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moosh two point oh…
September 15, 2010

You? You are my sunshine. You also have a lot of questions (like A LOT)…so…here…I shall answer them.

I have peed on every dollar store pregnancy test in Marion, Johnson, Hendricks, Hancock and Hamilton County. It’s become a party trick…see how quick I can make the second line show up. I’m to the point I can make the pregnant line show up before the default line, I’d show you…but…no.

I am eight weeks. I think. Pregnancy math is hard. Apparently it starts before you even get pregnant. I am due  at the end of April/early May (I think) which is also when my birthday is. Look, I know I waited a long time for this…but I’m not sure I’m ready to share my birthday yet. We’ll discuss.

I know eight weeks isn’t out of the woods. But frankly I was tired of being in the woods by myself. And besides, if something were to happen I would tell you anyway so regardless I would have dragged you all into the woods with me at some point anyway. Here, bug spray, you’ll need it.

Yes. My husband is an attorney. No. We do not have insurance. Yes. This scares the hell out of me.

Hyperemesis. Nope, not this time (so far. yay!) It hit me like a ton of bricks with Addie between seven and eight weeks, this time it’s just a gentle slime of nausea that ebbs and flows with the occasional barf and numerous dry heaves. If *this* is the morning sickness so many books talk about? I want a trophy for surviving with Addie.

Yes. I’m aware that with the difference in sickness there’s a good chance this one has some extra parts. Which means there could be a little tiny penis inside me. This unnerves me greatly.

Things I forgot about? The pee. How I can produce so much pee at all hours of the day is beyond my comprehension. And my hair. Which probably shouldn’t follow the pee thing, but still. My hair hasn’t been falling out. Which is totally awesome. And it’s all lustrous and bouncy. Go pregnancy hair! Also? Pregnancy boobs. The titty fairy giveth and birth will taketh away.

The biggest thing I forgot about? Making people is exhausting.

How did I tell Cody? I threw a stick at him from across his big lawyer desk at work. Exactly how you pictured it, I know. Nothing says surprise! like an overpriced piece of plastic your wife has peed on to really drive the point home.

Does Addie know? Yes. We told her after I had a particularly rough day with the barfs. She wasn’t happy. (Remember, this is the kid who shouted “I DON’T WANT KIDS, THEY’RE TOO MUCH WORK.” at the dinner table. Amen kid, amen.) However she slept on it and now she thinks it’s a capital idea. But she makes everyone who comes in contact with me promise to take care of me. Which is cute when it’s Cody but gets awkward in the Costco checkout line.

Nickname? Mozzi. As in the little charming bald guy from White Collar He can’t be dead. If he’s really dead? You’re dead to us USA writers.

Most of all? The emotions. Pregnancy is full of so much funny (gas! boobzilla!)…but it’s shadowed by so much stress.

But with all the comments yesterday (!!) this one in particular struck me (thank you Sarah)…I need to remember nothing has gone wrong. I need to quit thinking about it as if something has. Because it hasn’t. Well, except for the grilled cheese Cody made for dinner. That? WAS WRONG.

I am allowed to be happy about this.

Bridget said “Miscarriage and infertility steal a part of you. The part that lets you hope and dream with reckless abandon.”

Well I’m stealing them back.

So there.

Related posts:

  1. It’s the “Let the moosh Whoorl your Hair” Contest Extravaganza!
  2. addie came home from kindergarten in a police car.
  3. moosh in spanx.
  4. Hot: Day 16-Straightening out the moosh.
  5. I see pregnant people.

Comments off.

By Ohh Betsy! on 09.15.10 7:34 am | Permalink

Happy to hear you haven’t been too sick. I thought things would go wrong with my pregnancy the entire nine months but I tried to keep the faith. Exhausting. But you’ve seen the two little miracles. Now you’ll get yours.

By Jamie on 09.15.10 7:48 am | Permalink

I had an ectopic pregnancy before my second daughter was born. That worry really sucked the joy out of her pregnancy. It was proof (PROOF!) that things could go wrong. It was hard. Take back the joy! Not just for yourself, but for all of us who bit our nails and jammed the damn rented doppler wand into our stomachs SURE there was no heartbeat to find.

By Mr. Blonde on 09.15.10 8:03 am | Permalink

“Take back the joy!” – love that!

