some point, enter in to full-on stalker mode. I’m already working on a list of potentially STD-laden hotels that I need to check out . . .

    In the meantime, good luck. Plumbing issues are the suck and then some. I still expect it to start raining in our family room at some point, and it’s been at least three months since that last happened. I would tell you that it’s all worth it in the end, but I think I heard a toilet flush and I’m not dumb enough to tempt Karma.

    Casey Reply:

    @Burgh Baby, I’ll give you a hint, I’m not anywhere near your in laws. So there you go. I’ll save you an STD though.

  7. You’re not REALLY spending Thanksgiving in a hotel, are you? Please, please, PLEASE know that you guys are more than welcome to celebrate with my family. We’ll be in Indy on the south side at my folk’s house. My niece Kamryn would even show the Moosh how to play dress up with Grandma’s clothes and lace curtains!

    Casey Reply:

    @Katie, But that’s no fun. Does your grandma cook turkeys in the microwave? I THINK NOT.
    (heh. thanks for the offer though! I’ll file it away just in case!)

  8. You brought your own bedspread, but not your own pillow??? Oy!

    Good luck with all that and sorry I don’t have many microwave recipes… ooo, wait, I have a good one for chicken, I’ll email it to you if I can find your email address.
    Also, fish (any kind) with some good marinade can be really good in the microwave and it cooks really quickly.

    Casey Reply:

    @Krista, We do have our own pillows. Plus some hotel ones. Guess I should have clarified.

  9. Thanksgiving in a hotel? That’s more depressing than Ralphie’s family eating Christmas dinner at a Chinese restaurant because of those damned Bumpus’ hounds!

    Luckily, you have, like, eleventy-trillion friends who would never let such a thing pass.

    Casey Reply:

    @Joe @ IrrationalDad, Word. Although I could go for some Chinese. THERE’S A CRACKER BARREL IN THE PARKING LOT!

  10. You are not spending Thanksgiving in that hotel. No go. I’ll be in California with my family from Wed-Sun. You are MORE than welcome to adventure your way here. It comes with sweet potato casserole in the fridge and a HoneyCat that loves kids.

    Casey Reply:

    @To Kiss the Cook, I’ll just take HC. I’ve never been a fan of Sweet Potatoes.
    Heh.

  11. Ewww. And gross. And also YUCK. I hope the month flies by.

    Casey Reply:

    @Leta, Lysol. SO. MUCH. LYSOL.

  12. You can bet your hiney that I will NOT be clicking on those links about corpses and bedbugs. Yikers. You will survive this (except the gramps poopie pants incident, I’m afraid that will scar you for life). This is the time to invite yourself over to other people’s houses.

    Casey Reply:

    @Barb @ getupandplay, I’m just waiting like a black widow for the right victim. Bwahaha.

  13. Oh, the fiance has had to live in a hotel for months at a time for business and it does not sound fun. If it were me? I’d pre-order a cooked Thanksgiving dinner from a nice grocery store. It usually ends up costing less too. Good luck!

    Casey Reply:

    @Amy, This is where I say “by nice grocery store you mean Wal-Mart because that’s all I’ve got to work with here.”
    Ah, my life just keeps getting better. ;)

  14. Things I made in the microwave when I was desperate for non-dining hall food: oatmeal, chocolate cake (I’m sure you’ve heard of that; it’s delicious!), quesadillas, english muffin pizzas, soup.

    I didn’t have a freezer section of the mini fridge that worked so I didn’t have any frozen food on hand.

    Living in a hotel sounds like an adventure.

    Casey Reply:

    @Amanda, Speaking of freezer section. Ours is the size of my Croc. So frozen food isn’t really a viable option for us either. Heh.

  15. sneak in a SLOW COOKER/Crockpot whatever you wanna call it.

    btw I will be in Detroit for TG if you wanna make the drive up, there is plenty of room at our table.

    Casey Reply:

    @Adrienne, That’s my girl! That’s not a bad idea at all! Then everything can smell like taco soup!

  16. CASEY. You’ve been gone for, what, 17 months now? I’m so glad you’re back in Indy! Let’s go to lunch or dinner or Costco already.

    Casey Reply:

    @Kristin, Breakfast at my hotel? It’s on me. ;)

  17. Casey!!!! All I can think to say about your current situation is….POOP!!!!!! AHHHHHH!! I totally, totally feel for you, except I actually had a little kitchen…with a stove…and a dishwasher…and two bedrooms…Stinky, stinky POOP.

    That being said…the frozen food section has from pretty tasty microwave stuff…but I’m sure most have TONS of sodium and preservatives.

    Sheesh. I need to bring you dinner sometime.

