When Cody and I were first together I felt the need to justify our relationship, to make the good exponentially awesome and pretend the bad didn’t exist. A lot of people (pretty much everyone who had ever known me) expected us (specifically me) to fail. I had gone from a wild and reckless existence to married in six months.

Most anyone will deny the possibility of knowing you were meant to marry someone in one single clarifying moment.

But that’s exactly what happened with Cody, three weeks after our first date. In one moment I saw us getting married, me having his babies and us growing old together. I can remember it with perfect clarity.

Cody often tells me how hard that first year was…I don’t remember much of it. Because it was also the first year that I was forced to face my emotions without drugs or alcohol. Of course it was hard for him, he had to watch his new bride fall apart and (at the time) he felt there was nothing he could do for me.

But he never gave up on me.

When I mentioned divorce in passing he always responded with “Ending will never be an option.”

Years went by, jobs came and went, apartments came and went, our waistlines came and went and finally I ended up pregnant with Addie. Again, he had to sit on the sidelines and watch as his wife crumbled around the tiny baby growing inside her. He was within feet of me as my body tried to get rid of all the pills I had taken to end not only my life, but his daughter’s life as well. When I woke up he asked if I wanted to watch Oprah and when I was finally released if I wanted to go to the baby store to pick some things out.

Unfortunately I was transferred to an inpatient facility for the next three days where there was no Oprah, baby stuff or Cody.

The night I was released he was never more than an arms length away from me.

More time went by, me falling back on him through postpartum depression, moving and finally going to law school. He always caught me. Law school wasn’t kind. I was forced to fall other places, Cody had to focus on school. It was for our future, for our family. Unfortunately one of the places I fell more than I should have was onto credit cards. By the time school came to an end I think we had both forgotten how to love each other. We both made mistakes. We both acknowledge them.

Love cannot be shown in deed and duty alone.

By October of 2009 we were on the thinnest ice possible. I was ready for the end. 8 years…we did good. We tried. It was going to end.

But Cody stayed true to what he said our first year. “Ending will never be an option.

He promised me that from that day forth I would never go a day without knowing just how much he loves me.

Once again I was washed over with clarity and this sense of peace, we would make it through this. We would grow old together. We would be okay.

Getting back to okay was hard as hell. For once we both had to lean on each other when each of us were at our most weak and vulnerable. But we made it. Some days hour to hour, until it became day to day…and now. We are just us, we will always be us, for time and all eternity.

His hands make me melt. His smile causes pitter patters. I get giddy when he walks into a room. He has become the safest, strongest most reliable thing I know. Of all the things on this earth he is my most prized possession. And our babies are a tangible extension of two people so in love that if the rest of the world fell away we’d still be complete because we have each other.

Oh how I love him.

(photo by Kim Orlandini)

Comments

  1. Yes, you made tears come to my eyes today! Thanks a lot:) I am blessed with an amazing husband too and he is sitting at arms length away just hanging out while I get all my work done.

  2. Jen @Mommy Instincts says:

    Beautiful.

  3. mommabird2345 says:

    This is very sweet. I’m happy for all of you. :)

  4. beautiful.

  5. “Getting back to okay…”

    If only we could all be so lucky.

    Something about this post makes me want to say congratulations.

  6. Thanks Casey, I needed that!

  7. So beautiful!

  8. Thank you for this post. I think I needed this today.

  9. This is the kind of stuff they need to write fairy tales about – love your love story. Thanks for sharing, Casey.

  10. Oh how I love the two of you.

    I can only hope that one day I’ll be to experience have of what you two have together.

    xoxo

  11. Oh, gut punch, you don’t know how similar our stories are, I bet. I didn’t realize until now. So thankful you found each other, starting is easy, sticking around for the long run is hard.

    Steph

  12. What a blessing. I remember trying to give my husband an out over and over as I was so sick hte last few years and it was always a simple “thats not an option” response. It didn’t make everything better but it helped me know he wasn’t going to give up on me. I sure do have the bestest friend in the world!