By J from Ireland on 09.15.10 8:35 am | Permalink

Oh Moosh I was doing fine until I read the bit where you threw the stick at Cody…then I cried. Thank you so much or sharing.
ps I had hyperemesis on a daughter and a son and none with another girl and boy, so I could never really tell.

By ClassyFabSarah on 09.15.10 9:07 am | Permalink

Yay for stealing back the happy!!

And also – the tiny hypothetical penis inside of you disturbs me greatly. But in a happy way.

By Jen L. on 09.15.10 9:21 am | Permalink

Boys are awesome, if that’s what Mozzi ends up being. :) Hope you stay non-barfy as much as possible, enjoy your boobapalooza, and deliver us a happy, healthy baby in the spring! (We already know Mozzi will be GORGEOUS! Look at Addie.)

By Domestic Extraordinaire on 09.15.10 9:27 am | Permalink

I can’t wait to love on you and rub your belly (because seriously its never too early for belly rubbing) next weekend at Type A.

By Kate on 09.15.10 9:49 am | Permalink

Congratulations! I’m so excited for you…note that those kids with an extra body part aren’t that bad I was with you, but now I don’t know what I would do if I had a girl I like Handy Manny, cargo shorts and t-shirts, and getting dirty! :)

Mozzie can not be dead…Neal can only take so much lose! Plus I love Moz!

By Lisa in TX on 09.15.10 9:53 am | Permalink

I’m 8 weeks, too! 3rd week of April. That should help with the pregnancy math.

By kakaty on 09.15.10 10:04 am | Permalink

When I was pregnant with my boy I thought of me growing a penis inside of me totally weireded me out. But when I voiced that people looked at me like I had 2 heads. Glad you feel the same way; if only because I feel less strange about it. Because – eww! it’s weird!

Congrats again and best wishes for a smooth go this time around.

By Jenny on 09.15.10 10:06 am | Permalink

I love how you told Cody! So funny! Glad you are finding Joy in this…you deserve it!

By caroline on 09.15.10 10:16 am | Permalink

you are so inspiring, casey! congrats again.

By jenn on 09.15.10 10:16 am | Permalink

Sigh. I’m so very happy for yall. I have tears- I’m sitting in the dentist oFfice so now they think I’m a big baby! When I got pregnant with Brennen, after 2 years of trying and miscarriage- I worried like crazy and was afraid to be happy- I’m so very glad you’re stealing that back because its klike you’re taking it back for all of us and it feels great!

By tara on 09.15.10 10:19 am | Permalink

pregnancy math IS totally weird. i just adore you. congrats again, thanks for sharing your news.

By Becca on 09.15.10 10:21 am | Permalink

I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy for anyone getting pregnant, although I’m sure that one day I will claim that for myself…

Congratulations, it couldn’t happen for a more deserving family!

By Elizabeth on 09.15.10 10:27 am | Permalink

oh, CASEY!! I am so happy for you!! I have tears of joy in my eyes, really and truly.

Making a person is totally exhausting, I remember. And yes, you deserve to dream! And hope! And have a boy! LOL

xoxo

By Stephanie on 09.15.10 10:28 am | Permalink

I’m with you on Mozzi. I about had a heart attack and threw my remote at the TV screen. He’s the best part of White Collar.

By Marie Green on 09.15.10 10:36 am | Permalink

I am still absolutely THRILLED- I keep grinning.

By Shannon on 09.15.10 10:41 am | Permalink

CASEY!!! I know I dont know you – but I read you everyday – except yesterday, when I was so swamped with work because I am taking the next 3 days off because I”M GETTING MARRIED!! I cant believe I was a day late in your big announcement! I suffer from PCOS and my FH and I want babies – bad. You are my support. I know we can get thru this, just like you,Cody, and Addie have. Good Luck Casey – you rock!

By designhermomma on 09.15.10 10:47 am | Permalink

Again, I’m so excited for you! And I too, love what Sarah had to say. She’s really smart, trust me. Today, everything is normal, which is awesome.

By AmoebaMike on 09.15.10 10:57 am | Permalink

Funny that a penis inside of you is weird, but no mention of two extra lungs not being weird. hehe

Big congrats!

