Over the last year I had become so laid back with this getting pregnant business that I barely even bothered to keep track of my periods. (look away daddy!) Besides, I have an app on my iPod that does it for me. It even has an icon of flaming boobs for those few days of fire before your period comes. Boobs set on fire, period comes three days later. Easy right?

Well towards the end of August my chest had been set aflame but I didn’t bother to tap it into my app right away for whatever reason. When I finally got around to entering my teats of flame and fury into the program I noticed my period was supposed to have started three days earlier.

2005-2009 Casey would have lost her mind and already peed on seventeen pee sticks had she even been seven minutes late on her period.

2010 Casey’s first thought was “Oh crap. My endo and PCOS are totally back because my period is being all wonky again.

The next morning I hemmed and hawed over peeing on a stick. I hadn’t peed on one in a really, really long time and I wasn’t sure I was up for the disappointment, however, I knew if I peed on the stick my period would start exactly four minutes later.

Murphy’s Infertility Law.

So I peed. I haven’t even bothered with the whole bravado of hiding the stick with the wrapper or a tissue, counting down the requisite 180 seconds and then doing a big TA DA! reveal of the answer in years. Nope. I just sit there and stare at it. In my nine years of marriage I’ve only passed one pregnancy test, I’ve failed hundreds. So my expectations?

Low.

So I sat there. Staring at the stick. Yep. There was that first “control” line. Boring! Like I haven’t seen this one before. Then all of a sudden something else appeared. A SECOND LINE. What the! NO! I DON’T MAKE SECOND LINES APPEAR! I AM THE ANTI-SECOND LINE! It wasn’t a very dark second line, but there was totally a line there. I think.

I checked it in different lighting.

I then scanned it in and emailed it to Emily.

Emily furiously googled and then Emily confirmed, yep. I MADE A SECOND LINE APPEAR!

There was only one thing to do after that, buy more pregnancy tests.

I went with the dollar store version first. However I made the mistake of running out to the dollar store in such a hurry I forgot to comb my hair, wear a wedding ring or show any form of self care whatsoever. So when the old man behind the checkout counter asked the jittery disheveled lady buying eight pregnancy tests at eight a.m. if she was okay, I shouldn’t have been surprised.

SUCCESS! I OWNED THOSE DOLLAR STORE TESTS!

Then it was time to google due dates and how far along was I and ZOMG CHINESE CALENDARS!!1!

Oh, where’s Cody during all of this? At work.

I of course had Full House type fantasies in my head of making him a meal of baby carrots, baby corn, baby back ribs and Baby Ruth for dessert but that all kind of flew out the window when I discovered that for the second time in my entire existence I had the power to make multiple lines appear as if from nowhere with my pee.

I found out I was pregnant with Addie using one of those digital tests. Truth be told when you’re dealing with one pink line and one I think it’s there but I’m not quite sure let me scan this in and send it to my best friend lines? Digital tests are worth every penny.

Moment of truth. I bought a digital test (okay 3) and went to Cody’s office where I secretly peed on one before he knew I was there.

I MADE IT SAY PREGNANT! THOSE SUCKERS CAN’T LIE! PWNED!

I walked down the hall to Cody’s office and instead of doing some grand gesture of celebration and togetherness, I threw the stick at him across his desk. I ooze romance and surprise.

His reaction will be up for debate for the next hundred years, next time you’re at our house for dinner we’d love to tell you the story.

But he knew right away what it was and what it meant.

*****

I haven’t barfed for a while. In fact I haven’t taken a Zofran in over 36 hours. Doing this with Addie would have put me in the hospital. This time? I should have thought…18 weeks! I’m better! The morning sickness has passed! NORMAL PREGNANCY FOR ME!!! However my thoughts went more like, 18 weeks, I’m not even the slightest bit sick. Something is wrong. I miscarried. Mozzi is gone. How am I going to tell Addie? On and on worst case scenarios until 2 am when I finally passed out from exhaustion.

I called my doctor first thing this morning (I’m insured WHEE!!!) and they got me in right away.

I wish I would have timed how long it took for the nurse to find the heartbeat because it felt like an eternity when in reality it was probably only 22 seconds.

Mozzi was there. Lower left quadrant beating away at 152 BPM.

I cried. (Then silently scolded Mozzi for scaring me again.)

I knew when I got pregnant that this was going to end in one of two ways. No baby or baby.

And for the moment all signs point to baby.

big sister.

Comments

  1. Ugh, how awful that you had that scare! I’m glad everything is okay with wee Mozzi. And HOORAY for 36 hours of no barfing!

