Internets, I have a secret.
I’m working my way through a possible food allergy.
The culprit? Perhaps gluten, perhaps a wheat allergy. Maybe it’s adrenal fatigue. It could also be cancer, or a third world parasite.
Regardless, if you know me at all, being allergic to the main things involved in baking chocolate cake is pretty much like telling a dolphin “Sorry dude, but you’re totally allergic to water.”
Tonight I made dinner that had finely chopped cauliflower as a stand in for rice. Not only did I feed it to the people related to me, I fed it to guests.
What a bad time to come eat at Casey’s house, when she’s working through a possible gluten allergy. Kind of like going to Olive Garden and having them say “WHOOPS! SORRY! NO NOODLES! May I interest you in some garlic with a side of garlic?”
It’s probably just as bad as going to Olive Garden expecting olives and being very disappointed.
People come to eat at my house with a twinkle in their eye and stretchy pants on.
Imagine their disappointment when I serve them vegetables posing as rice, mixed with vegetables. And no dessert.
But I have had a rash. A horrible awful no good very bad rash. That burns and itches and welts and travels and is fairly unnerving. Thankfully my very lovely Jessica has recently suffered a very similar welted nightmare and told me everything she tried, everything that worked and more importantly everything that didn’t work.
I joked with her that God must like us most since we’re all Job like with our nasty rashes and vomitous pregnancies.
We also may have blamed our rashes on reality television.
She has come to the conclusion that diet and adrenal fatigue are most likely to blame which has led her to omitting anything fake from her diet, telling gluten to take a hike and taking enough supplements to restart a whale shark’s adrenal glands. (Do whale sharks have adrenal glands? Grant?)
Anyway, I turned to a local raw food healer whom I met through twitter and she talked me through an adrenal jump start.
(May I just say I love how the Internet has brought people to me so that I don’t have to suffer in puffy hives alone?)
Today I picked up my adrenal support capsules she recommended.
They are made from cow adrenal glands. And for some reason (taste? I think?) they add cloves and ginger to the cow parts in the capsule.
I loathe ginger (thanks pregnancy!)
I despise cloves (clove cigarettes, I was once young and stupid and impressionable.)
So dehydrated powdered cow parts, cloves and ginger.
If a 98 year old woman hadn’t stopped me in the health food store and commended me for not giving into the man and believing the lie that FDA has my best interests at heart, I would have left the cow caps there.
Three days gluten free. I’m really an awkward kind of hungry. I know I’ve eaten plenty, but there’s all these empty cracks waiting for chocolate cake and noodles. Carbs give you a very deliciously full feeling. For me, looking at gluten free recipes is probably similar to people reading their credit card statements, depressing, but it has to be done.
We’ve never been really crappy eaters. The treats we eat are almost always made from scratch by me. But we’re no perfectionists either. This isn’t a really dramatic change, just a sort of depressing one.
The cow caps begin tomorrow morning.
Forgive me if I moo.