…oh, and yes, enjoy the boobs. Being a guy, I have a different perspective, but boobs are awesome.

By Crazy_lady_me on 09.15.10 11:11 am | Permalink

I felt the same way about telling people “early”: why would I wait to tell people until I’m “out of the woods”. I want to tell them every fear I have while I’m “in the woods” so they’ll hold my hand and make fun of it all to keep me sane.

Congrats again!!!

By Katie on 09.15.10 12:53 pm | Permalink

I always forget that with each new opportunity, we are allowed to be hopeful and excited. Part of being a survivor of, well anything, gives hope. but part of it reminds you of what could happen. Sometimes all it takes is being given the permission to be happy. To be hopeful. To smile about the possibility of the little penis in there–which I always giggled about while I was pregs with Eddie.

By Brooke on 09.15.10 1:06 pm | Permalink

I love this. You’re hysterical. And when the time comes, I’m stealing it and using it as my questionnaire. I will link back to you, and with the MEGA traffic I get, you will gain so many readers. ; )

By Angella on 09.15.10 1:09 pm | Permalink

So, so happy for you guys, Miss Casey. Godspeed.

By Lizzy on 09.15.10 1:16 pm | Permalink

‘Atta girl.

By Michelle on 09.15.10 1:30 pm | Permalink

Oh Casey! I am so happy for you! AND I AM TOO!
(Only seven weeks, one day. Trying to be happy, after miscarriage it’s so hard).

By Issa on 09.15.10 1:41 pm | Permalink

I love that you are taking it back. I love that you brought us into the woods with you. Thing is? We are here to support you. No matter what. Besides, I can already picture another little curly headed baby with Addie’s eyes. So there. ;)

Stick with hope babe.

Boy parts in you is weird. I had more trouble with my emotions with my son. However, I was less sick with him. Give it a few more weeks and do the pee test from Walgreen’s that Heather did…if you want to know.

By Nenette on 09.15.10 1:54 pm | Permalink

Congratulations, Ms. Casey! Happy to be in the woods with you. All the best. And love. xo

By LM on 09.15.10 2:52 pm | Permalink

Our girl (1st) and our boy (2nd) are nearly 7 years apart. He too arrived after 10 years of marriage, after I had given up and just felt grateful to have a healthy, beautiful daughter. What you have written really resonates with me.

I am nearly 10 years down that road now, but I remember having to go in for an early ultrasound due to a suspected ectopic pregnancy. I remember crying when this proved not to be the case and I saw his tiny little body on the screen. After that, I was able to be hopeful, happy, and so grateful.

Although things may not have gone according to my initial plan, I can see the many blessings that have come and continue to come from it. (“…all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good”, D&C 122:7)

Hope & prayers that all goes well for you and your beautiful family.

By Amy in StL on 09.15.10 3:03 pm | Permalink

“…there could be a little tiny penis inside me. This unnerves me greatly.” Yeah that always unnerves me too – it’s why I quit dating short guys. (Wow, I’m in a weird mood today)

By Maureen on 09.15.10 3:31 pm | Permalink

This is such exciting news! Congrats much bliss to you and your family.

By Karin on 09.15.10 3:49 pm | Permalink

Don’t get me started on the insurance thing again or you’ll get more rambling, ranting emails from me.

I heard this recently and it must have made sense at the time because I actually remembered it:

“Anxiety is nothing but the fear of stuff that hasn’t even happened.”

Something to keep in mind.

I’ll let you know if this works.

By Sarah Partain on 09.15.10 4:12 pm | Permalink

girl, you *totally* deserve a trophy. we’ll get on that! :)

By staciesmadness on 09.15.10 4:23 pm | Permalink

GREAT POST…of course…and as usual.

So happy for you…thinking positive thoughts…and sending them to you and the (maybe tiny penised baby..well that just sounds wrong) baby you are growing just beautifully.

By Mymsie on 09.15.10 7:21 pm | Permalink

Congrats!!!! :)

By Mymsie on 09.15.10 7:22 pm | Permalink

P.S. Damn, it cut out the image I wanted to share with you: http://galadarling.com/images/10/08/anthonyburrill.jpg

By HeidiLee on 09.15.10 7:28 pm | Permalink

Casey – Yes, steal back the joy! That was well written advice…It has been so many years since my struggle, I forgot (or pushed away) those emotions.

