Nine years. Phew. One third of my life with the same man.

Technically we started out as kids, 19 and 22.

Now we’re 28 and 31, he’s a lawyer, we have a kid, a mortgage and matching scars.

You see, last October we almost didn’t make it.

Since you can’t see me I’ll just have to tell you that typing that out brought tears to my eyes and a pain to my chest.

We were very private about our struggle. Our tiny apartment became ground zero. We didn’t leave the house much. We spent a lot of time in bed holding onto each other wondering how the hell we ended up where we were. Our eyes were itchy and puffy from the constant stream of tears. The TV wasn’t turned on. Very little food was eaten. Even fewer words were spoken.

We had both let ourselves grow so far apart from each other.

Growing up there was an old writing desk in our front room. I never really paid attention to it unless I needed a pen or a place to hide a treasure. Nobody really paid attention to it. It was just there. When my parents divorced, my dad took the desk and my mom was livid. I was only six at the time, but I remember how mad she was when we came home and found the desk gone.

Our marriage had become that desk. We used it when we needed it, but never really thought much about it, because it was always there when we needed it. Then, through a series of events, that desk was taken away from us and we had the choice to either fight for the old one or go shopping for new desks, on our own.

We both chose to fight.

The last time I stayed with my dad I really looked at that desk for the first time in 27 years. And you know what? It’s a great desk. A desk worthy of fighting over. I can see why my mom was so angry it was gone. I wonder now as I look back if that desk didn’t symbolize a whole lot more to my parents than simply a pretty place to hold pens and envelopes.

Last night at dinner Cody asked me what my favorite moment of the last nine years has been. His was when I walked down the aisle…which probably explains why a lot of you mentioned it looks like he wants to eat me in our ceremony photo.

“I may have been scared going into June 16 2001, but when I saw you walking down the isle all I could feel was complete excitement. I realized that marriage didn’t need to be scary because it meant that I got to spend forever with you.

I still feel the same way.”

In that moment he knew he wanted to be married and that he wanted to be married to me.

Mine is the night I was lying in his lap two weeks after meeting him.

In that moment I knew I wanted to be married and I wanted to be married to him.

And so we did, we are and always will be.

Comments

  1. I have been right there and I know the sweet taste of the aftermath. I am so glad you made it through.

    Happy anniversary. xo

  2. I am right there, right now… praying we make it to our anniversary in two months from today. I hope our aftermath is as sweet as yours.

  3. Happy Anniversary.

  4. marriage is hard. really hard and really painful. but most of the time, the light at the end of the tunnel is far brighter than when you started your journey.

    happy anniversary!

  5. *weepy* *sniffly* *smiles*

    Life really is what we make it, isn’t it?

    There IS hope, it DOES exist.

  6. Happy Anniversary. Glad you fought to make it!

  7. Thank you for always being so honest about your life. You have helped me realize time and again that I am not alone in everything I struggle with.

    Thanks!

  8. We had our own hurdle this last year that made us turn around and have to fight like hell. I’ve been there and it does leave scars.

    I’m so glad that you two fought for your “desk”.

  9. I have been there, too. So many times. You are brave to write about it. I think if more people wrote or talked about the difficult things in life we would find out we aren’t so different and would reach out to each other more.

    Congratulations and happy anniversary.

  10. I am crying right now. It’s what I’m doing today though…so yeah. Anyway.

    I am so glad you guys made it. It makes me happy for you. Truly.

  11. since you made it through these last 9 HARD years, I have no doubt that your marriage can last through anything.

  12. We fight for our “most important”…the things worth living for, the things that make life worthwhile. My children, simply put, are my life. But my marriage? That’s my heart. It’s eternal. God I love my husband. Sounds like you love yours, too. Congrats.

  13. It takes work, Casey. On the part of both parties. But the work is worth it.

    p.s. Today, my Mom and Dad would have been married 66 years. She still keeps score.

  14. It’s so lovely to see how far you’ve come after you both decided to fight for your marriage. Keep it up. It’s great to see you appreciating and loving one another.

  15. I’m so glad you guys made it.

  16. Been there. Made it. Back there. Not sure. Some days praying like hell to win, others to walk. No one ever said it would be easy.

  17. Agh, that thing about the desk. That made me cry. I’m glad you two made it out the other side. I feel like one thing no one elver tells you as you’re growing up how hard marriage is. It’s wonderful and amazing and great, but it’s hard, too.

  18. Congratulations, Casey!

  19. I’m glad you made it through your rough time. We didn’t. Congratulations and may you always rise out of your difficult times!

  20. Delurking because I have to say how happy I was today to see your blog featured on indystar.com. Maybe it’s always been there and I just now noticed it? Either way, you are Awesome and such an inspiration!!
    Happy Anniversary!

  21. I love this post. Happy 9 years.

    I think anyone who says there hasn’t been a battle to make it to the end, in one form or another, is telling a fib.

  22. Oh how I love this post. Have been there a couple times in my 10 years of marriage but we still choose each other each day. We’re in it to win it.
    Thanks for sharing and congrats to you both!!

  23. So glad for all of you that you chose to fight. It’s take bravery and courage, and is a testament to you both.

  24. Wow, your post brought tears to MY eyes. I am applying to law schools in just a few short months. In fact, Indy is at the top of my list. I hope my husband and I make it. We have been through a lot and have grown up together, which has also meant growing in different directions.

  25. As usual, I’m late to the party. But happy, happy anniversary to both of you!