I’ve slipped.

I haven’t gone down yet, but I certainly feel as though I am falling in slow motion.

I’m still not sure if I’ll catch myself or not.

The thing is, reaction to stress and fatigue can feel very similar to depression.

Regardless, I’m not doing well.

Seeing my Aunt Cheryl’s death certificate was a bit too much for me today.

I’m really not going to see her again in this life.

Hallway at Hallmark, Kansas City

Grief is the price we pay for love.
-Queen Elizabeth II

I’m ready to be back home in Indiana.

Comments

  1. When you are slipping just grab hold of the rock that is made of the people who love you. Grab tightly…and pull yourself back up.

    xoxoxo

  2. XOXO.

  3. Another way to think about it: The pain now was the joy then.

    xo

  4. It’s almost 3am. And, even though I am sitting firmly on the ground, I know I’m actually slipping right along down next to you.

  5. Sorry, Case. xoxo

  6. Hope you get a good grip before you slip too far.

    I’m on my third medication since February 2009 and I will be making a Psych appointment on Monday when they have approval from my insurance.

    Here’s to knowing when you’re slipping and not being afraid to ask for a hand.

  7. The pain of losing someone so close can run deep. This is a time to lean on others so you don’t fall. They’ll be there to hold you up. So will your Aunt.

    Big hugs

  8. That feeling – of when reality sets in and you really realize it’s over – sucks. Hard.

    Hugs.

    And Indiana will be glad to have you back. :)

  9. You will pull through my friend. Take the time to grieve…it’s ok to do that.
    Use us as your rope…we are here. Xo

  10. When you’re not here it’s like an Indiana garage without a Colts poster hanging up. You’re missed.

  11. To paraphrase what my Dad used to say when we, as children, used to make ourselves a factor in his environment – “Don’t make me come down there, young lady.”

    You behave yourself.

  12. Slipping into a depression after a loss like this is totally human nature. It’s allowed. It’s what happens to all of us. It’s what happens when you’ve loved. I know it’s not fun and it’s scary when depression has a well-known address for you, but let yourself wallow. It may be where your heart and psyche need to go to honor Cheryl. XOX

  13. The worst is when you can feel it happening & can’t stop it.
    xoxo

  14. We’re here for you, and Indy’s ready to have you back.

  15. This is from The Prophet. I think of it often when I think of Jim. And yes, please hold onto the rock that is made up of all of us, as Ally said.

    Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.

    And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes
    filled with your tears.

    And how else can it be?

    The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

    Is not the cup that hold your wine the very cup that was burned in the
    potter’s oven?

    And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was
    hollowed with knives?

    When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it
    is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

    When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see
    that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

    Some of you say, “Joy is greater than sorrow,” and others say, “Nay,
    sorrow is the greater.”

    But I say unto you, they are inseparable.

    Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board,
    remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

    Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.

    Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.

  16. Just remember you will see her again. She is in heaven smiling down on you…beaming because she is so proud of you!

  17. It is okay to fall sometimes. Thing is, you don’t stay there. Keep your head up. When you do, you know she sees you looking up at her. Blessings and peace to you, friend.

  18. Hi Casey. Nothing profound to say that hasn’t already been said. I know the slipping and sliding feeling well. I hope you manage to pull out of it before it really gets you. Sending love your way…

  19. Make sure you take care of you. Don’t give more than you have. Respect your boundaries and ask for help. If you need to leave, leave. The reaction is normal. This may sound counter intuitive, but try not to fight it, that may make it worse. Kind of like fighting a riptide, it is best to let it carry you and slip out as it brings you closer to shore. You may not end up near where you started, but you’ll come out of it less exhausted and better able to walk back to where you were rather than crawl.

    Of course if you’ve never experienced the ocean, that won’t mean a !@#$ thing (darn flat landers ;).

    A friend gave me that advice after my Dad (step) died. It helped me, I hope it works for you.

    <3 You

  20. I right there with you, babe. I usually go down in September, but it has already hit. I went right to my doc, raised my Welbutrin and started taking it in the morning. I hope you can get to a doc soon. My heart would break to see you down again. ~Love.

  21. Look at the clouds. She’s sending you messages, telling you she is happy and that she loves you. Hope you are up again soon.

  22. You are doing a good job. Hang in there. You will come back up again. I’m so sorry that you’ve been through so much this week- that drive (twice) and a funeral and missing/rejoicing for Aunt Cheryl- it’s a lot to process.

  23. Lovelovelove you.

  24. Without the lows, the highs would merely be mediocre.

    You will be better. Believe that. Bounce back soon.

    <3

  25. So sorry for your loss and the pain it is causing you.

    Be kind to yourself as you grieve. Don’t rush the healing. It will come as you are ready.

    Many people are praying for you, including me.

  26. *hugz*

  27. I’m very sorry Casey. Take the time to mourn the person you love.

  28. Sigh. Me too.

    Hugs darling. Huge hugs.

  29. There are so many of us around you that think you are amazing, and are here to help you back up when you need it. <3

  30. You’re not failing or falling honey, you’re just having a normal reaction to a very bad situation. I’m so sorry. {hugs}

  31. xoxoxo {{{{Casey}}}}

    In less than one week I’ll give you that hug in person.

  32. I’m sorry, sweet Casey. I know the feeling of falling well and I know how much it SUCKS.

    xoxoxo

  33. love you.

    xo

  34. 1)the failing is not in the falling. Everyone falls sometimes. It’s more about whether or not you try to get back up.

    2)Big squishy bewbed hugs to you. Death sucks. Mostly for those left behind.

  35. Sending you hugs and love and peace. Praying for your gray clouds to lift quickly.

  36. Casey – read all these comments friends have left you, it is OK to grieve for your Aunt, know you will see her again and look for her awesome signs!
    Peace.

  37. casey, you’re not alone. i feel on the verge of slipping… typical for this time of year for me, nonetheless, it’s a scary slope.

    thinking of you.

  38. Love you, Casey. Wish you were here so we could order up some train food. XOXO

  39. I hear you. Last night, as I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep, I realized that my Popi is really gone… I’m really never going to see him again (in this life). I’ve been trying to suppress how I feel, which isn’t good. So, even though this is my first time going through this, my advice to you is: don’t suppress it. Feel what you feel. And remember to take care of YOU. xoxo