  2. Oh, sweet lady. I’m glad you’re OK, and I love that picture.

  3. Baby.

    It’s all baby. Barf or no barf.

  4. It is such an amazing thing when they finally start moving. I’m glad your pee is the line-making kind!

  5. I am really so happy for you. I remember awhile back reading a post you wrote about infertility and feeling so terrible for you wishing I had the right words. You deserve it!

    And that photo is beyond amazing. The perfect way to end your post.

    Congratulations!!

  6. I’m so happy that you’re happy.

    A little over 38 weeks ago I walked out of my OB’s office dejected because she looked at my hooha and proclaimed that there was no way in heck that there was a baby in my vag at that time. She put me on birth control till we figured some things out but four days later I couldn’t shake the feeling that there had to be something indeed cooking so I stopped at CVS on the way into work and picked up a digital and shoved it in my purse so I could whip that bad boy out at the office. And I did. And 2 minutes later that stinker said “PREGNANT.” Of course when I called my OB the nurse didn’t believe me but she does now because in 12 days exactly this mama’s bringing home her baby girl. :)

  7. Barf is so reassuring but when it disappears it is replaced with something worse: mind games. So happy for teeny tiny heart beats.

  8. christine says:

    You’re the first pregnant woman (infertility struggles or not) that I have been super excited for and not only that but rooting for you to get pregnant. I might borderline crazy/stalker, but I am seriously so happy for you!

  9. Yay for no nausea! And — just in case you feel queasy again tomorrow, it doesn’t mean you’re automatically doomed. In all 3 of my pregnancies my sickness eased out of existence. So I still had a few bad days here and there for a couple weeks before it was totally gone.

  10. Erin Marie says:

    “I walked down the hall to Cody’s office and instead of doing some grand gesture of celebration and togetherness, I threw the stick at him across his desk. I ooze romance and surprise.”

    That’s exactly how I told my husband about #1. Although his name’s Jeff, not Cody.

    So stoked for you. I can’t stop grinning each time I see a new post from you.

  11. I LOVE hearing all about this little Mozzi it’s so exciting!! :)

    You give me hope that one day I’ll be able to create that second pink line – send some of your line making magic my way!!

    Also, that picture is beyond adorable – I love it!

  12. I am so glad everything is good.
    I know that feeling of walking out of the clinic after finding out there is no heartbeat a couple times.

    Praying for a continued healthy pregnancy for you.

  13. OMG I so get this. What’s weird is that I’ve never had a miscarriage, but as soon as I get some mysterious new symptom (like when the nausea went away for 2 days, or when I had a random cramp in my girly-region), I’m CONVINCED that I’ve had a miscarriage and that it’s only a matter of minutes before I start bleeding. But then, so far, everything’s been… just fine? How weird is that? My hope is that everything continues to be “just fine” for both of us.

    And, off-topic, but how much longer until we find out if Mozzi is a he or a she??

  14. I remember this fear. I had it with Harrison until about 32 weeks. I wish I could tell you it gets better. I hope for you it does, quicker than it did me.

    Am sooooo glad for no puking. Maybe, just maybe it will be easier this time around.

  15. What’s weird is how hard this made me cry.

    I heart your belly.

    –S.S.

  16. Earliest grounding ever? ;)

    Casey, I love you. Like, a lot a lot. <3

  17. J from Ireland says:

    LOVE THIS POST!!

  18. you freaked me out this morning. but reading this makes me happy. and I’m also happy you are including me in this journey. The good, the bad, the barfy and everywhere else in between.

    I’m so glad everything is ok.

  19. Mozzi knows Auntie Olivia can’t do barfing. He decided to turn things around when I came and visited for a week and gave him the anti-vomit vibe. He listens well this one. Be excited!

  20. Ah yes, the old “hurl it across the desk” routine.

    That photo makes me feel warm and fuzzy.

  21. Amy in StL says:

    So I’m picturing big neon flashy vegas style signs following you around pointing towards your belly. Probably not what you meant, huh?

  22. That picture of Addie lovin’ up on Mozzi?

    MELTS. MY. HEART.

  23. BABY! Hooray for BABY!

  24. every new thing with my pg with eddie was for sure something wrong in my head. the first time I felt him move? I thought he was moving out. only when he was here–alive–did I believe it was all real.

    and because of my lovely friend anxiety? I am still afraid of losing him.

    sigh…

    but enough about me…I want to just squish you and that cute tummy. just so you know. wait. that is still about me. huh.

