Addie has asked me to approach you on her behalf and plead her case. She has recently fallen in love with Will’s harmonica and would like you to bring her back one please. Evidently, playing it for hours at a time at my house has changed her life forever and she can no longer imagine a harmonica-less existence in Indianapolis. Fortunately, for the physical safety of your daughter, I have trained myself to be immune to the highly aggravating noise such a devil instrument can make as I have gone through this process wtih EVERY. SINGLE. CHILD. OF. MY. OWN. You will find out how to do this approximately 3-5 days after presenting your offspring with one.
Addie is not above bribing you with kisses and cuddles. Or threatening you with sulks, shrieks, or shouts. And she has asked me four times to get in touch with you about this sensitive subject, so sadly, I believe she is in earnest about this whole harmonica business.
Addie asked me why I make Trinity do “chores,” in a tone that left no doubt as to her feelings on the subject. When I explained to her that Will and Trinity have chores so that they can help me, she then replied, “Yeah, but you see my mom already knows how to do these clean up jobs so she doesn’t make me show her.” OUCHIE!
How ya doin’ (or say it in your best Joey Tribiane voice “How you doin’” but without the sexual innuendo). I, my friend, am mostly swell. I finally bought a pair of jeans in a smaller size. I am down from gigantic, elephant size to regular elephant size and I am quite proud about that. Long live ellipticals and catchy Britney Spears’ songs! (Incidentally, when we listened to the CD you made me on the way home that Sunday, Will said, “Mom, Casey knows you so well.” He then proceeded to lobby for a boycott on Justin Timberlake’s ”I’m bringing sexy back” because it made him feel uncomfortable hearing the word sexy that much. I have given birth to a future televangelist or Benedictine Monk.)
Peter went back to work this week . So I have gone back to work as the sole housekeeper here. My four months of sloth and procrastination are at an end. Today I tackled the entire linen closet. Everything has been examined, streamlined, and organized. It is a freakin’ work of art. Like the Mona Lisa of Bed, Bath, and Beyond. Then tonight Peter had the gall to ask me where the heating pad was. As he’s staring right at it. Within inches of physical contact.
Will still loves football. And I have a feeling if he could, he would stalk Peyton Manning. After the game on Sunday, he casually remarked, “I bet Olivia is really happy right now.” When pressed for information on who Olivia was, we were informed that she is Peyton’s mom of course. Of course she is.
Eden is addicted to “Finding Nemo” right now. And we watch it everyday. And every damn day I cry. Twice. Once in the beginning when Nemo’s mom is killed and then again at the end when the music swells, and the climactic moment comes when father and son are reunited. URGGGG.
Trinity asks me daily when we can go back to your house. She has tried to insinuate that you may cry if she does not make it back there in a timely manner. She then alluded to the possibility that events of apocalyptic size and scope could occur if I didn’t get on the ball.
I have to go now because Peter is watching the State of the Union and I am becoming increasingly violent. I need to flee here posthaste.
I have always wanted to use the word “posthaste.” So there is life goal #211.
I wish everyone could have an Ami.