Hi Dyson, it’s me, Casey.

You have to understand that when I picture your product development meetings you have a giant photo of me with a goofy grin at the head of your boardroom. A huge picture of me with a giant sign off to the side stating “THIS? THIS IS WHO WE’RE SELLING TO.”

Because Dyson? I’ve bought it.

I dare you to find someone else who had “Use a Dyson Airblade” on their life list. Not only have I used a Dyson Airblade, I may or may not go out of my way to dirty my hands if only for the chance to use the Airblade again. I may have even once scolded someone in a public restroom for using paper towels instead of the marvel of hand drying that is the Airblade.

And don’t even get me started on your vacuums. If I could? I would buy another Dyson just to detail my original Dyson. The pioneers dreamed in acres, I dream in square feet (of carpet.) Although, if you could find a way to make vacuuming my stairs less of a swear inducing task? I’d really appreciate it. Thanks.

So as I stood in BestBuy on Saturday and watched my husband stick his hand in and out of your new fan, the Air Multiplier I wondered, have you taken it too far? I mean, the commercials claim that my current fan with blades is unsettling me with buffeting, and that I don’t even realize that this unpleasant buffeting is occurring. And that I won’t  realize the utter unsettleingness of it all until I’m in the presence of a Dyson Air Multiplier.

I WANT TO BELIEVE YOU DYSON!

After all, I was doing the same thing in Target on Wednesday. Sticking my hand in and out of that darn fan JUST BECAUSE I COULD. Wondering if maybe, deep down on some level I was becoming a calmer, less buffeted person simply by being in the presence of this fan.

Are you to the point now where your consumers are so loyal (hi, me) that you could go all Emperor’s New Clothes on us? That you could make a fan, charge an astronomical amount of money for it (A FAN!) and trust that after my near religious experiences with both my vacuum and the Airblade I will just go for the Air Multiplier no questions asked?

IS THIS YOUR BRILLIANT SCHEME DYSON?

I mean, look at Apple. If they started making baby monitors that looked super cool and promised you that you never even realized how well your baby could sleep until you used an iMonitor,  you bet people would be lined up for days just to get one.

Even though really?

It was just a baby monitor.

That looked cool.

I’ll bet you there would even be people who would get pregnant just so they would have an excuse to purchase one.

.

.

.

So give it to me straight Dyson. Are you lying to us?

Because the only buffeting I’m aware of involves a big warm bun, a huge hunk of meat, medium rare with mustard ‘be nice, Heinz 57 and french fried potatoes big kosher pickle and a cold draft (root) beer.

That kind of buffeting? I can totally handle. And really, there’s no unpleasantness there at all.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

xx-Casey

Comments

  1. Aren’t those things hyp-NO-tyzing? I stuck my hand through one myself just today at my local Tarjay.

    If BlogHer wasn’t next month I would have bought one and brought it home to roost with my two balls (must have one yellow and one purple), the pink hand vac, one purple animal and one blue canister. I swear if they made a carpet cleaner I would ascend to nirvana.

    HI, my name is Kim and I’m a Dyson addict too.

    Where’s the coffee?

  2. I’d love to be a Dyson addict but can’t yet afford the habit. Those fans look uber cool though! I hope they hear you and send you one ASAP!

  3. I too stand in the aisle at Target and stick my hand in the fan over and over. And look around to make sure nobody’s watching. I don’t want to look like a weirdo/creep!

  4. I don’t have a Dyson obsession, but that’s only because there is no more room in my life for any additional obsessions. The iMonitor, though? Now that, I would totally buy!

    Also, I’m pretty sure I’ll be singing Cheeseburger in Paradise for the rest of the day, and honestly? I kind of like you that much more for it :)

  5. Did you know I went to the Dyson headquarters with some other bloggers here in Chicago (I will totally take you sometime) and they promised us the new air multipliers and NEVER sent them. :( imagine thinking you’re getting one and then, nope.

    Crushing.

    Steph
    Steph

    Adventures In Babywearing Reply:

    @Adventures In Babywearing,

    I must update my comment. Dyson sent me the Air Multiplier the next day.

  6. We have an awesome Dyson vacuum. We saw the awesome fan that is the Air Multiplier. However, at that price it needs to do more than a piece of card stock glue sticked to a popsicle stick can do. Funny they sell them here in Florida too where every, or nearly every structure has central air conditioning.

  7. I have central air. But at night, we turn it off and open the window. And turn on our box fan. It’s loud and noisy, but at least it helps me sleep. I squealed with glee when I saw the commercial for this. Now I just have to sell one of my children so I can afford it!

  8. So I just went and watched the video for how the air multiplier works, and I have to admit that Dyson’s little animation people did their jobs and convinced me I need one. My husband and I sleep with a small turbo fan next to the bed for noise, and we also have one downstairs for circulation. That video really helps it make sense why my sonar hearing and I are always picking up reverbations and continual rotating noises that drive me nuts, even though I get looked at like I’m crazy and how in the world could you be hearing something that doesn’t exist… And I promise you sometimes when I’m half asleep I swear I can hear faint radio DJ voices, like I’m picking up a frequency like Lucille Ball… but that’s just crazy, right? Right?

    On a more sane note, I got to see and use the Airblade for the first time earlier this year in a new office building. It was in the ladies restroom, and I walked up to it to try it out. I think I actually jumped a little and was freaked out it was going to insert little air bubbles into my skin like those warnings when using compressed air… haha but I think I walked out unscathed. And with very quickly dried hands. :-) Very cool. It just might go on my dream list for things to put in a house…

  9. Oh goodness… I think I need to buy a new vacuum. Pronto.

  10. Mr. European sounding Dyson man has been smokin the wacky tobaccy. $400 for a fan??? me thinks uh? no…

  11. OMG, I had no idea that Dyson even made fans!!

  12. I gave into the temptation a few months ago. My vaccum died – and can I just tell you, I have NEVER been so happy to see something bite the dust (Heh.) like I was that day?

    If I had a king sized bed, my Dyson would be right in the middle.

    Oh, and Airblades?! Effin’ amazing! I want one for my bathroom, kitchen, laundry, room – and a full size for the pool. But I have yet to see the fan. Must. See. The. Fan.

  13. I haven’t heard of this fan. I don’t think I need a fan. But my Dyson Animal? My lovely purple dog hair sucking Dyson? LOVE

  14. I’d make out with my Dyson Animal if I didn’t think it would suck my lips right off of my face.

    Now, the fancy fan. No. I like being buffetted. It’s not unsettling. I sleep with a fan. I cannot sleep without the sweet sound of buffetting in my ears. One (wo)man’s noise in another (wo)man’s comfort. My kids all sleep while being buffetted as well.

  15. I’ve seen those and been so confused about them. LOL

  16. Josefina says:

    I want one. Bad. I do not even care if I am being scammed. A circle? That makes AIR? Without BUFFETING? Yes. I need that.

    I had one of the fantastic vacuum cleaners, but I ruined it. Totally my fault. I am overcome with regret every time I have to vacuum with the noticeably inferior Hoover I now own.

  17. Now I want a cheeseburger. THANKS CASEY.

  18. Have you seen this? Swoon! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4WNcjkZ6d0w

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