  25. That picture? Divine.

    You being ok? Mozzi being ok? Best. News. Ever. xoxo

  26. I hope you wiped the pee droplets off of your scanner.

    Oh! And I am so happy for your happiness. AND that picture is freakin beautiful. xoxo

  27. oh. my. swoon. that picture…

    You already know how I feel about Miss Addie. My heart just may explode seeing the Moosh AND Mozzi together.

    p.s. your wallpaper is still sitting in my living room. clearly, i suck. i’m sorry.

  28. I know the feeling. Sadly.

    I love the bump & I’m so excited for you.

    Xoxo

  29. mommabird2345 says:

    I am beyond excited for you!! Can’t wait to find out if you are having a girl or boy & what your beautiful baby’s name will be. Wishing you all the best! :)

  30. Oh, wow. My heart was racing as I read this and I was speed-reading to get to the end! Whew! Everyone is ok. You HAVE to enter that photo in a contest. So sweet.

  31. Oh, Casey, can I relate. In my case, the morning sickness stopped at 11 weeks. And 13 hours and 41 minutes. Dude.

    I was petrified, and found a reason to go to the ER, give blood, and have an ultrasound.

    Best $150 co pay ever. :)

  32. Weird coincidence? Friday I felt like I should email you just to see how you were doing. I didn’t…crap happened at work, crap happened to people around me, and I just didn’t. I should have because you were going through something, and I will never tamp down my “I wonder how they’re doing feeling” ever again. Sure it might not have done anything, but maybe I would have thrown in a poop story and given you a little smile.
    And apropos of nothing, but dude, there was a lady at the circus who was lifted in the air by her HAIR!!!
    xoxo

  33. I never had infertility problems. And yet, I can relate to the baby crazies. If I woke up feeling great, the baby fell out the night before. If I hadn’t felt the baby kicking, I would drink a gallon of grape juice and hope to “jump start” the booger. Turns out? My kids were/are as stubborn as me. Who knew?
    I’m glad all is well with Mozzi. It won’t be long you will be longing for a few minutes of peace from being pummeled from within.

  34. I’m so glad everything is okay. I hate that you had a scary moment, but I have a good feeling about this. There will be a Mozzi, and he or she is going to be beautiful.

    *hugs*

  35. So I just bawled uncontrollably, wept like a little tiny babe. Which is fine with me, if it means Mozzi is fine and so are you.

    I might have been crying a little bit from my giant, swollen cankles but whatever. And interwebs high-five for NO PUKE OR ZOFRAN! Oh, and I have this overwhelming feeling Mozzi’s a boy? No clue why…..

  36. That photo makes my heart melt. :)
    u and i are having a baby each in different parts of the world! u have no idea who i am…but I’m super duper thrilled for u!

  37. The baby paranoia is hard to deal with whether you’ve had losses or not. My very funny midwife makes me feel less psycho by telling me stories about crazy things she did when pregnant to make herself barf so she could relax. I’m so glad things are all good.

    Casey Reply:

    @Holly, Yeah, I can promise you I’ve done some of those things. One of them being smelling syrup. On purpose. Works every time.

  38. What a way to welcome me back into the fold :) I’m SO very far behind in reading my blogs. That’s what happens when you move cross country, start a new job, and then immediately have a baby. Staring at my sweet 2 1/2 month old baby girl and feeling so happy for you. :) Congratulations

    Casey Reply:

    @Tori, Well welcome back and congratulations on the move! I hope you’re settling into your new life well, sniff your baby for me.

  39. I love those older siblings kissing the belly shots. I had one as my banner for the bulk of my wife’s second pregnancy: http://i178.photobucket.com/albums/w278/talesfromthedadside/Banners/tds_bannerwithtag.png

  40. Love the picture of Addie smooshing your belly. And happy to hear Mozzi is okay.

  41. I have to admit that for a while I stopped reading your blog. I felt guilty that I was pregnant and you weren’t. It’s irrational, we don’t even know each other but something about infertility makes me really upset, and I don’t even suffer from it.

    Anyway I checked out your blog a couple weeks ago and was over joyed. I’m so happy for you.

  42. Darn it Casey, my throat was already sore and I’m supposed to be taking a nap because the baby is sleeping (AHEM just a little reminder to start brainwashing yourself about that now… “the baby is sleeping, i must nap, the dirt must wait, i must nap, the dirt must wait”) and YOU MADE ME CRY with my SORE THROAT at the part about throwing the stick non-fancily across the desk and now I’m doing it again darn it. pitifulness = me me me, isn’t this all about me?
    oh wait… if it was… i don’t think i would have been crying in the first place!

    (in other words, xo. your words –> my heart)

  43. that was funnier in my head. am sleep deprived. must nap now.

  44. @Tori, Well welcome back and congratulations on the move! I hope you’re settling into your new life well, sniff your baby for me.

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