  13. Congrats on catching a great keeper.

    I have one that is just as good to me.

    I’m crying and it has nothing to do with the epic PMS I’m experiencing.

  14. Thank you, I needed to read this today.

  15. So sweet, and exactly what I needed to hear today.

  16. A beautiful story. You are both lucky to have each other.

  17. Thanks for the reminder to go kiss my man (of almost 12 years). :)

  18. sometimes we make that one awesome choice that proves to save our lives.

    cheers to your great choice, my friend.

  19. What a great post. And I love that photo. Every couple should have one of those.

  20. Though you may not see it (or believe it) you are a beautiful, strong woman…and that is who Cody sees every time he looks at you. Thank heavens we have men who know us and love us for who we really are–and believe ending is never an option.

  21. Thank you for posting this. I need all the hope I can get these days. I’m so glad you have someone reliable and dependable. I wish that for everyone.

  22. I’m so glad you have each other. xoxo

  23. so heart-felt. thanks casey.

  24. Love conquers all when you give it a chance…so glad you did.

  25. I’ve got one of those. I love that there are no endings. Yesterday was our 18th beginning… and like you, I’m still melting.

    So happy for you – and for me.

    From your twin sis in Texas.

  26. your writing of these memories and stories of Cody, help me be a better partner. I’m sure of it. Thank you.

  27. Robby Slaughter says:

    Some people are built to love.

    Then they find each other.

    Everyone else has to first find out that they too, are “some people.”

  28. I love you.

  29. I’ve always loved how great a place “Okay” is…it took me years to get here, but it’s the warmest, most loving place I’ve ever been. I’m happy you are finding the squishy warmth of it again between your bare toes.

  30. AW.
    Crying.
    Can you hand me a tissue?

  31. When I meet people like you, I know you get it. This kind of love is forever. Aren’t we lucky!?

  32. I needed to read this today. Thank you. I wish you and your beautiful family all the love in the world.

  33. This is a story of Love, of the beauty and magic that is real, true, unconditional Love. Thank you for sharing this lovely story with us.

  34. Still your biggest fan…

  35. he’s a keeper.

    But you already knew that.

  36. tears.

    beautiful.

  37. this is the goods, right here.

    love it.

  38. Oh, my heart. He is a lucky man to be loved so much.

  39. Wow, you have surely found true love. And made it work. Hugs to you both.

  40. Sometimes it’s the single thread of being “committed to the commitment” that gets us through. There have definitely been a moment or two in our marriage in which that simple commitment to the commitment got us through the rough patch. xo

  41. Thanks Casey, you told made me cry. :] In the good way though, sometimes I get so depressed I don’t realize how much I love my family, and this sincerely helped me today.

  42. Sometimes you have to get lost in hell together before you realize that together you’ll never be lost.

    Beautiful.

  43. “God bless the broken road that leads me back to you.”

    What a beautiful post.

  44. I love this. I think because for the most part, I could have written it. My husband is a steady rock in the stream of my crazy. We went from meeting to married in 13 months. I was 19 years old. No one thought we’d make it and yet, somehow, we did. We survived miscarriages and infertility and adoptions and foreclosure and all kinds of ugly, horrible things. But he’s still the only one I want to hold hands with when I’m old.

    I love love. I’m so glad you and Cody found your way back.

  45. How incredibly perfect a post of the reality of how imperfect we all are. With the guidance of true, infinite love, all is possible and worth it in the end.

  46. Wow. That was truly beautiful.

  47. You have no idea how lucky you are. Seriously, no idea. I have witnessed LOTS of giving up. And giving up sucks.

  48. You MIGHT have made me cry today… you are both so lucky to have each other. And this is beautiful.

  49. this could not have come at a better time.

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  1. [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Casey-moosh in indy., Deanna Garretson . Deanna Garretson said: Reading… loce.: When Cody and I were first together I felt the need to justify our relationship, to make… http://tinyurl.com/4zga3wd [...]

  2. [...] There are also no pictures from the Spring of 2009 and certainly not many pictures from late fall of 2009. [...]