April 15, 2004, approximately 8:33 am began one of the worst sick days of my life. It was the first day hyperemesis kicked in while Miss AddieLaRue was cooking away in my tummy. The day involved several projectile vomits (one on a nurse who deserved it) an IV and an assurance that I had never, ever been that sick before in my entire life.
December 10, 2010, approximately 10:22 pm began what will hereto forth be known as the worse sick day of my life. Miss Mozzita (which let me assure you her real name will be far more elegant than her nickname) is the one currently cooking away when I am suddenly and overpoweringly hit with nausea.
I won’t be eating ice cream or olives anytime soon. I can assure you of that.
I dosed myself up with Zofran, chased it with a Phenergan and sent myself to bed.
What happened next, well.
Let’s just say that by 8 am the next morning I had already vomited every hour on the hour.
Final barf count at 1 pm? 17.
I can assure you that vomiting seventeen times while twenty weeks pregnant will lead you to discover muscles you didn’t even realize you owned let alone used for things like breathing.
What happened is gastroenteritis, which for most people means you feel pretty gross for about 24 hours and as long as you don’t eat or drink anything which exasperates the condition you’re golden albeit seven shades of green for the day.
However I am a pregnant lady who doesn’t do so well if I don’t eat.
Talk about damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
I wonder if Cody even remembers what his healthy wife looks like anymore.
Long story short I made it out alive and spent today feeling as though I had been run over by a bus and then beat up by a hundred very angry people. Mozzita? Bounced away the entire time, as if to say “SEE MOM? I’M FINE! BOUNCE BOUNCE BOUNCE! ARE YOU BEGINNING TO BELIEVE ALL THOSE NURSES THAT SAID BABIES ARE LIKE PARASITES? FEEDING OFF THEIR HOST BODY EVEN IF THEIR HOST BODY IS DYYYYING?”
The day ended with a fever, half of a bagel and a late night showing of “Meet me in St. Louis.” I have a very soft spot for old musicals.
My award still hasn’t arrived for surviving yesterday but I figure it has to be the weather that’s slowing everything down.
Yeah, that’s it.