By Shelley on 09.15.10 7:50 pm | Permalink

Is it gonna get on your nerves if I tell you how happy a complete stranger is for you everyday for the next 8ish months? Too bad! I’m crazy thrilled for you! And just in case there is any doubt BOYS ROCK!!

By Lauren on 09.15.10 8:01 pm | Permalink

Again, I am so happy for you.
Take your joy, girl. Take it. If you won’t, I’m gonna and I am in total need of some joy right now so I’m ready to swoop in and steal it. ;-)
Indy love to you!

By Molly on 09.15.10 8:14 pm | Permalink

You cook that baby Casey! and in the meantime I will learn how to knit tiny baby sweaters.

I am so thrilled for you honey!! Woohoo!

By Heather on 09.15.10 8:28 pm | Permalink

Well it just doesn’t pay to miss a couple of days of keeping up to date on the blogs I follow…. Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By Jade on 09.15.10 9:08 pm | Permalink

This time I was able to pee on the stick and have it say positive before the control line showed up. Definitely, even if I found it hard to believe.

By kari on 09.15.10 9:33 pm | Permalink

Yeah!!!!!!!!!!
Let me know if you are craving Wunderbars and I can ship ya some….
So very happy for you (and Cody and Moosh)…..

K

By Barb @ getupandplay on 09.15.10 9:45 pm | Permalink

Amen to Sarah, you are allowed to be happy!

By elizabethsheryl on 09.15.10 10:53 pm | Permalink

I’m so so SO excited for you!!! :D

By Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy on 09.16.10 4:05 am | Permalink

I have chicken skin for you! Yes, please steal back the happy. Making a person is a miraculous thing, despite the tummy issues.

I freaked out when I saw the turtle in my ultrasound. I was not meant to have a boy. But, he’s the best and probably has saved us a ton of money since I absolutely adore shopping for girls. :D

By Tricia on 09.16.10 4:22 am | Permalink

See, I had what I thought was morning sickness with my first, a boy, and then this time….I went to Hades in a puddle of vomit. I had full blown hyperemesis, numerous IV drips and all! And this little one is ALSO a boy. I thought for sure since I was dying this time around, it had to be a girl…it’s been SOOO different than my first pregnancy. So you never know…you could have another little lady on your hands!! My husband is an attorney too, and we have no insurance either! Yay for being uninsured and pregnant! I’m so thrilled for you, just to hear you saying how you feel and just reading your joy makes me joyful. Happy just doesn’t adequately describe my emotions for you :)

By Sarah on 09.16.10 8:19 am | Permalink

I think if you have experienced ANY kind of fertility trouble at all, you are never really “out of the woods” until that healthy baby is snuggled in your arms.

I am 30 weeks with with my second child (but on my fourth pregnancy) – and I still check for spots or try to get the baby to move just to put my mind at ease (I read that babies respond to orange things. I could only find orange skittles, I maniacally ate about 30 of them. Baby moved, won’t stop – phew!).

In the meantime, you have a lot of support, prayers, thoughts and good vibes headed in your direction. Enjoy every moment – and laugh at the orange skittle eating moments. :)

Best of luck – I can’t wait to follow the progression on your blog!

By Ronda on 09.16.10 8:54 am | Permalink

You can say Mozzi is in reference to the fancy-schmancy cable show, but I will always think of it in reference to the pizza!

Oh, and growing a small penis inside of you is the coolest thing ever. If you think the Moosh is protective of you now, wait until the little penis child grows outside of you. Talk about protection!

Congratulations!

By Kari on 09.16.10 9:06 am | Permalink

I am so thrilled for you Casey — congratulations to you and Cody and of course Miss Addie. :) Even if kids are a lot of work. LOL

By Taryn on 09.16.10 9:21 am | Permalink

Congratulations Casey. I’m so glad to hear about your journey.

By Sherry Lane on 09.16.10 9:35 am | Permalink

Such a good comment by Sarah, and I totally agree! I had a molar pregnancy miscarriage in 2005, and when we finally got pregnant again in 2008, I was a MESS the whole.9.months. I know it’s easier said than done…. But looking back now, I wish I would have enjoyed it more. I can’t wait to hear every step of this!!! Thank you so much for sharing it with us all!