    Casey Reply:

    @Candace, We’ll become the hotel charity case. Heh.
    We do have a separate door for the toilet! Silver lining!

  18. Ugh, I feel for you. I lived in a motel (no stars) for 3 months when someone burned my house down in college. Not the best experience, but it was a place to sleep and I’ll always be grateful for that. If this place gets nasty – keep trying other hotels and see if you can negotiate them down. Just may work.

    In the meantime, I have a microwave recipe from our brand new 1979 house that came with a microwave and a cookbook. How glam! It’s actually pretty tasty, and we’re still known to whip it up in my family.

    Hamburger Pie

    Crust:
    1 lb ground chuck
    1 egg
    1/4 cup dry bread crumbs
    1 tbls soy sauce
    1 tsp dry mustard
    1/4 tsp ground cumin
    1/8 tsp garlic powder

    Filling:
    1 1/2 cups sliced potatoes (1/8″ thick)
    3/4 cup sliced onion (separated into rings)
    1 cup sliced mushrooms (optional)

    Topping:
    1 cup shredded cheddar cheese
    1/2 cup shredded swiss cheese
    1 1/2 tbls parsley flakes

    Combine all crust ingredients and mix well. Press into 9″ pie pan. Microwave at high for ~ 5 minutes or until meat is set (some pink may remain) rotating once or twice during cooking. Drain.

    Top the meat with a layer of potato slices: follow with onions and then mushrooms. Cover with plastic wrap. Microwave at high 15-20 minutes or until potatoes in center ore fork tender, rotating once during cooking.

    Reduce power to 50%. Sprinkle with cheeses and parsley. Microwave uncovered 2-5 minutes or until cheese melts. Let stand 2-3 minutes before serving.

    Casey Reply:

    @Kymmi, I love you. (I’m saying that in the same way I told my anesthesiologist I loved him after he gave me my epidural.)

  19. After looking at homes in the area here recently, I expressed that it might be cheaper to live in a hotel…never have to make the bed, yada yada.

    OK, you sold me on staying put.

    Casey Reply:

    @Rick, Need I mention my breakfast that is just waiting for me out there? Not to shabby!

  20. You need to sneak in a hotplate and water-boiler. You can make pasta in the water boiler (I can’t remember the American name for it, in Israel it’s a coom-coom) and heat pasta sauce in the microwave or on the hotplate. One burner opens up a world of possibilities. Think Salads with seared chicken (not poached in the microwave) and lots of other dishes with only one cooked ingredient. Lots of fresh fruit and veggies and cold cereal with milk. You will make it!

    Spend lots of time at Barnes and Noble. My husband and I once managed to live in a hotel room for 4 months and not kill each other, although we had to take lots of field trips. And eating out wasn’t an option (not kosher) so be thankful for that small respite.

    Casey Reply:

    @Rabbi’s Wife, We will be spending a lot of time in the Target toy aisle. And I’m already planning “prep” at friends houses.
    And procuring a coom coom.
    And yes. Kosher. Or lack thereof. (Although eating out is not really kosher with our budget.)
    And four months? I’m giving you an award.

  21. Oy vey.

    If I still lived in our dang big house I would have invited you to live in it. Zero underwear and no lysol required. Damn me for moving 2 months ago.

    Of course you would have been forced to head North to the land of stoplights, so I’m not quite sure how you’d feel about that.

    Now I’m gonna cross my fingers that your new house gets whipped into shape SOON.

    And if you need a Moosh-wrangler when you DO move… I’m the best Moosh-wrangler I know. Although, technically, I’ve never wrangled the Moosh. Just other mini-people.

    Casey Reply:

    @ClassyFabSarah, I’m telling you, Indy blogger road trip. Anything’s better than fermented dryer sheets.

  22. This year will be our first Thanksgiving in Indy. My parents might come down and make a bunch of food. You all need to be here.

    Formal invite to follow…

    Casey Reply:

    @designHer Momma, You’re going to be having a baby. You give me your kitchen? I’ll give you the best damn turkey you’ve ever had.

  23. If there’s a Value Place Inn up there, those are pretty nice and usually less than $200/week. They have kitchenettes with a little stove and oven too! :)

  24. So am I to understand that you just threw away the underpants instead of trying to find their rightful owner?

    And people wonder why the world is the way it is. I mean, if a man can’t leave his gitch in a hotel room without having it discarded like trash, what’s the point in calling ourselves civilized?

  25. Amalah has posted a few recipes from a really groovy 80′s microwave cookbook lately. Microwave soufflĂ©! I mean…how can you go wrong?