By Elizabeth Kaylene on 09.16.10 11:16 am | Permalink

I am so happy and excited for you, I could cry! Yay, Casey, yay! <333

By pgoodness on 09.16.10 11:32 am | Permalink

YES! Steal them back!! And you’re right, we’re happier to be in the woods with you. (pass that bug spray again, would ya?) :)

By Colleen on 09.16.10 11:40 am | Permalink

I know about that waiting feeling. Being afraid to be happy. Waiting for something to go wrong. (Did you know I miscarried before having Zoe… and miscarried before having Ana? And then my whole nucal measurment thing. Ugh) It’s hard to grab on to the happy and live it. But you steal it back and hold onto it for everything it’s worth. Because it is SO worth it. You so deserve the happy.

By Sarah on 09.16.10 11:53 am | Permalink

Bridget said “Miscarriage and infertility steal a part of you. The part that lets you hope and dream with reckless abandon.”

Well I’m stealing them back.

I LOVE that!!

And I also love how you told your husband! I think its perfect :P

By Kellee on 09.16.10 12:02 pm | Permalink

Steal it back! I like to imagine that I’m good with a sneak attack, I’ll help if you need it! :)

Also, YES re: USA.

By Sarah on 09.16.10 1:26 pm | Permalink

I got to thinking after the announcement post the other day, and this post definitely made me want to say… it struck me that maybe God was waiting for you to get exactly where you are now. Your attitude is different, and you’re at a point where you were ok with what you had – I specifically remember how sweet the post was about how Addie was enough for you. Plus, you have helped a world of folks by relating to them and helping them put their feelings and struggles into words. It’s just always so neat to me to be able to watch how He works with timing, the things he’s able to accomplish that we can’t see, and the things he has in store for us. :-)

By Vicky on 09.16.10 1:37 pm | Permalink

I am so happy for you! God Bless you all!!!!

By Deborah on 09.16.10 1:42 pm | Permalink

I haven’t even read this post yet. I was so excited to see that you are pregnant that I had to COMMENT! Congratulations! I wish you much peace as you go through this journey.

By Rachel on 09.16.10 1:42 pm | Permalink

So I’m curious- is it cheaper to pay the medical bills outright instead of paying for a private insurance plan? I guess I don’t understand. I’ve heard of a lot of people who are out of school, have a job, have a house, etc but don’t have insurance. Are the premiums too high because of your past procedures? My hubs is still in school and I’ve had a lot of problems medically, but we still have an insurance plan. Please don’t think I’m being rude, I’m just geniunely interested in the obstacles so I can understand better.

By Mary on 09.16.10 1:53 pm | Permalink

I am so glad you’re stealing back the happy. I do have to say, though, girl baby clothes are so much cuter than girl baby clothes. :)

By Adrienne on 09.16.10 5:59 pm | Permalink

Oh, Casey! I’m so so so happy for you! Congratulations!

By Mrs. Wilson on 09.16.10 6:56 pm | Permalink

I’m so over the moon for you. I know how much previous experiences can steal the joy, but DON’T LET IT! (Although sometimes it’s hard.)

Looking forward to your pregnancy chronicles.

By Gacgirl on 09.16.10 7:29 pm | Permalink

Congrats! I am so happy for you! I know you thought the journey was over, but good things happen to good people!

By SciFi Dad on 09.16.10 7:41 pm | Permalink

Am I allowed to open with congratulations again? Because that’s what I’m thinking.

I’m sure Addie will be a spectacular big sister, once she learns about the upside of younger siblings (forced playmate who a) is too young to argue and b) worships the ground you walk on, someone to blame stuff on, etc).

By Erika Jurney on 09.16.10 9:17 pm | Permalink

What great news – congratulations!!!

By Jenny on 09.16.10 9:19 pm | Permalink

Nice FAQ update.

Your comment that it you are allowed to be happy and that you are taking back the joy made my heart sing a little song. That is the way that it should be. Embrace it!

I know that if/ when I am ever given the same chance I intend to make a memory feeling of every moment possible. This baby deserves nothing less, so go for it! If you want to go crazy with it you can get a “baby on board” tshirt and wear it every day. :)

I hope you are feeling great!