  26. I’d probably only last a week in those conditions. You are one brave lady.

  27. do you want to come to Atlanta for Thanksgiving??? I promise there will be PIE ;)

  28. CAn of black beans, drained. Can of fire roasted tomatoes (amazing delicious canned food invention). Stir together, microwave until warm. Microwave some pre-cooked rice. Put beans and tomatoes over rice, top with cheese, avocados, yogurt or sour cream- whatever taco-y stuff you like. Serve with warm tortillas. We eat this in our house at least once a week when we are too tired/get home too late to properly cook.

  29. My brother makes egg mcmuffins in the microwave. He scrambles an egg and puts it in a cup and microwaves it for 1-2 minutes (depending on the microwave).
    I make a lot of soups in the microwave (and spagetti sauce)…that way I don’t have to worry about them burning while they cook for hours on end. Before I had the rice cooker, I would rice in the microwave, then add some seasonings and a can of beans and heat for a few minutes. When my mom got her first microwave (in 1979) she would even bake with it. I asked her for recipes and she said who needs recipes when you can buy it already made!

    Good luck!

    K

  30. Wow. Hang in there!

  31. Hey– you forgot free papers:)
    Generally Indy Star and USA Today.

    Also– you’ll be racking up hotel points–so that’s a good thing:)

    Make friends with the staff and you’ll be made in the shade.

  32. You are a good sport. I hope it goes by quickly for you!

  33. we have a spare room and plenty of room for Turkey Day. Of course, the spare room is in PHX….that could be a problem

  34. Please add me to your Indy blogging tour.

    We are having Thanksgiving on Friday this year. My parents + 2 brothers are coming down, but you’re welcome to join us for a second feast if you want.

    And if you’re all booked up for Turkey Days, you MUST come over for a kitchen-cooked meal some other time, mmmmkkaay?

  35. Dude. You need a Tupperware stack cooker. Pretty sure you can find them on eBay or Amazon. You can cook a 3-course meal all at once in the microwave in that baby.

    Or hell, add me to your little Indy Road Trip and you can borrow mine.

  36. Eesh. I feel kinda itchy on your behalf.

    Has anyone mentioned Crock-Pots yet?? I mean, I don’t know if you are a big Crock-Pot cooker, but there is a lot you can make with them that doesn’t suck or involve canned condensed soup. Go find “not your mother’s slow-cooker cookbook…”

    Although… the thought of cleaning out a crock-pot in a hotel sink makes me itch also…

    Can’t wait to see how your new home turns out!! :)

  37. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

  38. Good thinking on the own bedspread. My sister calls the hotel ones “sperm blankets” and now it’s stuck. When I see a hotel bedspread I think sperm. Ugh!

  39. Bwahahahaha, you are ASKING for microwave recipes? Don’t you know Amalah? I just assumed you would. But maybe you’ve been too busy lately to have seen THIS…

    http://www.amalah.com/amalah/2009/10/microwavery-in-action.html

  40. OMG. The underwear. GAG.

    It will all be worth it, lady. Think of it as an adventure! :)

  41. Have you seen this guy?

    http://www.seriouseats.com/2009/08/video-how-to-cook-a-meal-in-your-hotel-room-george-egg.html

    Of course, he seems to be staying in a hotel that probably has more than 2 stars. Also, I don’t know that many American hotels have kettles. You could use a coffee maker? Maybe? (Being a Mormon, I have no idea how a coffee maker works)

  42. If you would like to head south, you can come to my house for Thanksgiving! We don’t have any family close, so it’s just us. Our first lonely Thanksgiving! So, if you find yourself in Georgia, come on over!

  43. We spent a week in Vermont last October in a condo. Yes, we had a kitchen; but who wants to spend all day in it when you’re supposed to be doing things like touring Ben and Jerry’s factory?

    What I did that worked great: *larger* crockpot; various roasts; various root vegetables; and dressing or dressing mixes. One good one was a chicken, with an apple, onion, and several turnips (you could use potatoes, but turnips turn out non-bitter in a crockpot, more like a more interesting version of a potato than an overgrown radish), and then an herb-garlic dressing mix(and of course some water). Was fabuloso. Another good one was a pork roast, with an onion, several carrots and turnips, a couple of pears, and a bottle of raspberry vinaigrette, which was suprisingly good. And I also did a beef roast with a mix of various veggies and an Italian dressing mix. You can also use those little soy sauce packages with any of these–helps tenderize it.

    I have a whole cookbook written by Dana Carpender of Bloomington that I’ve not yet had a bad thing from, and many of the recipes are very simple.

    Oh, and here’s a good soup where you just empty the cans into the crockpot: one can mackerel or salmon (or 2 cans tuna); one can corn; two cans crushed tomatoes with Italian herbs, and about a cup of rice. On the stove you’d just simmer it for 20 minutes, but in the crockpot, it needs at least an hour–or use instant rice, about 2 cups.

    Hope these help!