By punkinmama on 09.16.10 11:14 pm | Permalink

I’ve been “away” for most of the week, so missed the initial announcement, but I am so thrilled for you!

And I’m glad you’re stealing the hope & dreaming back – you deserve to be so happy!

I look forward to hearing all about the journey (and glad Addie has warmed up to the idea of being a big sister!).

CONGRATS!

By Bridget on 09.17.10 8:41 am | Permalink

Steal, steal away!
Hope and dream with reckless abandon…I am finding myself doing that more and more each day with this pregnancy.
xoxo

By Untypically Jia on 09.17.10 9:48 am | Permalink

Your hair doesn’t fall out when you’re pregnant? That is the coolest thing I’ve ever heard! I shed like a freaking alpaca!

(do alpacas shed?)

By Kelley on 09.17.10 2:45 pm | Permalink

When Dave was still in law school…I got pregnant. Not having insurance scared the CRAP out of me, but I found a practice that offered to see me the full length of the pregnancy (including the 20 wk. ultrasound, GD testing, and birth) for $2500. Maybe you could find that to help you out. There’s a good chance that it will be in a clinic type setting, but don’t let you scare that away! I LOVED my OB and nurses for Paige and would’ve gone back, but go figure, they don’t take you when you actually do have insurance, which is kind of nice for those who truly need their services. :-)

By Jeanette on 09.17.10 5:17 pm | Permalink

Woot! So very very happy for you :)

By Chris on 09.17.10 10:41 pm | Permalink

I leave for 2 days and miss reading your blog and miss this HUGE news!!!! I am so very, very, very excited and happy for you Casey. What wonderful news for you and your family. Thank you for sharing this with us and bringing us into your woods as always. :) Much happiness and continued health,
Chris

By rachel on 09.18.10 10:06 am | Permalink

My journey through the hells of secondary infertility caused me a whole lot of fear and worry while pregnant with the twins, but that hyper-aware state also let me be present for every minute of that pregnancy. Nothing got by me and I mean all the wonderful stuff too. I turned that fear into a deep connection to the process that I did not have with our first. Wishing you just the best!

By Della on 09.18.10 6:41 pm | Permalink

A reminder to read the heck out of Amalah’s calendar at alphamom.

By Darla on 09.18.10 7:28 pm | Permalink

YOU GO GIRL! Steal back those dreams.

By JMH on 09.18.10 7:45 pm | Permalink

Congrats! My daughter was due on my birthday…but she decided she wanted her OWN day, so she was born 3 days before my birthday. Now we celebrate a birthday week at our house :)

By Stephanie on 09.19.10 1:00 am | Permalink

I’m so glad you don’t have hyperemesis this time. I had it bad with both of my pregnancies. It was worth it, of course (completely worth it)…but it was also miserable.

RE: insurance. Are there any birth centers in your area? They tend to be better-priced (and they tend to provide excellent care too). :)

By Jen on 09.19.10 4:10 pm | Permalink

You go, girl. Steal them back.

I will be praying for and thinking of you. So so so exciting!

By elz on 09.20.10 9:41 pm | Permalink

Yea-yahoo. Again.

I am a health lawyer and can counsel you on health insurance options if you need them, just email.

By moosh in indy. » coming home. on 09.23.10 12:02 am | Permalink

[...] mean, Mozzi doesn’t really have a choice. Involuntary uterine travel and [...]

By erin on 09.23.10 3:31 pm | Permalink

congratulations and continued success against the gnarly hyperem (it’s less menacing if it has a cute nickname). i had it w/my 2nd baby (yes she’s a girl) and was hooked up to IV through a picc line for 5mos. suckage major to put it mildly so i feel ya, sister. much health and happiness your way. you deserve it mama!

By Hannah on 10.08.10 12:25 pm | Permalink

Congrats on the new little one! I just found your blog and have been reading some of the archives. I just wanted to say thank you thank you thank you for writing about what you do. I have been a depression sufferer and PCOS patient for years and people can’t understand either one when I am trying to explain it to them. You put into words those dark moments so wonderfully.
It’s so nice to see that even with PCOS, you are going to have two wonderful children running around.
I can’t tell you how many times I have laughed out loud, sympathized, and cried at many of your posts.
Thank you again for putting words and a face to two diseases that affect women on a daily basis.

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